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Old 12-26-2008, 12:53 PM   #1
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i can't deal with this...

Being fearful of many things my biggest fear is coming true right before my eyes!!! most people it wouldnt phase them as its a normal part of life but to me this is one of the worst realities of my life!!! my kids have the stomach flu! it started with my youngest,then last night another one now another is feeling neasous and i am in a HUGE panic and just feel like crawling out of my skin! my ocd has also gone into full tilt because i am in one big panic 24/7/ i had a panic attack last night which i havent had for years now!!! i started obsessing about vomiting (and still am) but once it gets dark outside my panic goes into full force and i dont know why!!! i feel insane, like i want to just die insane than rather go through this!!!! even though i know throwing up is a normal human function,to me its one of the worst things that can happen to anyone and i am waiting for it to happen to me!! last night i thought about it so much i ended up with diarhea shaking and shaking and almost crying i had to take meds to knock me out and use a cold cloth on my head it felt like i was dying and although my husband is absolutely amazing no one can fully understand how horrible this is for me! i am devastated and crushed that this is happeneing to my family and i know to feel that way of vomiting is stupid but it doesnt help me get through it any better!!! now i know what is going to happen to me tonight...i am going to do it again! i feel sick to my stomach and have done for days over panicking i wish i had normal thoughts about vomiting but i dont and its ruining every minute of my day right now.

 
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Old 12-27-2008, 10:32 AM   #2
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Re: i can't deal with this...

Are you better now? I know that getting the flu is horrific. I fear it too. And it does make you feel like your dying. Just remember this is temporary. This too shall pass. You will be ok and make it through this. So will your children. Try to take a deep breath and put your mind at ease. I certainly try to talk to God. I hope and pray you are better! Hugs

 
Old 12-29-2008, 02:53 PM   #3
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Re: i can't deal with this...

no i am not much better i am still on the verge of what i feel is cracking but as every day goes by i feel a bit better! i have now become obsessed with washing my hands and also have not been eating much as i worry what if i eat then get sick i will have much more to throw up!! silly huh??? it will pass just hasnt happened yet!

 
Old 12-29-2008, 05:29 PM   #4
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Re: i can't deal with this...

I feel for you. You know what. I am right there with you. I have severe anixety/panic disorder. It's always something with me. Seriously I feel like I am falling apart too. I am searching for a therapist or counselor. I don't want to go on medication. Do you take anything for it?

I have alot on my plate. We may lose our house due to the ecomony, my girls are in Mexico on vacation with their dad, (Worried big time about that!) I have a house guest from Scotland that I am entertaining, I don't like my job I could go on. And ya my alleriges are bad and I have acid reflux and I am schedule for an endoscopy. They will take a camera down in there and look after sedating me. I am scared to death.

All that to say I lay in my bed...worrying about things I can't change...feeling out of control. Wanting God to reach down and touch me and take away the dark feeling and fear. Today I got in the shower and let the hot water roll down me and just bawled my eyes out..just sobbing and shaking. I want to feel normal again with out fears and disorders.

I do understand you, I really do. I am afraid of germs Big time! I work at an elementary school. I have had 3 colds since September. Each one lasting pretty much until the next one started. I am afraid to go to my job. I am tired of being exposed to all the germs. When I return after the 1st of the year I am fear of getting the stomach flu or anything else. I have put in my resignation and said I would only work until they can replace me. This is very real to me. I know it is for you. I will keep you in my prayers!

Write me anytime on here! Hugs!

 
Old 12-29-2008, 07:20 PM   #5
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Re: i can't deal with this...

i am taking <YOU> up on <YOUR> offer to write you on here i just want my xmas holidays over with i HATE this feeling!!! all i do is lay in bed and think i am going to throw up or when is it going to happen! ive never been a germaphobe really unless its vomiting and once the 2nd kid got it it confirmed for me that its something catchy and ive been a freak since!!! i have been running dishes through 2 cycles in my dishwasher one with soap the other with bleach, my hands i wash 20 times at least a day and i have been eating nothing and i think thats contributing to my physical symptoms or at least i think it is! its been 1 week tonight since the first vomit then xmas night for the last i keep telling myself ive gotten through the intial stages it should be all done...but what if i missed a spot with bleach or by writing this i am jinxing myself?!!! i am DREADING new years but wont let hubby down because ive already done it many times this holiday now and he is a very understanding person! i just want to go back to work and wake up and be normal! i also play back how my girl mustve felt last week being sick and how horrible it mustve been for her and i wished i could take it away then i think for Gods sake it is puke everyone does it suck it up!! but it doesnt help...went out tonight and felt like i just wanted to get out of there, very dizzy and neasous, ive been neasous for over a week now though so i dont think its this bug which seems to be catchy for 24-48 hrs after but i keep worrying and cant stop i know this stems from a horrible time i had 8 years ago, we just bought our house and i threw up for 2 weeks, never felt so horrible in my life!! i lost 20 lbs but it was the mental trauma it did to me...i shook and dry heaved all day and night i knew after a while it was in my head and when hubby took me to the hospital but neither of us could stand it anymore they drugged me and i slept 23 hours and was on a slow road to recovery after that, i just dont want to go through the mentalness of that again, its so hard to explain to someone who isnt afraid of vomit!! to me when someone vomits its a sign they are dying lol sill i know but to me vomit is worse than having cancer which is a very bold statement but i honestly think i would handle the cancer diagnosis better!its very harsh isnt it? but i cant help it, unexplained vomiting to me is a sign that something is seriously wrong with someone even though i know better!! right now i am trying not to take gravol or pop xanax today will be the first day in a week or so i need to get better!!! i do take meds yes for 5 years now but that wont change the way i feel about vomit thats a therapist change nothing pills can do! i dont mind other illnessess like colds or infections ect ect but vomit is a different story! i feel so scared and so alone right now and just want life to return back to normal.

