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Old 07-20-2004, 04:07 PM   #1
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DesertSkies03 HB User
Unhappy 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

I posted this somewhere on here before when my daughter was 4 but I can't find the post. Anyhow, my daughter is now 5 and still refuses to use the potty and we have no idea why. Whenever I even mention it to her she starts throwing a huge temper tantrum and screams the whole time while sitting on the toilet so I decided to try and stop forcing her. I don't understand what the problem could be. Her pediatrician knows about this but doesn't know what the problem could be either. My daughter went on the potty just once when she was 3 (she did #2) and sat on it a few times after but absolutely refused to go anymore after that. So she is now 5 years old and this really has me worried. I'm just curious if anyone else has had this problem with a 4 or 5 yr. old. Actually, I did get her to go a couple of times (pee) when she was 4 but she won't so it anymore. Thanks.
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Old 07-21-2004, 08:26 AM   #2
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maak823 HB User
Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Have you tried refusing to let her wear a diaper or pull up? Sometimes that helps.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertSkies03
I posted this somewhere on here before when my daughter was 4 but I can't find the post. Anyhow, my daughter is now 5 and still refuses to use the potty and we have no idea why. Whenever I even mention it to her she starts throwing a huge temper tantrum and screams the whole time while sitting on the toilet so I decided to try and stop forcing her. I don't understand what the problem could be. Her pediatrician knows about this but doesn't know what the problem could be either. My daughter went on the potty just once when she was 3 (she did #2) and sat on it a few times after but absolutely refused to go anymore after that. So she is now 5 years old and this really has me worried. I'm just curious if anyone else has had this problem with a 4 or 5 yr. old. Actually, I did get her to go a couple of times (pee) when she was 4 but she won't so it anymore. Thanks.

 
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Old 07-21-2004, 08:34 AM   #3
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DesertSkies03 HB User
Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by maak823
Have you tried refusing to let her wear a diaper or pull up? Sometimes that helps.
Yes, I have. And I've tried everything else but it's the same story every time. She starts screaming bloody murder and continues to throw a huge temper tantrum. I asked her why she didn't want to go and one time she said she was scared but wouldn't say why she was scared. Nothing ever happened while she was sitting on the potty so I don't know what's wrong.
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Old 07-21-2004, 10:57 AM   #4
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Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Have you ever had her checked for infection? Asked her if it hurts when she pee's? I know you may have already thought of these things, but if it's fear holding her back maybe she has some pain associated with going potty, or atleast has in the past. Something worth looking into if you haven't already.

 
Old 07-21-2004, 11:02 AM   #5
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Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

This may just be a struggle of the "wills"- I know you have probably tried the reward system and the "pretty Panties" etc. I take it you have a potty chair as well.
It could be just a few days or a week of stressing to her that she can not have a diaper that she HAS to use the potty and if she goes on the floor then I would take away a favorite toy or tv program.

You say your pediatrician has checked her out and its not medical- then its just time to make her do it.

 
Old 07-23-2004, 08:59 PM   #6
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DesertSkies03 HB User
Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by MandyAnne26
Have you ever had her checked for infection? Asked her if it hurts when she pee's? I know you may have already thought of these things, but if it's fear holding her back maybe she has some pain associated with going potty, or atleast has in the past. Something worth looking into if you haven't already.
Well, she's never complained of any pain. I should mention though that she was born with tethered cord syndrome (she had a fatty deposit they said at the end of her spinal cord) and she had surgery for that. they checked her in Urology once and said that everything was fine. Not too long ago though she had a really bad time with constipation and would get really backed up keeping it in and ever since then she's been having problems with bowels movements. She would not go unless she had mineral oil which is what her pediatrician told us to give her. At one point she was getting too much and her stool was very watery so in trying to adjust the amount she ended up not getting enough and this would go back and forth like that so now she is backed up again. Just took her in the other day and we are to start her on Miralax for as long as needed until she is regular again which probably won't be for awhile. I keep thinking it's all tied to the tethered cord she had before but like I said before I did get her to go a few times so I really don't know.
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Old 07-23-2004, 09:04 PM   #7
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Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by maak823
This may just be a struggle of the "wills"- I know you have probably tried the reward system and the "pretty Panties" etc. I take it you have a potty chair as well.
It could be just a few days or a week of stressing to her that she can not have a diaper that she HAS to use the potty and if she goes on the floor then I would take away a favorite toy or tv program.

