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Old 03-18-2004, 03:56 PM   #1
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my parenting skills questioned!

as some of you may remember my 5 month old has very small weight gain (and for the last month she gained nothing ) she is as I said 5 mo. and weighs 12lbs 2 oz she weighed 6 lbs at birth and we have struggled since she was 2 weeks old (when I stopped breast feeding her) with formulas.....first we tried soy based, she got constipation that in return caused vomiting (its gotta come out somewhere I guess)
well then the doc put her on alimentum...to no avail, she spit up even more and again it was due to constipation.
well I finally found a formula that worked for her enfamil lipil low iron
the low iron got rid of the constipation which got rid vomiting....so after 2 days of testing it out I went to ask her ped if she could use it, and the ped said she was EXTREMELY worried about her lack of weight gain (and so was I) so she ordered an upper gi...and there was nothing not even reflux! then the doc admitted her to the hospital and did blood work, urine tests....and again all negative...but they wouldn’t let us leave the hospital even then....so then they started asking questions...how old are you, what are your living conditions like, do you have help in your home with the baby, how old is the father, how much does she eat a day.... I know what they were implying....I was furious then all these sick kids were bing put on the floor...most were in oxygen tents...here I was with a baby with absolutely nothing wrong with her but being held in that germ paradise for her to end up with something 4 x worse than what she was there for which by the way was called "failure to thrive."
the doc came in and said she wanted us there 3 more days to monitor what I fed the baby! the hospital stay switched from being about my baby to being about me!
my mother threw a fit! she called the doc and asked why I couldn’t take the baby home to be in a clean environment and have me come into the clinic as often as needed to be weighted, yet that was not good enough....my mom then told her I was to be released today or the baby was to be transferred to a better hospital and the doc told her " well I don’t really have grounds to transfer her" and my mom said to me later...if she don’t have grounds to transfer then she does not have grounds to hold us there.
well we were released today after staying 2 nights 3 days.
oh but not without a hell of a fight and mess...they had a social worker in my room who I couldn’t even talk to because I was an emotional wreak.
they are making me have my baby weighted weekly, and they are sending a woman from a program that comes to my home weekly to "give parenting advice and support." YEAH RIGHT more like to watch you and make you feel like you cant even raise your own child. but luckily I know the lady coming...she was my high school cheerleading advisor...LOL what a small world...she is a great person and she will never believe this craziness!
I am taking her to have her weighed where I went for my prenatal clinics, the nurses there love me and know I am not what the doctor thinks I am.
when I told them she called the hospital and told them that they had it all wrong! then she had me refereed to a much better hospital in a bigger city with a specialist there who hopefully can help me and my baby girl.
I do have to follow up this Monday with the "other" doctor but then I can be done with that crazy bit.....well I will hold my tongue since I did get good news when I got home...

in the hospital I was a mess crying and I told my fiancé that it was no wonder parents lose all faith in God when they have to go through the hell of childhood illness and chronic health problems. but when I got home I was in my daughter’s room and the phone had been ringing and when I answered it they asked if I was who they were trying to call and when she said my name I said yes that was me and she said that I had won a
4 DAY 3 NIGHT CRUISE TO THE BAHAMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
turns out I had filled out for the drawing in my fav Chinese restuant and I won! I had only filled out one slip and those boxes were in a lot of restaurant but I won!!!
so my fiancé and I decided the night before we took the trip to (finally, LOL) get married and make that our honeymoon! we are doing this in September!
the lady on the phone said that she had been calling all month and that they only try 5 times before moving on and that this was the fifth call! I almost missed it!
God sure has a funny way of keeping my faith, this won me over for life! LOL
whoever's signature says "if god will bring you too it he will bring you through it" was absolutely right and boy he brought me through this and had a big fat surprize on the other end! thank you God
and thank all you or letting me vent, and celebrate too

Last edited by ~Winnie~; 03-18-2004 at 04:06 PM.

