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Old 10-03-2007, 02:54 PM   #1
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fear of wetting myself

i get a feeling all the time that im going to wet myself in public, this happens at work when i'm at friends houses its embarrasing to keep making excuses to go to the toilet because im that scared of it happening but when i get to the toilet nothing. i have to wear loose fitting trouses as when i wear tight jeans it makes it worse i have to keep feeling the tops of my legs as i get hot sensations and im scared ive wet myself, this feeling is oftern 10 times worse in panicy situations although ive never wet myself i cant seem to get rid of this fear.

i feel too emarrassed to go see a DR so can anyone help?? please

 
Old 10-20-2007, 06:07 AM   #2
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Re: fear of wetting myself

Hey kxkxkx, if that is your real name. Haha, just kidding.
I know exactly how you feel!!!! I have experienced this myself and it is actually quite common, its just that everyone who has it is too embarrassed to talk about it, so they think no one else has it... I know, because that is EXACTLY how I felt.
I will share my story with you, I can't belive I'm going to write this because I have never told anyone else this before! It all started in high school, I was watching a movie in science class when all of a sudden I had this overwhelming urge to go to the toilet even though I had just gone!? I went then came back, and about ten minutes later I had to go again! This time I just told the teacher I had to get a drink... and so the excuses began... I went home from school and felt fine but on the bus the next day the overwhelming urge came back, but this time I started to freak out because the bus trip was an hour long and I didn't know if I could last that long and all the kids were around me playing and I could just imagine how absolutely horribly embarrassing it would be if I wet my pants in front of them all! This is when it went from fear to almost a feeling of terror! The next year of my life was the worst. I never told anyone and just kept trying to hold it in all the time and went to the toilet as much as possible, but it only ever effected me when I was around other people!? Among the worst things that happened over that year was that I had to get the bus driver to stop the bus halfway to school and get my grandmother to pick me up from the middle of nowhere, kids at school used to laugh at me and I was 'that kid who always went to the toilet', and I suffered depression because I couldn't live a normal life. I saw a doctor but he couldn't help me because he didn't know what it was. Eventually (and this is the most embarrassing part) I ended up getting a large novelty balloon which I wore over the end of my you know what, just as a back up incase I ever actually did wet myself! I can't believe I've just told you all that! I hope your still reading, it was a bit long...
I hope you are still reading for another reason - this will help you!
If someone had told me what I'm about to tell you, at the time it would have saved me so much pain.

THIS PROBLEM IS PURELY PSYCHOLOGICAL!!! There is nothing medically wrong with you! Your bladder is fine! So the first thing you have to do is get yourself to a psychologist, they can help soooo much!
It is all based on fear, the more you fear you are going to wet yourself the more it feels like you will. And when you're around other people you become worried that you will wet yourself in front of them and the fear grows stronger making you think more and more that you are really going to wet yourself. Have you noticed how its not really a problem when you're by yourself? Thats because it's all in your head, if it were medical then it would be happening all the time! This is a good thing because it means that like most fears it is easily treated through counseling, I never got counseling myself but wish I had because it wouldn't have gone on anywhere near as long as it did.
If you want to try something yourself (and I know this is embarrassing but no one else needs to know), you can get some of those adult diapers that are really thin and can't be seen through clothing. This is just as a reassurance so when you are out you have a backup plan - like my umm... balloon. This will help you to gradually get used to social situations again without the fear. The more the fear goes away, the more it feels like you WONT wet your pants. It is a slow process but it will go away, trust me. I don't even think about it now and it used to consume my life!
I think the most important thing you want to hear though is - NO, I NEVER DID WET MYSELF!!! Not even a little drop. As strong as that fear got (and believe me, it did get strong) I never did wet my pants!
I really hope this has helped you and anyone else who may read this because it is such a common problem that can really screw your life up if you don't seek help or at least talk to someone about it.

Ooh, all this talk about pee has made me really need to go now (for real!)

