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Old 11-06-2011, 11:54 PM   #1
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Can't do it anymore..

at 14..I suffered brutal panic and anxiety, it was health..obsession over my heart breathing etc..
I refused to take meds, with some talk therapy..consolement from people who loved me and cared.. I kicked it..I lived a fun stress free life

..flash forward 8 years later here I am at 22 years old..for no ryhme or reason I am unable to rationalize that it's just anxiety and I am obsessing over my heart all over again..only this time it's different..

During these "attacks" which can last hours It feels like somebody is prying my brain apart with a crowbar and people close to me telling me im okay its all in your head" just dosen't work anymore...Im scared to even get out of bed anymore because it might trigger one of these seemingly unrelentless attacks and i live all day in anxiety that i MAY get one..I had one eariler.

I feel so guilty that i may need medication or a chemical for the rest of my life..

and I don't even know if there isnt something wrong with me my mind has no ability to distinguish if its all in my head or not... I just feel like calling 911 and being tested and tranquilized until i wake up feeling better...this dark cloud has really got to go away

Last edited by ms_mod; 11-07-2011 at 03:43 AM. Reason: Removed banned word. If a word shows up like this *** in your post, use of that word is banned on this website. Ms_Mod

 
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Old 11-11-2011, 09:50 PM   #2
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Exclamation Re: Can't do it anymore..

Quote:
I feel so guilty that i may need medication or a chemical for the rest of my life..
Why? Would you feel guilty if you were diabetic and needed insulin for the rest of your life? How bad is it to take a pill everyday? Takes about 10 seconds.

When panic disorder gets severe the only way out is medication. All the talk in the world won't calm you down when you're in that state.

 
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Old 11-11-2011, 10:03 PM   #3
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

I have to agree with Frank on this one, no need to load your mind with guilt about possibly(I use that lightly) needing to be on medication for the rest of your life. If a dr told you you need this drug to live, you take it,if you broke a limb and were in excrutiating pain and told you need pain killers for a very long time you would take them.You have panic, sounds like your self talks turned negative and you need a drug to calm you down to be able to think straight and clear.You even said you might call 911 and let them drug you so you wake up and its over and normal again.So, go get your medication and cup of water and take it, within 30minutes you will wonder why you agonised for so long to do this.I can fully relate I kept myself in that state for weeks for the same reason, I didnt want to rely on drugs to feel ok, the day I finally gave in was after 11 days of next to no sleep and days of high flying madness.Get yourself a notebook and pen and after you take your meds write down your thoughts no matter how bizzar, keep a journal and see for yourself how better it is to use meds when you need to.You had a period of time you were ok and it will come back for now try to just take the tablet and chill out. No different then somone needs meds for heart,kidneys,diabetes etc etc.Take care

 
Old 11-12-2011, 05:51 AM   #4
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

I had severe panic at your age and went into a Psychiatric hospital and took some anti-anxiety meds then went for desensitize therapy to be able to go out with no panic attacks. It took awhile to overcome this and overcame so well I was able to go to College at 25. You will get through this you need to find the right Dr. to help and the right meds and therapy. One day at a time. Sara
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Old 11-12-2011, 06:54 AM   #5
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

I know for me years ago , it took going to the emergency room and having all sorts of tests done to rule out the serious things , to get me to feel better. There is nothing wrong with having to take something to help you live a normal life. There are also meds you can take only when you feel an attack coming on . There is a very high chance you will grow out of this. I had them bad at your age and then I got married and was pregnant at 26. They just seemed to stop during my pregnancy. Its as though I was so much more focused on my baby I did not have time to constantly obsess about the little things. Go get you overall health checked and do not be afraid to get some help. The alternative is so much worse living like that everyday.

 
Old 11-12-2011, 08:58 AM   #6
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

OK!?!? So you are back to having Panic Attacks, You do need to stop them now I know I have the same disorder, fast heartbeat, feeling closterfobic, hard not to think about sueiside, not happy laying down or standing. My suggestion to you and theres no shame having to use drugs for this,go to ER when you have another attack ask for an injection of something to relax you and put you to sleep. Take a friend who can drive. After you have been able to get that Good night of rest, see your doctor.. I take 150mg of Zolof and 2mg Zanax every evening, you will not become an addict if the meds. are used for your good health. Also sometimes it helps to talk to someone who knows what you are dealing with. I know what it is like. Your Friend tpwolf6

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Old 11-14-2011, 09:53 PM   #7
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

You do what you need to do to get through the day. As long as you are obtaining the meds from a professional doctor. Panic in its acute stage is a hard to control, so it makes sense if you need a little meds to help. Maybe ask your doctor to test you for PANDA im not sure on the age cap of it. Its from strep and causes ocd/panic. Your 22 so im not sure if that woud be considered or not. Do yourself a favor and love yourself as is, it is very helpful as you go on your journey to coping with stress and panic. There is so much out there to help you. Go to itunes..wayne dyer, glen harrold ..even binural beats. As horrible as you feel, it will and does pass. It is not an illness it is a faulty coping mechanism..your mind needs to be retrained. Think of it like a injured wrist.. if everytime you moved your arm a certain way it hurt a little..eventually it would be sprained and if you kept doing it anyway..eventually it would be very sore and injured. and simply, if you needs meds to get you through at this time, then you do..and when the hurt subsides you can begin to retrain your brain to think positive, or at best cope in a way that is functionally doable for you. It is a very harsh life lesson and quite a challenge, but it is possible.It is vital you love and accept yourself as is if its going to work. Fighting it and hating yourself and beating yourself up is just a waste of your time and energy, and eat well and take a powder or liquid version multivitamin, and some extra vitami c. Its your bodies fuel. Good luck

 
Old 11-19-2011, 07:00 AM   #8
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

Truth, I was diagnosed at 14 also, with GAD, Panic Disorder, and Depression. I am now 39 years old, and still dealing with these issues. There is absolutely no shame in taking a medication to make you feel like a functioning human being again! I myself am taking Zoloft and Xanax. Sure i've had periods of time when my disorders went into "remission". But after a while it all comes back, and then back on the meds I go! I have been on Zoloft 4 times now, and this time I plan on staying on it for the rest of my life. I have no guilt or shame about it, because I know I NEED it to be a productive member of society. I just recently went back on it after having to take nothing for over 3 years. I am working my way up to 100 mgs as we speak. Please don't ever feel guilty or ashamed that you need medications to help you. Wishing you the best of luck! Fox

 
Old 12-05-2011, 06:03 PM   #9
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

i know exactly what you mean. the worst thing is you can't tell yourself that its just all in your head! you've got to remember that time is a great healer and you can't give up. if you're strong enough to pull through it the first time then you're strong enough to do it again. there is no need to feel guilty about anything, when dealing with panic attacks you have to think about yourself as a priority, its not your fault!

 
Old 02-12-2012, 06:29 AM   #10
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Re: Can't do it anymore..

I hope you're feeling better.

Taking meds was the best thing for me and still is.

If a pill can calm me down and make me relaxed then I'm all for it.

Talk to your PC and let him work with you..

~Belle~

 
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