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Old 04-07-2004, 12:20 PM   #1
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Bambi27 HB User
How to stop fighting between siblings....

I have a soon to be 8 year old and a 3 year old. Both girls.
And ALL they do is fight. I know a lot of this has to do with the age difference.
And they are fighting for attention from me.
They have been like this for almost as long as my youngest has been able to walk around.
They fight about who's toys is who's (even if they are the exact same toy), who is going to do what I ask them to do (turn off a light or take a toy into the bedroom), envading eachother's space.
They fight constantly.
Never listen when I tell them to stop yelling or screaming or fighting.
I am about at the end of my rope.
Not sure how I can handle their fighting and not listening.
Does anyone have any ideas?
Thanks

Last edited by Bambi27; 04-07-2004 at 12:20 PM.

 
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Old 04-07-2004, 01:32 PM   #2
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kfs333 HB User
Re: How to stop fighting between siblings....

My mom would stick my sister, my brother and I in the middle of the room with our noses together. We were not allowed to move or speak to each other. We eventually would begin to laugh. I think my mom did this to get her kicks. Too bad she didn't get any blackmail pictures.

The 2 girls are vying for your attention. I will suggest that you make a special day once a week for each girl. This is where you go out on day with one child and then go out another day with the other and spend one on one time. As far as sibling rivalry goes, it is always going to be there.

 
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Old 04-07-2004, 03:15 PM   #3
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Re: How to stop fighting between siblings....

My girls are 12 and 4. We have also had fighting issues since the younger one could walk. I should say since the younger one could get into the older one's things. The only thing that worked for me was to acknowledge the age difference and let them be different. They have different toys, different barrettes, etc. The youngest knows that she isn't to get into the oldest's things and vice versa. The oldest was only fighting with the younger one to reclaim her space. The younger one was fighting back to stand her ground.

If they were closer in age, I would make them share more. Being that far apart, there aren't many things they can share. I also have started having DH help out on the time thing. I allow the oldest to do things with me while DH looks after the other kids. Good luck
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Old 04-10-2004, 07:24 AM   #4
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Re: How to stop fighting between siblings....

Sorry, Bambi, but I had to chuckle at the title of your post - How to stop siblings from fighting? Didn't anyone tell you that it's impossible? LOL! I don't think there is a parent of more than 1 child alive who doesn't struggle with this. Seriously, if you find the answer, you could write a book and become a very wealthy woman!

What works best for ME (maybe not for my kids, but for me) is this: if they are fighting, both kids get consequences, no questions asked. Doesn't matter who started it, who hit the hardest, whose toy it is, etc. I was driving myself crazy trying to sort out the fairest way to handle it. Now, I go on the theory that "it takes 2" and so, 2 get punished - sent to their rooms, time-out, loss of play-time, whatever.

I explained the new strategy to them before I implemented it.

Good luck. I hope it helps to know that your kids are VERY normal!

Last edited by index.html; 04-10-2004 at 07:25 AM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 06-12-2004, 07:47 PM   #5
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tlorenet HB User
Re: How to stop fighting between siblings....

I have the same problem, except mine are 15 months apart to the day. One is 3 and the other is 22 months. One minute they are playing fine, the next they are fighting. My rule is that they have to go play into their own rooms for at least 15 mins before they can go back and play together. The really crazy thing is that my 3 year old gets upset when I take "sissy" out of his room. Usually the fight started because she was playing with his toys.

Good luck though. If you find a wa y please let me know....God knows I could use the break from them fighting.

 
Old 06-27-2004, 11:56 PM   #6
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Re: How to stop fighting between siblings....

My sister and I used to fight all of the time!! Our mom would try to get us to stop...but there's not much you can do! Kids will be Kids. We eventualy outgrew it and are really good friends...I am now 15 and she is now 21. Common interests help...family activities bring everyone closer together..and stop the fighting. I think that punishment is un called for!! After the punishment there is always going to be another fight...all punishing a kid does is upset everyone! Ask them to stop fighting...appologize...or just simply do their own thing for a while. It's only a stage...it won't be like that forever. My mom, sister and I are all very close and like best friends... it's all about maturity, understanding, and patience. Good Luck Yall...


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Old 07-09-2004, 02:01 PM   #7
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Re: How to stop fighting between siblings....

i think it is important for kids to learn their own ways to resolve conflict. i did not want to see my kids grow up to use violence, bullying or name calling to get their needs met, so at an early age i gave them options for what they could do themselves to sort out an argument ie "you could take turns", or "you could play with it today and he can play with it tomorrow" or "why don't you have it in your room for 1 week and then the other has it next week", or is it really worth the hassle, wouldn't you rather go to your friends house?" etc etc...... and then all i had to do when they were arguing over a toy was to say "work it out or i will have it (the toy)" and i followed through. if they couldn't share they all missed out, and the toy got confiscated. it didn't take them long to figure out a happy medium. for a while i felt sorry for the eldest, giving in to the little ones throwing tantrums, but he quickly learnt to sidetrack them onto something else so he could get what he wanted. i pleased to say my kids show good conflict resolution skills and have not fought for many years (they are teenagers now)

 
Old 07-09-2004, 03:51 PM   #8
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SpeisFamily HB User
Lightbulb Re: How to stop fighting between siblings....

My 2 daughters are 9 and 3. I had the same problem and it broke my heart to see my girls fight. We are Christians and my daughters both love God with their whole hearts so when I told them that Jesus said to love your brother and sister they realized they were "sinning" and really changed their attitudes towards each other. I have also used the "If you are going to fight over it, "it" is gone". Now they often stick up for one another and I find them telling each other sorry before I even have a chance to discipline them for hitting, yelling, or taking something. I just love to seem them hug and now a days they hug more often then they fight.

 
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