Last edited by ms_mod; 10-20-2007 at 09:16 AM. Reason: Please read the posting rules as well as all of the "Sticky" posts as to why part of your post was edited. Ms_Mod

 
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Old 10-20-2007, 11:46 AM   #3
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Re: fear of wetting myself

thaks very much for your reply, i realise that it is all in my head but i dont want to go and see anyone about it i just feel too embarrassed and i wouldnt want to do counciling or anything like that. i think i just need to be more strong minded and try to get it out of my head it been going on for 3 years now and it does take over my life i wont go out and do certain things its worse for me in stuations like going to friends houses where its embarrasing to keep asking to go to there toilet i feel ok when im outside in public its just when i know i cant leave to go to the toilet if i need to for example like meetings at work or like you said on the bus esspacialy if someone sits next to me.
i no ive got to get over this and try and help myself or its just going to stop me doing things that i want to do but i really darent speek to anyone about it. i didnt realise it was a common problem i did some searching on the internet but this is the only site i came accross where i could find anything unless ive searched for the wrong thing, it would be easyer if it had some sort of medical name.

can i as how long did it take you to get over the fear?

i dont no why i suffer with this, i cant remember the exact moment it started or why but i was a quite confident person before this happened and even though i never have wet myself i just cant stop thinking i will. like you said as well im fine when im on my own and sometimes ok when im really relaxed around my friends but sometimes i even feel like it infront of my family.

i would be ded gratefull if you could give me some more advise about how youve helped yourself im only 21 and i dont want this to go on for the rest of my life.

thank you

 
Old 10-21-2007, 02:27 AM   #4
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Re: fear of wetting myself

It is pretty common but everyone who has it is just like we are and too embarrassed to talk about it. I don't know of anything that has been published about it, {REMOVED}

I had it myself for about a year and the only thing that helped me was a back-up like the balloon, it enabled me to actually go into those situations in which I felt I couldn't have access to a toilet and gradually I worked my way up to harder and harder situations. It is a fear, like a phobia almost, and the only way to get rid of a fear is to condition yourself to the situation you are so afraid of. It's like someone with a fear of spiders, to get rid of that fear they can start looking at a picture of a spider, then play with a toy one, then look at a real one up close until finally they can touch one, even though at the start they never imagined in their wildest dreams they could ever touch a spider. You need some sort of back-up, even if that does mean wearing adult diapers or maybe something like a heavy flow pad. With that you can start going to places that make you slightly uncomfortable, and if you do wet yourself (which I promise you will NEVER do, as much as you feel like you will, if you really don't want to pee then nothing will make you no matter how much it feels like you will) no one will ever know. Then you can gradually build up to situations you are most uncomfortable in. This may take a while but you have to be patient. I too once thought it was a problem i would have for the rest of my life but now I'm fine and you will be too if you talk to someone about it.

I urge you to go see a psychologist, PLEASE!!! It will make everything so much easier! The hardest part is just thinking about talking to someone about it but when you actually do it you'll wonder what the hell you were so afraid of! Just by writing to someone about it like you are now, is it getting easier to talk about? It's because I don't judge you, it's the same with a psychologist. They have heard absolutely everything imaginable before and to them this problem wouldn't even come close to the weirdest thing they've heard. I used to see a psychologist for anxiety and in a session one time I was so tense and freaking out that I had to lie down on the floor and he didn't even care! He also told me some things about what other people experienced. One day he mentioned a client who had this fear of peeing their pants and he was helping them to get over it. I was shocked! Because this was about 3 years after I had got over my problem and I thought I was such a freak and the only one who had ever had it! He also told me about someone who had a fear that they would fly off the planet into space, their reasoning behind this was that because the earth rotates, the spinning effect would fling her off the planet! How crazy is that! Though in fact this person was not in the least bit crazy, they just convinced them self that this would happen even though it never ever would. This problem is just like that. People can convince themselves of anything if there is fear attached to it, it doesn't mean it is going to happen though. I have had so many similar problems over the years that I have only just started getting over because nothing ever happened. I was so afraid of all these things going wrong but after so long of nothing going wrong I just started to think 'well, screw this, I don't want to be afraid any more because nothing ever happens!'

You WILL be ok and eventually you will get over it, but just remember, things are so much worse when you try to go through them yourself (I learnt that the hard way!), there is always someone there to help

Last edited by ms_mod; 10-21-2007 at 07:08 AM. Reason: Please read the posting rules and "Sticky" posts as to why part of your post was removed. Ms_Mod

 
Old 02-05-2008, 09:34 AM   #5
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Re: fear of wetting myself

Wow is all I want to say. I do have this phobia as well, and reading this made me feel ten times better. I just want to say thanks to both of you for being able to come out and tell your stories. I know it has helped me not feel like such an outsider.

 
Old 02-07-2008, 05:00 AM   #6
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Re: fear of wetting myself

yeh i get this problem aswell its so embarrasing and annoying, and i was just wondering did you use any other techniques?? i know its a psychological thing so i was wondering if you tried anthing else and how long did it take you to fully get rid of it??

