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Old 05-05-2012, 06:08 PM   #1
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Losing my mind

I have been prone to anxiety,panic attacks, hypertension, depression, and aggression. Yesterday at work I felt a panic coming on ( I had a 16oz sugar free red bull that made me jittery, oh I take only setraline+lisinopril) at 6pm, at 8pm I told my boss I felt like I was having a panic attack, at 8:30 I was roaming the back parking lot convinced I was dying, pulling at my hair and hitting my head. The ambulance got there shortly after and took me to the ER.

Since it was friday, I was in the lobby for 2 hours till about 11:30. The WHOLE time I was mentally out of it. I could not control my limbs from shaking nor could I control my thoughts. My mother in law showed up, and shortly later my wife. At about 11:45 I told my wife I was feeling better and wanted to just go home, when we got home I freaked out, almost took my whole bottle of meds in hope it would make me feel better (she stopped me) then thought It was my gallbladder and made her take me to the ER again. at 1am I finnally felt my panic subside, and had her take me home once again. I was actually able to fall asleep after this, not fearing I was going to die in my sleep.


I layed in bed today till 4pm, and left at 6pm to get some groceries for us, by myself (bad bad idea). Somehow I made it home, I left the cart in the store and took off in my car. The next 2 hours felt like a living nightmare, and I thought I was having a stroke... now I'm here.

 
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:05 PM   #2
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Re: Losing my mind

Sorry to hear you are going through this.....shaking limbs is so very common, i have that almost on a daily basis. (Unless on Xanax) Sounds like you were/are having waves of panic....I've been having that all day myself. One minute I'm telling myself I'm ok, and will be ok and to just act normal, haha, yeah right, and the next....a wave of dread and panic sweeps over me...thinking my heart will stop. It's so very tough...I hope your wife, and family are supportive. Are you on any meds?

 
Old 05-06-2012, 04:12 AM   #3
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Re: Losing my mind

Just setraline (generic for zoloft) and a heart medicine for my blood pressure. I have been on valium and klodapin before for anxiety, valium seemed to work well. But then again my panic attacks weren't as bad or frequent then as they are now. You think you are anxieted and panicky then, and you think it is the worst that it can be, then you experience what real panic is and you wonder how you ever thought it was even close to bad before.. am I making sense?

Last night I went into a panic as my poor wife was falling asleep. I didn't want to scare her so I closed her bedroom door and proceeded to speed-walk around our living room and kitchen for 2 hours, trying to exaust myself so i would physically pass out. But you cant feel the exaustion when your body is in flight mode because of fear of death. I kept having fleeting thouhts of going to the medicine cabinet and eating all the tylonol pm and benedril so I could sleep. As Im typing this now Im remembering what I was doing so I just had my wife take it those drugs away. In my daze I took 2 ibuprophens, but then couldn't remember what I took seconds after taking it. I'm confined to my bedroom right now waiting till tommorow so my doctor is at work so I can go and see what they can do... if I can even make it to the doctors office withought flipping out on the way there or in their office.

Last edited by ms_mod; 05-06-2012 at 04:37 AM.

 
Old 05-06-2012, 05:58 PM   #4
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Re: Losing my mind

Glad to see you didnt have that stroke I have yet to have my heart give out (my worry) Doesn't sound like the Zoloft is doing any good... what was your reason for wanting to take the meds?? were you in any pain? I hope you are doing better. I havent had a full blown panic attack in a while...I'm just in a high, severe state of anxiety im struggling to control in anyway, and totally opposite as in I CANT MOVE around...although i have a really caffinated feeling constantly through my body. I too, have a drs. appt tomorrow which is one thing i cant stop thinking about...i have to drive myself, and i cant even bare to look at the car, i dont know how im going to do it, and then i think why bother? What is my dr. going to be able to do for me?..without sending me driving to the hosp which is another 15 mins away, and then i have to walk in!!....Well...those are the things im thinking anyway. Whats really sad is ive been in this situation of thinking i cant walk around before....so why it constantly defeats me...i wish i knew. God luck at your appt. Let us/me know how it goes!

 
Old 05-06-2012, 06:17 PM   #5
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Re: Losing my mind

Omg I feel for you I really do , anxiety and panic attacks must be 1 of the worst things to experience especially when they're bad , trust me I know.
I am the same as you , I pace around , pulling my hair , I scratch my arms , anything to keep my hands busy , telling myself over & over again how ridiculous it is but not being able
to do a damn thing about it. Maybe you need to talk to a doctor about going back on diazepam (Valium) as they were a godsend for me , they can higher the dose if the minimum isn't enough although the minimum used to work for me in the highest of anxiety everyone's different .. Hope this helps

 
Old 05-07-2012, 05:16 AM   #6
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Re: Losing my mind

I really wish I could give out advice... The only thing is that I know nobody has died from a panic attack, but they are really scary when they are happening. I just really hope my job doesn't suffer from it, since it happened when I was at work and had to be taken away by an ambulance, and I scared one of my bosses so much she was in tears. I don't have an appointment today but I'm not taking no for an answer so I am pretty sure I will get in today. Wish me luck, and thank you for the helpful advice and support.

