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Old 07-31-2004, 10:41 AM   #1
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please help my daughter and I with a problem

My daughter is 13 yrs old, since the beginning of the summer she has been babysitting for both of my sister's on a full time basis, and, quite a bit of overtime. One of my sisters is married, the other is a single mother of a child that even she cant handle. He is so out of control that most people who meet him for even a minute stand and stare with their mouths open. Neither one has ever had to pay a sitter before. My older sister and her husband make real good money between the two of them, new cars, a pool, a beautiful camper...One of the problems is, they paid my daughter only $10 a day Between 3 adults and 3 jobs, thats what they are all paying her. Or, as of today I have to say were. My daughter had to spend every weeknight over one or the others houses to be there in the morn. She cleaned their houses spotless, she cooked hot meals for these 2 boys lunches... My family ranted and raved about her as a sitter. For the last three weeks my daughter hasnt gotten paid. She hasnt made a fuss, she liked going over there, she also didnt want anyone mad at her. Today, my sister was on line, I asked her when my daughter was going to get paid. I asked nicely. My daughter is now fired and is mad at me. My daughter thought that she was paid well, and that her losing the job was my fault. One more thing I need to add is, when my older sisters daughter was the same age, I hired her to sit while I worked for very little money, and part time, I was a single parent of 2, my sister and her husband decided what I should pay their daughter, I payed outrageously, but was never late. These are the same who hired her to babysit and not only paid her very little, the 2 times they paid her, but quit all together saying they couldnt afford it at the moment but would soon enough, then fired her when I finally asked about it. Please give me some advice on how to explain to my daughter that she is mad at the wrong person. Maybe if she reads some of the answers, she will see. Thanks. p.s. they are going to use their 17 yr old, for free, that cant be trusted now.

Last edited by foofoo65; 07-31-2004 at 02:16 PM.

 
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Old 07-31-2004, 11:12 AM   #2
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Ten dollars an hour is more than a huge amount of the population make. I would say that amount is more than adequate. Knowing these people are the way they are, even though they are family, I would not let your daughter work for them.

I told a friend of ours that my 12 year old would not be working for them as they weren't paying her. I did not want her first experience in the work force to be one where she was taken and used.

I would explain to your daughter that you will stand up to anyone or anything that you feel is using your child. Yes, the money might be wonderful to her, but you have to balance that with all of the other issues. In time, she will calm down. Good luck
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Old 07-31-2004, 11:19 AM   #3
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

OK, I have to start out by saying that $10 an hour is GREAT. I used to babysit for a night and get $20 and a pizza. Most day care centers cherge about $100 a week which is only $2.50 and hour for 40 hours/wk. Now I do believe that your daughter did a great job, and to have someone who not only watches and plays with the children but also cleans the house is a blessing.

It is not your fault for asking for the money she rightly deserved, if they agreed to pay her $10/hr they need to give her the money. This is a very good life lesson, she has to stand up for what she is rightly entitled to. When she gets a real job and they don't pay her, is she going to continue working for free?

Trust me, if this 17 year old is irresponsible, they will soon be calling your daughter again. I had to switch sitters once and asked the girl not to go on the computer because I needed her to watch my children. This girl was always on the computer. Well after I paid her and she went home my neighbor said my daughter came to her house in her jammies and the neighbor brought her back and the babysitter never even knew. Not to mention, I processed my film a week later to see that not only was she not watching my children, they got a hold of our camera, they took a picture of her on the computer, ha ha ha. Trust me, they will be calling your daughter again and because of the lesson you taught your daughter they will be paying her for last time and the next time.

 
Old 07-31-2004, 02:02 PM   #4
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyof4
Ten dollars an hour is more than a huge amount of the population make. I would say that amount is more than adequate. Knowing these people are the way they are, even though they are family, I would not let your daughter work for them.

