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loki2012 12-21-2012 09:18 PM

How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
Ok here's the skinny. First off, I've been an addict of narc painkillers for 7yrs. I had knee surgery, that's how it began. I use to use in order to get high but now I've got legit pain need for my meds. I had ankle surgery 3 months ago, dr gave me hydro, my BFF would give me a hard time about using the meds bc she felt I really wasn't in that much pain. She said its just all in your head. Now we are not speaking bc she wanted me to stop taking my meds. I couldn't get her to understand that I'm seriously in pain n that OTC meds don't work. She called me a druggie and other means names. Now I find out I might have RSD, a chronic pain condition which means stronger meds. How can I make my BFF understand?

jewlz67 12-22-2012 05:12 AM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
You can try what I did to help my boss understand...print out an information sheet about RSD, what it does, how it affects people, and the prognosis on the disease! Once my boss actually read it all, she was shocked that I was still working and not really complaining about the pain. Try and talk to your friend...show her how your skin looks and the temperature changes. Kind of let her see for herself! If she can't see it and doesn't understand, then you need to find a better friend! I know it still hurts when you lose a friend like that, but you are going through enough right now and need people in your life who will be supportive!!!

ctrue 12-22-2012 10:57 AM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
Hello! I just wanted to comment on your post,
It could be your previous addiction to narcotic meds that she is concerned about, but if you are taking the medication now, as prescribed and only for pain, that should not be an issue.
Some people just can not understand that sometimes there is a need for narcotic meds. All they hear is the bad end, they dont realize without it, we can not live a normal life. My Mom, like your friend thinks that I can go without my medication even though my PM dr clearly says there is a reason for me to take it. She said it is all in my head as well but I know its not. I take my medication as prescribed and it is the ONLY reason I can function. Without my medication I dont know what I would do. Chronic pain is my problem. Ill have it the rest of my life. Do I want to be on pain meds forever? No! Will I to live a normal life and be a good Mom? Yes!!
I agree with the above that you should print out the information on what you have a show it to your friend. Let her go to a drs apt with you so the dr can explain to her that you need pain medication to live a normal life. Let the dr explain the difference in a physical need and a mental need. Thats the difference people have such a hard time understanding.
I hate to say that sometimes no matter what you do, some people just will not understand. In that case either let the person go or you can do like me & my Mom and never bring that subject up.
I wish you well,

gmak 12-22-2012 12:20 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
Dear loki, I wanted to tell you that i have had chronic pain after 4 back surgs for 20+ years. Durimg this time i have had my husb, parents, friends question why i need my medicine? I tell you this b/c just do what yout dr says, between you & your dr he knows what is wrong, what is warranted treatment wise. Let that be enough, in my opinion no one should stop being your friend b/c of pain. They cant feel it! But, the friends, family that really love you CAN feel it! In their heart. Because they wont want you to hurt! Most CP patients arent affected by their medicine, as far as altered. If your friend will come back its b/c she loves you, cares about you. There are many who do, look around, there will be a new bff. I hope that you find yourself surrounded with caring loved ones who will not judge you. My family & friends dont understand arach but they understand that im in pain & cant stand it for me. She may never understand RSD, but hopefully will understand that even though you're in pain, you care for her. I think in time it will all work itself out. So sorry that you are hurting.

loki2012 12-22-2012 07:23 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
She doesn't believe in taking meds and said drs always give you narcs bc they make more money that way. I've only been taking as prescribed and tell her that but she said that an addict doesn't need that meds regardless. She won't believe me that my pain is that bad. She said take ibuprofen and Tylenol it does the same thing...she thinks she knows everything and it aggravates me. A month after my surgery she told me I still shouldn't be taking the hydrocodone, her and I are no longer speaking. I need ppl that are supportive in my life. I'm on narco now but it barely cuts the pain. It's depressing how much pain I'm in. I can't work yet which makes it worse. I'm also an officer in the coast guard auxiliary and can't really participate in many things bc of pain and still recovering. Just really depressing.

Tammy3234 12-23-2012 07:17 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
So sorry youre dealing with people who dont understand. My boyfriend was that way until I took him with me to the spinal surgeon and she explained my MRI and showed him exactly what was going on. I have an appointment with my PM tomorrow morning and Im sure hes gonna love hearing what they have to say. He gets really frustrated with me because there are days when I can barely move and I cry alot... Nothing around the house gets done because I hurt so bad. He just doesnt understand that kind of pain, and when I have meds I can do more and get more accomplished. He hates the meds and doesnt want me to become an addict so he stresses over the meds. They are going to try some nerve blocks, however they dont hold out much hope that they will work. At least after him seeing the MRI film and having it explained, he seemed to understand that the pain is real and that it has to be addressed. I would have no quality of life without the meds because I wouldnt be able to function. Try to explain to her and ask her to go with you. It may make a world of difference and she may end up being a very big support for you if she understands. If not, the i say let her walk out of your life, because you have so much to deal with already that her constant pressure and nagging would just make things worse for you! Best of luck!

