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Old 03-22-2004, 09:28 AM   #1
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Hygiene at 12 years old

I am beyond frustrated with my oldest right now. She is unwilling to do anything about her hygiene unless I remind her on a constant basis. Then she only wants to give it a useless effort! She doesn't want to wear deoderant, doesnt want to brush her hair, doesnt want to brush her teeth, etc.

I have 3 little one's so I don't keep up with her habits like I should. I will tell her that she needs to get in the bathtub and ask her how long it has been since she took a bath, she tells me that she can't remember. This tells me that she is bathing once or twice a week MAX.

I dont want to treat her like a little kid but isnt 12 old enough to take care of this on her own anyway?? How do you teach them to WANT to take care of themselves? I see some girls her age who are polished and stylish. My daughter will actually go to school looking like she has been run over

Any ideas??
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Old 03-22-2004, 09:47 AM   #2
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

this may seem a little personal but has she started her cycle?

My daughter was like that(lack of concern for hygenie) for a long time but several months before she started her cycle she started to get better about this. She is thirteen and she was probably right around twelve when I started to notice a difference in how she took care of herself but if your daughter is slower to mature it may be a little longer for her. I am sure it is just around the corner.

 
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Old 03-22-2004, 10:16 AM   #3
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

Dani, I think this is pretty normal for a 10-12 year old. My daughter was the same way, I just had to "plan" her hygiene for her at the beginning of the week. I'd sit with her looking over her schedule for the week and we'd plan the days that were good for a shower and shampoo (usually every other day, unless she had a sports activity and then add that day, too). Don't worry, this stage passes quickly, before you know it she'll be in the shower every day and shampooing twice a day, and blowing through about 10 towels every time.

 
Old 03-22-2004, 10:36 AM   #4
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

Hi Mommyof4,

I agree with the others that this is a phase that will pass.

My 13yo DS has just started taking an interest in his appearance, but it's still limited to school days. Switching him to showers in the morning before school seemed to help over baths at night.

When out of school for holidays, etc, I still have to force him to bathe. It's that or put up with the stink so I choose to continue to moniter his hygiene.

I don't think your daughter is all that unusual! I think that the Moms of the 12yo girls who are already primping probably have other aspects of their daughters' lives that they are worried about!

 
Old 03-22-2004, 11:31 AM   #5
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

Thanks to all of you. She hasn't started her cycle yet which was the main reason for my concern. I am worried that she won't take any better care of herself then. It is good to know that other kids are doing the same thing.
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Old 03-22-2004, 12:12 PM   #6
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

Have you talked to her yet about her cycle and the importance of good hygiene? I have a 13 year old daughter in that phase in which she doesn't want to shower and bathe or brush her teeth. It is a phase. You may have to monitor her hygiene until she stars to show interest in taking care of herself again.

 
Old 04-01-2004, 05:35 PM   #7
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

Yes, you should definitely talk to her about her cycle. My mom never told me when I got mine (when I was about 11), and when I woke up that morning and saw my underwear was saturated with blood, I cried for 2 hours, thinking I was dying. Then I buried my underwear in the bottom of the clothes hamper and put on 2 more pairs that morning before my mom found out. And then she didn't even show me what to do with a pad; I figured that out on my own.

But as for hygiene, I say let her go. When people avoid her because she smells or looks unpleasant, she may ask "Why don't people like me anymore" and you can maybe go from there. I say that kids should learn from their mistakes...if she wants to smell like a foot, then I say let her. I as like that too at her age...I never liked bathing, but my hair is so oily that if I don't wash it every day it looks like I bathed in Crisco oil. She'll realize this kind o stuff sooner or later.

Meanwhile, if she starts to stink up entire buildings upon entrance, it may be time to hogtie her and give her a first-class scrubdown. Good luck!


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Old 04-02-2004, 10:04 AM   #8
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

Thanks for all of the ideas you all have given me. We are starting to crack down on her and it seems like it is doing some good. The biggest lesson we are trying to teach is that you do what you HAVE to do, then you get to do what you WANT to do. It is a life principal that I really think we should be teaching her at this age.

Thanks again
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Old 04-05-2004, 07:24 AM   #9
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

If you don't mind me putting my 2 cents worth in....

Mommyof4 is your daughter and mine spending alot of time together? I have been going though the exact same thing.

Mine daughter also 12 going to be 13 the end of July. My daughter has been going in the bathroom and spends time in the shower. Then why in gods name does she still stink? Answer...She gets in the shower and plays in the water for a 1/2 hour to 45 min just about everyday, NOT using shampoo or soap, the shampoo she would pour a bit down the drain instead of washing her hair with it. That is what happened to me when I got down on her to shower. This is ridiculous, she smells so bad... My ex hubby and I told her that if she isn't old enough and responsible enough to bath herself then so be it, we will start washing her daily like a toddler, and we told her that we will tell all her friend and childs at school that we have to bath her because she can't do it herself. Opps...She didn't like that idea. So for the last 2 weeks since we had this decussion with her, she bathes daily and smells clean.

Saturday afternoon my daughter started chewing me out that she is all out of socks, I said "well you probably have them all at your dad's house" She insisted that was not true. I do the white (socks and underwear) once every 2 weeks, I made sure that everyone has more then enough whites to last them more then 2 weeks. Now we have been going round and round about changing her underwear and socks daily. I did laundry again on Friday night and Saturday. Saturday I did the whites a little while after she chewed me out about having none. She went to her dad's for the night, I finally get to folding the whites and low and hold she has 3 pair of socks and 2 pair of underwear that she has worn in the last week (she spent 1 week at her dad's). I told my ex about this and he informs me that his mother told her a couple days ago to take some socks back here because she has way to many there. She got home last night and she and I had another round, she also apologized several times for chewing me out about the socks. She also went in her room and looked for socks and found about a dozen socks in her bed and behind her bed. I do not go to her room and get dirty clothes from her room, if she wants clean clothes then she is to leave them in the laundry room or they won't get washed. She also ran to her dads house and picked up a bunch of socks to bring home.

If you figure out a good way of stopping this ridiculous behavior, please let me know.

 
Old 04-05-2004, 09:45 AM   #10
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

Hi MOMS...
Yes, she will grow out of it...Just wait till she starts not only her cycle but HIGH SCHOOL! and not only that...If she doesn't have her own bathroom or you don't have more then one....Watch Out! Enjoy now, because once they start their cylce and or high school...You won't be able to get her OUT of the Bathroom...She will be in their for HOURS, OH, the Hair...god help the hair if one piece is out of place...She will Blame You! LOL

Just had to add my two cents in, I don't have a girl but my nieces stay over alot at my house and I do have a teenage boy...

Your post made me laugh and reminded me too how my son would not take showers, wouldn't brush his teeth, wouldn't iron his clothes or have me iron his clothes...When he did wash up...He would take baths! not showers but baths and would be in there for hours...WHEN he did take one...

NOW, I can't get him out of the bathroom, showers in the AM and PM, hair just has to be right and...HE taught himself how to Iron and Irons his tshirts and jeans when wrinkled!

IT will happen....

 
Old 04-05-2004, 12:59 PM   #11
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Re: Hygiene at 12 years old

What time does she have to get up to get ready for school? I know it might be a hasstle to you - but maybe you should wake her up 15 mins before usual & make her take a shower. Maybe if she gets used to it, you might not have to nag her all the time to do it. Or you could make her take one every night before bed.

 
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