 
Old 05-07-2012, 09:28 AM   #7
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Re: Losing my mind

Good luck with everything, and I hope you do get in today. I'm trying today, not overdoing it, but doing stuff in spurts. I have the adrenaline feeling sooo bad, and lump in throat and fast hb....makes me feel like running...but of course i wont How are you feeling today??? I took a shower, and managed to stay in long enough to condition my hair. (I know, its so damn sad!)..am doing laundry, and although i did cancel my appt. (feeling guilty) im going to go sit in the car, and try a few short drives. The last few days ive been getting quesy just looking at the car.... I sound so pathetic. I'd love to know how you're doing.

 
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:24 AM   #8
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Re: Losing my mind

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anxiousgrl35 View Post
Good luck with everything, and I hope you do get in today. I'm trying today, not overdoing it, but doing stuff in spurts. I have the adrenaline feeling sooo bad, and lump in throat and fast hb....makes me feel like running...but of course i wont How are you feeling today??? I took a shower, and managed to stay in long enough to condition my hair. (I know, its so damn sad!)..am doing laundry, and although i did cancel my appt. (feeling guilty) im going to go sit in the car, and try a few short drives. The last few days ive been getting quesy just looking at the car.... I sound so pathetic. I'd love to know how you're doing.
I am doing much better, although my head feels tired and sluggish, I took a shower too, and we went and got my truck and keys from my work and I drove it home today. We went for a walk even though I did not want to, I did for my wife. But when I got back I was on the verge of another attack and had to lay down in bed for an hour and rest till it subsided. I got an appointment for the doctor in an hour (2:30), but I work tonight at 4. I need to work so hopefully after my appointment I will be able to will myself at work and keep strong through my shift.

I do feel like my anxiety comes in spurts and hopefully I am through the worst of it for now. Just like you we need to take small steps. Its good to get out and get some fresh air, yesterday I walked to a nearby pita pit, had lunch, and walked home. Its nearby and its nice to know home is close. Its definitly good to have family nearby if that option is available to you. I feel guilty when I look at my 1 year old, but I know I will get this under control before she is old enough to question what is going on.

 
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:56 AM   #9
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Re: Losing my mind

Thats really really great! That you got out, and did all of that! That really does motivate me, so thank you. I feel quite a bit better doing the little things im doing, even though its not accomplishing much...as you said little steps at a time, but reading your post makes me want to drive to the store lol I did get a drive in and it was fine, so maybe tomorrow i'll head out again. Also talked on the phone, which has been an issue and i felt almost normal. Good luck at your drs. appt, and at work!

 
Old 05-08-2012, 07:42 AM   #10
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Re: Losing my mind

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Originally Posted by Anxiousgrl35 View Post
Thats really really great! That you got out, and did all of that! That really does motivate me, so thank you. I feel quite a bit better doing the little things im doing, even though its not accomplishing much...as you said little steps at a time, but reading your post makes me want to drive to the store lol I did get a drive in and it was fine, so maybe tomorrow i'll head out again. Also talked on the phone, which has been an issue and i felt almost normal. Good luck at your drs. appt, and at work!
I didn't make it to work. As soon as I started to get dressed for it I got bad again, so bad that my wife had to talk for me at the dr's office, and they sent me to a stress center and released me home. My wife called work for me as I was out of it for the rest of the evening. I drove back to the dr's office this morning, but they sent me home with a "the doctor will call you when we can find him".

Update, they just called me and I have another DR appointment on Wedsday, they stated that that doctor will be able to give me meds, and a doctors's note for work. I called work and they stated everything is ok but they need a note to release me back to work. So I guess I am just going to stay inside my house untill tomorrow.

Its so hectic when you go to deal with doctors, they ping pong you back and forth, and everyone is scared to deal with you that nothing ever seems to get done. I feel that I need to be hospitalized and watched, as I cannot seem to function alone anymore nor am I able to watch my children either...

 
Old 05-08-2012, 10:25 AM   #11
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Re: Losing my mind

So sorry to hear that. What is it exactly you are feeling when you say "I got bad"? I've never heard of a stress center. I'm not having a good start to my day either. Last night i felt really off and close to an attack...went in the bathroom, sat too ummm urinate..and felt a pause like feeling, and then a hot flash/flush right through my head...was shaking.This morning woke up bad, basicly scared and shaking. Walked outside to the porch (this just happened) sat down and felt like my heart flew up in my throat. There is alot on this site that comforts me but one thing really troubling me is that i see nothing about the heart..except mostly fast, and pounding. Saw some old posts, but i dont even know if what im feeling is the same. I get up and feel like someones hand is around my neck squeezing. Ok, sorry im babbling. I almost want to go to the ER...i said i wouldnt, but ehhh...i cant drive to the dr, and its so close i can probably just hop in the car and nobody here would have to know....thats how much my family just doesnt know. I havent told my daughter ive been sufffering...she basicly thinks im being a lazy bum. As soon as she got up she said "lets go drive and find a new park to go too" i didnt respond.......WELL...her and i just had it out, not good! Told me "I'm just not going to associate with you, you're not trying, you go ahead and live off G-ma, and be a loony!" Support...ha. :'( That was what i didnt want to happen, and it has. I cant take much more today.

