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Old 04-20-2004, 06:49 AM   #1
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mommajessibelle HB User
In need of some major advice

Ok heres the scoop. My brother and sil recently gained gaurdionship(sp) of my sil's cousins 3 year old. This little boy is the sweetest little thing there is. The trouble is that is mother was (and still is) on drugs really really bad. This little guy is 3 and still on the bottle and NO where near being to a point to start potty training him. He has been abused by his mother, to the extent ,we dont know. I have recently started watching him during the day because my brother and sil both work. I have 3 kids of my own but with him it seems everything is different.He is very standoffish about things and doesnt really interact very well. We are trying to gte him on a set schedule and give the poor guy some stability but he is just so confused right now about everything that is going on. I dont know what to do with him or what the best thing to do would be. I really hope this makes sense to someone out there. I think my brother is great for doing what he is doing but He doesnt know what to do to help this child he is trying to do what is best for him he just isnt really sure what that is.and neither do I. can someone help?
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Melissa 9, Brandon 8, and MaeLynn 6

 
Old 04-20-2004, 09:01 AM   #2
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Re: In need of some major advice

I think the most important thing to begin with is to leave the bottle and the toilet training alone for the time being. He needs his comfort items until he has adjusted to his new home and he needs to be accepted AS HE IS. IMHO, this includes allowing him to be as standoff-ish as he needs to be.

I agree wholeheartedly that routines are a good thing. Structure, once they get used to it, is comforting to children. But, it will probably take this little one a while to adjust to it as it sounds like he came from a chaotic environment.

God Bless You and your family for what you are doing for this child!

 
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Old 04-20-2004, 11:25 AM   #3
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Re: In need of some major advice

I agree with index.html.

In time the three yr old will be observing what the other children are doing.
He just needs lots of love and attention right now. Slowly he will want off the bottle and want to play with the other children. Bringing him to a park where there are other children would help, keeping in mind...it will scare him because of his new structure but baby step for this poor little boy.
BUT, this poor little boy with the love your brother/sister in law and yourself provide him he will come out of his shell and become a happy 3 or 4 yr old depending on the time it takes him to open up.

Best of luck to you all!

 
Old 04-20-2004, 11:48 AM   #4
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monicanicole HB User
Re: In need of some major advice

He may need to see a doctor, if his mom was doing drugs while pregnant. If so, its possible he has developmental difficulties. He is only 3, but its still good to know.
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Old 04-28-2004, 04:07 PM   #5
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Re: In need of some major advice

I commend you on taking on this little boy even if it just during the day while your brother is at work. I took on my two neices when my brother in law and his wife split up and neither of them were able to take care of them due to drugs he was living with us but having a hard time. Kids comming out of situations especially where drugs are involved need a lot of structure because usually they have never had it. I would agree though not to worry about his bottle or toilet training for now.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 06:54 PM   #6
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mommajessibelle HB User
Re: In need of some major advice

Just an update on this little guy. He has given up the bottle (his own choice) and is doing really good with things thus far,But something new has arisen. He has started pinching not just your regular little pinch this is a pinch with an added twist to it and it hurts like none other. He has done this to me a couple times and to my Sil many times and now has started doing it to my 2 & 4 year old. I have tried time out but that doesnt seem to be working and I'm not sure what to do with him and neither are they. Other than that things are going very well since he has been with me during the day he has come out of his shell a little more and with me working with him he is now able to write his name it is a little hard to read yet but all the letters are there. He is a very smart little boy just have trouble getting it out lol thanks for your advice it was greatly appriciated.
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If GOD brings you to it... He WILL bring you through it.

mother of 3
Melissa 9, Brandon 8, and MaeLynn 6

 
Old 05-08-2004, 10:38 AM   #7
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sherry47 HB User
Re: In need of some major advice

I just want to commend you and your brother for what you are doing for this little boy. This little boy is blessed to have all of you in his life. Just keep showing him love, which is something he probably never knew.

As far as the pinching thing, it could just be his way of getting attention. Negative attention is attention none the less. It could also be that someone was doing this to him, especially since you said he doesn't just pinch but twists as well. It sounds like something some drugged up idiot would do to a child. It could just be this little guys way of letting you know what was done to him. He does need to know this is not acceptable behavior, but in a very loving way.

In the long run, I think God will bless you and your family greatly for what you are doing for this little guy. Hang in there.

God Bless,
Sherry
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