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Old 01-26-2004, 10:04 PM   #1
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Some12 HB User
Unhappy What a decision and is it all worth it

You know you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I have spent so much time trying to help others and I still can't be as selfish as I think that I should at times. I don't know why I just don't fit in and have actually never. I spent my entire adult life trying to make things better for others and most of the time I have found that people just don't like change even if it betters them. I bucked the system in the military putting my men before myself even though that made me not fit in with the other sergeants and definitely with the officers. I spent another 28 years making myself indispensable as far as profit but did not fit in because I continued to try to make it better for the workers below me and actually defended them from the others above me. I did not fit in even at the highest Management levels and Vice President because I would not step on the ones that actually did the work and disserved the credit. The funny thing about this is that I found most of the time that even when you try to make something better for others they don't like change. They seem to think that even though it might help them out, it is a threat of some kind and fight you all the way also. Another thing I found on one occasion years ago I fought and put my own job on the line for almost a year for the people under me to get paid time and one-half over forty hours. When I finally succeeded in doing so and went to them to tell them, I only got one reply. It was a question, "What about other benefits"? I guess I just can't see the big picture here. I kept track of my hours over the 28 years and divided by 40 hour weeks and it was 75 years. I was always paid salary with no overtime pay myself. There were times when we worked on Federal jobs working very long hours and the laborers were actually making about three time more then I, and I was running the entire project. All I heard was bitching the whole time during the project from everyone working on it, as though they were getting the shaft. One time I was asked by the President of a company that I was running the entire operation of, to have all the employees sign a benefit package that when I read it, I saw that the company was going to hold their benefits for months and draw interest on the money and the employee would get nothing extra. I told the President that this is Bs and no one is going to sign this. He told me to get everyone together at the end of the day and have them sign it, and he left. I got everyone together and told them what the company was asking them to do and one person out of many asked me, "Would you sign this if you were us"? I said hell no. The next morning I went into a restaurant where the President was eating and threw the paperwork on the table and said, "You get them to sign this, I quit". I guess I never fit into the system. All of this time I was working sick and no one knew it. At the same time I am raising a family also and trying to meet all of their needs. I had all kinds of fake friends that wanted to chum up to me thinking that I could do something for them. I have gotten several jobs with a phone call since being disabled for people they don't even stay in touch with me. When I finally started getting sick an it showed, it was not really effecting my work so much but it was like I had the plague or something. I had and email address book for people all over the place. I finally stopped emailing them because they never responded back. Now that my youngest son has left the state to get on with his life we had to move into an apartment which is okay since it is a handicap unit which makes it larger. The only thing is we are not used to having someone above us and it just happens to be Mrs. Clean the Cleaning Machine. I don't know if she has a phobia about cleaning or what but she moves everything out of her apartment to clean. How would you like to have someone move out and clean then move back in everyday? This goes on from about 5:00am in the morning until about 3:am the next day, everyday of the week. Last night I heard this loud crash and my wife actually sort of screamed in the living room. Then there was silence. I asked my wife if Mrs. Clean threw the refrigerator off the balcony or what and she said, "no it sounded like a chair falling over or something". I actually thought to myself, "Gee, I hope she was in it and it knocked her out for awhile". Now isn't that terrible to think that. My wife was having head aches and they did an MRI and found that she had a stroke. I just left her at a facility to have a sleeping test tonight, so I won't get any sleep being here alone which we are always together. I guess what all of this very long post has to do with is that there has been something happening on the board for a long time and it is driving me to the point that I can't stand it any longer. I am probably damned if I do and damned if I don't. It has to do with my being very concerned about peoples safety and I just can't let it go any longer. Some of you may know what I mean, one of you surely does, and if I post it I am afraid that it will be like "change", unexcitable even if it is a safety measure. It will probably even start an argument but this is not about opinion this is about being safe. I can't make up my mind if I want to post this and take the chance that others will even care and reject me for thinking that I am being mean or if I should just wish everyone well and figure that I have over stayed my welcome. Maybe it is your decision as well. I'm going to post in the next day or so, either an "I wish you all well", or the real post. If you never here from me again that means I was thrown off the board for caring about your lives.

