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Old 04-16-2004, 10:26 AM   #1
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PAISLEY HB User
Child Support...What should I expect?

Well...after 4 years, I am finally taking my child's father to court for child support. I don't really have a good reason why I've waited so long. We weren't married and he didn't sign the birth certificate and of course, it was a nasty break up, so I've just never really forced the issue. He promised to do right by her, but hasn't so....I guess 4 years is long enoug to put up or shut up. I just want to know what I should expect out of all of this, being that it has been 4 years? I have such a negative mentatilty when it comes to child support because of all the horror stories I've heard from friends and family, so I guess I am just afraid of the unknown. I am doing well with raising my daughter all by myself but I know that he has an obligation to her, you know, being the other part and all. Also, I am in a serious relationship which will possibly lead to marriage, so I want this "unfinished business" so-to-speak with my child's father handled before I step into something such as marriage with someone who WANTS to be a father to my child. I would like to know how to deal with all of this and am I making too much of this or doing this for all the wrong reasons??

Last edited by PAISLEY; 04-16-2004 at 10:39 AM.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 10:57 AM   #2
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

First of all, ask yourself if you want your daughter's father in her life, because he may seek to have visitation rights at least. If you were to get married, would he be willing to adopt your little girl and raise her? If this is an option, then you may want to go this route and the only contact you may have is to have her biological father sign his rights away ( here in GA, a notice to adopt is put in the paper and if the birth parent (s) doesn't come forward, the adoption is granted ).

If you want you ex to fulfill his obligations though, get in contact with a good lawyer and have a paternity test done.

 
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:15 AM   #3
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

kfs333 said it....
i went through the paterniting testing when i was 17 to find my real father (which mom knew it was him but he said "he wasnt sure" but anyway for all the years before that i was adopted by my step father (and the adption was done here in ohio just like kfs333 said it is done in GA, so the laws must be the same at least in those two states)
anyway he may want to have visitation which may not be what you or your daughter want...so i would really think it through before you do anything....
and speaking from experince get the paternity test done anyway.....i went my whole life confused because my mom said he was my father and he said he wasnt sure...and by the time i was 17 i just said the hell with all the "maybe, maybe not" and had it done, which caused alot of hard feelings in my family (and probably in his too) now we have a relationship....but not like it would have been i think if the test would have been done sooner....

 
Old 04-16-2004, 11:16 AM   #4
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

Is the father of your daughter on the birth certificate?

I would contact the father ( if you can still talk with him ) and let him know your intentions. See a Lawyer for the rights of your daughter. Regardless of your income, the father of your daughter is also olbigated to pay support, but like the other post mentioned, keep in mind he is entitled to visitation rights as well as holidays. This can all be set up with an attorney.

The amount expected for child support is based on his Gross Salary on what he files with the IRS. In the state of MA, it is 27%. A lawyer can explain everything to you and what to expect. It may cost you anywhere from
$1K to $2K but for your daughter it will be welll worth it. You can also use the child support to set up her College Fund or put into a Savings Account.

Also, if he has a better Health Insurance then you, he can also cover your daughter with His Health Insurance.

Good Luck.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 11:46 AM   #5
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

Sorry - long post:

I live in Florida and I know that if another man adopts your child, then the biological father does not have to pay shild support for a child that he no longer has any rights to, but you can be married to another man who is not your child's father and still be paid your support. I'm in the same boat as you right now!!!

My daughter just turned 8 in January and I have been trying to collect child support for her since she was 3. We were together for about 2 years when I got pg. He was all "excited" about her coming until my "best friend" set him up with another mutal aquaintance of ours. He started dating her and hating me and our unborn child. He was even too busy with her to come to the hospital and sign the birth certificate and pick us up to go home. Do you know what it's like to be waiting, with a newborn, at the hospital to go home and have no one show up?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I ALWAYS told him, from the beginning, that him being a father to her was more important than a check, but he didn't want that either. So, I waited for 3 years for him to "grow up" and try to be somewhat of a father figure for her and when I realized that wasn't going to happen, I filed. Now, he has another little girl (with this "aquaintance" whom he is now married to) who is approx. 18 months younger than mine that he TOTALLY supports!! He found out that I filed against him and fled from Florida to Pennsylvania, when they found him in PA, he fled to New Jersey, when they found him in NJ, he fled to Massachusettes and he's been bouncing back and forth ever since! Every time he finds out that he's been found, he leaves.