You say your pediatrician has checked her out and its not medical- then its just time to make her do it.
A struggle of the wills is definitely a possibilty lol. She is very, very stubborn and if she doesn't want to do smething she won't lol. I've tried everything I could think of. Rewards, cute little panties with her favorite characters, talking , reading to her, sitting in the bathroom with her, everything. And yes, she has her own little potty. I have tried stressing that she cannot have a diaper but that only results in her screaming her head off and throwing a nasty temper tantrum. You say that it's just time that I make her do it but I have and it still doesn't work so they told me not to keep forcing because it is only going to make the situation worse.
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Old 07-23-2004, 09:14 PM   #8
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Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Is she in the company of other kids her age (e.g., pre-kindergarten or summer day camp) so that she can see and learn from other kids about toliet practices?

 
Old 07-23-2004, 09:18 PM   #9
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DesertSkies03 HB User
Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by MandyAnne26
Have you ever had her checked for infection? Asked her if it hurts when she pee's? I know you may have already thought of these things, but if it's fear holding her back maybe she has some pain associated with going potty, or atleast has in the past. Something worth looking into if you haven't already.
Hmmmm, not sure what happened but I tried to reply to two posts here and they didn't go though. Anyway, I was saying that she never complained of any pain so I don't think that's a problem. Also, she was born with tethered cord syndrome which she did have surgery for and all went well. They checked her in Urology and said that everything was fine. I kept thinking that maybe the tethered cord she had might have something to do with all this but like I said before she did go on the potty a few times. Recently though, well when she was 4 she started having problems with constipation. It got to the point where she just wouldn't pass a bowel movement without mineral oil which is what her pediatrician said to give her. It was hard to find the right dosage though with that stuff and she would constantly end up backed up and wouldn't go for a week or more. Took her in the other day the Children's hospital and they want us to start giving her Miralax for as long as needed until she is regular again. I hope this works better and everthing will return to normal.
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Old 07-23-2004, 09:19 PM   #10
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DesertSkies03 HB User
Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

I just saw that my other posts showed up now lol. Sorry about that!
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Old 07-23-2004, 09:21 PM   #11
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DesertSkies03 HB User
Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by dlamb7877
Is she in the company of other kids her age (e.g., pre-kindergarten or summer day camp) so that she can see and learn from other kids about toliet practices?
No, and I will be homeschooling her. But I have brothers and sisters around her age and tried to have them show her or talk to her about it but she still refuses. I recently bought her a VHS potty tape and she likes to watch it a lot but it hasn't persuaded her to change her mind lol.
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Old 07-25-2004, 05:54 PM   #12
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Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sookie
I just wanted 2 encourage u,u r doin the right things & wot u can-im sure ur daughter wil come throu in HER TIME just give it 2 her & mayb if u let her c u goin 2 the toilet(i know not pleasant but it may give her confedence its a everyday thing ect.....).....
I also thought do u let her go naked @ all?!?!?
She may need time 2 get "comfortable" with her own body & mayb if u get her a book on how her body works ect so she knows/understands wot her body does or mayb u can draw pictures with her on every body part or trace her body & have her draw in the parts,ask her wot they r 4 & wot they do ect-make it fun!!
Another thing does she or can u get a doll that does potty?!?!?
This might help if u make a big deal of her "baby" needin potty & as she is "mommy" she needs 2 "teach" her "baby: how 2 ect-ENCOURAGE her with affection & praise!!
Im sure u r doin all u can & ur @ ur wits end-give her time which encouragement everyday ect.....
I hope it works well 4 u & her!!
Sookie xoxox
Thank you for responding. Those are very good suggestions and I especially like the doll suggestion. I have not done that one before. I did let her go naked before in case she had to go and she did but only a couple of times. I'm trying not to push her too hard at the moment since she really seems to have a fear of going but I'm sure that she will in her own time. I just hope it's sometime soon! Thanks again for the suggestions!
I keep having to edit cause I'm forgetting to add stuff lol. Anyway, I forgot to mention that I did let her see me go before in hopes that it might help. I've tried so many things but I guess she's just not ready yet.
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Last edited by DesertSkies03; 07-25-2004 at 05:57 PM.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 02:12 AM   #13
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Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

