I have a two year old son and my hushand and I think he is going through the terrible twos, however as neither of us have had kids before we are not sure what to expect, our son is nasty at times, he refuses to eat, drink, throws things, won't play with toys, hits out at me, I have bruises to prove it and I'm on anti-depressents due to the death of my Mum two years ago, I suffered post natal depression too at the same time, I don't know what else I can do, I can't seem to control him, I have no authority in my voice, anybody else have this problem, I'm scared as my hubby and I wants to try for another baby in September so I really need some advice?????
Well, they don't call them "terrible twos" for nothing!
Have you tried time-outs? Or taking away priviledges or special toys, especially when he hits? As far as the eating thing, two-year-olds are notorious for that. But I would try to put a stop to the hitting. But just know that that's pretty normal too. At this age they don't have the verbal abilities so they get frustrated and hit or push, etc. Good luck and let me know how you're doing.
my daughter is going through the smae thing. Here's what seems to make all the difference for me:
Make sure he's getting enough sleep. Mine need's 10 hours at night, and 1-2 hours during the day.
Make sure he's eating enough. 3 to 4 meals a day, and lots of healthy snacks! Lots to drink as well.
Get him outside. Take him to a feild and let him run. Take him to the pool if you like to swim and start getting him into it.
Be firm. It's hard when you are depressed (I suffer from depression as well), but once you get into the habit of being true to your word, it'll be much easier. When he is doing something that he shouldn't, take action. My daughter loves to screech at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get what she wants. I usually tell her to stop and that I'll leave the room or we'll go home if she doesn't. She may not understand all of what I'm saying yet, but she does understand that if she doesn't stop, I will leave the room or take her home. It's the same with hitting. If she hits me, she can't sit with me or within hitting distance of me. She has to play alone for a few minutes. I started doing this a month ago and so far it has made the most difference. Just remember. Most children at this age don't understand discipline (a smack on the bottom, yelling, being "grounded', having privileges taken away). But they do need bounderies, and you have to try to enforce them!
Steph, mum of Emma- March 14, 2003
I agree with the other posters that this is normal and I think you have lots of good suggestions already, especially making sure he is getting enough sleep and doing lots of things to get rid of energy. Something else I would like to suggest is to give him choices whenever possible to help avoid the tantrums. When they feel in control they are less likely to throw them. Of course not everything can be a choice but you can try to find one in as many situations as possible.
Some examples would be:
1. Its time for your nap. Do you want to sleep with the blue blankie or the red one?
2. Its time to pick up your blocks. Do you want to pick up the red ones first or the yellow ones?
3. Its time for breakfast. Do you want Cheerios or toast?
When he does throw a tantrum, tries to hit, screams, etc. be sure to give him the language so that he will learn to appropriately express himself. Say something like, you are angry with mommy because I won't let you play in the street, but I love you and have to keep you safe. Eventually rather than screaming, crying, etc. he will begin to say things like "I mad at mommy".
When they can do that it starts to get better.
I know a lot of parents wouldn't agree with me and I only use it as a last resort, but I do believe spanking on the bottom, with my hand, is appropriate in cases of willful disobedience. I would never spank a child for spilling a drink, forgetting to put away his toys, etc., but I will do it if my child tells me no, tries to hit me or willfully defies my instructions (and I can tell its intentional). We have used this method and all three of our children (oldest two are too old for it now) and they only had to be spanked three or four times in their lives. They learn quickly what we will and will not tolerate.
OH, gosh! The Terrible Twos....be advised they will get better when they are three.
Right now he is finding his limits and learning he is an individual...apart from you. A part of this is seeing how far he can go with you. Just as the others said, you have to be firm and set some limits. Eventually he will get the idea but will try his best to push your buttons to get his way. There will be other stages later, where they will keep doing this. A way of finding more about themselves and how to relate to everyone else in their world.
Right now, I help take care of a six year old who is very stubborn and will call me "meany" or "I do not love her anymore" if I do not let her have her way. She does this with her mother too. Eventually children will learn the limits we set are for their own good.....even if it might mean our sanity while going through the tantrums At some point, we do have to let them stretch their wings abit. But hopefully, they have learned we are right there to catch them if they fall. Eventually, they will spread their wings and find the lessons will stick with them....
Love is not always a cushion but an rudder to hold them true to life's course.
I have been through the terrable two's four times and am going through it again and I have a baby, yes that does mean 6 kids altogether.
All the advice so far seams about right.
The only thing I have to add is that bear in mind that if a child hits out and you react in much the same way it only teaches the child that it is alright to do that. So stay calm and let them huff and throw a wobbler as long as they can't hurt themselves they will see it isn't getting the reaction they wanted and it will stop.
Show the child who is boss they are only testing you.
It is right in saying that you should turn there attention away from there strop by introducing something consructive to do, I always ignored the mood swings in my two year olds and said "Well are you going to sit there all day or shall we go for a walk"(something different every day) if you are dusting give them a duster, or brush the floor and get them a little brush kids of that age love to feel as though they are helping you and also love to please you, instantly they were sweetness and light again. Toys that match the jobs around the house you are doing are great like a toy hover !
My eldest is now 12 I have children at ages 12, 11, 8, 6, 2 and 2 months and I always get praised on how well behaved and polite they are, and a credit to me !!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to say that sometimes the terrible twos runs into the terrible three. I have a friend whose both her kids went through the terrible twos for 2 years.
With my sons they were great during their second year. Though all hell broke loose when they hit three. So I havent had to deal with the terrible twos so to say. Matter of fact still dealing with youngest but he is coming out of it just like his brother did. My MIL thinks I am too strict since they are suppose to say yes ma'am and all that other stuff.
It does help to take away things they enjoy to get a point across. The suggestions given work great a lot of times.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Thank you ladies for all your replies. I have tried your suggestions and so far they have worked, I used to give in for some peace and quiet but not anymore, sweets aren't given unless Benjamin deserves them, if he does something naughty, then he has to sit on a chair for five minutes, that usually does the trick so I would like to thank you all for the help.
My oldest went through the terrible 2's but not for too long. I used to ignore him when he would throw a tantrum and he hated it. He threw a tantrum once at Wal-Mart and my mom was right behind him. He didn't know she was there so I was like ok if you want to be ugly then you can sit here all night by yourself. I walked about 5 feet in front of hime. He stopped immediately. He thought I was leaving him. Like I said he my mom was right behind him but he didn't know. I wouldn't have walked off if she wasn't there. But hey he stopped the tantrums real quick. That was the last one he went through out in public or at home. My youngest son is PDD and he's 6 its like he's never gonna get out of the terrible two's. I have a 2 year old daughter now too. I never put any of them in the corner but a friend suggested sticking a chair in the corner and putting them in it. They hate it. Lexi get 1 1/2 minutes and Caleb gets 4 minutes. My oldest son hates it too. When he smarts off alot I put him in the corner too. We've tried putting them in there room doesn't work. Another thing that we do with Caleb is take away his favorite toy for 5 or 10 minutes and put him in time out becuase Caleb was acting up so then Spider-man had to be taken away. It works the best for him. He's really attached to his toys. That's the best way for him to understand. My daughter will start acting up and I will ask her if she wants to go to the corner. She says "no mommy" then I tell her to go sit down on the couch if she doen't go when I tell her twice then its time out. You know 3 strikes and your out. LOL