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Old 05-16-2004, 12:45 PM   #1
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eltwins HB User
9 year old, with no real friends

My son is 9, and having trouble with friends. His trouble is that he is so intense and tries so hard to be liked, that he ends up pushing them away. They reject him and play with the others who are 'easier' to play with. We have tried to talk to him about it, but he refuses to listen to us and any suggestions we have. He takes that as us being nasty. We have asked our doctor for a referal, which has come back with a 9 month waiting list to see a someone. But even if we get there, they really need to see him with the other boys to see what is happening, not having him in a room asking questions. We are getting really worried as he has no real friends as he is being too over bearing. What can we do?? Thanks for any help.

 
Old 05-16-2004, 02:35 PM   #2
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Re: 9 year old, with no real friends

Is your son by chance a "strong willed" child, one who wants everyone to play his way and not willing to play their way at any time? If so, this is most likely the cause of other children going different directions to play.

If this is the case, you will want to learn all you can about strong willed children and then go from there.

In order to have a friend you must first be a friend. You might research exactly what "friend" means and then explain to your son.

 
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Old 05-16-2004, 03:23 PM   #3
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Re: 9 year old, with no real friends

I hate to say this but being completely alone teaches them so many things. My oldest is 12 and is just now beginning to get friends. She is one who always wants to be right and always do things her way. We talked with her many a time about this when she would say that no one wanted to play with her.

I finally took a different angle and had a different talk with her. I told her that everyone wanted to be right some of the time. I also told her that she needed to spend some time alone and figure out what was important to her. Was it more important to have friends or be right all of the time? I told her that that was not something I could decide for her.

One good thing about kids is that they are very forgiving. They can be very harsh but also seem to allow change. She started to get nicer to people in her class. That spilled out onto the playground. She finally had one or two girls calling her and finally we are having kids stay the night.

We also had a talk with her about her choice of friends. She wasnt happy unless the person was popular. I finally told her that she could be alone waiting for the popular crowd which we wouldnt let her do anything with anyway. OR she could get a close group that she could really talk to that may not be popular but were true. None of the girls she hangs out with now are considered popular but they all seem happy.

Good luck to both of you
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Old 05-17-2004, 03:21 AM   #4
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Re: 9 year old, with no real friends

Thanks for your responses, that is EXACTLY what my son is like. Mommyof4....even more so, that is what he is like. Thanks for the advise, I will give that a go, although normally when I try to broach the subject he shuts off and doesn't listen, because of course he is right and I am wrong! I will give it a go, along the lines that you said. Thanks again.

 
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