loki2012 12-24-2012 05:53 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
[QUOTE=Tammy3234;5108219]So sorry youre dealing with people who dont understand. My boyfriend was that way until I took him with me to the spinal surgeon and she explained my MRI and showed him exactly what was going on. I have an appointment with my PM tomorrow morning and Im sure hes gonna love hearing what they have to say. He gets really frustrated with me because there are days when I can barely move and I cry alot... Nothing around the house gets done because I hurt so bad. He just doesnt understand that kind of pain, and when I have meds I can do more and get more accomplished. He hates the meds and doesnt want me to become an addict so he stresses over the meds. They are going to try some nerve blocks, however they dont hold out much hope that they will work. At least after him seeing the MRI film and having it explained, he seemed to understand that the pain is real and that it has to be addressed. I would have no quality of life without the meds because I wouldnt be able to function. Try to explain to her and ask her to go with you. It may make a world of difference and she may end up being a very big support for you if she understands. If not, the i say let her walk out of your life, because you have so much to deal with already that her constant pressure and nagging would just make things worse for you! Best of luck![/QUOTE]
It wouldn't make a difference with her bc she likes to think that she knows everything. She thinks drs are just out to get money from ppl. I also have a mild form of MD and she claims to have a relative with MD so of course "she knows more about it" than I do...lol. My other friends understand though.

jewlz67 12-24-2012 09:08 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
My suggestion then would be to let her just leave! One of the things that you need to keep in mind is the fact that stress can trigger more pain! If your RSD goes into remission too, stress can cause it to come back. You need to let the people who cause you unnecesary stress go because it will literally cause you more pain!

loki2012 12-24-2012 09:20 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
[QUOTE=jewlz67;5108569]My suggestion then would be to let her just leave! One of the things that you need to keep in mind is the fact that stress can trigger more pain! If your RSD goes into remission too, stress can cause it to come back. You need to let the people who cause you unnecesary stress go because it will literally cause you more pain![/QUOTE]

I think I'm going to have to. She just stresses me out way to much.

writeleft 12-24-2012 09:23 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
With your history of addiction to pain medication, I would be just as protective of you as your friend is...and I hope you would too. If this is a true friend, I would want nothing less than that reaction.

In this case, is seems if your friend will only be happy if you stay away from the addictive medication that you have already fallen prey to. If you choose to keep the narcotics going, I would expect your friend to disapprove. And that is fair both ways...

While we are all very different, I can understand both your positions. I have seen a friend get lost into the bowels of addiction from pain pills, and he refused to see it. It is such a tough call.

Blessings to you...

loki2012 12-24-2012 10:23 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
[QUOTE=writeleft;5108572]With your history of addiction to pain medication, I would be just as protective of you as your friend is...and I hope you would too. If this is a true friend, I would want nothing less than that reaction.

In this case, is seems if your friend will only be happy if you stay away from the addictive medication that you have already fallen prey to. If you choose to keep the narcotics going, I would expect your friend to disapprove. And that is fair both ways...

While we are all very different, I can understand both your positions. I have seen a friend get lost into the bowels of addiction from pain pills, and he refused to see it. It is such a tough call.
She is and we've had long talks but no other meds work to even knock the pain. This last fight she basically called me a druggie and was very cruel with her words. This was my BFF of 7yrs. It's a tough call bc I want to be pain free but not lose my BFF. As of now its been a month since we spoke.
Blessings to you...[/QUOTE]

gmak 12-27-2012 04:04 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
Dear loki, I agree with writeleft. If she is very protective of you, is there anyway to tell her you understand that she doesnt support the narcotic use but could she still be your friend, like that area is "we agree to disagree"?

loki2012 12-27-2012 07:03 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
[QUOTE=gmak;5109498]Dear loki, I agree with writeleft. If she is very protective of you, is there anyway to tell her you understand that she doesnt support the narcotic use but could she still be your friend, like that area is "we agree to disagree"?[/QUOTE]

I've tried but she's hard headed and can't see past my addiction.

deanh 12-28-2012 04:04 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
[QUOTE=loki2012;5109552]I've tried but she's hard headed and can't see past my addiction.[/QUOTE]

I explained to a friend that as long as I don't get any "high", the doctors do not see a lot of risk in addiction. That seemed to help.

loki2012 12-28-2012 07:25 PM

Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend
 
[QUOTE=deanh;5109842]I explained to a friend that as long as I don't get any "high", the doctors do not see a lot of risk in addiction. That seemed to help.[/QUOTE]

The narcs make my head swim with that high feeling even if I don't want to be high. That's the problem.


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