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Old 03-25-2004, 12:49 PM   #1
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MandyAnne26 HB User
Friendly neighbour

A strange thing just happened, a neighbour (i live in an apartment building) just dropped by to give my 5 year old daughter a treat (a tin of cookies). He said that she waves to him when she see's him driving by (her room is right next to the enterence for the parking garage) and he wanted to give her something and say hi to her. He was quite friendly and asked if it would be ok if he could by her some toys next time he was out shopping i said it would be ok because i didn't want to be rude. He said he hoped he wasn't being intrusive on my family i said he wasn't. My question is how normal does everybody think this is? should i have said no, i know where he lives, i have seen him around and he is part owner of the building i am in (he said he was the owner, i'm not sure if he ment my unit or others in the building since they are owned by several different people and managed by 2 different companies), he is older, maybe early 50's and asian (he had an accent so he obviously spent a great part of his life there) so i'm just wondering is this common where he is from and maybe it's just a case of culture clash? he's not asking to take her out or anything creepy. Any opinions would be appriatated.

 
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Old 03-25-2004, 01:03 PM   #2
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Re: Friendly neighbour

Wow, I don't know. That's tough! Because on one hand you want to believe that there ARE good people out there but then on the other hand you can never be to careful. It's "alittle" weird but maybe that is just his way of being kind?

I would ask your daughter about him, ask her if she has ever seen him.

I don't think you should be worried JUST yet but about the toys, I think maybe a small toy or something would be ok but if it's a whole bundle full then I would question that.

I would definantly NOT let him take her out of your sight. EVER!

 
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Old 03-25-2004, 01:22 PM   #3
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Re: Friendly neighbour

It could very easily be from the culture he was raised in. My best friend was stationed in Japan for almost 6 years and she loved it because the people there were so kind especially to her children. Her children are the blonde hair and blue eyed little cuties(not so little now). Anyway my Dh actually had to go to the same base for 2 months and while there he would hang out with them. They would go to the local stores and such and he was at first surprised at how freindly people were to her kids. There was even one time where her oldest(he was 5) had disappearred while they were shopping in a mall. My friend wasnt worried in the least while my husband was freakin out(as most of us do when our kids arent in sight of us). Well my friend told him to calm down and that there was nothing to worry about. They went around a corner and there was her son talking with a group of Japanese women. The women explained that he had come over to them and they were waiting for his mother. My husband said it was one of the strangest experiences he had ever had.

In my home state there is a farmer's market that I use to go to and my oldest son was a toddler and he always wound up with several itens of food for free. I knew one of the women there because I had gone to high school with one of her daughters and I asked her what the deal was. She said alot of times they just like to see children in general happy and smiling and giving little things tends to do that with kids.
For the most part i have just learned to go with the flow on things like that unless my gut kicks in and I dont like how things feel. I have turned down gifts for my kids twice just because I didnt like how it felt. Both times the person(s) understood and werent upset about it. Now my kids on the other hand were upset but once I explained that I didnt feel right aboutit they got over it.

You can see if other neighbors kids have gotten anything from him. And just make sure you are with your daughter whenever there is a chance he will be around. Better safe than sorry.
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Old 03-25-2004, 01:22 PM   #4
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Re: Friendly neighbour

I also wanted to add that...I would sit down with your daughter and (if you have already told her about strangers) I would tell her again about it. And if you haven't yet then this is a great oppurtunity to do so. Tell her that even though he may give her fun things and that he may be nice to her, he still is a stranger!

 
Old 03-25-2004, 01:31 PM   #5
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kfs333 HB User
Re: Friendly neighbour

Be careful. There are good people out there, but you never can tell.

As far as the Asian heritage, I don't know too much about it. I did live in Korea though for about 6 months when I was 4 ( dad was military ). While we were there, there was a Korean woman who would pick me up and carry me around town ( the women strap there children to their front and carry them until they are 5 ) and always brought me back to my mom. Whenever this women took me out, I wind up with something new or something I liked like candy sometimes. You will also have to remember that this was in 1973-1974.

