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Old 07-26-2007, 06:15 PM   #1
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midnightblu22 HB User
Unhappy scared of people noticing my anxiety...making my life hell

i have had depression and anxiety for about 5 years even tho im only 22.my panic attacks started 3 years ago and i have a feeling of why i may have them but i know its a m9iixture of things .please dont tell me to see a psychiatrist as ive been down that route and dont feel any better for it.saying that im on a waiting list to see one for another type of therapy i havnt tried yet. my problem is that im sooo anxious that people can spot my anxiety. having panic attacks and what i presume to be social phobia is bad enough but im equally anxious that people can tell i have a panic disorder and feel sooo selconcoius around everyone.im fine going out alone but if i bump into someone on the street or even being on a bus or train and have to sit in close proximity with people i want to leave straightaway and have sometimes just got off when it wasnt my stop cos i felt hot and flushed and suffocated.people just stare and i know its cos theres nothing else to do but they just seem so calm and im jus thinking "this person is looking at me and analysing where im putting my hands or where im looking" its almost as if im waiting for people to spot my vulnerability and weaknesses and laugh at me or humiliate me. ive thought about it over and over trying to look for a route cause as to why ifeel this but i cant and i feel like such a freak. i feel like this around family and the few friends i have aswell.its like as soon as im in someones presence im counting the down the time till i can be alone and its not cos i really enjoy being alone it jus feels like a relief and that i can finally relax. i hate being like this with my family im like this with my sister my mum and dad and it makes me want to cry i feel nervous around them and sometimes fluff up sentences and words and feel so stupid and they must notice and think im a freak. i cant face any social gatherings or events cos i jus choke on my words when i have to talk to people and i HATE the thought of them noticing that im uncomfortable.this is bringing me down so much, ive tried to rationalise things and force myself to come down in social situations but when i do that i feel more panicky and end up hyperventilating. i cant even go for a coffee with my sister i just cannot relax and have a chilled out face to face conversation with anyone and im so scared i will never get better. life is hell and everyday is a struggle and i feel like such a failiure. please cud anyone give me some advice

 
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Old 08-02-2007, 06:54 PM   #2
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ShakesMcThyroid HB User
Re: scared of people noticing my anxiety...making my life hell

I'm sorry that you didn't have any success with the psychiatrist, because it sounds like you have a social phobia/disorder. Maybe if you're inclined in the future, you may try and give another psychiatrist a shot.

Doctor's are a lot like mechanics. Let's say your car's making a tinking noise. You take it to a mechanic and he says, 'Oh, you need new tie rods.' So you spend hundreds of dollars to fix it, then get it back, take it for a drive. It still tinks. You take it back to him and he says, 'The tie rods WERE bad, but the idler arm's gone, too. Gotta fix that now.' Doctor's are the same. Only a few of 'em are good enough to diagnose the problem. Most of 'em don't know what the problem is, they just start fixing stuff, wasting your time and money.

You may want to research social phobias/disorders to compare it to what you're going through. If it is a phobia, I hope you can trust in doctors to give them another shot. Therapy is good, too. Hopefully, you'll find a good one and realize that you are curable.

Hope you feel better.

PS--you're not a failure. You have a problem either manifested by physiological means or psychological trauma. That's not your fault. That's just a roll of the dice; genetics, traumatic experiences. How can you help that?

Shakes

Last edited by ShakesMcThyroid; 08-02-2007 at 06:56 PM.

 
Old 08-02-2007, 07:15 PM   #3
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Pickles Pig HB User
Re: scared of people noticing my anxiety...making my life hell

Have you ever taken medication?

 
Old 08-02-2007, 08:14 PM   #4
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Re: scared of people noticing my anxiety...making my life hell

First off you are not a failure. When I first started having panic attacks, I hated going out. My husband would have to drag me down our steps just to go to the store. I was so scared that people would see me shaking and sweating. It was really hard when I was with me three little ones they didn't know what was wrong. I knew that if I didn't do something I was gonna go crazy so I started this thing that whenever I am in a big crowd or even if I am sitting alone somewhere and start feeling the panic come on I close my eyes and focus on my breathing I count with each breath untill I get to ten and it usually calms me down. In fact I was at the store one time standing in line with my eyes closed and this lady walked up and ask me if there was something wrong, I told her that it was just this thing I did and she told me she had suffered from panic disorder for years and that the last thing I should do is let it control me. It made me feel better knowing that there are other people out there that suffer from this. You are not alone please don't feel like you are.

