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Old 05-26-2011, 10:30 PM   #1
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Krion HB User
I panic.

Theres no reason for it. Doesnt matter. my panic came about from a non-thing. An attempt to measure my heart rate via pulse in my neck, where for half a second my fingers were too high to feel. this shot panic through me, this absolute nothing, that i have spent the last year in multiple-daily panic attacks, and with constant chest/arm pain. Like, 10 months without getting better or worse pain.

They return constantly. It is random. One day a stimuli is fine, the next, panic. Sometimes i can convince myself its all in my head, sometimes i accidently convince myself that no, im about to die. And its from nowhere it leads nowhere.

the only, the ONLY thing that im not making up is the pain in my heart from my mitral valve prolapse, which is enhanced by a Sensory Processing Disorder which turns tactile information to pain with 100% efficency. Ive also started feeling my entire heart operate, i think, with the left side creating active feelings of up and down pressure that make sleep impossible.

...Am I just totally screwed? Theres...nothing. Nothign and everything. Panic from a state of panic, not from calm. Calm becomes the inducer of panic as i become used to physiological panic.

My words, they are not good, but this is a hard to describe thing. i hope i did adequately.

 
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kerun (05-31-2011)
Old 05-29-2011, 05:28 AM   #2
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rmains HB User
Re: I panic.

i just found this board because i'm experiencing a resurgence of panic attacks (which led to a visit to the ER) in the last few months and now i'm kicking around on the interweb trying to find a "cure."

i downloaded some program a while a go and it helped some and i've been looking at the linden method as a possibility too. the reason is that i've got an appointment with a CBT this coming thursday. 60 minutes = $210. i'm trying to find the answer first.

one thing i've just read on this board in and amongst the linden method threads is the distinction people are making between anxiety and panic. this makes a lot of sense to me. "anxiety" can create benign sensations that don't hurt you (but are troublesome, nonetheless) and there is little you can do about them but accept them...like a sore neck, or a bad headache. "panic," , is what you think about those sensations.

so the very simple, but difficult trick is to allow the sensations to occur without fearing them. the sensations themselves won't do anything to you, they come and they go. but the fear of them is the scary part and that fear only feeds more anxiety sensations.

i have also found that identifying those sensations on a scale of 1-10 helps too. this, for me, breaks the sensations down in manageable and predictable chunks. levels 1-3 are physical sensations/agitations/chest tightness, levels 4-7 are those thoughts that race and breed confusion and the sense that something terrible is happening, and 8-10 are things like narrowing vision, hyperventilation, tingling in the face and extremities.

now armed with the distinction between anxiety and panic, i can see that even up to a level 10, those are just sensations of anxiety. nothing in that list will kill you and at the very least, nothing in that list has led to the thing i fear (which i don't even know what that is...LOL).

so maybe, for now, my work is telling myself that the sensations won't hurt me. seeing the sensations like i see other uncomfortable sensations and just not freak out about them.

one last thing...i play the piano in a church and a couple of weeks ago i had a HUGE panic attack while i was playing a hymn. in the midst of my personal hades, i didn't miss a note. my hands kept going, i kept reading the music, but i was in abject terror. now what does that tell you about the situation?

the sensations are freakish and scary, but they aren't fatal...they aren't even all that debilitating.

hey, if nothing else, we all get to know first hand the power of our brains.

just my .02

Last edited by ms_mod; 05-29-2011 at 05:53 AM.

 
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Old 05-30-2011, 03:44 AM   #3
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Re: I panic.

"In the midst of my personal Hades..."

Ah, how well that describes panic. My personal Hades.

I am lucky, over the years my panic has eased. It is no longer totally random, it is now situational panic. I have panic attacks when "trapped" at a red light while driving a car. The light turns green, the panic evaporates. But I have spent some miserable moments clutching the steering wheel of my car. I've even put the car in park because I'm afraid I'll just start driving even though the light is red and cars are in the intersection.

But at least I have peace all other times. I have never taken any medications for my panic and I am glad for that.

Oh, and by the way...cutting out caffeine seems to have decreased my panic attacks considerably.

Last edited by PeggySweetwater; 05-30-2011 at 03:45 AM.

 
Old 05-30-2011, 07:08 AM   #4
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rmains HB User
Re: I panic.

another thing you said i know doesn't help me, the phrase "it's all in my head." this is only partly true...and the non-true part of it is why it doesn't work at calming me down. because while, yes, it IS all in my head, i am feeling very real sensations. so, while my conscious mind says "this is all in my head," my body is saying, "actually, it feels very real."

the bottom line in all of the reading i have done lately is that the key to getting over panic attacks is the absolute total conviction that the feelings you are having are not harmful. it isn't in dismissing the feelings, it is in letting them be and knowing they won't hurt you.

i have headaches, i get sore muscles, i even get gas pains. i don't worry about those because i know they won't kill me (unless i think my headache is something like a brain tumor or aneurysm). as amazingly real as the sensations of a panic attack are, the key work for me right know is to accept them for what they are. and it is work. the good news for me is that i have read it over and over again...anxious feelings won't harm you. and, on my good days, that thought does help dissipate the sensations or at least won't grow beyond tolerable levels.

i am reading a book now called "living with anxiety." i like the title. i don't think i will be cured of this...but i do think i can live with it. i can most definitely cope with it. eckhart tolle says that suffering is the quickest way to waking up your spiritual life. heh...i'm half way there. :-)

 
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