Child Support...What should I expect? - Parenting Issues Message Board

PAISLEY · 04-16-2004, 11:26 AM

Well...after 4 years, I am finally taking my child's father to court for child support. I don't really have a good reason why I've waited so long. We weren't married and he didn't sign the birth certificate and of course, it was a nasty break up, so I've just never really forced the issue. He promised to do right by her, but hasn't so....I guess 4 years is long enoug to put up or shut up. I just want to know what I should expect out of all of this, being that it has been 4 years? I have such a negative mentatilty when it comes to child support because of all the horror stories I've heard from friends and family, so I guess I am just afraid of the unknown. I am doing well with raising my daughter all by myself but I know that he has an obligation to her, you know, being the other part and all. Also, I am in a serious relationship which will possibly lead to marriage, so I want this "unfinished business" so-to-speak with my child's father handled before I step into something such as marriage with someone who WANTS to be a father to my child. I would like to know how to deal with all of this and am I making too much of this or doing this for all the wrong reasons??

kfs333 · 04-16-2004, 11:57 AM

First of all, ask yourself if you want your daughter's father in her life, because he may seek to have visitation rights at least. If you were to get married, would he be willing to adopt your little girl and raise her? If this is an option, then you may want to go this route and the only contact you may have is to have her biological father sign his rights away ( here in GA, a notice to adopt is put in the paper and if the birth parent (s) doesn't come forward, the adoption is granted ).

If you want you ex to fulfill his obligations though, get in contact with a good lawyer and have a paternity test done.

ABC~Mom · 04-16-2004, 12:15 PM

kfs333 said it....
i went through the paterniting testing when i was 17 to find my real father (which mom knew it was him but he said "he wasnt sure" but anyway for all the years before that i was adopted by my step father (and the adption was done here in ohio just like kfs333 said it is done in GA, so the laws must be the same at least in those two states)
anyway he may want to have visitation which may not be what you or your daughter want...so i would really think it through before you do anything....
and speaking from experince get the paternity test done anyway.....i went my whole life confused because my mom said he was my father and he said he wasnt sure...and by the time i was 17 i just said the hell with all the "maybe, maybe not" and had it done, which caused alot of hard feelings in my family (and probably in his too) now we have a relationship....but not like it would have been i think if the test would have been done sooner....

GirlHarley · 04-16-2004, 12:16 PM

Is the father of your daughter on the birth certificate?

I would contact the father ( if you can still talk with him ) and let him know your intentions. See a Lawyer for the rights of your daughter. Regardless of your income, the father of your daughter is also olbigated to pay support, but like the other post mentioned, keep in mind he is entitled to visitation rights as well as holidays. This can all be set up with an attorney.

The amount expected for child support is based on his Gross Salary on what he files with the IRS. In the state of MA, it is 27%. A lawyer can explain everything to you and what to expect. It may cost you anywhere from
$1K to $2K but for your daughter it will be welll worth it. You can also use the child support to set up her College Fund or put into a Savings Account.

Also, if he has a better Health Insurance then you, he can also cover your daughter with His Health Insurance.

Good Luck.

KimRick · 04-16-2004, 12:46 PM

Sorry - long post:

I live in Florida and I know that if another man adopts your child, then the biological father does not have to pay shild support for a child that he no longer has any rights to, but you can be married to another man who is not your child's father and still be paid your support. I'm in the same boat as you right now!!!

My daughter just turned 8 in January and I have been trying to collect child support for her since she was 3. We were together for about 2 years when I got pg. He was all "excited" about her coming until my "best friend" set him up with another mutal aquaintance of ours. He started dating her and hating me and our unborn child. He was even too busy with her to come to the hospital and sign the birth certificate and pick us up to go home. Do you know what it's like to be waiting, with a newborn, at the hospital to go home and have no one show up?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I ALWAYS told him, from the beginning, that him being a father to her was more important than a check, but he didn't want that either. So, I waited for 3 years for him to "grow up" and try to be somewhat of a father figure for her and when I realized that wasn't going to happen, I filed. Now, he has another little girl (with this "aquaintance" whom he is now married to) who is approx. 18 months younger than mine that he TOTALLY supports!! He found out that I filed against him and fled from Florida to Pennsylvania, when they found him in PA, he fled to New Jersey, when they found him in NJ, he fled to Massachusettes and he's been bouncing back and forth ever since! Every time he finds out that he's been found, he leaves.

Right now, there's an arrest warrant for him in Florida, but that warrant is no good in any other state, and it's not like he's coming back anyways. It's really hard because a court order in FL has no jurisdiction in other states, which means I have to register the order in whatever state he's in at the moment, which takes 6-9 months and by then he's gone and I have to start all over in whatever state they find him in next! All that changed, though, on April 23, 04 when they caught him leaving for work, which is under the table, and they brought him to court the next day, purged him for $15,000.00 and threw him in jail for 60 days or until he pays me! I think that he's going to ride out the 60 days because he made a comment to the arresting officer, "I have the money - I'm just not going to pay her"! He also just "burried" himself in court by cussing out me and my daughter in front of the judge. I think he beleives that he's free to go after the 60 days are up, but little does he know that he has to go before the same judge BEFORE they release him and from what I've heard, I've got a really tough judge!

When I first filed, they automatically purged him for 3 years back child support @ $805.00/month. That's what usually happens unless the father can provide proof, receipts/canceled checks/etc., that he has been paying up until the time you filed. Also, it doesn't end when the child turns 18, if he/she is still in school (college), he still has to pay; if the child is 18 and he's still not done making payments, he has to pay until it's paid off. I have this friend who is 26 and she told me that her father is STILL paying her mother back shild support for her and her sister, who is in her early 30's - married w/2 kids of her own!!! My uncle has 3 kids with his ex-wife that are well over 18 (none of which are in school) and he' still paying his back shild support for them!!!

Anyways, He made a FEW payments and that was it. He currently owes me about $60,000.00, which includes arrears, interest, and penalty fees. Also, when a man doesn't pay his child support it goes on his credit report! But in my case, that means nothing because he works under the table and everything he owns is in his wife's name and it's illegal to go after her!

I, too, was EXTREMELY worried about him wanting visitation rights and all that, but reality is he hasn't seen her since she was 3 months old - no judge in his right mind is going to grant visitation rights to a man who doesn't do anything for his child and possibly screw with the child's mental / emotional well-being.

My advice to you is DON'T GIVE UP & BE STRONG! It's going to be a long and bumpy road, but you'll get through it, just don't give up!

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOUR JOURNEY WITH THE U.S. COURT SYSTEM!