Last edited by alise1980; 08-02-2007 at 08:15 PM.

 
Old 08-02-2007, 09:18 PM   #5
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JAILYN12 HB User
Re: scared of people noticing my anxiety...making my life hell

It sounds to me like you need medication. I totally believe in anxiety meds. They have changed my life.

 
Old 08-03-2007, 04:45 AM   #6
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thaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB Userthaliak HB User
Re: scared of people noticing my anxiety...making my life hell

Hello Midnightblue,
I have also replied to your other post today too!
I have had panic attacks of a different kind for the last 4 years. I do not want to describe them becuase I do not want to give you further.. ideas.. right? But I am going to tell you that only medication and psychotherapy has helped me get to grips with myself.
The first doc I went to, tried to fix me with some meds but the therapy I was doing was not helping me. I found out after I started increasing the dose of medication in order to stop my panic attacks. Then I sort of realized that the life I was living was not good enough so I asked around for a better doctor. And I found a Psychiatrist who really did wonders. First, he changed the medication to calm me down and make my daily mood more even, so that I wasn't feeling so ill and so anxious so much of the time and then we went into therapy. We started examining by just talking about whatever would come to my mind, about the deeper feelings and pains of my chidlhood and how these manifested into my present behaviour.
Now seven months into therapy, I have reduced my medication to almost non existent, I feel great, I am feeling strong enough and confident enough to write ... here and want to give advice to help others(!!!!)and I feel more in control of my life and FREE!!!
sO, EVEN IF YOU DID HAVE A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH ONE DOC, THERE ARE OTHERS. DO NOT GIVE UP.
I was also taught a sort of breathing technique which relaxes the body a second before it flies into panic. You just take one long breath and blow out your stomach as far as it can go. Hold it there and then blow out veeeery veeery slowly. Do this only once or twice and you will feel calmer and more in control.
But, when all is said and done, as an old veteran of this, I would say that the right medication and a kind doctor is all you need.
ALL the best and God bless you

 
Old 08-04-2007, 03:55 PM   #7
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midnightblu22 HB User
Re: scared of people noticing my anxiety...making my life hell

THANKYOU each and every person for taking the time to reply and give your advice i really do appreciate it, and it does make me feel better to know im not alone, only slightly better tho
Over the past week i have been researching more and more into social phobia and i KNOW this is what i have.all the weird odd irrational thoughts and symptoms match up exactly to sp
im on a waiting list for c.b.t therapy which apparantly is the best form of therapy for sp cos it focuses on the present and how to cange your negative thoughts and behaviours, the thing is tho the psychologist that has been assesing me and helping me decide what kind of therapy to go for never gives me any feedback. i must admit i havent told her hardly anything about the feelings associated with sp cos i was so embarrased about them and ddnt know they were associated with a phobia but shes been so vague about diagnosing me and leaving the decision up to me whether i choose psychodynamic therapy( similar to counselling but more intensive) or c.b.t
i mean, ive done a few hours of research and can tell straitaway id benefit more from c.b.t but this woman is leaving it up to me!
i even sd to her cant you diagnose me, isnt that what youre meant to do and she just sd it wouldnt be good to label me etc
well now i know what i know when i go back im going to have a list of my symptoms, thoughts and feelings ready to show her and tell her i KNOW i have sp. if i come across too aggressive tho shel probly think im jus a hypocondriac.argh! why do i have to think so much!

i dont have money for a psychiatrist of my choice i have to wait on the nhs waiting list and the place i go is where all mental health referrals go to so i cant even find some1 else. this woman wont be treating me shes jus assessing me then i will have my c.b.t with a therapist.
thanx for replying again hope you are all well x

 
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