 
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Old 03-19-2004, 03:10 AM   #2
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

The sad thing is your probably going to just have to put up with it. My motto is if you've got nothing to hide than you hide nothing. I've been through a situation like that before...not exactly the same, my finiance's ex gf's friend lives close to us and filed false allegations with childrens aid, it took forever to get things cleared up, because our kids weren't underfed, underclothed, negleclected or abused than we weren't a priority so they got around to our case whenever they had some free time, which wasn't often.
It's a pain in the ***, and i know how it feels when someone tries to imply that your not doing what is best for your daughter. But you just have to prove them wrong. I knew a woman once who had a daughter who was very tiny, her daughters school called social services on her and she had to go through a ton of tests at the hospital to prove that she wasn't underfeeding her daughter. Unfortinitly your daughters doctors have decided since there is no obvious reason for her problems than the problem must be you. What i would suggest is doing a lot of research and try to find some answers for yourself, switch doctors if possible...there are disorders where the baby has trouble digesting and absorbing nutrients you should research those...either way if your feeding your baby as much as she'll take than i would just put up with it, unfortunitly if you make a fuss than they will assume your hiding something. cooperating is the quickest way to get people to go away. But like i said, it sounds like lazy doctors to me....find another and do some research on your own, don't be afraid to go to your doctor and say this is what i found and it sounds like what she has, and ask for tests etc...

 
Old 03-19-2004, 03:52 AM   #3
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

What a freaking nightmare and I think it really is appalling.

I had one child, born at 26 weeks who was classed underweight for a long time. Then I had another child born two weeks late at 10.8lb who they kept classing as overweight.

Today I have a 15 year old boy, 11 year old girl who are both average weight and height for their age.

I hate the fact that people 'chart' children. How can this be right? I always used to get into arguments with health visitors, because I refused to let them use my child as part of their 'statistics'.

I'm horrified sorry. I really am. It's sometimes a crazy world we live in.

 
Old 03-19-2004, 06:36 AM   #4
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

congrats on the new baby, the marriage and the trip! Now, to address the poor weight gain... I have a child, now 7 who is handicapped, and has always had trouble with feeding and weight gain. So, maybe I can help out a bit. You said that they did an upper GI and all was normal. What about a Gastric Emptying Study? Has that been done? The GES can help to see how long it takes for the child to digest the food, and if its being digested normally. It could be that its not actually a feeding problem, but a digestion problem. If your child is not digesting properly, then the calories and vitamins and all that good stuff may not be being absorbed correctly, thus causing poor weight gain. If the GES has not been done, I would highly reccomend mentioning it to the doc. and asking it to be performed. Please keep us informed on how things are going! Good luck to you and your family! have a great Honeymoon!!!

 
Old 03-19-2004, 08:11 AM   #5
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

Winnie I feel for you I really do I went through this whole 3 ring circus act with my first child and at times I still have to. When my daughter was born I was 17 years old she came about a month and a half early and weighed 5lbs 3ozand was 18 inches long from the time she was born I had lots a problems with her. Her first apgar was a 5 and her second one was a 9 so they said she was ok to go home with me. So after giving birth I left the hospital less than 24 hours later.We then returned 2 days later because she was jaundice. She recieved a billi blanket and home we went again.She was on that for 7 days having to return daily for bloodwork. When she was about 6 months old she only weighed about 14 lbs all the drs said that was too small so they ordered all sorts a tests and drs visits and all sorts of stuff and now she is 5 years old and weighs 31 lbs and is 3ft3in tall. She is still in 3T shirts and for pants I have to get the slims or I have to do alot of sewing to make them fit right. She just started preschool not to long ago (she missed the cut off for kindergarten) and when she started the I had phone calls and all sorts of stuff from DHS and everyone else wanting to know why she was so small I still play their games some children are just small and thats that. I have 2 other children a boy that will be 4 on may and he is almost 35 lbs and a girl who will be 2 in june and she is 27 lbs. they all eat the same things my oldest just doesnt gain very much weight there is nothing wrong with her she is perfectly healthy and very smart. So I wouldnt worry to much about it. Oh yeah one more thing when my oldest was younger before she was a year old I switched her formula to Carnation good start after trying everything else,and she really seemed to like it and she started gaining weight too also I started giving her rice cereal at a young age and they seemed to help too It might be worth a shot if you havent tried it already. Just have faith that everything will work out ok thats about all you can do
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Old 03-19-2004, 08:54 AM   #6
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

Our ds was born with an bowel blockage and diagnosed with a genetic disease, which affects his ability to absorb nutrients. When we left the hospital after 6 weeks he weighed the same as when he was born -- 7 pounds 10 ounces. We were given a recipe from the dietary department on how to boost calories in the formula. Regular formula is 20 calories, by adding extra powder to the water, we were giving our child 24 calories/ounce to help him gain weight. Our child is 9.5 months old and it's always been a struggle to get him to drink much formula. One of his doctor's even suggested adding an ounce of cream to his bottle.

