StarScreamxx

Ive been reading on these boards for months looking for some kinda advice or info and i finally decided to make a post.

Here is my story, I have been having very very bad panic attacks for years, its reached a point i can barely sleep, have devloped some really off the wall fears. For instance the sounds that crickets makes will almost always give me a really bad panic attack. Most of my panic attacks come with some form of disrealitism (sp?). The feeling I get is really hard to explain. I feel like the whole world is just a chain of thoughts mabye? or like im running down a big line or mabye around a hardrive or something. I barely even leave the house anymore, and i certainly cant work. I cant afford a real doc so i deal with half a hour from a bad therpist every month and 15 mins with a doc that will only allow me to talk about my meds. Which im not even on any since i have horid side effects to almost everything ive ever tried to take. I also worry non stop all the time about everything. Money and my relationship are the two big ones. Ill balance my check book and budjet what little money me and my Fiancee have sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. Im also always worrying that she is leaving or that shes cheating on me even though she has never ever given any signs that she might be. She is currently taking care of me while i file for disablity and pray. I havent gotten my first answer back from them but it should be very soon. So far that looks like i just might be one of the few people that get that first try since even there own doc said my job is trying to get better. Im scared to death since only luck and god has kept us from living on the streets up till this point since our bills are well above what she makes. Only reason i have a computer and a internet connection is because i play online games to get away from my panic and they help so my family pitched in and pay for the little 20 dollar a month bill. I have also developed a strange habit of playing with pennys that i keep in a metal can beside my computer chair. I also have these mood swings of late and cant keep my temper in check at all. I simply dont know what to do anymore. Any advise at all on what i can do for any of this mabye some kinda goverment programs in case they put off my disablity so i dont end up on the streets and most of all how can i help all of this and does anyone else experience any thing else that i have?