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Old 03-16-2004, 06:05 AM   #1
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Question touchy subject---spanking

i was just wondering if any of you mothers (or fathers) were spanked as a child and if so do you wish you had not been?
how did being spanked (or not being spanked) effect you as an adult today?
do you plan to or do spank your children?
why is this good/bad....

i was spanked as a child
i guess i am okay with the fact that i was.
i dont know if i plan on using this sort of punishment with my daughter, hopefully this thread will enlighten me.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 01:07 PM   #2
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I was spanked as a child and I don't think it hurt me one bit... it definitely made me think twice before doing it again... LOL I've got three dd's... and when they misbehaved they were #1 told NO... do it again and you're going to be spanked. IF they chose to do it again... I did what I told them I'd do and they got a good one on the butt. Now... I can count on one hand how many times my children were spanked. I guess it being done the first time made a big enough impact where they decided it wasn't worth it and... like me, they thought twice before doing whatever it was they were going to do. Dd #1 only ever had two spankings... Dd #2 only ever had 1 and Dd #3 only ever had 2. Their good kids and never ever held any resentment for being spanked... and neither do I for being spanked as a child.

This is a very touchy subject and I know that there will be other's here blasting me for saying yes to spanking, but the few times I needed to worked for me. It might not work for YOUR kids... your's might do well with a talking to, a time out or... whatever other way you can get them to listen/behave, but it's what I did and I'm not one bit sorry that I did.

Diane...

Last edited by dianep.; 03-16-2004 at 01:07 PM.

 
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Old 03-16-2004, 04:55 PM   #3
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

Boy was I spanked...I got the Back Hand too by a very mean & nasty mother.
Many times for no reason...Did I resent it and her...You bet I did. It tooked me a long time to get over it... At least it taught me what I wouldn't do to my own child.

I have since resolved my issues with her but even at 42...the child in me can't forget those spankings or beatings if you want...But those were the days that child welfare did not get involved either...

As for my own son...who is an awesome 15 1/2 yr old who I'm so proud to have and is everything I could have asked for...

I spanked him on the hand maybe three times when he was younger..You would have thought I cut his hand off..when he cried...IT was a tap on the hand telling him NO when he didn't listen...I did more time outs and also explained alot to him why I didn't want him getting in to things. I got lucky because he did listen to me...But there are some spoiled kids who could really use a "good spanking" or a time-out and parents turn the other way..

 
Old 03-16-2004, 05:15 PM   #4
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

Spanking:
I think that it is a matter of personal choice and what works for your child. I was spanked and swore that I would not spank my children. I did. I tried time out, grounding, taking things away, stern voice, etc.

Each child reacted to different punishments.

I did say to myself though, that if it is a situation where there is harm involved, say running out into the street, I spanked. I wanted to attach fear and pain to the experience.

My children swear to this day that I beat them. I used a ping pong paddle. Just remember that whatever you do, it will come back to haunt you. Looking back I wish that I had spent more time explaining things to them when they were punished. My grandchildren get a lot of long explanations. I have only had to spank one of them once.

When I see kids in grocery stores, laying on the floors, throwing a fit and the parent seems compelled to spank them, I go over and offer emotional help as [removed]. I tell them that no one is keeping score and they can just let the child throw a fit. Stick to your guns. Whatever you tell them that you are going to do, do it. BE CONSISTANT is my best opinion.
Kids are looking for boundaries. You are their safe place. If they can't trust you to follow through, who can they trust?

Do what ever you think in your heart is good for the child and don't worry about what others think about how you choose to raise your child.