Sincerely as always,

Sickman

 
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Old 01-26-2004, 10:22 PM   #2
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hanelo4 HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Gosh Sickman,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this hun. You sound alot like me. I go overboard to do things for others and I usually get the finger most of the time. It's like I have an extra heart or something. I always feel so bad for others and usually don't worry as much about myself. I love to give, but sometimes I give to the wrong ones and get taken advantage of. I know this though.....I will keep on giving if someone is in need and keep bending over backwards for others because in the end, when it is my turn to meet my higher power, he will know all I have done for others and I think he will love me more for it.

I don't know all of the other things you are talking about, so I can't really say wheather you should post what you want to post or not. I think though if it can harm someone, that some action should take place. Not really sure what though. I also want to say that I know you have been having a hard time and I am so sorry about your wife hun. I truly hope she feels better soon and I will continue to pray for the both of you. I know I don't know you well, but I still believe in prayer and I think God will know who I am talking about when I pray. He knows all

Please.....if you ever want to talk, you can ALWAYS private message me anytime hun. You can't always be the one who helps others. Everyone, including me needs a little help sometimes too. I am very good at listening to others and alot of people come to me when they have problems. Please never hesitate to talk to me ok?

Why don't you go take a long hot bath and light some candles. It helps to calm and soothe the body. It will also help you relax so that you can get some rest. You will need all of your energy to be there for your wife. Try to rest hun.

Talk to you soon,
Chantel

 
Old 01-26-2004, 10:39 PM   #3
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Madj HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Dear Sickman,

I am very sorry to hear everything that you are going through. People are very selfish, I see that all the time.

I truly hope everything goes well with your wife. Have faith and I am sure she will be just fine.

God bless you.

Madj

 
Old 01-27-2004, 01:12 AM   #4
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lori j HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Chantel, I thought the PM was disabled. How do you PM someone on this board?

Sickman, you know that none of us want to see a post from you saying "goodbye". I have no clue what is bothering you with the board, but I hope you work it out & stay.
I guess in this life there are givers & takers. I've always been a giver & then got kicked in the butt by the takers. You'd think I'd have learned by now, but I still keep giving too!

 
Old 01-27-2004, 02:24 AM   #5
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Madj HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
Chantel, I thought the PM was disabled. How do you PM someone on this board?
I am wondering the same thing too.

 
Old 01-27-2004, 06:37 AM   #6
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KayT HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Hi Sickman,

I hope you are better soon. I was going to post today and see if you were out there and okay. I am concerned about how you are doing. I hope things go okay for your wife.

Whatever it is you disagree with, if it is going to get you kicked off the board I wouldn't do it. You love this board and we love having you here. Believe me, I was off for a few days and it was terrible not to be able to respond.

Is the dangerous thing going on maybe the med advise we give on here? We all know that it is just advise, not a doctors oppinion, and we take it as that...........but we do learn a lot from others experiences with meds, etc.......

You have helped me through a lot and I am here for you if you need me.

Kaytee:-)

 
Old 01-27-2004, 07:18 AM   #7
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Graciecat HB UserGraciecat HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Sickman, sorry you're not feeling yourself.
Guess it's one of those times where you just have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and plow ahead...something I know you've done in the past...as most of us on this board have.
Please let us know how your Wife is doing, I'll keep her in my thoughts.

As for posting something you're not sure about...I don't know if the mod's would like this, but if you feel strongly about it and really want to post it, why not e-mail one of them and ask if it's okay to post?

Take care of yourself and your Wife and please don't leave us, I for one would miss you if you weren't around.

