All day Tuesday, I had a slightly elevated heart rate. It was difficult to notice when I was doing things around the house, but if I ever tried to just sit or lie down to relax, my heart wouldn't let me.
At about 5:00 AM on Wednesday morning, I had a sudden increase in symptoms. It's almost difficult to write about now, but the scariest moment for me was when my breathing seemed to escalate to "just-ran-a-marathon" levels. I was utterly convinced I was having a heart attack. It was dreadful. I just staggered around the house repeating "no no no" at the thought of having one at the young age of 22.
I didn't feel well enough to drive so I had my mom take me to an E.R. The ride there was terrifying. I was barely in control of myself. The closer we got to the E.R., the worse my symptoms got. Towards the end, my extremities felt numb and I was convinced I was on my way off this planet.
I felt better in the hospital, as long as there was a doctor or nurse with me. When they left my room, I felt a little nervous. They did a procedure on me to check if I had a pulmonary embolism, and that involved me sitting in a tube-like x-ray machine while breathing in and out through a tube, with a clamp on my nose. That did not help at all, lol. I nearly had an attack there on the table, but somehow I made it.
After about 12 hours of waiting and having tests done, everything came back negative. I was discharged, and within moments of leaving the front doors of the hospital, I felt more panic. I felt panic all day yesterday, and spent 4 hours awake last night, dealing with more panic.
I wasn't diagnosed with panic attacks - instead I was discharged with "unexplained chest pain" or something like that, though everything I've read about panic attacks describes my symptoms perfectly.
I can more or less deal with them during the day - I take deep, measured breaths and remind myself I'm okay. At night they're more difficult, mostly because I want to sleep but can't. It feels like I'm not breathing enough to satisfy my heart, and I occasionally feel these waves of cold that make my hands and feet numb for a bit. Usually after a wave of this cold, my chest hurts for a moment. It makes it very hard to sleep.
I feel a little relief to know that this is just anxiety, though at points it's hard to believe I can't undergo actual physical harm from it. It feels so harmful, like my body is being destroyed from within.
I hear that I may be coping with this for weeks, if not months, which tires me out just thinking about it.
I apologize for the long post but I needed to get my story off my chest. I will probably be here for a while, so hello.