I think you may just need to let her throw her tantrums, and ignore it. If you give in, she gets her way. But if she sees that it doesnt matter how much she screams and kicks and cries and yells, its not going to work. She'll eventually give in. Have you tried sort of a competition reward thing? Maybe get a dolly like Sookie suggested, get one of those ones that actually pees...you give it a bottle, and it comes out on its own, or you have to squeeze it. And tell your daughter, who ever uses the potty first, gets a cookie, or to colour or what not. Maybe once she sees someone else getting something she wants, by doing something she wont, she'll start doing it.

But I really do think you need to let her throw her tantrums, even if it lasts for days. Just tell her, she cant have on any pull ups, only panties, and that she has to use the potty, and if she makes a mess, she will be punished. Let her throw her fit after that. She'll eventually have to go to the bathroom, and she'll more than likely use the potty because she wont want to get in trouble. I know it sounds mean to ignore her tantrums and what not, but I think at this point its just a game of who's got more stamina. And she thinks shes got you beat, because you always give in. Don't give in and she'll figure out pretty quickly that you mean business.

Tell her its her choice, whether she uses the potty, or wets her pants. But that she will get things taken away if she messes on purpose, but have things given to her if she chooses the potty. And then let her make up her mind. I can guarantee she'll choose the potty. She might not at first, she might think if she pees her pants enough times, you'll give in, but don't, calmly clean up her mess, take something away and go back to what you were doing.

We did this with my niece, and within a week, she was usuing the potty regularly, and hasn't messed since. Goodluck!

Last edited by ScaredKitty; 07-26-2004 at 02:18 AM.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 04:12 AM   #14
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Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

I would get a child psychologist involved. No, I don't think your daughter is crazy but there could be a mental health glitch that needs to be addressed. If she is just opositional and defiant then you could use some tools to deal with that. I have a child with OCD so I can see the psychologist as very helpful with behavior management.
Terry

Last edited by TerryB; 07-26-2004 at 02:31 PM.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 04:27 AM   #15
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ScaredKitty HB User
Re: 5 year old refuses potty...HUGE problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by TerryB
I would get a child psychologist involved. No, I don't think your daughter is crazy but there could be a mental health glitch that needs to be addressed. If she is just opositional and defiant then you could use some tools to deal with that. I have a child with OCD so I can see the psychological as very helpful with behavior management.
Terry
You know, thats a good idea actually. When I was 7 I was diagnosed with OCD. I refused to eat, I thought I was going to throw up if I ate, and I carried around a large pot, just incase I had to get sick. And I refused to go in vehicles, because I was scared to get sick in them.

My mom asked my doctor if it could be psychological and he told her a good way was to find out by buying sugar pills, giving me one and telling me it would make it so I didn't get sick if I ate. Perhaps you can use this to see if your little one has something wrong? Give her a sugar pill and tell her it will make her want to use the potty, and see what happens? Or tell her it will make the potty not scary? If she thinks shes taking something, that will make her better, then theres a good chance its something more than her just being defiant. Even if she is just being defiant, a child psychologist could give you tools on how to get her to use the potty.

 
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