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Old 06-15-2004, 01:21 PM   #1
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Unhappy Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

My day has been horrible. Ethan was up till 5 a.m. He cried all night and is crying most of the day today. I have tried everything people have told me.. repeated burping.. leaving him in the swing (which makes him scream harder) All of a sudden he wants to eat every hour it seems... His crying gets to me only after 10 minutes or so. I can't take it! I NEED someone here with me... I HATE being this alone. I do not know what this child wants when I have done everything.. I let him scream for a while like I was told to and it doesn't stop..... I feel like a horiible mom.... he is so helpless and I can't do ANYTHING for him. I hate that my husband has gone back to work. All I do is cry now... I cry because I do not know what to do for him... because I am alone in the day... I have a councellor coming on Thursday... but really... what can she do? She will leave as well..... I am lost.........
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Ethan James born May 26th, 2004 at 3:55 p.m. weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces.

 
Old 06-15-2004, 01:41 PM   #2
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

Take a deep breathe... calm down. Babys cry for no reason sometimes. All you can do is try to comfort them the bast you can. If you are tense and getting frustrated you son will sense this and it will make it worse.

Is your mom or MIL or someone you know live close that could come by or you could drive to there house for a bit? If so have someone who is calm and not frustrated hold him for a bit. I know this worked for me with my first son. He was crying early in the evening and continued though the night into the next day. I finally called the dr, I thought something must have been wrong with him, my Dha nd I just couldnt get him to stop crying, we tryied everything. The dr checked him out and said nothing was wrong with him. I was in tears, I just couldnt stop him from crying, finally after the dr I went to my moms house, she picked my son up and BAM.. he stopped crying. I was completely baffled. I realized my DH and I were just to frustrated and tease that he would stop crying that it made it worse. I never had this problem with my daughter who is the oldest.

Just try and calm down and take a couple deep breathes, this to shall pass.

Good luck

 
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Old 06-15-2004, 01:48 PM   #3
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

Hi.

I know how you feel. This is what I did with my daugther. I made an emergency visit to my pediatrician to make sure that I was was feeding her enough and properly and also to rule out any illnesses or colic. Sounds kind of silly but that's what they are there for and that way I would know for sure that it was just her being a newborn and crying is all apart of it.

Just a suggestion. This phase will pass.

Good Luck!

 
Old 06-15-2004, 01:51 PM   #4
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

Looks like I'm not the only one that had a bad night, again. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having so much trouble. I was starting to feel like a bad mom too because last night, I didn't wake my baby up every 2-3 hours to feed her, I just let her wake up on her own. But she didn't sleep for at least three hours this morning. She just kept staring at me, when I finally just put her in the bed with me, and I didn't know what to do. I tried to play with her, but she kept that same look.

I know it's VERY stressful having this little person who needs to rely on you for every single thing they need, yet they can't talk to you. I'm not exactly sure what to tell you to do, I'm normally on the receiving side of the advice too. I know that when my brother was a baby, my parents said that he would not stop crying...he had a hernia (sp?), but they didn't know it. Maybe your son has that? If he's still crying, like right now, or just hasn't calmed down much, I think you should take him to the doctor. Yeah, be a pain in their tail over the little things that "babies are supposed to do." It will help a lot better than nothing. I wish I had more to say to help out with his crying, but I'm new to this parenting thing too.

I know that it doesn't even seem like talking to new, or old fashioned parents helps at all. I tried letting my daughter cry, and it drove me nuts. I burst into tears apologizing for not knowing what she wanted. Yeah, it's a pain.

Who can take the baby for you sometimes during the day? Does your mom work? Any cousins, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles? Even if you don't get any sleep while someone else takes over for a while, the simple relief may help out a little. Even if you can just go take a shower and let out a sigh. I haven't had a chance to take a shower in the past two days, eww LOL. And then I don't WANT anyone else to be able to soothe her the way that I can. It's confusing. How's your husband been helping you out when he gets off of work? I know that you want to show sympathy towards him having to work 8 hours a day, but look, your a mom 24/7, and that is definitely a full time job. Ask him to take over when he gets home and gets settled in (a shower and dinner), and then you take time to do the same. I don't see any reason why you should have to do it all alone, not saying that you do, just saying.