Right now, there's an arrest warrant for him in Florida, but that warrant is no good in any other state, and it's not like he's coming back anyways. It's really hard because a court order in FL has no jurisdiction in other states, which means I have to register the order in whatever state he's in at the moment, which takes 6-9 months and by then he's gone and I have to start all over in whatever state they find him in next! All that changed, though, on April 23, 04 when they caught him leaving for work, which is under the table, and they brought him to court the next day, purged him for $15,000.00 and threw him in jail for 60 days or until he pays me! I think that he's going to ride out the 60 days because he made a comment to the arresting officer, "I have the money - I'm just not going to pay her"! He also just "burried" himself in court by cussing out me and my daughter in front of the judge. I think he beleives that he's free to go after the 60 days are up, but little does he know that he has to go before the same judge BEFORE they release him and from what I've heard, I've got a really tough judge!

When I first filed, they automatically purged him for 3 years back child support @ $805.00/month. That's what usually happens unless the father can provide proof, receipts/canceled checks/etc., that he has been paying up until the time you filed. Also, it doesn't end when the child turns 18, if he/she is still in school (college), he still has to pay; if the child is 18 and he's still not done making payments, he has to pay until it's paid off. I have this friend who is 26 and she told me that her father is STILL paying her mother back shild support for her and her sister, who is in her early 30's - married w/2 kids of her own!!! My uncle has 3 kids with his ex-wife that are well over 18 (none of which are in school) and he' still paying his back shild support for them!!!

Anyways, He made a FEW payments and that was it. He currently owes me about $60,000.00, which includes arrears, interest, and penalty fees. Also, when a man doesn't pay his child support it goes on his credit report! But in my case, that means nothing because he works under the table and everything he owns is in his wife's name and it's illegal to go after her!

I, too, was EXTREMELY worried about him wanting visitation rights and all that, but reality is he hasn't seen her since she was 3 months old - no judge in his right mind is going to grant visitation rights to a man who doesn't do anything for his child and possibly screw with the child's mental / emotional well-being.

My advice to you is DON'T GIVE UP & BE STRONG! It's going to be a long and bumpy road, but you'll get through it, just don't give up!

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOUR JOURNEY WITH THE U.S. COURT SYSTEM!

Last edited by KimRick; 04-16-2004 at 11:52 AM.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 01:21 PM   #6
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PAISLEY HB User
Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

Well, let's see...there is no doubt the he is the father and he acknowledges that he is, but since he didn't sign the birth certificate, we have to do the DNA test. Oh, by the way, he was there at the birth so it wasn't like he didn't have the opportunity to sign it.

I really, really, really, really, want him to sign over his rights so that my future husband can adopt my daughter. I live in TN so if anyone knows the laws here, please let me know about this. But, I've asked my child's father to give them up voluntarily and legally, since he's basically done it anyway by not supporting her financially or emotionally for all these years, and he says "NO!!" I think he's just trying to be spiteful because I have moved on with someone new and that man LOVES and ADORES my daughter as if she was his own.

I've thought about if I want him in her life and to be honest, I DO NOT!! He hasn't been and I am really ok with that. But, he continues to just show up every now and then with these "promises" and never follows through and I am so tired of it, but I don't know, legally, if I can deny him seeing her just because, ya know?? So, that is why I was considering the "legal" backing so that he can hang himself and I won't feel guilty for not letting him see her whenever he gets the itch. She's a very smart little girl who respects and loves all people and who makes her mommy very proud! I DO NOT WANT THAT TAMPERED WITH BY HIM OR WHOMEVER HE MAY HAVE HER AROUND!!!!! So, maybe I shouldn't pursue it. I don't know...I am soooo confused.