I told a friend of ours that my 12 year old would not be working for them as they weren't paying her. I did not want her first experience in the work force to be one where she was taken and used.

I would explain to your daughter that you will stand up to anyone or anything that you feel is using your child. Yes, the money might be wonderful to her, but you have to balance that with all of the other issues. In time, she will calm down. Good luck
I feel like an idiot, complete, but Im also laughing, she makes 10 a day. I am soo sorry, if she was making that much, I would have gotten real selfish and stole it from her lol.

 
Old 07-31-2004, 04:30 PM   #5
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Your daughter was being taken advantage of, big time. To watch the kids is one thing, but to clean and cook that much is above and beyond the call of duty for that rate of pay! I hope she looks at this with you. DONT LET THEM TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!

 
Old 08-01-2004, 01:16 AM   #6
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Many people will take advantage of what ever they can get and it sounds like your family is doing just that. You did say $10 a day which is outrageous for an overnight stay and cleaning and cooking etc. They will soon find the 17 year old unwilling to do this very long for free, or even for the same $10. As an experienced babysitter, your daughter would be better off finding some non relatives who would be glad to have her at an hourly rate. She could earn much more that way and have more time off to enjoy her summer vacation. When the relatives find out she is too busy to help them out they will realize what they lost. Maybe you could help her make up some flyers and distribute them in the neighborhood to find some other families.

 
Old 08-01-2004, 08:13 AM   #7
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Red face Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Shame on your sisters. At 13 years old, I was exactly like your daughter... I loved keeping things clean when I babysat, in fact, I enjoyed cleaning other people's houses. And when I wasn't praised for going that extra mile, I felt hurt. I don't mean I wanted to be paid more for it, I would have liked for my aunt and uncle to have THANKED me at least... sometimes not a word was said.

Regarding the money issue... my 19 year old brother just finished babysitting my cousins for a week- he was there from 7:15-4:30... cooking for them, taking them to swimming lessons, driving them places, etc. My aunt and uncle paid him 50$/day. They used to have a full-time sitter, so I guess they know what is expected. I guess what I'm trying to say is that family or not, your daughter is spending her summer looking after somebody else's children, which is a HUGE responsibility. If it weren't for her (or their son), they would be DEFINITELY paying somebody to do it. They're taking advantage of the fact that she's their 13 year old neice. And if your daughter reads this:

You deserve to be paid a lot more than 10$/day for the hard work that you're doing, especially looking after a tough little kid. Your mom was looking out for what is best for you because SHE knows that you should be making a LOT more than that. So really, you are being paid $3.33/day by each of your aunts and uncle. You can't possibly think that that's enough. I know it's awkward because it's family, but it's not fair to you. Good luck... you should be making some money this summer! Have fun!

Last edited by happyhelper; 08-01-2004 at 08:14 AM.

 
Old 08-01-2004, 11:27 AM   #8
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by happyhelper
Shame on your sisters. At 13 years old, I was exactly like your daughter... I loved keeping things clean when I babysat, in fact, I enjoyed cleaning other people's houses. And when I wasn't praised for going that extra mile, I felt hurt. I don't mean I wanted to be paid more for it, I would have liked for my aunt and uncle to have THANKED me at least... sometimes not a word was said.

Regarding the money issue... my 19 year old brother just finished babysitting my cousins for a week- he was there from 7:15-4:30... cooking for them, taking them to swimming lessons, driving them places, etc. My aunt and uncle paid him 50$/day. They used to have a full-time sitter, so I guess they know what is expected. I guess what I'm trying to say is that family or not, your daughter is spending her summer looking after somebody else's children, which is a HUGE responsibility. If it weren't for her (or their son), they would be DEFINITELY paying somebody to do it. They're taking advantage of the fact that she's their 13 year old neice. And if your daughter reads this:

