strawberryrigby

Okay, so I have a long story to relate. Everything is necessary to get my point across.

I used to smoke a lot of pot. A lot of pot. I had a seizure back in March 2003 and so they put me on Topamax. I wasn't really supposed to be driving, but one Sunday I drove to my brother's house. We chilled and smoked pot like we always did. However, this time it was different.

Maybe it was because I was worried about my driving, or that I wouldn't sober up in enough time to get home and I had school the next day (I could have just spent the night there), but I started to have what I thought was a panic attack. Everyone (there were probably 8 other people there who I've known for a while) was talking normally, but I couldn't speak. I was so afraid that someone would talk to me and that I wouldn't be able to respond. Finally I told my brother that I thought I was having a panic attack. He kept telling me I wasn't; neither him nor anyone else took me seriously. Somehow he went to the kitchen upstairs to get me water- I forget who suggested it. I ran to the kitchen downstairs (I don't even feel like explaining the huge house) and kept telling them to call 911. I finally drank some water down there and after a while I kept telling them not to call 911, as if I expected them to actually call 911. My brother was telling me not to kill myself as I ran downstairs.

I had mini what I think are panic attacks all night, but I would feel better if I drank water or got up and looked out the window. I love pot so much that a few days later I tried smoking again. I smoked a little, and was fine. However, I smoked a little bit more and I had another panic attack. It was crazy- I don't know how to explain it but it's the worst feeling in the world. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking- it went everywhere. The minutes seemed to go by so so slow. I remember standing at my sink for whatever reason and I physically could not move. So, I stopped smoking pot.

The next time I went to my brother's after that, I started feeling like I was going to get a panic attack, but I just drank some alcohol and the feeling went away.

The Topamax I was on made me sick and throw up everything I ate. Oh yeah, I had got an MRI and Catscan before they put me on Topamax, and they said that they were normal. But they took me off of the Topamax abruptly and it's a known fact that if you are taken off an anti-psychotic too quickly, or if you increase dosage too quickly, you can have a seizure.

I had another seizue May 17. I also got another MRI and EEG, both of which were normal. Right now I'm on Lamictal.

However, I started smoking pot again at the end of May. I smoked a lot all through this summer and I was fine.

However, one night I was at this show and I felt really ****ty- upset. So I got my friend to drive me to the party afterwards. We stopped by his dealer's house and he picked up two joints. We split one on the way to the party, and I was fine. I had a beer or two. And then I smoked a bowl with some of my friends. I had the worst panic attack (I think it was one anyway) ever. It lasted all night. I tried to drink hoping that would take it away like it had in the past. But, it didn't work. I lay in my friend's bed (thank god he always takes care of me) all night in and out of sleep. When we left at 6am, I still had a panic attack. It lasted forever. Everyday for the next week I had one as well.

So I decided I should stop smoking pot. I really miss the pot, and I've actually smoked it a few times after the panic attack but I was really drunk at the time. But I've stopped now.

Are these panic attacks?
How could they have originated?

Sometimes my heart will kind of go fast when I get excited, but I try to control it to avoid a panic attack or something.

Any feedback would be appreciated

Love,
Lisa.

P.S.- Sorry if this was hard to follow.