We've battled constipation, reflux, bottle strikes -- sometimes he just refuses to eat more than a couple ounces at a shot, but then he'll eat a bunch of yogurt, babyfood meat, mac & cheese. The doctors response has been "a child that age should be eating x number of ounces within 20 minutes -- as if we're stupid people who don't know what we're doing. So we do what we can -- feed him what he likes (meat & yogurt) and we've even gone so far at times to add nesquik and cream to a bottle once in awhile. Not advocating you do that. But you're the parent and you know what's best for your child and you're doing the best you can. One of our relatives is a medical malpractice attorney and constantly says "The doctors may have more education than the rest of us, but they're not always the "smartest" -- that's why it's called a "medical practice"

Hopefully you'll be referred to a GI specialist or someone who can figure out what is going on with your child. BTW, in my child's daycare there is a 5 month old who weighs ovre 25 pounds. The poor thing is HUGE. Apparently she's in foster care 'cuz her mother overfed her. Guess I'd like to know how she did it. Didn't think it was possible to overfeed a baby. Once they're done eating, they're done and let you know!

Last edited by Ratatosk; 03-19-2004 at 09:03 AM.

 
Old 03-19-2004, 02:31 PM   #7
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

thanks all...i am going to be transfered to a specialist, and i will ask about the test someone else suggested (thanks again )
i know my fiance and i shouldnt have gotton so bent out of shape in the hospital but we did....he told them he didnt think it was right that we must have people in our homes when we dont want them there especially since we were doing all we could already. and i was crying and they asked why and i said it was because they thought i was a bad mother, and she said that it was never said and that they just wanted to make sure "the baby had all the resources she needed" and a whole bunch of other "blah blah blah" so now we do look like we have something to hide but we really dont it just hit us so hard and we were already upset about our daughter, so we really made a big deal (i wish now we had not) but i am sure you can imagine the horror we felt when they said all this to us!
i sat and really thought about it all though, about all the advice i had gotten from the doctors and heres how it went
i took her to the doc with constipation at 2 months old, the ped said juice....give her juice. well that killed her appetite for her formula (so she lost weight) then the spit up came along and i went to get the formula switched and the new one (alimentum) didnt work well either. so then we went to a low iron formula...it worked but there is not enough iron in it they say for her age now.
so now i am trying good start it is my last hope i pray it works.
so three times a week i will either be at the clinic, having the program lady here or at another program getting her weighed....JEEZ!!!!
if i did have a job i would have to quit it just to make appointments!
mommajessabelle: i am in the same situation, i am only 18 and my fiance 19
but we are both wise beyond our years, we have a nicer home then most people we know, and he works really hard to provide what we need so i can be at home with my daughter, but i guess that does not matter....i guess your age now tells your life story...and since i am young i guess that makes me a bad mom, and i guess that means my fiance has a min wage job, and that our home is falling down into ruins....
none of that could be farther from the truth, i am starting to wonder if this ped even has children, and has any idea what she is putting my family through.
thanks for letting me vent...i hope this too will pass soon.

 
Old 03-20-2004, 04:33 AM   #8
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

Oh Winnie! I know how you feel. My 5 year olds daughter's Rheumatoid Arthritis hasn't been well-controlled this year and some deformity has occured. I've been advocating so hard for my daughter and now the Rheumatologist has written letters to our Pediatrician suggesting that I am over-stating how bad off my daughter is. Because she can't figure out a difficult case doesn't make me a lunatic. I've just switched Rheumies but, wouldn't you know, she also "tipped" off the new Rheumatologist about me without signed consent. It has dawned on me that she is making me look like one of those parents with Maunchausen's by Proxy. You know where they fake illnesses in their child and put the child through all sorts of medical testing. I'm not sure if she is afraid of litigation from me so she's setting me up or if she has a huge ego that she is trying to protect. It has occurred to me that she could make one call to CPS and they'd be hear in a second. Kids have been removed from their parents fairly easily with these accusations.

