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Old 06-29-2004, 11:36 PM   #1
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Lucky enough to have kids, don't want to yell at them anymore... any help?

Hi parents -
I have two cute little boys. My oldest will be three in August and my baby is 18 months old, they are small. Unfortunately, I have found occasion that I have yelled at my small boys and my husband does it too. I don't think it's a good thing for them or me and I would like to stop, has anyone found any positive helps to end their yelling? Thank you!

 
Old 06-30-2004, 02:03 PM   #2
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Re: Lucky enough to have kids, don't want to yell at them anymore... any help?

You have darling little ones that need lots of love and nuturing in a loving atmosphere. Yelling does not provide that type atmosphere. It may be that both parents need to take a parenting class. Little ones are in the learning stage, not miniature adults. It takes 24 hrs. to care for one child and with 2 it still takes 24 hrs. to care for them.

Little ones attention span is very short. They do not remember for very many minutes when told not to do something. Gentle guidance will bring about good behaviour better than yelling. You will need to repeat, repeat, repeat many times getting them out of things, distracting them with other things, etc. Yelling will not solve the problem.

We should not become angry with our little ones, we must keep a cool head and lovingly teach little ones what is acceptable and what is not. Some children are more active than others. Some are climbers, some dart and dash around fast and furious, some are more curious than others and always into things.

Children learn by watching their parents. Do you want them to learn to become a "yeller" too? Think about it, that is what they are learning.

 
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Old 07-01-2004, 08:44 PM   #3
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Re: Lucky enough to have kids, don't want to yell at them anymore... any help?

I know what you are going through as my kids are 12, 4, 3, and almost 2. Sometimes it seems like the patients running the asylum!!LOL The urge to yell is so strong because the job of little one's is so overwhelming. Most people don't have little one's like we do and only have one at a time At one point, I had 3 under 3 and it can just take you over sometimes.

The best thing I have found is to walk away from them when I find myself getting really angry. I will calmly tell them to go to the bedroom and play while I stay in another room and clean the mess or pick up the peices. If the problem is them fighting, I send them to seperate rooms. Sometimes I even go to the bathroom to calm down. I also make sure they nap everyday so there is some me time in there.

Good luck
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Old 07-01-2004, 11:03 PM   #4
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Re: Lucky enough to have kids, don't want to yell at them anymore... any help?

thanks so much mommy of 4!! It's nice to know someone understands. I don't want to yell and I hope my post didn't sound like I just scream at my babies all day because I don't. It's just that there are times when I raise my voice when I lose patience and I don't want to do that anymore. I know the damaging effects it can have, I know I don't like it when I get yelled at, I know all these things but there are times when between the two of them, my patience is on the very end of things. Thanks for understanding, your advice is excellent! I will try to get out of the situation when I can. I just pray every day for patience with my children as well. They're so sweet and I love them a lot. I know they're small and can't remember things for very long. I think I'm going tape something to my fridge or somewhere I'll see it a lot too that reminds me of my goal to stop yelling. Thanks everyone for all your help!

 
Old 07-01-2004, 11:37 PM   #5
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Re: Lucky enough to have kids, don't want to yell at them anymore... any help?

Your truly welcome Another thing that I find very helpful is to change my strategy sometimes. I would tell them to go and pick up something and it took me telling them over and over again. Finally, I would either yell at them about it or go in and do it myself. I learned that if I sit in there with them and name something to pick up, they do it and I am not stressed. I just finally realized that I have to stay in there guiding every move and eventually they will learn how to do it without me being in there. Another thing that really helps me is to just look at the next 24 hours. They are growing and changing each day and one day they won't need us like they do now, so I try to make the most of these days so that we will all have precious memories of this time.

I also say phooey on the house during the day. We work best when we are all in the same room. Everyone stays calm and clothed!!LOL I get on top of fights most of the time before they get out of hand. They also know that time out is an option. Then I stay up later at night and work on things around the house. I can do it then without 1000 interruptions so it gets done quicker. I also made a play date every Tuesday and Thursday with a friend of mine so we all get out of the house. Cabin fever really sets me off so I try to head it off before it starts. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I was put on this earth is to take care of children, like I have lost myself in the process. Getting out of the house really helps that feeling. It's like a natural antidepressant.

DH used to be really short with the kids too. Now he also has his little rituals. He owes them one story a night. Sometimes its in the evening and sometimes its when they go to bed. He gives them at least 15 minutes of listening to their stories about their day and whatnot. We found that just giving that time to them really calmed them down. If we dont set time aside for them, we are all going mad all day while they beg for it. It just works for us to make the time and stop all of the chaos.

It is not hard to see how much you love your kids. No, yelling at them isnt good for them and yes, it means that you have lost control BUT it is easy to understand how easily it comes when you are overwhelmed.

Good luck to you guys
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Last edited by Mommyof4; 07-01-2004 at 11:39 PM.

 
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