He has given me, in cash, no more than $800.00 since she's been born. He didn't even come to her 3rd or 4th birthday parties because my boyfriend was there. He can't keep a job, he is homeless, he just recently got picked up for DUI and he smokes pot heavily. My daughter has only met/seen his parents on three occasions when she was a baby/toddler and they don't call or visit at all. They live only 3 hours away. He, on the other hand, lives exactly 20 minutes away. I used to send his mom e-mails, pictures, holiday cards but I stopped because I wasn't getting any response from her when I did that. So, I figured that he must be filling their heads up with bs about me and how I won't let him see her or I won't let him do this or that...can you blame me???

Last edited by PAISLEY; 04-16-2004 at 01:54 PM.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 07:34 PM   #7
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

no i dont blame you, he sounds like a loser and not a very good role model for your daughter!
well i say go for it...a judge would never give that man visitation!
and he helped make your daughter so he should be obligated to help out finacially.
seems all the states have similar laws but if you want to be sure just call a local attorney and ask them....i cant remeber the name of the place my mom went to get my case rolling when i was younger....hmmmm
anyway goodluck ....and i cant believe he wont sign his rights over if he wouldnt even sign the B/Cert. jeez! i bet he may reconsider once he finds out you are going to have him "pay up" but i am not sure i would let him them...lol just kidding!
goodluck to you and your daughter

 
Old 04-17-2004, 11:54 AM   #8
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

Quote:
He can't keep a job, he is homeless, he just recently got picked up for DUI and he smokes pot heavily.
How is he going to pay? It doesn't look like he has the mental capacity to be a responsible adult. I think you'd be better off having as little to do with that mess as possible. I think you'd be in for a long road of anguish trying to chase a man for money who isn't likely to ever have any.

I would get legal custody of your daughter, either you alone or you with your new husband. Her father doesn't necessarily have to give up custody. Talk to a lawyer. The 1st visit is free. I'm sure they can answer all your questions. Good luck.

Last edited by Lindarella; 04-17-2004 at 11:59 AM.

 
Old 04-21-2004, 10:52 AM   #9
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

If I were you, I would get a free consultation with an attorney- if his name is not on the Birth Certificate and he has never accepted financial responsibility for your daughter- then he may not have to sign anything in regard to your future husband legall adopting her. It would be worth checking into. You have to consider this too- if he starts paying support, then he gets visitation- whether you like it or not. And, yes- a court will order the visitation for him regardless of his DUI; however, you could request a drug test to have him proven unfit- but you are in for a costly legal battle with that.

I have a simple philosophy on this really- If you take their money then you have to take their *****. If you don't need the money and he really sounds like he's not interested in being a father - then I wouldn't push it. Why put your daughter through forced visitations that she won't want to go on because she does not know this man, that could be more harmful than helpful to her.

You can always be honest with her- tell her that this man is her natural father- but he will probably never be her "dad". Then it will be her choice should she decide to have a relationship with him when she gets older.

I really wish you the best of luck, the court systems are such a mess- you could end up a winner- but you could end up with a ruling that you totally disagree with to get them to award you a settlement- but if this bum can't hold a job- how are you going to get the money anyway? Yes, it will accrue in arrearages and they might lock him up- but you still won't see any money if hes in jail.

There are soooo many angles to this one- see an attorney get the advice you need and go from there.





Quote:
Originally Posted by PAISLEY
Well, let's see...there is no doubt the he is the father and he acknowledges that he is, but since he didn't sign the birth certificate, we have to do the DNA test. Oh, by the way, he was there at the birth so it wasn't like he didn't have the opportunity to sign it.

I really, really, really, really, want him to sign over his rights so that my future husband can adopt my daughter. I live in TN so if anyone knows the laws here, please let me know about this. But, I've asked my child's father to give them up voluntarily and legally, since he's basically done it anyway by not supporting her financially or emotionally for all these years, and he says "NO!!" I think he's just trying to be spiteful because I have moved on with someone new and that man LOVES and ADORES my daughter as if she was his own.