 
Old 05-08-2012, 02:57 PM   #12
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Re: Losing my mind

What I mean by bad Is I started to get anxieted, and a dull feeling came over my head where it was hazy and foggy and I could not think straight. I forgot completely about where I was going and what I was going to say. My brain slowed down while everything around me sped up. This stress center evaulated me, and made a recommendation but that was it. (Edit: it is a center here at St Vincent's hospital, my doctor said I had to go there before they could up any medication). Now though they have given me a new doctor I need to go see on wendsday.

Today has been a really good day, my little one is with her grandma and I have been home alone all day. My wife came home between school and work and she had gotten her hair done, good for her. I felt like I was overcomplementing her but too me she did look good and I was glad to see her, good for her. I have been watching some tv and just relaxing. I think its helping me... I hope.

Last edited by Abc78; 05-08-2012 at 02:59 PM.

 
Old 05-09-2012, 02:42 PM   #13
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Re: Losing my mind

Sent me to a new doctor, he would not prescribe my xanax or any benzos, but put me on a low dosage of Buspirone to take for two weeks, and stated he might take me off of zoloft and put me on lexapro.

Im not sure he knew much of what he was saying, He had a medication book that told him correct dosage, etc... what do you think?

 
Old 05-09-2012, 08:56 PM   #14
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Re: Losing my mind

Glad you had a good day...i really dont know...I do know i liked lexapro back in 07' when i had my first attack, except it made me so comfortable i gained a ton of weight and finally weaned off of it. Why does he want you off Zoloft?...and not want to up the dose? Well, I was pretty great yesterday late afternoon and all night, in fact i had energy, too much, but it was a nice change. Woke up this morning a wreck...just sooo tired, and couldnt (or thought I couldnt walk..) I was also needing to urinate alot...more then i was even taking in, but everytime i went to the bathroom, i shook sooo bad, and felt like i was going to keel over. I dragged myself out of there a ton, and dropped on my bed, over and over... then i started thinking I'm going to call 911, and i would think you or others would know what happens when you start thinking that!! At least with me...my panic get worse just picturing them coming to get me and knowing i might get to the hospital and nothing would be wrong. I curled in a ball and shook and had chills and terror sweeping over me, and thought Ok, im dying now. Then i calmed down...didnt take any Xanax (I probably should) but then again...had to pee, went in bathoom..and it was a nightmare! I ran to the phone and called 911. About 8 men showed up...and they knew me from my Feb visit and made me feel like a fool, although they were nice...i was crazy insane when they got here...crying...of course telling them everything wrong. Got to the hosp, and the Dr. gave me a Xanax right away! Grrr... but i got my EKG..they monitored me for awhile since i have skips...all good. Bp good and low, pulse really really normal for me...except it goes from 65-70 when on back, to 85 sitting, to over 100 when i stand. (guess thats my nerves) Dr. came back later, and asked how i felt... I said "Well, im drowsy now, but im still dizzy, and im laying! Most of my issues are when moving... could it be something else???" (Poor guy lol ) So, Got a CBC test, normal. Urine= normal.... and blah blah...everything was perfect. I was like "Oh, i guess thats good" He said since i was sick for a few weeks, maybe it took its toll on my strength and so on... I've said this a million times, BUT I'm still always shocked that stress, anxiety and panic can actually do this to people!! It's so amazing, and terrifying at the same time! Well, im glad i went..even though nothing is solved really...but its relief. I had to get that off my chest What a crazy day. ...and i dont understand Xanax...it worked well for me for years, and now its just a bother. I'm still scared, just add being more tired...just like taking a PM sleeping pill for me. I guess you wouldnt know. Have a great night...

 
Old 05-09-2012, 09:04 PM   #15
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Re: Losing my mind

Oh..I didnt mean to sound mean when i said "I guess you wouldnt know" I just meant since your Dr. wont give you benzos. I also am not knocking Xanax... I weaned last year with nooo problems. It probably does wonders for someone who has more umm manic? at,tacks...where as im already tired, lightheaded and really wanting energy...so i am still a little nervous, but it has taken the edge off the waves of terror. I'll probably start taking it more regularly in half a dose sizes, and see if i have any change. Oh, and im glad your wife looks good haha ...night.

Last edited by Anxiousgrl35; 05-09-2012 at 09:05 PM.

 
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