I am new to this board and I am seeking some serious advice. Let me start by giving a little history. I have been with the same guy for 13 years and married almost 8. We have two wonderful children. A daughter who is 7 and a son who is 5. My husband is in the military and I got to school. The problem that we are facing right now is that my 7 year old daughter seems to be very angry. We can't figure out what is going on. She is in 1st graade and she is very mean to her younger brother. She has recently started getting bad grades on work at school. She went from getting all a's and b's to getting some f's on some of her math papers. Anyways she brought home 3 math papers yesterday and they were all f's. I was furious. So she got yelled at and had to do the papers over. After the papers were done she went into her bedroom and I over heard her say to herself that she wanted to kill herself. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that a 7 year old would even know how to think about something like that. I didn't know what to do. So I sat her down and we had a long mothter daughter talk. I told her that if there was something bothering her that she could tell me anything. That she wouldn't get in trouble. I told her that we could have friends talk instead of mother daughter talk. I also told her that if hurts me deeply to hear her say that she wants to kill herself. That she is wonderful person and that God is not ready to have her join him yet. I really don't know what to do. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.
If it was my daughter and she was only 7, I'd forget the mother daughter talks. She's too young to appreciate that. So I'd take a more gentle approach. Take her out for what I tell my daughter are 'girlie day's. Take her for some cheap shopping, hot chocolate, burger, donuts etc and get her in a good mood. Then sit down and gently question her.
I agree it sounds like something is up with her. But it doesn't necessarily mean there is, she could be just acting a little brat like most kids do when they start to come out of the baby stage. But I'd have to satisfy myself there was really nothing wrong first of all.
One would be surprised but studies are showing that children with depression as getting younger and younger. I know this will sound strange but have her see her PCM and then discuss with him/her what has been going on with her grades and her behavior. Chances are her dr will suggest she start seeing a counselor. I know it sounds strange but you would be surprised. One of my oldest son's friends use to see a counselor when she was 7. She was having problems dealing with some issues and her regular dr suggested it. Her mother was shocked at first but went with it and things couldnt be better now.
So that is something might want to consider.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Thank you for your suggestions. We do the girly days. We go once every two weeks just the two of us. We go to lunch and we go shopping and we just talk about anything. Also I have considered going to a counselor. I think that some of the problem is that we are military and we move quite often. My husband was deployed to Iraq and got home at Christmas. While he was gone we stayed with my parents. Which caused an extra move. (we won't be doing that again) Where we live now she has no friends. There are no girls around. He brother has the neighbor who he plays with all of the time and she has nobody to play with. Our lease is up in July and we will be moving to a house on base. I think a lot of it is that she feels abandoned from her dad being gone to having no friends all of a sudden. I have a conference with her teacher on Wednesday and I plan to find out what is going on at school. I am going to ask her if she suggests anything. Maybe the school has a counselor that she can see. I don't know what else to do. Her dad took her out to dinner alone last night. He thought that they need daddy daughter time. Anyways this is making me very upset and I just wish I could see in her head what is going on.
I noticed that you are a proud air force wife. I to am a proud army wife. I was just wondering if moving around has caused your children to become depressed. My daughter never said much about it until now. She says that she wants her daddy to get out of the Army so we don't have to move. This is my husbands job though. He is going to retire military. Any thoughts?
So far we have been lucky and have only made one major move from a base in Arkansas to a base in Utah. Of course we had little moves from an off base apartment to base housing but that wasnt a big deal for our son. We only had one son at that time and he was three when we made that big move. He did act out alot for about 6 months afterward but we figured it was due to the stress of moving. Though with the base we are at now Dh is gone alot thanks to tdys and our youngest son is effected alot by that. He is three and dh has missed two b-days and alot of time in general with him. It is strange to see a three yr old get depressed but it has happened and it will happen again since Dh is leaving this next week for four weeks. My older son does fine when he father leaves. He does miss him but it doesnt seem to effect himt he way it does his little brother.
I have made sure that both boys have at least one friend nearby that they can play with and that seems to help. One way I did that was when we first got here I had dh ask if any of the guys in his shop had kids near our son's age and I would get together with the wives and let the kids play together. It works out great because then I get to know more people in our area and my kids get some friends.
You can also look into seeing if there are any girl scout troops in your area that way she can join and make some friends that way. Or other such things she might be interested in. If your base has a youth center you can get a listing of the events they do there and see if she is interested in joining any of those. I know the one here has all kinds of things like cooking classes for set age groups,skating parties,bingo nights,preteen dances and so on.
With my oldest son I have him on two after school clubs and my youngest I am going to start going bowling with him once a week on base while his dad is gone to see if that helps in taking the edge off of missing his dad.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
I would consider talking to the school psychologist. She might be able to observe some of what goes on. Little girl's feeling can really get hurt at school. My second-grader recently found out how your best friend can suddenly turn into your worst enemy. Her heart was broken. Luckily she spilled all the beans to me as it was going on and we learned some anti-bullying techniques. I bet the teacher will have some insight as well. I suppose that the teacher could be the problem so it would be good to listen carefully to what she says and trust your mother's instincts if you think that she is misjudging your daughter in some way and making life tough for her.