I'm 37, and have been suffering with panic disorder, depression, agoraphobia, and anxiety disorder since 1989. I've been an inpatient twice. Currently, the meds aren't really helping but I have a lot of stress going on in my life. I was recently approved for disability because I'm to the point where I'm terrified to leave home again. I get housebound every 3 or 4 years, and that lasts for about a year. Looks like it's time for that cycle again. I'm currently on 250mg of Zoloft a day, and Xanax 4 times a day. Oh, how I wish someone would come up with a magic wand for me to just wave the PA's away!
Anyhoo, just thought I'd say hello and let you guys know that I'll be visiting the board a LOT. LOL
~Ammy~
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When I'm feeling blue.... I start breathing again.
Ammy - I understand your situation - as we all do here. I have had PD since I was 17 - now 44 - and go through the episodic pattern myself. I'll be OK for several years, then I get hit with it and it lasts for some weeks or months. I have come close to being housebound but I know that's the worse thing you can do. If at all possible, try to get out in the world - even if just a little each day and try to extend your reach every day. I does not get rid of the anxiety but it indeed lessens it to a great extent. The anxiety-ridden folks like us must realize there is a paradox relative to the problem - do the OPPOSITE of what the anxiety is wanting you to do and you will get through it easier and in shorter time periods. Accept the attacks instead of fighting them, go outside instead of huddling inside, go to the store instead of avoiding, etc., etc., etc. You don't have to do it all at once - "baby steps" are fine but TRY to make forward progress as much as possible. Good kluck my friend.
I do try. I've been trying for the past 15 years. Cars are a major panic trigger for me. I had my first one in a car on my way home from the movies in September 1999. Since then, I've done the avoidance behavior. Being alone is another trigger for me. Right now, I'm at home alone because my husband just started a new job in TN. I'm 3 states away in Missouri. He has the car with him there, so I don't have to worry about that aspect too much right now... unless I have to get someone to take me to the store to buy essentials. My SIL is coming today to take me grocery shopping. I'm already anxious about it. Just thinking about getting in the car and going.
I do go outside. We've had wonderfully cool weather here the past few days (in the mid- 60's) and I've sat outside for a big part of the day. Walking, however, is out of the question for me right now. I have asthma, and walking even short distances makes me winded. When that happens I kick into panic mode.. "Ok, I can't breathe well right now." which in turn, kicks in the panic thinking... "What if I stop breathing altogether and pass out right here? What if I die? No one will know!" I'm not in St. Louis or Kansas City or a big city at all. I'm out in the middle of nowhere really, so I'm all alone out there on that road walking, having trouble breathing, and go full circle into a panic attack. Nope. Not me. I'm not taking that chance. If there were someone there with me, then maybe I would. Someone to talk me through the panic attack that will come... And yes, I know it will come. I've tried it many times before when we lived in a more populated area. It still happened. Walk, get out of breath, have a panic attack. It's not that I haven't tried, it's that I have tried and know the results, so I avoid it to keep from getting those results. Viscious cycle....
I haven't been to the movies since 1998. I haven't gone out to eat in a restaurant since 2001. I haven't gone out with friends to just have a night out since 1991. I don't go to amusement parks or to the beach, I don't go to friends' houses to visit. The last time I went on a "trip" was in July of last year when I had to take my children to a dentist apointment 2 hours away. I've tried to work, but can only last 2 or 3 months before the anxiety gets so overwhelming that I either quit, or do something to get fired. Quite frankly... I don't LIVE anymore.... I just EXIST. That's basically it right now.
I do force myself to get in that car and go places. To the doctor, to the store... but I don't get in a car for anything to do with enjoyment. I know I have to go to the dr. and I know I have to go grocery shopping and I make myself do it, and have 3 or 4 panic attacks while I'm out. But, I can't enjoy myself while having those panic attacks, so that kind of defeats the purpose of going out anywhere for enjoyment, doesn't it? I just don't do those things anymore.
This isn't how life should be lived. Not to me.
I'm working on it. Slowly but surely. Something has got to give. Either me, or this panic. And I don't plan on it being me that gives in completely.
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When I'm feeling blue.... I start breathing again.
Hi there. Welcome to a board where everyone else has similar problems and are very understanding. I also have had panic attacks and anxiety for many years. At the present time I'm coping well. I take Zoloft and Xanax also. The combination works very well for me. When I do have anxiety and/or panic I am able to control it with the medication and some behavior modification. Again, welcome.
Wow Amy, you really got it bad, wish there was something I could do to help. I'll tell you how I overcame the majority of my fears...drumroll...I faced them. Most conscious fears are fears of death, you just have to tell yourself, I'd rather face death right now than to stay this way, and you make some progress. For example, if i heard something outside the window, i learned to tell myself that i'm going out there to see what it is, and if it has a gun, it's just gonna have to kill me because i'd rather be shot than to sit in my room afraid of the window.
Multiple fears are often anxiety with obssessive compulsive disorder. You become comfortable with the fear response and you actually feel like something worse is going to happen if you don't panic. So you make sure you panic, because in your mind, if you don't, the world is gonna blow up, that's compulsive thinking. The strategy again is to tell yourself you are ready for every terrible thing to happen to you that you can think of, because it's better than being paralyzed with fear.
Now as far as medication, i don't know if Zoloft is the way to go, you and your doctor should rethink this. SSRI's are known to increase anxiety, and after that, they may increase depression, which has been my experience. Someone with your anxiety level needs a GABA effective drug like Xanax or Klonopin or Valium (benzos) and a full body adrenalin blocker like high dose Atenolol or Inderal. Those drugs at the right dose actually block stress hormones making a true panic attack nearly impossible. You absolutely need them if your blood pressure is higher than 120/80. They will help with anxiety and your blood pressure. But with the beta blockers blocking stress hormone throughout the body and the benzo blocking it in the brain, you are likely to have a good response. Sometimes it requires a very high dose of the beta blockers.
Hope this helps some. If you haven't had every imaginable test done already, have your adrenals tested and perhaps your cortisol levels, that is, research them, then ask your doctor about it.
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