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Old 04-03-2004, 12:50 AM   #1
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sueinoz HB User
Unhappy Step Parenting

Does anyone know of any good sites for step-parents? I have 9yr old step son who treats me like dirt underr his obnoxious little feet. I have just about had it and am ready to leave his father for a quiet life for my 14yr old daughter and myself.
This child is constant rude and disrespectful to me. He is also constantly in trouble at school. He had 2 suspensions in 2 weeks and 3 for this scholl term since christmas. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

 
Old 04-03-2004, 03:00 AM   #2
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SnowyLynne63 HB User
Re: Step Parenting

The Dad isn't helping?Or is he in denial the kid has problems?His Dad needs to put a lid on his kid...........

 
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Old 04-03-2004, 09:33 AM   #3
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Mommyof4 HB User
Re: Step Parenting

My DH is a step parent to my 12 year old. The main thing that worked for us was us standing together on issues. It was also made very clear that our family as a whole is more important than any individual member's feelings. What he is doing is damaging to the entire family.

Have you told him how stongly you feel?
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Old 04-06-2004, 10:15 AM   #4
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Re: Step Parenting

Unfortunately we are unable to post websites on this board- but I know the feeling. Did this behavior just start, or has it always been this way? Is there something that has changed in his life that could be causing him to act out? I am a step-parent to a 9 yr old boy as well- let me tell ya, this age is gonna kill me, I am sure of it!

Basically his problem is he doesn't want to share his father- and has this large misconception that if he gets Dad to stop liking the rest of us that Dad will devote more time to him. WRONG.

You must have a talk with your hubby about this- he will need to talk to his son about the behavior, and you will need to stand together when correcting him in order to get it to stop.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sueinoz
Does anyone know of any good sites for step-parents? I have 9yr old step son who treats me like dirt underr his obnoxious little feet. I have just about had it and am ready to leave his father for a quiet life for my 14yr old daughter and myself.
This child is constant rude and disrespectful to me. He is also constantly in trouble at school. He had 2 suspensions in 2 weeks and 3 for this scholl term since christmas. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

 
Old 04-06-2004, 01:58 PM   #5
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Art_930 HB User
Re: Step Parenting

Your husband should make it very clear to his son that no one is allowed to disrespect his wife.

 
Old 04-07-2004, 05:20 AM   #6
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Re: Step Parenting

This boys' behaviour has always been questionable. He is an only child and has been spoilt rotten. He has his father wrapped around his finger. It is a constant battle for me. I will not tolerate his disgusting behaviour but whenever I take a stand I am told that I have "double standards". You see I also brought a child into this relationship, but she is 14yrs old , so I do think that things are a little different where she is concerned. She has never been suspended from school (he - 3 times since christmas, twice in the last 2 weeks) , she would never tell an adult to f*$#*& off (or even worse sometimes), she does what she is told most times (he NEVER) and would know all too well what she would get if she were to back chat me.
And yes his father is in denial, but will need to get out of it quick smart if he wants to save our nearly 3 yr relationship. I'm telling ya.......I've just about had enough. I am so tired of being questioned by a 9 yr old over ever thing I ask him to do, sick of being called names (and having my daughter on the recieving end of filth that would make a sailor blush), and being back chatted at every opportunity.
A move to my parents is looking better and better every day. And yes again, his father knows exactly how I feel. I gave mincing words with him a long time ago. I know he loves me to death but where his boy is concerned he is so weak.

 
Old 04-07-2004, 05:41 AM   #7
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Re: Step Parenting

Thanks for the clarification, Sue. I was in a similar situation in my second marriage. My husband brought three teenage daughters to the marriage (he had full custody) and I already had two teenage daughters.

His oldest daughter forged his name to his paycheck. His middle daughter was arrested for prostitution. His 12-year-old was on birth control. My oldest was in the German Club. My youngest was in dance and the school band.

My husband was in complete denial. He was out of town on business when the middle one was arrested. When he called home and I had to tell him, his response was, "No she wasn't." I confirmed that yes indeed she had been arrested for prostitution and he said "There's some mistake." I assured him that there was no mistake. He insisted that there was some misunderstanding. I explained that she'd had $250 in her wallet to bail herself out. His next line was, "you never tell me anything good about my kids". I responded that if there was something good to tell I would gladly share it.

At one point my oldest said to me, "You know, Mom, you always told us that there were certain types of people we don't hang out with. Now they're living with us."

That gave me a wake-up call. I had to protect my own children and get out of the marriage.