Last edited by ms_mod; 12-30-2008 at 08:24 AM. Reason: As per the posting rules, ALWAYS use WHOLE words in your posts.Ms_Mod

 
Old 12-30-2008, 07:16 AM   #6
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Re: i can't deal with this...

HI It's me again! Thanks for writing back. So I was wondering..after the holidays do things usually go back to normal for you? Is it just the holidays that set you off? They kind of do me too. I am stressed because my daughters are in Mexico right now with their dad (my x) and I have a house guest here for a week. I am kind of compulsive about my little schedule and area. My house is like me refuge. I love company, BUT not when I am having anixety. I dont' want to feel like I have to entertain.

So the other question is. Is vomitting one of your triggers? You big fears? Because of the stigma attached. Such as it reminds you of dying? etc.. or something. Do you have others?

Like I have several that I need to get counseling for. That is if they can even help me. My biggest is Fear of Flying. I am terrified. And there are several others for me, going to the doctor, taking and meds, and I get claustraphobic and a restaurant. I don't like being in crowds and panic sets it. Gosh it's tough dealing with this. I think another one of my biggest is fears of getting sick, and germs from people. Like getting something terminal and feeling pain. I don't want to waste my whole life worrying about something that hasn't happened, or not yet, or maybe never. How tragic.

So what do we do? I am laying in bed right now. I woke up feeling rotten with my acid reflux. I am going to have a endoscopy Jan 9th. I am scared to death to be sedated and have a camera down my throat. Just take me out back and shoot me. I pray to God I don't loose control just getting to the appt. Have you ever had to have a procedure done?

I hope you are ok today...I am here to talk to!

 
Old 12-30-2008, 12:07 PM   #7
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Re: i can't deal with this...

oh i have alot of fears vomiting medical prodecures dentists dying and bees lol bees! i noticed a few weeks ago i started in about the dentist for NO reason like something bad was happening in my mouth lol so i made an appt...i do face the fears if i can but i cancelled the appt only because mentally i didnt think i could deal with it right now...it was yesterday but i will reschedule it always seems to be this time of year but this is a bad year!! this vomit scare has gotten me bad i just want to go back to work so i can get my mind into something else. my hands are shaking again my head feels fuzzy and i am not eating with fear that if i eat and do get this flu i will have more to throw up but meanwhile its making me neasous not to eat so whatever....i know this will pass i just want it to be done and right now i so dont want to go out tomorrow night but know i have to for new yrs!!!

 
Old 12-31-2008, 05:41 AM   #8
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Re: i can't deal with this...

I am so sorry you feel this way. It is debillitating I know. I hope and way you can face your fears. I am trying to also. Expecially the one about doctors and procedures. I have similar feelings like you do. Just always remember you aren't alone ok!

 
Old 12-31-2008, 10:57 AM   #9
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Re: i can't deal with this...

Thank you for your support....i am trying to snap out of it.
hope youre doing better i hear ya on the med procedures! although this year i did something 4x i always avoided like the plague...getting a needle! i dont know why they bother me i mean i hurt myself like 80 times more a day which is more painful lol just something about it and 3 of the 4 needles i couldve opted out for (twinrex and flu shot)so i was proud of myself even though i had to lie down for it i still did it and i felt so much stronger mentally for it because before i wouldve NEVER gone and had it done!!

i have been such a strong mentallly capable person for a few yrs now without having a panic attack and i find the better my life gets (enjoyable job,kids are good and so on)i tend to want to destroy it and mentally is the only way i can do it! i have had medical things done and went into ocd about that for a while too a while back but then when it was done i thought well that wasnt anywhere near as bad as i made it out to be! but still am fearful of it kind of like throwing up once it happens i think to myself it wasnt that bad!!!

i know with me its this time of year and there was one thing that helped me that my boss would say...now this is simple but i saw into what he meant and found saying this was accepting something i couldnt change but could make a mental decision to go with it or let it take over me and that was "it is what it is" may sound stupid to some but it really helped me and even though its not helping me right now i have to understand this is a phobia i have, others its flying or heights mine is this....

Last edited by ms_mod; 12-31-2008 at 11:12 AM. Reason: Broke post into paragraphs for ease of reading. Ms_Mod

 
Old 01-01-2009, 04:14 AM   #10
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Re: i can't deal with this...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. i also suffer from anxiety brought on by different things but I won't get into that. My poor sister has panic disorder and OCD. Her major fear is the same as yours, vomiting. Unlike you she loves the holidays because her boys are at home and not mixing with other kids where they might pick up germs and get sick. It's so awful to watch her suffering. She's on meds and seeing a Psychologist and feeling hopeful she will find some relief. I wish I could offer you some help, but of course I can't. I thought it might help you to know that you aren't the only one with a vomiting phobia. All the best.

 
Old 01-11-2009, 11:49 PM   #11
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Re: i can't deal with this...

doing so much better the rivotril has helped me and i am now eating and thinking normal again, not to say this wont happen in the future but its nice to have a normal life again!!!

 
Old 01-16-2009, 12:04 PM   #12
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Re: i can't deal with this...

It's called emetophobia - so it's a real phobia and more people have it then you think so don't feel like a freak - it's the 4th most common phobia -people just don't talk about it much as even talking about it freaks them out.

 
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