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Old 02-17-2004, 07:41 PM   #1
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JayLynn HB User
Help!

My 7 year old son is driving me crazy! I have to be doing something wrong, but I don't know what I need to do. He is just so defiant. I will tell him to do something and he ignores me on purpose or he will do the total opposite - on purpose to just be mean. I am at my wits end. I really don't know what to do. Is this normal? Please tell me some ideas. I need this to stop now before it's too late.

 
Old 02-18-2004, 08:49 AM   #2
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Re: Help!

Well, what have you been trying? He needs to know that you are the boss and that his behaviour is not acceptable. As soon as he starts acting like that put him in his room, or a time out chair in a specific part of the house, a quiet area, take privliges away from him, video games, treats that he enjoys, tv, playing outside with his friends, something he values. Let him know why his behaviour is not acceptable, at 7 he is old enough to understand. What i had to do with my son once all that stuff didn't work was to literaly take everything away from him, toys, he only had the books he needed to read for his 20min homework every night, no tv, no friends, he turned around pretty quickly. He needs to be disiplined each and every time, even in public...take him out the the car for a time out, or go home if that is an option. Once he realizes you mean business he'll turn around. Also, you need to reward him when he's behaving, like with my son, once everything was taken away he had to earn everything back with his good behaviour, a little at a time he got all of his privliges back. So let him know that good behaviour gets him what he wants and bad behaviour gets the things that he values and enjoys taken away. It may sound harsh but sometimes you need to be, children need to know there are consequenses to their actions, if they don't learn that now you'll have an even bigger problem when he's older.

 
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Old 02-19-2004, 09:03 AM   #3
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Re: Help!

I'll explain more in depth. I had my son when I was 16, he is my oldest of 3. I grew up while I took care of him, and I did not have any parenting skills. I wasn't there for him like I needed to be. His father and I broke up when he was 3 and he went through a really hard time with that. His dad hasn't been around, except occasional phone calls, which he clings onto. He loves his dad very much and thinks his dad is so great. Now my son is seven, and I am at the point in my life where I have come to realize I create my life and my life can be good or bad, it's up to me. I've gained a lot of skills and I have grown a lot. But, now that my head is clear, I see my son more clearly and I can tell that he holds a lot of anger inside. I spent a lot of my time yelling at him in the past because I had no patience. Then, I would feel bad, so I would try to make it better with him. Now, he is smart enough to see how my mind works, so he plays me. He will do something and then try to make me feel bad about it, and because I feel like a failure as a mother, it works. I'm trying more and more to focus on the positive with him. I have been talking with him more and more, openly. Just a time where he can talk about anything and know that I won't be upset, I'll just listen. He gets frusterated about his younger siblings. He feels like we yell at him too much. He wants to be more independent and the scariest of all, he wants to be with his dad more. His dad lives in a different state than us, so visiting him isn't as easy as driving 20 minutes away. Also, his dad is very laid back and doesn't think much about punishments, rules or even values. He sees them maybe once a year and when he does, it's all fun because they haven't seen each other in so long. So, my son thinks his dad is great because he never gets in trouble at his dads house. I just worry so much that he will want to move in with him. Once he's a teenager, I will allow him because I feel it's his right, but not now. I know I need to build a strong foundation of trust with my son, but I worry that it might be too late. Parenting is so hard. I'm just going to keep trying my best.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 09:48 AM   #4
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Re: Help!

Sounds like both of you would benefit from counseling. Wish I had gone the couseling route with my oldest daughter when she was young and defiant.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 09:57 AM   #5
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Re: Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marie55
Sounds like both of you would benefit from counseling. Wish I had gone the couseling route with my oldest daughter when she was young and defiant.
Well, he is starting to talk to a school counselor now and I am looking into parenting skills classes. I hope it helps

 
Old 03-15-2004, 08:14 PM   #6
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GOOGLEMANONINE HB User
Re: Help!

maybe he just needs to take you seriously my aunt is the same way rather than kick the **** out of him on the ""butt"" she just bribes him, and worse she leaves him with my grandma and today while she was talking to my other granparents he wanted to go get an ice cream, and when she said no, he squirted her with a water gun, and humiliated the poor woman, and then he tried to hit her with the watergun. So finally i said lets go for a walk. Just to stop him.

 
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