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Old 05-25-2004, 04:03 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Queensland Australia
Posts: 30
sueinoz HB User
End of Road

I am desperate for help. Do I end my 3 yr relationship because my partner can't and wont control his 9yr son. I just can't take it anymore. My 14yr daughter is threatening to go live with her father interstate as she can't take the abuse from the boy anymore either. He tells me to get out of his life!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to be in his life. His behaviour is disgraceful. He treats us all like dirt under his feet and his dad allows it. I have tried everything and just can't build any sort of relationship with him. I am to the point now where I don't want to and almost find myself provoking him into bad behaviour.
My daughter and I have been sworn at, punched and generally treated like dirt. I can't believe that a 9 yr can bring out the rage in me that he does. He also has problems at school. You can read a previous post of mine to see that attitude of his dad.
Trouble is I love his dad to death and I know he loves me but he seems to be so afraid to disipline this kid.
I can't stand this anymore but it will be about 6-8 weeks before I can afford to move out. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need some support or advice.

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Old 05-25-2004, 04:14 AM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,588
GirlHarley HB User
Re: End of Road

I really feel for you. Sounds like your in a tough decision here and the fact that you have already looked into leaving but can't for 6 to 8 weeks.

As much as you love your husband, do you respect him as a father? Sounds like he has no balls in teaching his child how to behave or show you lack of respect for you as his wife or step mom to his son.

Well, your daughter should come first, she needs you and doesn't need to be harrassed by a 9 yr old brat. If your husband is not helping or taking control on the actions of his son - then it's your husband & your step son who is making the decisions for you to move out. From your prevoius posts and now this one - you have put up with this long enough.

If you want one last effort before moving there anyway when the boy comes to visit that you & your daughter can be unavialable? Meaning go out shopping, dinner, visit friends, get out of the house when he comes to visit - if he is spending the night...It's your husband who should be taking care of the boys needs...Not YOU! Remove yourself emtionally from the boy.
Ignore Him - walk past him like he's not there. Sounds like he wants all the attention and he's getting it in any way he can. Tough Love, the kid may really be seeking love from his father and is taking out neglect of this on you and your daughter. Go out for an evening to the movies, ice cream, or a drive around...Your husband should be responsible for his son...NOT YOU.

Hope this helps.

Old 05-25-2004, 04:36 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
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MandyAnne26 HB User
Re: End of Road

You need to put your daugters needs above those of yourself and your partner. If she feels your chosing those two over her it will damage her emotionaly and hurt your relationship with her. That being said it's hard to just get up and leave a 3 year relationship, but what can you do? live in misery while this kid grows and his behaviour gets worse (because without decipline it will get worse not better), have your daugter move away from you? You need to let him know that if he doesn't start looking for ways to help his son and make a real effort than you will have to leave, if he truly loves you than he will say ok lets figure out what to do so we all can be happy (i can guarentee you his son is not a happy person, happy people don't go around abusing the people around them). Suggest maybe some family couseling, and private for his son. You really need to have the situation improve or you do have to leave, it would be different if the son was acting like that dispite his father trying to help him and disipline him but he's not, you can't stay in a situation like that, if for no reason other than your daughter, maybe you can work out a situation where your still dating and you see eachother alot you just don't live together. Just think of it in terms of what it's costing your daughter, you can love him all you want, but is it worth losing your daughter over?

Old 05-25-2004, 04:57 AM   #4
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sueinoz HB User
Re: End of Road

The brat lives with us 24/7

Old 05-25-2004, 06:16 AM   #5
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: End of Road

Originally Posted by sueinoz
The brat lives with us 24/7

Then I guess - You should really consider your move out. Step Parenting is one of the hardest to do aside from raising your own children. If you have done a good job so far on raising your daughter and your husband/boyfriend can't find it in him to raise his son with the same Values, Morals, respect that you have taught your daughter..Your in a losing battle over a 9year old and with your partner. Where's the respect and team work here? If there is none what choice do you have to save your sanity?

There isn't a double standard here - YES, you both have children - but one is disclipned and one is not, one is yours and one is not, one listens and respects you and one does not...If all avenues of step parenting or becoming a parent to this 9year old boy has been exhuasted and you have not had the support from the father of the boy - You Lose this battle but will win back your freedom, respect, and abuse of this child put on you along with the father. You say the father loves you to death but if he did.....WHY has he allowed this to go on as long as it has and has dismissed your mother skill to help this child? Has anyone spoke with the school regarding his behavoir?
Is there any direction or support with the school who can guide this little lost boy? It could also be this boy has hatered towards you for the lost love of his own mother - She has not been mentioned or have I missed that post?

The boy is reacting the only way he knows how but deep down inside of him is a lost unloved boy - spoiled you may think and I'm sure it seems that way but a 9 year old only knows how to get his way, something deep has troubled him and if he doesn't get the help he needs he will be one of those lost children in the world until whatever has caused his anger and resentment towards you is surfaced. If this is too much for you to deal with, if your not getting the support from the child's mother or father, if you have just given up because you see no other option, if you are mentally exhausted and can no longer see any change, then YES...Time to Move on with your daughter and start a new life where you can find peace.

Good Luck.

Last edited by GirlHarley; 05-25-2004 at 06:16 AM.

Old 05-25-2004, 02:07 PM   #6
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Hollywood, FL - USA
Posts: 1,000
KimRick HB User
Re: End of Road

WHERE IS THIS BOY'S MOTHER?!?!?!?! Maybe that's why he is acting out, because there is no mother. You seriously need to sit down and speak to your partner about this and explain to him that you're on the verge of moving out because of this child's behavior. Has anyone suggested therapy for the child, for everyone involved? What do the teacher's say/suggest?

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