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Jaredv 12-24-2012 08:13 AM

Philosophical
 
Ok first off I have a great personality and had so many goal growing up and now they have seem to vanish I'm 20. It all started my junior year I thought I had a brain tumor and went searching online for hours about it and convinced myself I had one. And that put me in a panic and lasted a couple weeks. Then I got over it and felt fine for about a year. Then the panic and anxiety came back next year around Christmas time when it started the previous year. Then went away after a couple of weeks again then came back here and there but not bad. This year was my best year of not feeling anxious and all those crazy thoughts it seemed as over summer I was perfect living life to the fullest not thinking of anything I got in a relationship and I felt I was back to normal for good. Then bam this year when it started getting cold it hit me again but this time worse than ever I started thinking like how am I moving? How am I thinking ? What's the point on earth? How do I say words how am I typing right now? And this put me in a full blown panic attack and now it's on my mind 24/7 I've been in bed all day researching about ocd and it calmed me down for like 5 mins but now I'm back obsessing over it.

I'm so scared I feel not real I'm questioning everything I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in the middle of terror and terror

anxietyridden22 12-30-2012 08:01 AM

Re: Philosophical
 
I know exactly how you feel.

I don't believe in medication (because of my anxiety, of course), so I refuse to take panic or anxiety meds to help with this increasingly horrible afflictionm which I know is just circular. No amount of logic or reason can get me to stop analyzing every single ache, pain, and dizziness that I have as something terrible, and I like to think that - when it is unrelated to my hypochondria - I'm a pretty darn logical person.

Your story really hit me because it was about 14 and also with a brain tumor for me. I was absolutely convinced. Still am, in a way I guess. What's worse is that now I keep finding illnesses that I think I have that actually cause anxiety and general "uneasiness." Yeah, that just sets off a new attack.

I tend to be of the opinion that those life-questioning, self-realizing questions actually help with the anxiety. That everything truly exists, some how. I like thinking about things like the builder of the house I am sitting in, or a painter of the walls, and how no body will remember their names in the long run, but they still existed and here is physical proof of that fact.

I will never suggest medications because...well, you know. But I've been thinking about therapy to help me get my goals back in line and my life back into my own hands; you know, give less power to my fear and all that jazz. I haven't been in school or finding a job that I could love because I am too wrapped up in this panic, and I'm not even the only victim - my fiance has to deal with this crap on a daily basis and I know it stresses him out as much as it does me. Ugh!

Sorry for the rant...struck a chord I guess. I'm going to get help...hope this conviction sticks this time. :P


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