 
Old 02-21-2008, 12:59 PM   #7
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Re: fear of wetting myself

yeah but, on t.v an stuff you see people wet themselves wen they are very affraid, say if there is a robbery or somthing, well if you have a panic attack, your body has a 'fear' response, so surly this means that it could actually happen???
i swear wen i'm in certain situations i can feel the wee coming out!! lol. it never has, yet, but i'm sure it will one day - this is ruining my life at the mo, i just cant get my head around it!!

 
Old 04-09-2008, 05:15 PM   #8
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Re: fear of wetting myself

I have this problem, although when I am out with close friends the feeling pretty much goes away!
This has only started affecting me recently, on the day of my mums funeral!
I think it is just an irrational fear, like my other one, fainting in public! I worry so much about both that I just make myself ill!
I don't let it get in the way though, I still travel on the bus, in cars etc I still go to college, work and out with friends (although I don't drink, that would probably make it worse!)
I laugh about it with my friends though, they understand if I don't feel too comfortable going anywhere and have gotten used to me scoping out where the toilets are in restaraunts (haha I'm so terrible)
Don't let it drag you down! My doctor is USELESS, I explained this to him, done a wee sample (to rule out infection) and when it came back clear, he gave me some anti-anxiety tablets!! Basically said I need to chill out!
My dad and brother don't understand (think I made it up and use it as an excuse, lovely!) but I still go out and do things. As I'm painfully shy around people I don't know, I have missed a few of my boyfriends family parties.. I can't pee in other peoples houses (another irrational fear of someone walking in on me mid-wipe! Hahahaha!!)
I have often thought of trying to find adult nappies and wearing incontinence pads, but I won't let myself.. I have no reason behind this, I just won't!
Hope this helps anyone, just don't you dare let it stop you from living your life!

 
Old 04-10-2008, 04:49 AM   #9
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Re: fear of wetting myself

Sorry, this post is quite long, however I can't believe I have found more people with this problem.

I suffered really badly with anxiety disorder many years ago, and now I am left with is this uncontrollable fear of wetting myself in public, which with regret is ruling the way I live my life.

As some of you mentioned, I hate having to attend meetings at work, I hate public transport with no toilets, my worst nightmare is traffic jams - being stuck for hours in a car without being able to get out to a loo, I hate going drinking in places which involve a bit of a long journey home (as alcohol goes straight through me so that I really can't tell whether I do actually need the loo or whether its in my head), I hate going to new clubs as being a women there's often massive queues to use toilets, everywhere I go I am always worried about finding a loo.

I've dealt with it by taking precautions to have a defence argument with myself, for example if I know that I have to go on public transport with no toilets, I purposely don't drink anything for hours before hand so that when the fear comes, I can argue with myself not to be so stupid as there is no liquid in me to come out! However this obviously isn't a great way of dealing with it as I often give myself bad headaches from dehydration!

I always go out of my way to avoid and/or plan situations, for example this weekend I am going to a new club in London and was meant to be staying at someones house afterwards, however I have just found out that we have an hours journey on buses and tubes to get there and it can take up to 2 hours on the nightbus to get back, after drinking loads, no toilets will be open, there are no bushes in the centre of London to go behind, and being a woman unable to wee up a wall (not that anyone should, however you know what I mean!) is going to be my idea of hell. So I have researched websites to find out which tube stations on the route there have toilets (so that if I need to go I can get off at that stop), and I've actually booked myself into a cheap hostel nearer the venue so I can completely avoid the 2 hour nightbus journey back.

I find that if I know that I can get to a toilet within a reasonable space of time, whereever I am, I tend to relax a bit and the fear isn't so bad.

However I am now just getting to the point where I'm so fed up of having to deal with it, I just want it to go away so that I can be carefree again.

I'm worried about going to the doctor tho, as I just don't know whether they'll take me seriously, and because it is so embarrassing; I've put it off for as long as I can, hoping that it would sort itself out and go away, however I've now come to the conclusion that we only live once and that I should do everything in my power to make the most of it and enjoy life while I still can, and if it means going to the doctor and talking to a counsellor or someone about it, then that's what I've got to do. I just want to be able to be myself again and live my life the way I want to.

Last edited by nic26; 04-10-2008 at 05:07 AM.

 
Old 04-17-2008, 08:06 AM   #10
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Re: fear of wetting myself

yeah as i said earlier i have this problem also and it is becoming extremely difficult getting through the day especially since im only 17 but I managed to work up the courage to see my doctor and he reffered me to a counsellor and after a couple of sessions its been really helpfull. I now have techniques on getting through it and im alot more comfortable in every day life. So i highly recomend you going to see your doctor.