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 03-19-2004 at 06:51 AM. Reason: Do not identify yourself as a professional. This is a PEER Support Board only.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 05:19 PM   #5
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I was spanked as a child and I am no worse for it. I only REALLY remember one spanking and that was because I REALLY DIDN'T DO IT...and I got spanked for it anyway. That is the only one I remember, but I know I was spanked when I did something wrong! I spanked my kids when they were younger, no beatings, no hitting, but one good swat on the behind. It got their attention. Now they are 7, 11, and 14 and they are all AWESOME kids. We don't have too many problems, just the usual typical teen and preteen things. If anyone has answers on THE TEEN years, I lost my manual and could use some sanity! hehehehehhehehe
Lindy

 
Old 03-16-2004, 05:30 PM   #6
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

Quote:
Originally Posted by momof3mjt
I was spanked as a child and I am no worse for it. I only REALLY remember one spanking and that was because I REALLY DIDN'T DO IT...and I got spanked for it anyway. That is the only one I remember, but I know I was spanked when I did something wrong! I spanked my kids when they were younger, no beatings, no hitting, but one good swat on the behind. It got their attention. Now they are 7, 11, and 14 and they are all AWESOME kids. We don't have too many problems, just the usual typical teen and preteen things. If anyone has answers on THE TEEN years, I lost my manual and could use some sanity! hehehehehhehehe
Lindy

Oh My God! THANK YOU...regarding the teenage years...I was thinking of starting a post on TEENAGERS...Did you come home one day and find a new person/child in your house? My or My...THIS IS WHEN Spanking is soooo needed..not the toddler years...I have no manual...I was just told "wait" till the teenage years with a big laugh...I was warned but NObody can imagine the teenage years till it happens to you...BUT,,,,two years of fighting, fighing, crying alone in my bedroom because I didn't know who this new child was in my home...Same name, same features, different body, different voice, and different attitude...I stucked to my guns - HARD LOVE..and it's paying off beautifully...Yep....15 1/2 I guess he will live to see 18! LOL

 
Old 03-16-2004, 06:24 PM   #7
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I was spanked rarely as a child and once with the belt. The one swat on the bottom didn't seem to leave any lasting impressions on me except humiliation that was well-deserved. The one time my Dad used the belt left me with an odd feeling that he was not respectable, kind of like he "lost it" rather than remaining calm. My sister received a belting several times until they figured out that she had mental health issues. Thankfully, they stopped the physical punishment. I think hearing the belt or hand smack and my father's yelling was very traumatic for me. I knew he was trying to get her to cry or say sorry but she never would.

I would never use belts or sticks because it is repulsive to me, inhumane. I don't spank my 2 kids for fear that I will be modeling it. I have a daughter with mild ADHD and along with that comes some impulsiveness so I'm glad that I never modeled hitting to her. She's a nice girl that might impulsively hug another child but not hit. We also don't use profanity in our house for the same reason. I can't recall exactly where I read about the modeling issue but it's a real common idea that you read in Parenting Magazines or Parenting books (but be a little skeptical about what you read also, check many sources.) I remember hitting other kids on the bottom when I was a child and I think that I learned it from my mother who was my idol. I don't think that I ever hurt anyone but it is disrespectful in the least and in this day and age a child shouldn't be touching other children's bottoms.

I realized that there was something "wrong" with my daughter when I started yelling a lot to keep her on task to get out the door or go to bed. Because I was resorting to yelling I figured there must be something wrong. Just the sadness in my daughter's face made me realize that she did not want to misbehavior so badly. I stopped yelling immediately and after learning about ADHD, I used some tools to help her stay on task. I'm glad that I don't have to feel guilty about spanking a child that couldn't stay on task because of a neurological glitch that needed attention. I feel that a parent should get professional advice from a child psychologist if you feel the need to spank.

Time-outs, stern conversations, natural consequences and positive reward are all that we need at this time and my ADHD daughter is not on meds. We also don't watch TV because of the bad role-models except for PBS rarely and Videos/DVD's. Oh, any by the way only give one warning at most for misbehavior. If the child knows better then just dole out the consequence without a warning. Kids get to know how many warnings you will put out before they have to stop. Just forget about 3 strikes and you are out. Be a predictable, firm parent. Set definite limits.