I would ask someone your questions who knows about the Asian heritage and see if this is normal.

 
Old 03-25-2004, 02:02 PM   #6
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Re: Friendly neighbour

i would say he was probably just being nice...i know when i go to my fav chinese rest. they once snatched my autumn right up out of her car seat and played with her...and even sat there and fed her so i could eat! they are really sweet people...but as someone else said i would never let her out of my sight or let her go anywhere with him....but i am sure you know this

 
Old 03-25-2004, 03:24 PM   #7
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Re: Friendly neighbour

This is VERY typical behavior. Our neighbors on both sides of use are Asian. They are all the time talking to the kids and bringing us things. If DH helps them with something, they come over the next day and bring a cake or some meal they have cooked. Just every nice people. They dont give a lot of details when talking to us because of the language. They are just short and sweet about it.

I agree that I would not let her alone with him and teach her about stranger danger but I would do that with any man or woman in today's society. IMO, he just seems nice
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Old 03-26-2004, 03:59 AM   #8
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MandyAnne26 HB User
Re: Friendly neighbour

Hi
thank you very much for the replies, they helped to ease my mind a bit. She is a blonde hair blue eyed little girl, there was another asian couple a few days ago facinated by her (they barely spoke english so i didn't understand most of what they were saying). It does sound like it's just part of the culture, the same man brought us donuts once for helping get his car unstuck durring a snow storm. I don't think he's a pedophile or anything, he seems very sweet. And since we live in an apartment building i'm not comfortable with her playing outside alone yet so she's never out of my sight when not in the apartment. I'm just not sure how to react to the situation i guess.

 
Old 03-26-2004, 06:08 AM   #9
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ammom1 HB User
Re: Friendly neighbour

This is most likely a cultural thing. I lived in Japan for a while and I can tell you there's nothing an Asian person likes better than the sight of a healthy, smiling child. They spoil their own children with attention and treats and family units are very important. On Sunday afternoons in the nice weather, the Japanese families all dress up and go outside to one of their beautiful parks and spend the day together, with all activities centered around the children. They treat their own and other people's children with great respect and love. So, that's most likely what this gentleman is expressing, his culturally based adoration of children. And, the giving of gifts is very significant in Japan. Kind deeds are always rewarded with a gift. There were times when I unintentionally started what we would call a "gift loop" that I couldn't get out of. When a Japanese acquaintance would do something special for me, I'd send over a gift of thank you the next day. In turn, that person would send a gift back to me thanking me for the gift, and then I'd follow suit, because to not send back a gift would be insulting. I had a few loops that I didn't' think would ever end. That said, caution is important and I wouldn't let him babysit or take the child out or anything like that.

 
Old 03-26-2004, 11:18 AM   #10
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Re: Friendly neighbour

I think it's very much the culture. My daughter goes with her dad to work a lot. Every time she's with him there's one place they go where one one asian gentlemen gives her a bit of money to buy something at his farmer's market.

Obviously, I would never leave her alone with him but as letting him spoil her, I don't worry about it too much.

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Old 03-26-2004, 03:36 PM   #11
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Re: Friendly neighbour

I agree with what everyone else has said. My only words of advice would be to make sure you keep talking to your daughter like others have said. And also don't be shy to tell him to back off if he becomes to overly generous with gifts or is in anyway making you uncomfortable.

Chances are he's just a nice man who wants to be kind to your daughter. And that's great. But there are so many wackos out there that you are wise to keep that mother tiger instinct on high alert.