I've thought about if I want him in her life and to be honest, I DO NOT!! He hasn't been and I am really ok with that. But, he continues to just show up every now and then with these "promises" and never follows through and I am so tired of it, but I don't know, legally, if I can deny him seeing her just because, ya know?? So, that is why I was considering the "legal" backing so that he can hang himself and I won't feel guilty for not letting him see her whenever he gets the itch. She's a very smart little girl who respects and loves all people and who makes her mommy very proud! I DO NOT WANT THAT TAMPERED WITH BY HIM OR WHOMEVER HE MAY HAVE HER AROUND!!!!! So, maybe I shouldn't pursue it. I don't know...I am soooo confused.

He has given me, in cash, no more than $800.00 since she's been born. He didn't even come to her 3rd or 4th birthday parties because my boyfriend was there. He can't keep a job, he is homeless, he just recently got picked up for DUI and he smokes pot heavily. My daughter has only met/seen his parents on three occasions when she was a baby/toddler and they don't call or visit at all. They live only 3 hours away. He, on the other hand, lives exactly 20 minutes away. I used to send his mom e-mails, pictures, holiday cards but I stopped because I wasn't getting any response from her when I did that. So, I figured that he must be filling their heads up with bs about me and how I won't let him see her or I won't let him do this or that...can you blame me???

 
Old 04-26-2004, 12:40 PM   #10
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

Hi This Is My Opinion , You Can Go To Child Support And Get Money For Your Little Girl Because She Deserve It And Since He Has All That Background You Can Request No Visitation Or Supervision On His Visitation. Even He Is Homeless Or Not He Still Have To Pd Child Support.

But Dont Let The Other Father Adopt Her Because U Dont Want That Down In The Road She Ask U Why U Did't Wait And Let Her Be The Want That Judge Her Father.. That Is My Personal Opinion Because I Am In The Same Boat That U Are. I Got Married For Second Time With This Guy And My Daughter Was 1yrs Old And Still I Did't Let Him Adopt Her And Anyway She Love And Care More About My Husband That Her Real Dad And She Is 5 Yrs Old. Think About It.... And Keep Inform

 
Old 04-28-2004, 08:18 AM   #11
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

I was in the same position as you. We were not married & the break up was less then pleasant. He promised to pay child support every week - but that was a joke. It didn't work out & 1/2 the time I couldn't even track him down to simply ask about it. We went to court & agreed on $150/week... but then when we went back about 3 months later, it went up to $175/week. It goes by what he makes, where I live anyway, they figure out a certain % of his paycheck. Plus, he carries all her insurance (medical & dental) & has to pay all co-pays & other charges that are not covered (like if she needs a perscription, but there is a co-pay or if she needs to go to the ER/hospital for anything, he has to cover any charges).

 
Old 06-12-2004, 05:44 PM   #12
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Re: Child Support...What should I expect?

If you were not married then he has no legal rights to her. (I'm going thru the same thing and this is what the attorney that I talked to told me.) You can sue him for child support. When that is set (and only if he wants to pay for it out of his own pocket) he can file for a court date to set visitation rights. If the couple was never married then these will be seperate court cases. Until he asks the court to legitimize her and it is granted he has no rights. Even after he legitimizes her he still may not have any rights to her. From the sound of things he will be lucky if he is granted supervised visitation.

This also means that YOU have the right to not allow him to see or speak to her. If he shows up at your house out of the blue you can have him escorted off of your property. If he make a habit of it, the you can file a restraining order to keep him off of your property.

Almost every state has the same adoption laws. All that you need to do is out an add in an X amount of papers and wait a certain amount of time. If he does not come forward to dispute the adoption, then it will go through. Since he does not have any legal rights to her then there is no reason to have to wait for him to sign them away.

Even if his name was on the birth certificate it would be the same. Signing a birth certificate does not give them any legal rights to the child. He has the right to pay child support, but that is all. Even if you were to go to court and he says something about you not letting him see her it doesn't matter. You being the mother and ONLY legal guardian gives you the right to make whatever decisions are made.

Sorry for the long post....hope this helps. I'm going thru the same thing that you are totally. I have being waiting for Child Support Services for over a year to get everything to where he has to pay child support (they haven't done anything... all info that they have on him I gave them) and I'm about ready to just let that do whatever they can and not let him continue to come and go out of their lives as he pleases.

Last edited by tlorenet; 06-12-2004 at 05:49 PM. Reason: left out important information in first paragraph

 
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