I hope you find someone knowledgeable to help you with your daughter. She should have been referred to a Pediatric Gastro a long time ago. Certainly that should have been done before assuming that you were the problem. I hope my new Rheumy gives us the benefit of doubt. When I saw her yesterday, I didn't know that she had information from the previous Rheumy and I was real polite trying not to trash the Old Rheumy. I did notice that the new Rheumy was a little "cool" toward me but polite. She has a much better treatment plan in my mind but we'll see how things go. When I got home from the new Rheumy I found the records that I requested in the mail and I read the letters that she had sent to my pediatrician. I didn't sleep at all last night for fear that my daughter would be deprived of proper medical care because my reporting is suspect. My husband knows our Pediatrician from grade-school so he is going to give her a call on Monday. He's going to lay it on the line that the doctor obviously missed something and is covering up her errors by discrediting me. Oh this really stinks!!! Never will I give a doctor so much time to figure out my kids' problems. If it seems like they are running out of ideas then move on before they destroy you.

 
Old 03-20-2004, 12:29 PM   #9
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

well the good start isnt working either now!!!! more spit up...i wish they would stop worring about whats going in and start paying attention to what is coming back out!

terryb---i am sad to hear you are going through something similar

Last edited by ~Winnie~; 03-20-2004 at 12:41 PM.

 
Old 03-20-2004, 04:53 PM   #10
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Winnie~
well the good start isnt working either now!!!! more spit up...i wish they would stop worring about whats going in and start paying attention to what is coming back out!

terryb---i am sad to hear you are going through something similar


Winnie have you tried putting some rice cereal in her formula to make it thicker? If she does have the reflux that will cause all the spitting up the thicker formula could help Im not sure if you have tried it or not but thats what I had to do with all 3 of my kids with my first baby I started feeding her baby food at a fairly young age,3 months. It seemed to work miracles with her I told you the wrong thing before about the carnation formula I used the follow up she couldnt tolerate the good start. you might want to give it a try with my first daughter I think i tried every formula on the market from 5 dollars a can to 27 dollars a can and finally the carnation follow up worked I hope you can get something figured out soon. Good luck And dont forget throughout all of this you have to remember to take of yourself
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Old 03-20-2004, 06:07 PM   #11
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

well i tried the rice but that just made the constipation worse, i swear i am at my wits end! she has an appt. on monday at 3pm and i will tell you all what happenes, hopfully she has gained weight (i know she has she is getting hard to pick up lol) i am feeding her 50 or more oz of formula or baby food every day now.....! what should a normal 5 mo old eat in a day...and more importantly how much should one weigh?

 
Old 03-21-2004, 03:34 PM   #12
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

Hi Winnie,

I hope that your appointment will go well tomorrow and that your little one will have gained some weight.

When you say that she gets constipated, I wonder how constipated she gets? I didn't realize until my ped told me that it's normal for bottle-fed babies to have hard stools that they have to strain to pass. This seemed like constipation to me, but my ped said that it wasn't.

Have you tried feeding her smaller amounts but more often so that she doesn't spit up so much? Another tip I learned was that alot of babies need to be held fairly upright while they are drinking their bottles and then pretty much straight-up (like on your shoulder) for a good long while after eating to cut down on the spitting-up.

You've probably tried these already, but thought I'd mention them just in case. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time...

 
Old 03-21-2004, 07:53 PM   #13
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

Good luck Winnie!

 
Old 03-21-2004, 09:12 PM   #14
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

thanks again everyone..i have tried most of those things but i will try again, i will try anything at this point!

and with the constipation, she wouldnt go for days and days...and i had to stimulate that area to even get out the few hard little balls..it was quite bad.

 
Old 03-22-2004, 07:04 AM   #15
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Re: my parenting skills questioned!

It sounds like she's getting enough to eat -- 50 ounces. Our dietician told us once that our child should be drinking 120 cc (4 ounces) of formula per kilo (2.2 pounds). So a 17 pound child should be drinking about a quart of formula (32 oz). One of my husband's cousins has a child with silent reflux --- doesn't spit. But has horrible horrible pain after he eats. He's 6 months old and every time the decrease the zantac (acid reducer) it happens again.

On a side note, I had to pick my 9.5 month old up at school 'cuz he was sooo stopped up. Poor little guy. Ended up feeding him prunes, pears, and Milk of Mag. That was friday and he pooped a little bit -- FINALLY at 3 in the morning on Sunday he let loose. It's always something. Don't know if it's the enzymes he takes to digest his food, zantac or a stomach bug that caused his stomach upset. Something I'll have to ask the doctor's about at his next appointment.

 
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