Last edited by ms_mod; 04-17-2008 at 08:47 AM. Reason: Removed unnecessary quote. Ms_Mod

 
Old 05-07-2008, 05:57 AM   #11
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Trixibel HB User
Re: fear of wetting myself

These posts make me feel so much better about all my fears.

I had the opposite problem when I first had a boyfriend and spent the weekend with him - I couldn't go - I think it's called stage fright. I spent the night at my friend's house and every time I tried to do a wee that night I couldn't. When I finally went home I was in agony.

Maybe you should wait until you're alone some time and actually try to wet yourself. You'll realise it's not that easy - like trying to do a wee in the sea. It doesn't just happen. But there's no point saying that because it won't help. Because our fears aren't rational are they? I wet the bed once (after the age of about 3) when I was 19. Don't know why. I was sharing a flat with a friend. Luckily my boyfriend wasn't sleeping over!! I was horrified and didn't tell my friend at the time, but I've told people since and they think it's funny.

I have a fear of fainting in public too - actually, having a heart attack - but I get very frightened and have a panic attack if I feel in any way faint.

 
Old 05-08-2008, 02:44 PM   #12
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Goldi76 HB User
Re: fear of wetting myself

Wow, I was reading the attached post and it was if I could have written it myself, I have always had exactly the same problems and my whole life is dictated by whether I know where the nearest toilet is just in case. If I know where it is I tend to relax more but if I don't, I get more and more anxious until I feel like I urgently need the toilet! I really wish I could do something about this and I will take everyone's advice in board!

I have always thought it was a psychological issue but never really had a clue how to break the cycle. It would be so nice to be like other people and not have to constantly worry about where the nearest toilet is everywhere I go. It does sometimes stop me from doing things I would like to do and going to certain places where I know it may involve being out of reach of a toilet for a while.

I really thought I was the only one who suffered from this until I found this thread!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nic26 View Post
Sorry, this post is quite long, however I can't believe I have found more people with this problem.

I suffered really badly with anxiety disorder many years ago, and now I am left with is this uncontrollable fear of wetting myself in public, which with regret is ruling the way I live my life.

As some of you mentioned, I hate having to attend meetings at work, I hate public transport with no toilets, my worst nightmare is traffic jams - being stuck for hours in a car without being able to get out to a loo, I hate going drinking in places which involve a bit of a long journey home (as alcohol goes straight through me so that I really can't tell whether I do actually need the loo or whether its in my head), I hate going to new clubs as being a women there's often massive queues to use toilets, everywhere I go I am always worried about finding a loo.

I've dealt with it by taking precautions to have a defence argument with myself, for example if I know that I have to go on public transport with no toilets, I purposely don't drink anything for hours before hand so that when the fear comes, I can argue with myself not to be so stupid as there is no liquid in me to come out! However this obviously isn't a great way of dealing with it as I often give myself bad headaches from dehydration!

I always go out of my way to avoid and/or plan situations, for example this weekend I am going to a new club in London and was meant to be staying at someones house afterwards, however I have just found out that we have an hours journey on buses and tubes to get there and it can take up to 2 hours on the nightbus to get back, after drinking loads, no toilets will be open, there are no bushes in the centre of London to go behind, and being a woman unable to wee up a wall (not that anyone should, however you know what I mean!) is going to be my idea of hell. So I have researched websites to find out which tube stations on the route there have toilets (so that if I need to go I can get off at that stop), and I've actually booked myself into a cheap hostel nearer the venue so I can completely avoid the 2 hour nightbus journey back.

I find that if I know that I can get to a toilet within a reasonable space of time, whereever I am, I tend to relax a bit and the fear isn't so bad.

However I am now just getting to the point where I'm so fed up of having to deal with it, I just want it to go away so that I can be carefree again.

I'm worried about going to the doctor tho, as I just don't know whether they'll take me seriously, and because it is so embarrassing; I've put it off for as long as I can, hoping that it would sort itself out and go away, however I've now come to the conclusion that we only live once and that I should do everything in my power to make the most of it and enjoy life while I still can, and if it means going to the doctor and talking to a counsellor or someone about it, then that's what I've got to do. I just want to be able to be myself again and live my life the way I want to.

 
Old 05-09-2008, 03:42 PM   #13
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Re: fear of wetting myself

i thought i was the only one.