Your priority should be your child. No one should be subjected to foul language and abuse. Your husband does not have your best interests at heart and is not doing his own son any favours.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 01:53 AM   #8
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pinkie1234 HB User
Re: Step Parenting

when your parents re-marry its really hard. is the biological mother in the picture? do you have any kids together? try letting the father do the parenting. let him know that you are not his step mom but his fathers wife. just someone who is living in the house with him. look at it from his point of view. there is another woman coming in and trying to take over the role of his mother. trying to push out his mother. eventhough thats not what you are trying to do thats probably how he sees it. tell him you will be there if he needs someone to talk to but if he does something wrong, tell his father about it and let him take whatever disipline necessary. it is really hard for a child to go through a split up but it is harder when the parent re marries.
when i was 11 myparents split up. when i was 14 my dad re married. i got along verry well with his wife because she didnt try to take the place of my mother. alothough there were many good times there also were alot of rough times. her stuff was all over my house and took up 2 of the 4 rooms. i used to have a play room and a bedroom, then she got to put her stuff in 2 room for storage and i got suck in the smallest room in the house. i would hear them having sex so i would take all her sexy undies and hide them (in my mind they couldnt have sex without sexy undies) it ll built up until one day i freaked out and told her she stole my house. me and my dad were never really close so i didnt really feal she stole him but your husbands son could be feeling like you just stormed in and took over and lashing out because he doesnt know anyother way to express himself. have you tryed family counciling?

 
Old 04-09-2004, 05:30 AM   #9
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Re: Step Parenting

He knows perfectly well that I am NOT trying to be his mother. But I will not put up with anything from him that I would not take from my own child.
I would gladly let his father do the parenting but he has no idea how to control or disipline this child. The last time he was suspended from school there were no consequences WHAT-SO-EVER at home. NO grounding, NO restrictions on privilegdes, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's bad enough what he gets up to at school but I will not be defied,abused, or belittled by a 9yr old.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but this kid is making my life hell.
Things are so different in this house at the moment because he has gone to his mums for the Easter holidays. Unfortunately when he gets back things will be a lot worse before they just get bad again.
I think he needs profession help, but first of all dad has to admit that it is more than him just being a "naughty boy"

 
Old 04-09-2004, 05:48 AM   #10
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maak823 HB User
Re: Step Parenting

Don't be fooled, this child also knows exactly what he is doing- and its working. Kids are smart- never underestimate them. Dad feels guilty about his divorce, and is not disciplining him because of it. Does his mother discipline him? Is Dad trying to be the "fun" parent? Hes headed down a very long road with this child by letting him get away with everything. You really should go to family counseling so that Dad can learn how to be a parent and his son can learn that he must respect you while he is living in your house. IF Dad is unwilling, then maybe it is time to re-evaluate your marriage, sounds like to me you are pretty miserable, and if he is unwilling to try to settle the issues now- he never will be and this child is going to end up a very troubled teenager.

I feel for you!!!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by sueinoz
He knows perfectly well that I am NOT trying to be his mother. But I will not put up with anything from him that I would not take from my own child.
I would gladly let his father do the parenting but he has no idea how to control or disipline this child. The last time he was suspended from school there were no consequences WHAT-SO-EVER at home. NO grounding, NO restrictions on privilegdes, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's bad enough what he gets up to at school but I will not be defied,abused, or belittled by a 9yr old.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but this kid is making my life hell.
Things are so different in this house at the moment because he has gone to his mums for the Easter holidays. Unfortunately when he gets back things will be a lot worse before they just get bad again.
I think he needs profession help, but first of all dad has to admit that it is more than him just being a "naughty boy"

 
Old 04-26-2004, 10:43 AM   #11
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MELYLOVE HB User
Re: Step Parenting

Hi Sueinoz Let Me Tell You I Have A Step Son That Is 10 Yrs Old And He Do To Me The Same Thing Your Step Son Do To U. I Will Tell You To Try To Get Him In A Psycology Evaluation Maybe He Have Some Problems. My Step Son We Find Out That He Have Add And Odd Problems And That Way He Was Like That, So Try That. But I Know What U Are Going Thru Because I Am In The Same Boat And Is Harddddddddddddd. And My Husband Doest Do Nothing At All. I Wish U The Best Of The Best
Let Me Know If You Go And Get Him On That Evaluation

 
Old 05-17-2004, 10:13 PM   #12
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AlwyzSick HB User
Re: Step Parenting

He is doing it for attention. When my dad remarried I was 6 and my brother was 8. He married a woman with 4 kids and they were all very rude and misbehaved. Anyway..I went from getting lots of attention to getting almost none at all. i was afraid of losing my dad to his new family and that is probably all ur step son is worried about and that is probably why he is acting out. my brother did the exact same thing and really all u have to do is give it time and maybe sit down and talk to everyone discuss the rules of the house and make sure u stick to them..don't favor ur kid cuz that causes tension and that is never good. If you love ur husband give it time i promise it will get easier...its a new experience and routine and when everyone gets used to it things should be fine. hope i helped!

 
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