For now, I'm probably just going to repeat what everyone else has been telling you: swaddle, sing, walk, talk, bounce, swing, drive, play, whatever. But just check in with your doctor still, to make sure there isn't something more serious going on that you wouldn't be able to take care of, even if you knew.

Let me know how it goes.
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Baby Girl born June 4th @ 9:41pm

 
Old 06-15-2004, 04:54 PM   #5
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

There is basically noone here for me. My MIL is around and she takes the baby once a week for us to get some sleep for one night... she babysits when I have to go out of town on Dr.'s appointments. She is a VERY busy lady otherwise so I can't just call her on a whim. My mother is an hour and a hlaf away and does not drive and hates screaming babies so that is pointless. My one and only friend works all this week during the time my husband works. (I just moved to this town about a year ago and know noone). My husband is VERY supportive and tries to help, but he HAS to go back to work to be able to raise our child. He is good to take the baby for a while when he gets home and he even stays up with him sometimes at night, but then he is dead tires for work and when he gets home and I feel SO darn guilty about that. So, as you can see... during the day, I am literally on my own and just do nt know what to do. I love my baby, I know that... I just don't know what to do to help him.
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Ethan James born May 26th, 2004 at 3:55 p.m. weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces.

 
Old 06-15-2004, 06:32 PM   #6
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

I know how you feel. I'm not there, so I can't evaluate your baby for myself, not that I'd know too much of what to look for, but I do suggest that you check with his doctor to make sure it isn't colic or a hernia, or anything like that. And I agree with the other replies about how you need to be calm in order for your baby to be calm. He looks to you for how he should feel, toddlers do it too, like when they fall and hurt themselves the first couple of times.

It's good that your husband helps you. I'm not trying to say that you should amp up his side of taking care of the baby because yes, he does work all day. I'm just saying that you work all day too, and don't feel guilty becuase you have to ask him to take care of the baby more than you would like. Remember, you just gave birth to that baby, and your body is still trying to level itself, so take it easy.

...and check in with the doctor.
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Baby Girl born June 4th @ 9:41pm

 
Old 06-15-2004, 06:47 PM   #7
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

Happymom2b...ok, you need to take a deep breath and calm down. It's true..Ethan will sense your anxiety and it will only defeat the purpose of getting him to be more comfortable. I am a pediatric nurse & may be able to give you some tools to work with. First...how old is Ethan? Is he nursing or bottlefeeding?

Newborns respond well to a routine. They need to feel secure & swaddling is important when lying them down to sleep. Rolling a blanket into a roll that you place between them & the side of their basinett is another good trick. Be sure to give Ethan a good feeding with burping in between. Diaper him just before feeding so if he drifts to sleep he is ready to be put down. Babies also need to suck in between feedings...a pacifier is good for this. After you know he is fed well...emptying both breasts or the bottle and he is burped place the pacifier in his mouth...gently move him to his bassinett/cradle rocking him gently and humming softly. Slow the pace down slowly as you lower him into place. If he fusses continue to hum and rub his back allowing him to know you are still there. Place the roll behind him & tuck him tightly in with a receiving blanket tucking it under each side of the mattress. The tighter the better.This is a start...most of all show him who's boss and with confidence. And when he rests & sleeps take a nap yourself...being sleep deprived is not good for you of the baby.

Just a few pointers...if you need any more advice just give a shout!!!...Goody

 
Old 06-15-2004, 08:15 PM   #8
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

Thank you for the advice. Ethan is 3 weeks old. I would try the wrapping the blanket into the matress, but his basinett is a pack and play one that is too wide for that... same with his crib.. unless I am missing something. See, tonight, we did everything we could to keep him awake till we go to bed, but it was impossible, so we know, in another 2-3 hours, he will be awake for 3 or 4 hours. I will make sure and swaddle him ALL the time now... we were doing it only for night time. Ethan is bottle feeding. I do have a doctors appointment next Monday with him so I can ask about the colicky thing. Anyways, thank ou so much for the advice goody and the friendship Platinum. Platinum.. you are so kind to help me out considering what you are going through as well. Much love, Mary Jane
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Ethan James born May 26th, 2004 at 3:55 p.m. weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces.

