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Old 02-08-2004, 04:06 PM   #1
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MelissaShaw HB User
Unhappy My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Hello There,

I'm writing for advice of my 15 year old neighbour, me and her are really close friends even though I am 25 and she is 15, she baby-sits my son in the school holidays, anyway I noticed her belly sort of altering, she's very thin and her breasts were a tad bigger, more swollen I'd say. I asked her if her period was due and she broke down in tears and said it was over a week late, I took her into town to get a pregnancy test and she took it in my house and straightaway a blue line came up, she was devastated, her Mum said if she was to get pregnant then she'd be thrown out on to the streets and the baby wouldn't have a home either, she is now seven weeks along and is petrified, I'm trying to help her but what is your advice on what to do....

Take care
Melissa
xx

 
Old 02-08-2004, 04:29 PM   #2
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beabonnet HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

If it were me, I'd talk her into her telling her mother, unless of course, you think she's likely to be physically abused. Her mother may not react the way the teenager thinks she will. You might also contact your social services office (or whatever it's called where you live) to find out what help may be available to her should her mother react as she expects and kick her out - or if you're concerned that she could be abused. If you're armed with this information, you can tell her that in the worst case scenario there is help for her. But she really should tell her mother. She needs to start medical care and if her mother is going to be there for her, she needs her mother to help her.

 
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Old 02-08-2004, 04:32 PM   #3
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beabonnet HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Btw, I'm not suggesting you call social services to report her or her mother. That would make things worse and probably wouldn't serve a useful purpose anyway (unless of course, after she tells, she gets physically abused). But, just call them for information. They should be able to give you general information as to what help is available to for teenage mothers either in their mother's care or if they are out there on there own. I wouldn't give any names out at this point.

 
Old 02-08-2004, 05:14 PM   #4
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sentedshowergel HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Oh, that is so sad, its makeing me cry. Tell her she can come live with me. I cant believe that parents are so insensitive, its partially her mothers fault that she did get pregnant. Im crying, Please let me know that she gets helped.

 
Old 02-08-2004, 06:48 PM   #5
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Angela4 HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

I think you should talk her into telling her mother. Maybe if she comes up with a plan that she will have the baby but then give it up for adoption or something then her mother will let her live there?

 
Old 02-09-2004, 02:14 PM   #6
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babygrant HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Could you go with her to tell her mom for moral support?

Angela

 
Old 02-09-2004, 04:02 PM   #7
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BarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Hi,

Bless her heart. This is sad and there are no easy answers. I suggest she contact Planned Parenthood because the staff will be able to discuss all of her options with her and they do not encourage any one of the options. They are an excellent source of information and a reliable shoulder to cry on. She's lucky to have you as a friend.

There's always the chance she might miscarry as many pregnancies end that way just by nature.

Wishing you well - Barbara

 
Old 02-09-2004, 04:07 PM   #8
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MelissaShaw HB User
Unhappy Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

My friend does not want her Mother to know, I would go with her but she is confused and at the moment, she is thinking of an abortion, she doesn't want one and I hate the fact of it as so will you ladies, I might take on the baby and tell her Mother that but she faces such a harsh desicion. The worst thing about this situation is that my friend got pregnant in my house, it wasn't planned, I had to go into town and I left her and the b/f in the house and when I got back, they had just finshed having sex in my bed, this happened a further twice, I then told them if they protected themselves then by all means make love in my house, they can't go in her own place so they use mine, by the time she got on the pill, she found out the news, we are still talking about what will happen, her b/f is 18 and is supporting her, any more advice please??????

 
Old 02-10-2004, 05:45 AM   #9
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Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

hi, i fell pregnant with my first child at age 17 and like your friend was terrified and ashamed. my advice would be to talk to her mom and she will probably have a pleasant surprise... my mom supported me 100 per cent even after being abandoned by my partner and told me there were a lot worse things that could happen. she needs to give her mom a chance to be a mom, i now have a degree and a good job through my family's support and am now expecting my second child at age 24 with my partner of three years.

good luck to her and she's lucky to have your support.

laura

 
Old 02-10-2004, 06:07 AM   #10
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Autumn888 HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Poor thing. That is a very difficult situation. Make sure she does not get an abortion unless she is 100 percent certain it is the right thing for her to do, because otherwise she could end up regretting it for the rest of her life. Obviously if she goes through with the whole pregnancy her mother is going to have to find out at some point. I think she should make sure to have her mind made up about what she is and is not willing to do before talking to her mom about it, because if she allows hersef to be coerced into anything she is likely to regret it later. And she definitely needs to come up with a plan for what she is going to do if her mother does kick her out of the house, before telling her.