<AT THE MOMENT> i am 1* but i have had an irrational fear about needing the toilet/wetting myself since the age of 12

seeing as i am still at school, my fear can make things a bit awkward as i sometimes panic in lessons (because i dont want people to notice that i go to the toilet a lot and question me about it)

however, about a year and a half now i went to the doctors and she referred me to a therapist. now i know that sounds like i'm all crazy and everything because i went to a therapist but it wasn't for like counselling or anything.

they helped me with this thing called cognitive behavioural therapy which helps to change your pattern of thoughts. they helped me to realise just how irrational my fear was and i find that nowadays, although i am not cured, when i need to toilet i am able to talk myself down before things escalate into a full blown panic attack.

i cannot actually explain how useful it was to go to the doctors and be referred to these people because it really helped a lot. i felt so thankful to the people who helped me at the place that i went to to have cognitive behavioural therapy.

also, turning your fears into a jokey thing with friends can help to reduce the fear. i used to hate the idea of people associating me and the toilet, but now my friends know that i think i need it a lot and can help to talk me down in panicky situations by telling me that i dont really need it and by helping to distract me from panicky thoughts. When i say i need the toilet, which i must admit is quite regularly, they understand that its just something which i tend to do. and usually when im like "i need a wee" one of my friends is like: "actually so do i". so actually you'd be suprised how many other people need the toilet too!

cant believe i found this forum thing with people who have the same sort of thing though! unbelievable : )

Last edited by ms_mod; 05-10-2008 at 08:39 AM. Reason: Replaced text message, chat room word with the proper word. Don't post your age and please read the posting rules as to why other parts of your post were removed. Ms_Mod

 
Old 05-09-2008, 03:52 PM   #14
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Re: fear of wetting myself

oh and also, in answer to someones question about how you can stop the panicking, i try things such as:
- listening to music (i take my ipod with me for long car journeys)
- counting (e.g. counting backwards from 100 in 3s)
- telling myself how irrational the fear is
- talking to someone about something completely unrelated to the phobia
- sitting on my leg (odd i know lol but i find it helps)
- thinking about times when i've held drink before (e.g. i have a cup of tea before i go to bed at night and i can hold it until morning - showing that i dont need the toilet in the current situation if i haven't drunk anything)
- your bladder can comfortably hold 600ml (which is quite a lot - and even when i really really am desperate for the toilet there is hardly ever 600ml there)
- i think about times when i've needed the toilet before but then forgotten about it later (showing that i didnt really need it)
- i tell myself that other people also have irrational fears (e.g. i heard about someone who had a phobia of frozen peas lol)

i have tried other means before, such as not drinking if i know im likely to be entering a panicky situation. However, i can tell you now: THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. it irratates your body more as you get dehydrated etc. this can make you feel more panicky so i would definitely advise trying a different method.

hope this helps : )

 
Old 05-15-2008, 04:00 AM   #15
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shelli1980 HB User
Re: fear of wetting myself

I can't believe I found you guys!!

I've suffered the exact same issue and have been trawling anxiety and panic forums for years trying to find people with the same kind of probelm. Mine is pretty bad in that needing to go or even thinking I do makes me feel physically sick and faint if I'm not able to go the second I need to. Like nic26 I also go for hours without drinking so I can tell myself there is no way I can possibly need to go. The fear was so bad at times I couldn't bear to leave the house or get in the car for a 5 min journey. Every other day I would suffer from migraines leading to me getting into trouble at work for taking so much time off.

I would strongly recommend seeing a doctor as the problem with weeingyourselfaphobia is that when you get nervous a typical symtom is needing to go so its a really nasty vicious circle. After a couple of doctors who just doped me up and sent me on my way I finally got to see a doctor who listened and was pro-active. The first thing she did was test to make sure I didn't have an infection and after that started me on various drugs. It took a while to find the right one that worked for me so don't be disheartened if the first doesn't work. Also try not to be put off by other peoples accounts of certain drugs. For this reason I'm not mentioning what works and what didn't for me personally:P

For the last month I've been seeing a CBT therapist which I know will work in the long run. To be honest I hate doing it. I hate the fact that my homework is taking a 5 min walk without going to the bathroom for an hour before!!!!

To sum up a rather long post I'd recommend not having to many saftey nets in the end they will drive you insane. Please see a doctor, they are professionals and hear embrassing stuff every day I've seen 5 health care professionals about this and not one failed to take me seriously (albeit some just gave me drugs and sent me on my merry way)

 
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