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Old 05-07-2004, 09:31 PM   #1
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DreaJ HB User
My 7 year old is making me crazy!!!

I have a 7 year old daughter, and she is at the end of her first grade year. She does EXCELLENTLY in school, and is VERY social. Her teacher has nothing but kind words to say. At home, though, she is VERY defiant, often times screaming at me that she will not do something when she is told. When she is not being defiant, she is crying like a baby, literally. Whining, throwing herself in the floor. Talking baby talk. She is the oldest of 4, (3 yr.old son, and 2 15 month old twin girls). This has only started within the last 3 months, before that she was great. I am a single parent, and thank goodness I am able to stay home, so I dont need to work right now, but its just me trying to handle her. I have tried a punishment/reward system, we made a chart and she earned stars, both good and bad ones, and at the end of the week there were rewards if she was good, and "punishments" if she was bad. (Such as losing a toy for a week, t.v. time, or time with friends). I have also tried sitting her down for time outs, and that hasnt helped. Sending her to her room is no good. The FINAL thing I am doing now is refusing to acknowledge her when she acts out, not telling her to stop crying, but rather let her have it out. That has worked somewhat, the behavior doesnt last as long when I dont pay attention to it, but the defiance hasnt subsided. Any suggestions?? Thanks!!
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Old 05-08-2004, 09:00 AM   #2
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HeyThere HB User
Re: My 7 year old is making me crazy!!!

She probably needs one on one attention with you only so you can regain the respect. If she continues this way she will turn to other things for attention in any which manner positive or NEGATIVE or even from people whom you might not expect/suspect to harm your child that have access to her. The Girl Scouts Council can help her get the attention she needs.
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Old 05-08-2004, 09:14 AM   #3
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Re: My 7 year old is making me crazy!!!

i also have a 7 year old who acts very similar so enrolled her in soccer and vio;in since then she's been doing pretty well not perfect but has gotten a little better there are so many things out there that children can do to teach them some other means of disipline i know it's not the full answere but it does ease it alittle bit hope i helped a little i know how tough it can be tryed the reward system to didn't work at all kelleigh

 
Old 05-08-2004, 09:43 AM   #4
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sherry47 HB User
Re: My 7 year old is making me crazy!!!

Hi, I'm afraid I can't offer much help because I am also at my wits end with my ten year old son. I just have one comment. I don't remember where I heard it, but, I heard we should never send the child to their room. The reason being it's not really a punishment because they have all of their toys and things there. It's their space, they are comfortable there. Unless your childs room only has furniture and clothes there is actually more for them to do in their room than there was in the family living area. Kind of makes sense to me. Of course, if there is something special going on in the family area, (ie. birthday party, family game night, or special gathering), then it would be a punishment to send them "away" from everyone.

I know I said I only had one comment, but, LOL, it just occured to me that perhaps your daughter is acting out at home because that is her "safe" place. If she is spending all day at school being "nice", maybe she just needs that little tantrum at home to release the stress of being "good" all day. It shows she feels safe at home. Maybe you should try talking to her about it, see if maybe something happened at school that she might feel was unfair. Or maybe it was just a stressful day because they had a lot of work to do.

Good luck. The fact that she is not acting out at school shows that she knows this behavior is not acceptable in public. That means you are doing your job. It also shows she "can" control her behavior and it is not something like ADHD. I think she just may need to learn other ways to channel her frustrations and stress from the day.

God Bless,
Sherry
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Old 05-13-2004, 01:13 PM   #5
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Re: My 7 year old is making me crazy!!!

HI,
My son is also the oldest of 4 and in the first grade. His school every week sends home a little behavior newsletter just for 1st grade parents. The entire thing is about how odd 1st graders act at home. The person they love the most is the one they defy the most. How for some reason 1st graders feel the need to start arguments, not do what they are told, etc... at home. My son at times thinks he just knows everything. Anyway, we have tried everything....rewards, taking stuff away, time outs, etc... Nothing worked. Finally one day I just sat down with him and asked him who gets you ready in the morning, who helps you be sure you have your stuff for school, who gets up with in the middle of the night when your legs hurt, who taught you to tie your shoes? He said you do. I said ok...so I do all this for you what do you do for me? If you want to continue having me help you out on things then you have to start helping me and doing what you are told. He said ok. So it has been 3 days since then. I have not had to get upset with him yet. He told me that he didn't realize I was doing all of those things for him. He said he would try to start doing a better job at being my kid. so far so good. But we will see, he could go back at any time to how it was before.
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