I hope that I haven't offended anyone. This is just my opinion and not an attack on anyone else's methods of parenting. I won't respond if this somehow stimulates a food fight like the last time!

Be well and hug those children!
Terry

 
Old 03-18-2004, 03:02 PM   #8
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

i was spanked with a belt a few times, a switch a few times, a board most of the time...i dont feel i was abused i was never hit hard enough to leave anything more than a red place that went away quicky...mostly the humiliation hurt more than the spanking. my fiance said that when he was spanked it hurt him to know that his parents were that angry with him more than the actuall spanking.

 
Old 03-19-2004, 05:06 AM   #9
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I was spanked as a child. I only remember one spanking though. I did deserve the spanking. I was giving many chances and just wouldn't stop jumping on the bed. Anyways I believe that a child should be spanked if nothing else is working. My children are hardly ever spanked. I just don't seem to have the heart. If they push to far then yes they will get a couple of swatts on the butt. I try other things first though. I think the problem is that parents are afraid to spank their children because of so many kids being taken away. When I was growing up you could spank you child and it was okay. Now it's not. I believe there is a difference in spanking and beating and sometimes they just need a good old fashioned spanking.

 
Old 03-19-2004, 05:46 AM   #10
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I was spanked. I'm not screwed up by it. No doubt I deserved every one of them for being too mouthy.

My kids get spanked. They are normal kids. It's the kids who are beaten or ignored who have problems.

 
Old 03-20-2004, 07:47 PM   #11
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I was spanked as a child and I feel no ill towards my parents because the few I got I deserved. But there is a huge difference in spankings and beatings. I have a 3 step program with my daughter. 1st I tell her to stop. 2nd I tell her she must have a time out. And 3rd if she still doesn't listen she gets a spanking on the bottom. She usually only gets in trouble for doing things she could get hurt doing. Like jumping on the bed . I'd rather spank her than her fall off and break something or worse. So far it works and she usually listens to me after she has a time out. She doesn't like #3..lol.

Heather
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Old 03-22-2004, 11:50 PM   #12
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I was spanked as a child and grateful. I was probably spanked maybe less than a dozen times. Majority in my younger years (3,4,5,6,7) and that was all it took. I don't remember any of them vividly - it was just the reminder that kept me in line. Taught me discipline, and most importantly : listen to the parents, because they WILL do what they say they will do.
After the few spankings i got, it was simply a warning was all it took (none of this counting to 3,5,10, etc crap).
I think it was a good idea, and I'll swat my kids like my parents did me - and they'll be all the better for it.
(Just a one or two swats with the hand, was all i ever got all I ever needed.) once I got old enogh that that didnt' hurt enough as a punishment - i was old enough to understand grounding, etc.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 12:22 PM   #13
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I managed to raise two daughters who have completely different personalities without spanking either of them even once. Not even a tap on the hand. They are now 28 and 22. No problems, even during the teen years. (of course one of them now has a loser boyfriend, but that's a whole different issue :-)

It was a matter of perfecting "the look". The older one now says that they never knew what would come after "the look" and they were afraid to find out.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 01:41 PM   #14
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

The only look I can perfect is the "Do it again and you know what comes next" look I am working on trying to be creative with discipline. It would make life easier if they weren't so creative with disobeying!!LOL
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Old 03-29-2004, 04:36 PM   #15
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Re: touchy subject---spanking

I got spanked when I did something wroong and that was the only time I think I deserved the spankings my mom would say oh u r in trouble wait for ur dad to get home and then we got spanked if we were bad so we stayed in line I was never angry with them about it I did deserve it and yes I spank my kids if they have been bad doing something they KNEW was wrong and if I put them in time out a few tiems for doing it the next they get a spanking but I don't spank hard infact my eldest she is 6 and she laughs at me she says it tickles oh well but my kids r good kids they hardly need to be put in time out so they only get spankings once every blue moon

 
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