 
Old 02-10-2004, 08:04 AM   #11
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aimazing HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Maybe you could advise her to contact the following organization for free advice.

Also would the father support her? Maybe you could try to breech the coversation but don't push her.

About her mum, you could offer to come with her to tell her, unless you feel that would make it worse? Her mum will have to know sooner or later- the longer it's left the more difficult it will be.

I hope it goes okay for her, whatever she decides. You seem like a great neighbor to have.

Take care. XxX

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 02-11-2004 at 06:04 AM. Reason: Read the Rules! No off board contact information is allowed!

 
Old 02-10-2004, 09:39 AM   #12
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Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Are you friends with her mother too? Do you really think her mother is the type of person that would kick her daughter out in her time of need?

Her mother will be upset I'm sure. I doubt her mother would kick her out. Kids always think their parent will over react to a bad situation. Most parents will be upset but when push comes to shove in a situation like this, kids usually pull though pretty good with their parents.

I personally don't think you where right to allow a minor to have sex in your house with her boyfriend. When her mother finds out about that, her mother may ban the kid from your house and will probably have a few choice words for you for allowing this the happen in your house. I am not trying to be mean or cut you down or anything, I am just voicing my opinion on the matter.

Personal experiance:
My sister is 12 yrs older then I. When I was a teenager she allowed me to drink, (started me smoking and drink before I was a teenager) smoke and allowed me to have sex at her place (she always use to tell me that my parents didn't love me and wished I was never born..There was alot of mental abuse there). Anyways..as an adult with my own children now. I do not trust my sister to have my daughter at her house for the night or any quality time without me, my hubby, or my parents there to supervise my sister and her actions with my daughter. My sister saw nothing wrong with what she did and allowed me to do while I was with her, to this day. As a parent I want the best for my kids and drinking smoking and being allowed to have sex is not what I think is best. I know I can't control weather or not my kids have sex, but I wouldn't want to find out that another parent or adult was allowing it in their home for my kids.

This child really needed to speak to her parents about this situation, it is a tough situation to be in and she will need she mother support no matter what she decides to do (keep, abort or adoption). You may want to talk to her mother and inform her if this child doesn't want to tell her, herself. As a mother yourself, think about what you would want if this were to happen to your child.

I talk to my daughter, and tell her to wait on having sex, use condoms when the time comes ect... but if she decides to have sex and ends up pregnant, that I will stand by her and we can figure out what to do, and no matter how bad the situation is, I will be there for her, Yes, I may get angry but everything will work out.

I hope this helped some. Good luck with this situation. Keep us updated on what happens.

 
Old 02-10-2004, 04:30 PM   #13
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MelissaShaw HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

As you can tell by the little angel at the front of this post, my friend miscarried, she started to bleed and cramp, she came to me to see what was happening and it was terrible, my friend has cried for losing the baby but is relieved that her Mother may never find out, I agree with the last post about her having sex in my house, I just didn't want her having sex in cars or parks or wherever, I wanted her to be safe and if that meant in my house then that was the way, she has vowed though to never have sex again until she is responsable for her actions, as for the father he didn't want to know and she got dumped, I'm here for her every step of the way, thanks for your replies, you're all so good at giving advice.

 
Old 02-11-2004, 10:10 AM   #14
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Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

Melissa-
Parents like these are the reasons we have young teen mothers killing themselves and / or thier babies because they are too scared of what their parents will do to them. Encourage her to tell her mother, tell her you will be there with her when she does, she needs to do this- as this is just not going to go away. That is the first step, maybe she will get an angry reaction or maybe she won't- I am sure there will be a lot of tears and emotions either way, and it will be very difficult. She needs to address it so that she can figure out what she is going to do, whether she will have the support of a parent or not. The waiting is the worst part- the not knowing, she will feel alot better once it is in the open, lets face it- she won't have long before she starts showing anyway. It is very nice of you to be there for her and to lend her support when she needs it- thank goodness for that.

Good Luck to you both and keep us posted about what happens.

 
Old 02-11-2004, 10:13 AM   #15
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maak823 HB User
Re: My 15 year old Neighbour....Pregnant

I am sooo sorry to hear that. Maybe this is God's way of looking out for her- it just wasn't the right time for this angel to be born. She does need to see a Dr. though, any time you miscarry there is tissue left behind that needs to be removed (D&C). Can you take her to a Dr. or Clinic to have her checked?
Good luck to you both, hopefully she will learn from this experience, but chances are she will have sex again, please talk to her about getting on a form of birth control to prevent this from happening again.

 
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