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Old 03-20-2004, 09:25 PM   #1
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Heather1977 HB User
Question Should I?

I am 26 happily married and have a 4 year old daughter. I had a tough pregnancy and was on bed rest last 2 months of it. After I had my baby I got very ill. Lost alot of weight and just could not eat. I was later diagnosed with Crohns Disease. I still felt tired and had no energy for a very long time. I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer early in 2003. I have had my Thyroid removed and have taken treatments to get rid of the cancer. The cancer is finally gone (Thank you Jesus). I feel better than I can ever remember feeling. The thing is my husband wants us to try to have another baby. I do too but I always imagined if we had another our children would be close in age. My daughter will be 5 in July. Am I just being silly? I feel the age difference will make them not as close. And is it fair to my daughter that has been an only child for this long? I'm just so confused. Any advise would be appreciated. Thank you!
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Old 03-21-2004, 07:51 AM   #2
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Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: Should I?

A good way to look at this is look at couples who have children who have large age gaps between children. My sons are four and half years apart and it wasnt by choice. I wanted my kids to be about two year apart but infertility took over and well I didnt have much say. My older son has done wonderfully with his little brother though there is still some sibling problems but over all he is a wonderful big brother.
I have a friend who after her first daughter was born she was told she would never have another child. Well 8 years have passed since then and she just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl barely two weeks agao. Her older daughter is on cloud nine. She has wanted a sibling since she was about 3 and now she has one. So far things are going good in that she has been real helpful with the new baby.
I have known other couples in which many years have passed between children and so far none of them have had any major problems between the use to be only child adjusting to having siblings.
A good thing to do is sit down with your daughter and talk to her and see how she would feel about a sibling. You might be surprised because kids are alot smarter at times than people give them credit for. Both my boys have been bugging my Dh and I for a sister since the youngest was a little over 2. Of course my oldest has wanted a sister since he was about 2. It has been interesting because I have had to explain that we have been trying but things dont always work the way we want.
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Old 03-21-2004, 09:47 AM   #3
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Heather1977 HB User
Re: Should I?

Blastoff9600...Thank you so much for your insight. I am praying that you are blessed with a little girl soon . I will get my husband to sit down with me and talk to my daughter about it.

Heather
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Old 03-22-2004, 11:14 AM   #4
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kfs333 HB User
Re: Should I?

There is a 9 1/2 year difference between my 2 girls. There is very little fighting. I do want another, but I won't wait another 9 years before having the 3rd.

 
Old 03-22-2004, 12:23 PM   #5
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Re: Should I?

I'm from a family of four kids. My oldest sister is 15 years older than me, my brother is 12 years older than me and my closest sister is 8 years older than me.
It hasn't been bad. My closest sister and my brother are closer to me than my oldest sister is. But that could be because she started having a family of her own when I was 3 (so I have a neice who is almost the same age as me...). But we all get along and I can't rememebr any real sibling rivalries while we were growing up. Although, they would all say that I was very spoiled... But what can you do when you're the baby of the family?
As adults we all get along great...
My children will have over three years between the two of them, and I think that'll be fine.
I would say as long as you are ready to have another child, then it should be fine! Go start trying!
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Old 03-22-2004, 01:15 PM   #6
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Mommyof4 HB User
Re: Should I?

My oldest is 12. The next one's fall in line at 4 years old, 3 years old, and 20 months old. I am not going to lie and say it is easy. The oldest was so used to having the house and us all to herself. We have had times where she has acted out and been really jealous.

As everyone gets older, things are calming down. My 4 year old is old enough to play with her and to know to stay out of her things. They don't have the same relationship that close siblings do. I was 10 months older than my sister. So it isnt the same but it is good none the less. My oldest is the best teacher for the little one's and gets right in there to show them how to do something. They really look up to her and she enjoys that attention. She has benefits of getting to do things that they dont. In truth, I love that old saying that it all comes out in the wash because it really does

Everyone has to do what works for their family. I would not choose for my kids to be 7 1/2 years apart and I wouldnt choose for them to be a year and 9 days like my 4 and 3 year old. But I love my family and am happy just the way it is
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Old 03-26-2004, 07:02 AM   #7
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Re: Should I?

Talk with your endo, I also had thyroid cancer and have been cancer free, but my endo asked if we were going to have more kids. We think we're done with 2, my endo said it would be harder to get PG, and to carry a PG. I think that your meds have to be adjuusted a lot, and you may run the risk of thyroid tissue reoccuring. If you really want another baby talk with your endo first, and he/she will give you the info you need to make a healthy choice. I know my TSH has to be under 1 which can make TTC difficult. You will probably need a dose adjustment to even get PG. Oh BTW I have sister who are 8 and 11 years younger my parents had problems TTC after me. I resented being the built in babysitter, but now have a great relationship with them. My mom said itwas hard doing the high school thing while having kids in preschool, but she managed very well I think. Good luck to you!!! Aimee

 
Old 03-26-2004, 11:49 PM   #8
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Heather1977 HB User
Re: Should I?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimee8396
Talk with your endo, I also had thyroid cancer and have been cancer free, but my endo asked if we were going to have more kids. We think we're done with 2, my endo said it would be harder to get PG, and to carry a PG. I think that your meds have to be adjuusted a lot, and you may run the risk of thyroid tissue reoccuring. If you really want another baby talk with your endo first, and he/she will give you the info you need to make a healthy choice. I know my TSH has to be under 1 which can make TTC difficult. You will probably need a dose adjustment to even get PG. Oh BTW I have sister who are 8 and 11 years younger my parents had problems TTC after me. I resented being the built in babysitter, but now have a great relationship with them. My mom said itwas hard doing the high school thing while having kids in preschool, but she managed very well I think. Good luck to you!!! Aimee
You are right, I do need to talk to my endo. So far I have only talked to my oncologist. She seems to think it would be fine for me to have another baby. Thank you so much for the suggestion.
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