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bluejulie5 · 02-05-2004, 06:30 PM

Hi everyone, I have never posted here before.
I have 3 kids, 2 from a previous marrage, boys 16 & 13.
I have a daughter, taylor who is 4 from the husband i have now
of 5 years.
I love my daughter to death, don't get me wrong, but she knows
how to push my buttons and she really is a handfull.
She acts up all of the time and I am afraid that my friends think
that she is a brat.
I tell her to do something and she whines, and tells me no.
she sleeps with my husband and i every night.
it is just easier to let that happen then to make her go to bed.
she is not always like this, but most of the time she is.
everything is a big hassle.
nothing can ever just be done "easy"~ it is always a big chore with her.
does this sound familiar to anyone?
does anyone have any good advice?
thank you

julie

Want 2 B Well · 02-07-2004, 06:07 AM

The advice I can give you is to set some rules for the house. Your husband has to be 100% with you in order for this to work.

Do you want her out of your bed? What does your husband say about the sleeping arrangements?

esam · 02-07-2004, 06:47 AM

hi
i have an almost 4 year old and she has done some of the things you have described. the best advice i can give you is to set up some rules and stick to them. her behavior will get worse before it gets better. right now she knows that if she whines or carries on she'll win out in the end and get what she wants. i've seen it with mine. it may take you putting up a gate (i did that in the beginning to break my daughter from coming over to our room and climbing into bed with us every night - i put it so she could still get up and use her bathroom but she couldn't get to our room) - or just taking her back to her room in the middle of the night when she comes over.

tell her if she acts up or throws a tantrum when you are, say, at the park with her friends or at her friends house or at the mall - wherever - that you will take her home and then actually follow thru and do it. chances are she will catch on when you do it - maybe after a few times - but what she wants most is to prob stay and play and not go home.

maybe set up some kind of reward system or something where if she behaves and is good throughout the day she can earn something she loves to do - like play with playdough or watching a short movie or special one-on-one time with you - whatever she would value most.

it can be a tough age but we can get thru it!! hang in there! if you stick to your rules and follow thru she'll learn that she can't push your buttons. my husband keeps telling me to get a handle on our daughter now cause when she gets older i'll be in big trouble if i don't!! good luck.

bluejulie5 · 02-07-2004, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by esam

hi
i have an almost 4 year old and she has done some of the things you have described. the best advice i can give you is to set up some rules and stick to them. her behavior will get worse before it gets better. right now she knows that if she whines or carries on she'll win out in the end and get what she wants. i've seen it with mine. it may take you putting up a gate (i did that in the beginning to break my daughter from coming over to our room and climbing into bed with us every night - i put it so she could still get up and use her bathroom but she couldn't get to our room) - or just taking her back to her room in the middle of the night when she comes over.

tell her if she acts up or throws a tantrum when you are, say, at the park with her friends or at her friends house or at the mall - wherever - that you will take her home and then actually follow thru and do it. chances are she will catch on when you do it - maybe after a few times - but what she wants most is to prob stay and play and not go home.

maybe set up some kind of reward system or something where if she behaves and is good throughout the day she can earn something she loves to do - like play with playdough or watching a short movie or special one-on-one time with you - whatever she would value most.

it can be a tough age but we can get thru it!! hang in there! if you stick to your rules and follow thru she'll learn that she can't push your buttons. my husband keeps telling me to get a handle on our daughter now cause when she gets older i'll be in big trouble if i don't!! good luck.

HI
thank you so much for your advice.
You gave me some good ideas to think about.
Yes, it is a tough age.
Do you think that girls act up at that age more than
boys, or does it just depend on the personality?
thanks again

esam · 02-07-2004, 05:11 PM

i'm not sure if it's mostly a "girl thing" or a boy thing. i have 3 girls so i don't have much to compare it to - and my "high spirited" girl is my oldest!!

i think sometimes girls must be worse. i know when they get older it will probably BE worse if i don't get her to listen to me now. i just praise her like crazy when she is good or does a good job or is following directions and listening because sometimes i think all i do is get upset with her. my almost 4 year old will be quite a teenager - i can see it now!!

i'll keep my fingers crossed! (for us both)

e

TheSlayer · 02-11-2004, 07:25 PM

hey blue julie-it sounds like you have a very normal 4 year old child! congratulations!!

I have a 4 year old son who is the same exact way-it's totally normal and girls are worse! they tend to be very demanding and in control-my advice is to set rules and don't cave in-but at the same time try to give her as much freedom as you can like let her pick out her outfits(with in reason) and just try to let her be her own person as much as possible but that doesn't mean she gets to run the show! I am in the same boa right now-but don't worry it will get better! oh-and try not to worry about what other people think-if they have kids they should understand-if not then if they are your friends then they it shouldn't even be an issue!..good luck...and remember-she is absolutely normal!...the slayer

TeTr01 · 02-16-2004, 05:47 PM

I have a 2 year old daughter, Toni & while I don't deal with this type of behavior from her, I have seen other children act this way.

I think an important thing for you to remember is that you are the mom, she is the daughter - you are the one in control here. You have to be more stubborn then her & teach her the correct way to act about things. Don't allow her to throw fits when she doesn't want to do something & certainly don't give her things that she wants if she is acting up. That is only going to make her think that it's ok to act like that, when it's really not at all. Make sure that you & others around her a setting a good example to learn by. You need to set certain consiquenses for bad behavior & stick with them. It might be hard at first & frustrating b/c she is 4 years old & has been allowed to act this way till now... but there comes a time when it's no longer tollerable & she needs to also realize that before she starts to get worse.

Good luck to you

!

02-19-2004, 04:07 PM

My daughter is about to turn 6 and let me tell you...I'm pulling my hair out by the time evening rolls around. She cries over EVERYTHING and it's begining to drive me nuts!!! My mom gave me some good advise that I just started....tape record the battles or arguments, fits, etc. Then when things are calm and you're in that I feel bad for punishing state, both of you sit down and listen to the tape. You can talk to each other about how the yelling or talking back affects things. You'd be suprised at how you and your child sound in the heat of the moment. Maybe then you can change a tone of voice where needed...on both you and your childs part. It's worked so far for me. And when I feel another fight coming on, I remember how I sounded on tape and I immediately think about how I'm going to react to the situation. My daughter does the same, and our head-butting is starting to get a little less heated. Hope I was of some help. Good luck!!

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