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Old 02-29-2004, 03:58 PM   #1
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2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

My daughter is having a birthday soon and we have always invited all the girls in her class. This year hasn't been totally blissful. My daughter has a very guarded relationship with the "lead" girl in the class. She would rather not invite her and another girl that use to pick on her (but has been improving.) She would rather invite only kids that have been nice to her consistently. Has anyone had any experience with the fall-out of not inviting everyone?
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Old 02-29-2004, 04:42 PM   #2
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

This is a very hard one. My daughter has not wanted to invite people that were mean or the class bully that everyone didn't like. I tell my daughter to think of how she would feel if everyone was talking about the cool party that they had all gone to and how she would feel if she was the only one not invited. Even though I know it's probably extremely hard for kids that age, I tell my daughter to "kill with kindness" and those mean ones will eventually turn themselves around realizing how much fun it is to be included and liked by everyone. I would invite all the girls, we have had the luck of the mean ones never showing up. Maybe that's why their mean....their parents aren't active in their social lives and don't bring them to the parties...lol...i don't know...just a thought. I hope this helps, it is hard to make that decision.
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Old 02-29-2004, 04:48 PM   #3
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

Well I have two boys but this is the rule we have used for parties...the age of the birthday person is the number of friends he can invite. With this he has to make sure that he invites some girls. When he was old enough to decide we let him pick who he wanted to come and so far so good. My son also has problems with some classmates so I have never had a problem with him not inviting the ones he has problems with.
My oldest son is also in the second grade and he loves that he gets to decide who comes and doesnt. He says he feels more comfortable so that he doesnt have to worry about those that he doesnt get along with because he can enjoy his party and not have to be nice to people who havent been nice to him.
Your best bet is to let your daughter decide who comes and who doesnt. Because as she gets older she will want more say in such things and if you let her start now you and she can work together instead of butting heads over such things.
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Old 02-29-2004, 06:48 PM   #4
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

I would let her know that it is not nice to leave anyone out and make her think about how it would feel, but leave the decision up to her.

 
Old 02-29-2004, 09:53 PM   #5
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

I would invite them all. If she has a guarded relationship with these girls, there is still a relationship. Kids at this age can take rejection very hard and lash out at the kids they feel rejected by. I would invite them especially if they are trying to get better at their behavior. What better way for your daughter to tell them that she is also willing to try to make the relationship a good one.

I know IMO I am raising four very good kids. I also have to admit that none of them have been nice consistently. Everyone has off days including your little one. I simply see it as a wonderful goodwill gesture but that is JMO... Good luck
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Old 02-29-2004, 10:36 PM   #6
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

What I would do is invite the whole class. Not every single person is going to show up. And if the bully does show up, she will be on your daughters turf. This might actually be good. She would more likely be a lot nicer and they may even become friends.

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Old 03-01-2004, 05:00 AM   #7
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

You don't have to invite everybody...I have 2 kids who are at the age to be invited and from exeperience i can tell you they aren't always invited, it's hard for most parents to handle a whole class of kids, unless your child has a small class. The thing to remember is that it is your daughters birthday...her day, it's not to make the other kids happy....i know that sounds mean but unless she wants to invite them than i would stay out of it. My kids have never been upset or stressed out because they weren't invited to a birthday party, so i don't think it'll be the end of the world if the little girl is not invited. if she invited this girl and she's still mean to her than it won't be a very happy birthday for her. I would go by what your daughter is feeling, it is a party for her afterall. I've always taught my kids to not play with children who are mean to them...how are the mean kids going to know they are doing something wrong if everybody is forced to play with them anyways? I don't know..it's up to you, some people may think i'm being a bit harsh, but it's the way i feel.

 
Old 03-01-2004, 06:25 AM   #8
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

If I were you, I would address this with the teacher. In the first place, she may not be aware that there are issues between your daughter and the other girls and she might be able to either help smooth that out or keep them separated. In the second place, alot of school now have "all or none" policies
in place in order to avoid hurt feelings! The teacher would let you know if this was the case.

 
Old 03-01-2004, 07:37 AM   #9
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PatriciaB
If I were you, I would address this with the teacher. In the first place, she may not be aware that there are issues between your daughter and the other girls and she might be able to either help smooth that out or keep them separated. In the second place, alot of school now have "all or none" policies
in place in order to avoid hurt feelings! The teacher would let you know if this was the case.

I dont know any schools that would even be able to enforce a rule like that since most parents socialize outside the school and could easily just invite the selected ones without passing out invites during class. I would be one of those parents that would challange something like because the school has no right to tell me that I should invite the whole class or none at all. The scholl isnt going to be ther to help in controling that many kids. And of course alot oa parents just drop there kids off and expect the birthday parents to deal with it on their own. I have seen it happen at birthday parties my son has been invited to. Though I avoid it by hand writing that one parent should make arrangements to stay with their child during the party. The main reason is the child is not yours so if a problem of any sort arises then that parent can correct it.

Also even if a teacher is aware of a problem between students doesnt mean it will help in fixing it. I have run into this with my older son many times. We even have it arranged that one student cant be in the same class as my son because the problem couldnt be controlled. It was tried repeatedly to fix it but nothing seemed to work so we put a note in folder in the school office to have him and this child is seperate classes.

As children get older they arent going to be friends with everyone in class and that could cause problems if she is forced to invite people she doesnt want there. As they get older kids learn the power that bullying can bring. By being invited it could give them a reason to bully and scare the girl on her home turf. Home turf doesnt always mean one has an advantage. Home is one of the safest places for a child and inviting children she doesnt want there could tarnish that.
I still say let your daughter decide so that she can comfortable and happy at her party. Why take the gamble that those girls wont show up and risk your child not having fun because she is worried how those two may treat her at her party?
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Old 03-01-2004, 10:49 AM   #10
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

We also have the all or none policy for invitations at our school. It pertains to handing out invitations in class. If you are going to hand them out in class, you have to give everyone one. If you mail them or something different, you can invite anyone you want.
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Old 03-03-2004, 10:13 PM   #11
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Re: 2nd grade party - invite all the girls?

Thanks everyone. We decided to invite everyone. The girls are still young and it would be good for the 'snobby one' of the class to see everyone having a great time and getting along. Naturally, I'll seat her away from my daughter and she won't be getting the attention that she gets at school. There might be ways to give some of the shy or less-popular girls a lift. My daughter will be able to have one special friend stay later for an extended playdate.

 
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