 
Old 03-26-2004, 04:05 PM   #12
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texjoann HB User
Re: Friendly neighbour

Quote:
Originally Posted by MandyAnne26
A strange thing just happened, a neighbour (i live in an apartment building) just dropped by to give my 5 year old daughter a treat (a tin of cookies). He said that she waves to him when she see's him driving by (her room is right next to the enterence for the parking garage) and he wanted to give her something and say hi to her. He was quite friendly and asked if it would be ok if he could by her some toys next time he was out shopping i said it would be ok because i didn't want to be rude. He said he hoped he wasn't being intrusive on my family i said he wasn't. My question is how normal does everybody think this is? should i have said no, i know where he lives, i have seen him around and he is part owner of the building i am in (he said he was the owner, i'm not sure if he ment my unit or others in the building since they are owned by several different people and managed by 2 different companies), he is older, maybe early 50's and asian (he had an accent so he obviously spent a great part of his life there) so i'm just wondering is this common where he is from and maybe it's just a case of culture clash? he's not asking to take her out or anything creepy. Any opinions would be appriatated.
Some people are just nice to kids. When I was a lttle girl there were a few times we met people who gave us gifts. Usually they were older people with no grandkids around close.

I have a 4 year old granddaughter who has been given gifts by strangers for no reason. Usually its people getting stufffed animals from those games at restaurants. She is really shy about taking gifts from anyone, so I take it and thank the person for their kindness. This way it isn't my granddaughter taking something from strangers. My grandaughter is half Mexican and has dark hair and eyes, so a child's looks don't always play into it.

When my oldest daughter was about 3, (in the 70's) we were in the store and she was begging for candy and I said no, and this man in front of us in line told her get what candy she wanted and he'd pay for it, and she picked up one candy bar. He was so impressed that she only wanted the one candy, that he told her go on and get as much as you want. He gave the clerk a 20 dollar bill and said give her what money is left from the change and left the store. I have also read stories in our local paper where there is a person who pays anonymously for someone else's meal in a resaurant. I have wanted to do that before but felt uneasy about how it would be received.

Maybe if more of us took the time to make someone elses day a little brighter we wouldn't be such a suspicious lot.

I think as long as you are the accepter of the gifts, and not your child, and that she knows about inappropriate behavior things will be okay.
My brother and I will never forget the elderly neighbors who gave us a each a giant Easter basket, asnd the teacher who gave my brother a bicycle and later paid for summer camp for me. We had lots of experiences like that and it made us realize some people have hearts of gold for kids.

 
Old 03-26-2004, 10:40 PM   #13
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Re: Friendly neighbour

texjoann-- i just wanted to say i have never heard of paying for a meal for someone without them knowing who did it in a rest. but what a lovely thing....hmmmm maybe i will think about it

 
Old 03-26-2004, 11:20 PM   #14
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Re: Friendly neighbour

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Winnie~
texjoann-- i just wanted to say i have never heard of paying for a meal for someone without them knowing who did it in a rest. but what a lovely thing....hmmmm maybe i will think about it
We have a friend in my Dh's shop that he had his lunch paid for once. Most bases during lunch ifthe guys have time they either stay there and eat something,go home and eat or go out to some place close to eat and of course they are in uniform. He walked into this one place and as he walked in a guy stopped and looked at him. Took his hand and said thank you. Our friend was a bit shocked but still managed to say there was no need for thanks. That seemed to be the end of it and our friend went on to order his meal and eat it. As he went to pay for it the cashier said he didnt have to and that the gentleman he had passed on the in had come back in and paid for his meal.
I should add that this happened before 9/11.

I have read and email story several times of a woman whose meal is paid for by a group of soldiers because she spoke up to defend our troops against a group of loud mouths. I cant for the life of me find the story and not really sure if it is true or not but it is a touching story.
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Old 03-29-2004, 09:12 AM   #15
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iridescentsea HB User
Re: Friendly neighbour

It could be a culture thing. I am Mediterrenean, born and raised in a different culture. My husband and my daughter are very Anglo looking so whenever we go back to my country they receive quite a bit of attention because of their looks. There were strangers stopping us on the street, hugging her, and praising her good looks, and buying her a snack. My relatives (even the male ones) telling my husband that he is very handsome. I know some of these things are considered quite odd in American culture but not where I grew up. Perhaps it could be the same in Asian culture. However, I also understand your concerns. There are so many nutcases out there that it is sometimes unavoidable not to think of the worse. If your neighbour's behaviour makes you or your daughter uncomfortable, you may consider to tell him to back off nicely.

 
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