hi platinium, i just want to say, i am 19 and just had my first baby (a girl) last october and she is now nearly 9 months, but i was the same way i wouldnt let ppl touch or hold my baby, i wouldnt let ppl watch her and i even stopped letting ppl in my house! i really lost my mind, i found out i had OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) i have been in therpy and on meds as well to help with the anziety, and i strogly recomend that you talk to you doctor about your anziety right now, you may feel much better if you could take something (as i do) i am on a VERY low dose of paxil cr and it really really really helps me deal with the anziety and makes me a better mother all around.
and about the grems...i sanitized everything like crazy, well my baby didnt get sick but now her imune system is not built up like it should be and she gets every little cold and bug there is out there.....try to remeber that babies NEED germs to be srtong, and when you start freaking out just try to tell yourself that! you are lucky to have you baby in the summer, i had mine right before winter in the midst of that terrible flu epidemic going around and babies dying, i was scared to death! but really consider talking to your doc, ohh and just so ya know paxil IS considered SAFE for a breastfeeding mother to take
ok now about going back to school...GO GO GO GO GO !!!!!!!!
there are GOOD babysitters out there and you will find out, dont miss out on going to school right now, like i am
dont get me wrong, i love being here with my daughter, but it is hard knowing that i only have a high school diploma which may get me a real good job at the local grogery store making pennies an hour (luckly i have a wonderful fiance (the babys dad) with a great job to support us all)......STAY IN SCHOOL GIRL!!!!
you dont want to have to depend on your parents or anyone for that matter.....
and plus you will be so glad you will have the money to take your little girl shopping for new school clothes when she goes!
so if you read nothing else just know these three things
1. BABIES NEED GERMS TO BUILD A HEALTHY IMMUNE SYSTEM
2. ASK YOUR DOCTOR FOR SOME ANZIETY MEDICATION (and i mean that in the nicest way
3. STAY IN SCHOOL!!!!!
and good luck to you, i hope it all works out.