 
Old 06-16-2004, 04:27 AM   #9
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

Hi sorry to hear you are so distressed I also went through the same thing with my daughter, it got so bad in the end I was at the emergency room of the hospital 3 times in one week In the end she was diagnosed with reflux AND colic Not saying that your baby has either, but try elevating him if you can......In the end with my daughter EVERYTHING was elevated, so that she was pretty much never flat on her back......Also try burping more often during the feed......I also had to put her on a thickened formula for the reflux.......You may want to also get some colic drops ....Not sure what brands you have where you are , I am in Australia The reason they say to elevate the baby is to stop that awful acidic stuff going up into their windpipe and throat..Anyway just a few pointers you may want to try out ......Hope something works and you are able to get some much needed rest
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Old 06-16-2004, 07:36 AM   #10
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

Mary Jane...Try putting Ethan in something less open than the pack & play. Perhaps you can get yourself a bassinett or cradle or even a basket bed...even a large dresser drawer or his stroller would be better than something so open . Just think about it...Ethan just recently emerged from the comfort of your tight womb where he was all tight & snuggily...try to make a similar environment outside the womb for him. As time goes on he'll adjust to the jungle of the world he just entered. Try to look at things from his perspective....and if you do you will find the little tricks that make him comfortable.

I'm glad to hear that you are more relaxed....that's important!!! And don't forget to take some rest time for yourself. As far a Ethan waking every 3 hours to feed that is all perfectly normal....it'll get better as he grows and is able to take more formula to sustain him. If you are feeding him at say 10 or 11pm ad he is waking around 2am and 5am for feedings that sounds about right. All us mom's went through this except some very lucky ones!!! And the time will come when he's about 8-10 weeks when he doesn't cry until 6am & you run over to him tpo see if he's still breathing only to discover to your joy that he has finally slept through the night

Hang in there...you have alot to look forward to!!! Enjoy Ethan...this will all pass and you won't even remember it being that bad. You're just tired and have gone through a lot these past 10 months to get him here.

Now go find Ethan a mock uterus...so he can rest & you can too...Goody

 
Old 06-16-2004, 07:52 AM   #11
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

HAPPYMOM-
i went through the same thing with my (now 3 yr old) son. he was a 32 week preemie and had slight reflux and major formula intolerance. we're talking projectiling every single feeding and then incessant screaming. i ended up changing peds. the new one said to try different formulas. i finally went with the "contented cow" carnation good start and it was a miracle.
i totally know that feeling of inadequacy. my mom would come over and as soon as she picked up ross he would immediately quiet down. to this day, i don't know how we got through that 1st year! so many changes!!!!
i know it's easier said than done, but try to remember you are doing just fine! as long as ethan's dry & fed, not feverish, he's probably ok.
i totally believe the wives tale: if their hard on you the 1st year, toddlerhood is a breeze. if the 1st year is easy, look out for the terrible twos! take heart, you are a great mom and can get through this!
laney

 
Old 06-17-2004, 07:14 AM   #12
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

How are things today...Mary Jane? Was thinking of you and hoping things went better last night with Ethan. I remember those days...being a new mom and wondering if I was doing things right & how to do the best thing for my baby. Even being a pediatric nurse and all...so don't worry every new mom goes throg what you're going through. And I didn't have the computer resources that you have today & I still made it through!!! 15 years ago and it seems like only yesterday.

Just thought I'd check in with you....just give a holler if you need anything...Goody

 
Old 06-17-2004, 02:07 PM   #13
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Re: Please help... I am lost.... - Platinum??

I would look into GERD. this is acid reflux which can be silent or not. My son has it and started having screaming spells arching his back like he was in pain. Started reducing his feeds drastically. Instead of eating every 3 hours he would eat every 1 or 2 hours but small amounts. It's the natural response to eliminate the pain without starving. Or it could be colic . But seriously it could be an underlying medical condition and just a warning doctors ALWAYS try to diagnose colic for unexplainable behavior. They tried to tell me my son had colic but I didn't believe them and I turned out being right. I know how you feel. My husband left for school in the mornings and I was all alone. When he got home he would take over so I could eat, sleep, shower ect...

 
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