How to stop fighting between siblings.... - Parenting Issues Message Board

Bambi27 · 04-07-2004, 12:20 PM

I have a soon to be 8 year old and a 3 year old. Both girls.
And ALL they do is fight. I know a lot of this has to do with the age difference.
And they are fighting for attention from me.
They have been like this for almost as long as my youngest has been able to walk around.
They fight about who's toys is who's (even if they are the exact same toy), who is going to do what I ask them to do (turn off a light or take a toy into the bedroom), envading eachother's space.
They fight constantly.
Never listen when I tell them to stop yelling or screaming or fighting.
I am about at the end of my rope.
Not sure how I can handle their fighting and not listening.
Does anyone have any ideas?
Thanks

kfs333 · 04-07-2004, 01:32 PM

My mom would stick my sister, my brother and I in the middle of the room with our noses together. We were not allowed to move or speak to each other. We eventually would begin to laugh. I think my mom did this to get her kicks. Too bad she didn't get any blackmail pictures.

The 2 girls are vying for your attention. I will suggest that you make a special day once a week for each girl. This is where you go out on day with one child and then go out another day with the other and spend one on one time. As far as sibling rivalry goes, it is always going to be there.

Mommyof4 · 04-07-2004, 03:15 PM

My girls are 12 and 4. We have also had fighting issues since the younger one could walk. I should say since the younger one could get into the older one's things. The only thing that worked for me was to acknowledge the age difference and let them be different. They have different toys, different barrettes, etc. The youngest knows that she isn't to get into the oldest's things and vice versa. The oldest was only fighting with the younger one to reclaim her space. The younger one was fighting back to stand her ground.

If they were closer in age, I would make them share more. Being that far apart, there aren't many things they can share. I also have started having DH help out on the time thing. I allow the oldest to do things with me while DH looks after the other kids. Good luck

index.html · 04-10-2004, 07:24 AM

Sorry, Bambi, but I had to chuckle at the title of your post - How to stop siblings from fighting? Didn't anyone tell you that it's impossible? LOL! I don't think there is a parent of more than 1 child alive who doesn't struggle with this. Seriously, if you find the answer, you could write a book and become a very wealthy woman!

What works best for ME (maybe not for my kids, but for me) is this: if they are fighting, both kids get consequences, no questions asked. Doesn't matter who started it, who hit the hardest, whose toy it is, etc. I was driving myself crazy trying to sort out the fairest way to handle it. Now, I go on the theory that "it takes 2" and so, 2 get punished - sent to their rooms, time-out, loss of play-time, whatever.

I explained the new strategy to them before I implemented it.

Good luck. I hope it helps to know that your kids are VERY normal!

tlorenet · 06-12-2004, 07:47 PM

I have the same problem, except mine are 15 months apart to the day. One is 3 and the other is 22 months. One minute they are playing fine, the next they are fighting. My rule is that they have to go play into their own rooms for at least 15 mins before they can go back and play together. The really crazy thing is that my 3 year old gets upset when I take "sissy" out of his room. Usually the fight started because she was playing with his toys.

Good luck though. If you find a wa y please let me know....God knows I could use the break from them fighting.