Graciecat

 
Old 01-27-2004, 12:08 PM   #8
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nyxin HB Usernyxin HB Usernyxin HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

i think it has to do with the general chaos of things. it is not just here, but in many many different subjects. i think that because sickman does dedicate so much time to these boards and pours his heart and soul out by giving people advice from his painful past experiences, it is a slap in the face when people ignore his advice and then go on to do the exact opposite of his concern. it happens to me all the time on another subject. it is like they might as well print the advice and use it in the bathroom later. it seems that people only want to hear what they want to hear and even if your experiences could help someone, they may ignore the fact that you even exist because they might have to actually look them selves in the mirror. i don't think that sickman has done anything but be the biggest help possible and i am sorry that he feels this way because he is a great asset to this board. i hope that people realize that if you are expecting a candy coated answer it just isn't going to happen. life isn't candy coated and we have all lived life through the sweet and sour.

sickman, you are the best, that sucks about ms clean. maybe you could talk to her and tell her that you can hear everything. if all else fails you caould always leave nasty trash on her welcome mat and send that OCD into crazy town and maybe she will move~~~~remember, you are tony soprano, what would tony do? hehehehehe
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Old 01-27-2004, 04:59 PM   #9
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electriman HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Dear Sickbuddy
I have some sense of where you are coming from. I'm a superintendant for a electrical contractor. I'm always in the positon of being in the middle between the guys in the field and the "office". I've stood up to the office on many occasions for the benefit of the guys only to be bitched at by them because things still weren't a hundred percent to thier liking. I even quit once to get the president of the company to rescind some policy changes that hurt the guys in the field big time. He changed his decision and I was the hero of the hour to the guys. That lasted about one day and they were back griping and complaing about every little petty thing. At the same time I was now on the outs with the office. To this day I still believe the president of the company harbors resentment over that situation. Then when you throw trying to meet deadlines and pleasing customers into the mix it makes for many a sleepness night. And I think the start of my whole anxiety thing. If you feel the need to post something that others may not like I say go for it. Thats who you are. I don't think you'll get banned unless its down right offensive. I surely don't want you to go. I would miss you.Hope tomorrow is a better day for you my friend. JC your friendly neighborhood electriman.

I hope your night goes fast for you while your wife is away. I know how I'd feel she is my rock.

 
Old 01-29-2004, 10:19 PM   #10
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hanelo4 HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Madj
Dear Sickman,

I am very sorry to hear everything that you are going through. People are very selfish, I see that all the time.

I truly hope everything goes well with your wife. Have faith and I am sure she will be just fine.

God bless you.

Madj

Lori,

Oh my gosh, I am having trouble getting through this board. I do not like the new format at all, lol. Anyway, about your question.....I thought there was a PM on here, but I think I got confussed with another board I'm on. Sorry about that

P.S. How are things going with you?

Chantel

 
Old 01-29-2004, 11:06 PM   #11
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lori j HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Hi Chantel, I'm doing OK, which is a huge improvement over the last 4 months. I thought I had read something about the PM's being disabled, then when you mentioned it, I wondered if I was wrong & just hadn't figured it out.
How are you doing, did you see sickmans post about leaving?

 
Old 01-31-2004, 12:53 AM   #12
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hanelo4 HB User
Re: What a decision and is it all worth it

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
Hi Chantel, I'm doing OK, which is a huge improvement over the last 4 months. I thought I had read something about the PM's being disabled, then when you mentioned it, I wondered if I was wrong & just hadn't figured it out.
How are you doing, did you see sickmans post about leaving?
Hi again hun,
I am so glad to hear you are doing better It is so aggravating having to go through all of this. I always think about what really triggered this and if I could go back, would I be able to stop it? I just hate having to deal with this day in and day out and lately I've been so irritated(that's another story). Well.....I guess I have no choice but to stick it out. I'm not one to give up easy anyway(not that I could, lol).

About sickman.........
Yes, I read his post. I haven't been on boards all day. I am truly saddened that he is leaving us. He just doesn't know how much he has helped me. I love reading his posts and I learned so much from him.....as I did others on this board as well, but I always thought of him as the "daddy" of the boards. You know, keeping everyone in line and helping his "children". He just had that way about him from what I would read in his posts. I just hope he and his wife gets well fast. I've never met any of you, and this may sound crazy, but I worry about all of you on here. Like I need more worry huh? Oh well, that is just me Everyone that knows me says I have a 6th sense. I always know when someone is hurting and everyone(even strangers) come to me with their problems. That is why I offerred to talk to sickman. I know it is awful, everything he is going through with his wife, and sometimes people that always help others...need a little help too. I just hope everything gets better for him and he comes back soon.

Hugs to you hun,
Chantel

 
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