You deserve to be paid a lot more than 10$/day for the hard work that you're doing, especially looking after a tough little kid. Your mom was looking out for what is best for you because SHE knows that you should be making a LOT more than that. So really, you are being paid $3.33/day by each of your aunts and uncle. You can't possibly think that that's enough. I know it's awkward because it's family, but it's not fair to you. Good luck... you should be making some money this summer! Have fun!
On a fair note, they did thank her, they praised her to anyone who listened. My daughter basked in it. I think that is why she is not mad at them for firing her, she is blaming me. I was wrong for asking when she would get paid. I tried to explain to her, that it was very wrong to fire someone, for asking about payment once, especially after having not gotten paid for 3 weeks. At the same time that this is going on. They and my sister are up in the air, because my sister's 17 yr old daughter works for a cement company, that is late on paying her! They are outraged.

Last edited by foofoo65; 08-01-2004 at 11:29 AM.

 
Old 08-01-2004, 04:12 PM   #9
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

I don't know how I ended up on this thread, but I thought it was interesting. I can't relate to something like this. None of my family members or close friends are like this. Putting money over people and taking advantage of a person's good nature. You would think that your daughter being a relative, they would set a good example for her and pay her well, compliment her and pay her on time. What they are doing to your daughter is wrong and unacceptable. They can thank her and praise her all they want, but to then not pay her and just out right fire her for you sticking up for her, is such a lowball, underhanded, manipulatiive tactic, that I find it hard to believe they actually meant any of it.

You should let your daughter babysit for someone else. You shouldn't let your daughter babysit for these relatives anymore. Even if they come back and offer her her the babysitting job back for more money, the potential for your daughter to get caught in the middle of all this again will always be there. These relatives have no sense of appreciation and it is your responsibility to look out for your daughter, since they sure don't seem to be. If she is too young to understand how they are taking advantage of her, it is possible that down the road, she may also be led to believe it is her fault unjustifiably if she goes back to working for them again. And what if something were to go wrong while she was babysitting. Do you think for a second they would not blame your daughter? I don't know, but I wouldn't put it past them. That would really have a lasting negative effect on your daughter.

I see potential long lasting problems between relatives if you let your daughter work for them again in the future. Is this something you are willling to risk?

Last edited by Hoop; 08-01-2004 at 04:14 PM.

 
Old 08-01-2004, 05:17 PM   #10
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Right now, it isnt even an option, they arent speaking to me, I was livid when they fired her and let them know. They told me that I was trying to make them look bad in front of my daughter. I cant imagine what story they gave to the rest of the family for this fallout, cant have been the truth. But you never know, my older feels that she is in the right, that I should have known they were having money problems...My younger sister was, my older sister and her husband could have paid her off by staying home from camping just one weekend. No she wont be babysitting for them anymore. I think that part of the problem was that I told the younger, single sister that my daughter could not babysit there on Saturday night. She has an abused wife living next door, this womans husband drinks and has beaten other women in the neighborhood and the wife of this man runs to my sisters house. NO WAY is my daughter going to be in that situation. Her son is so difficult and loud that I didnt want him here then either, I had a fever of 105. So she sent this kid up north with my older sister and her hyper 6 yr old to see my mother who has just gotten out of the hospital after having a massive stroke, if you can believe the brains in that. Sheeesh when I found that out, I offered to take him stating that our mother wasnt strong enough, but I think by then she was already a little miffed.

 
Old 08-02-2004, 10:37 AM   #11
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

She was definately underpaid but it might be prudent (because of family relationships) to give them the benefit of doubt and consider that they might be REAL IGNORANT about the going rate. Also 13 year old should not be expected to babysit for a cut rate because she is a relative if that is what they are thinking. I would babysit occasionally for my sister's children and be insulted if she tried to pay me but I am 43. A teenager that is babysitting frequently should be paid at the normal going rate even if she is a relative. I would tell my daughter that I will not have her devalue herself or her time. I hope that this job has given her some experience which will allow her to work for someone else but at a fair rate.
Terry

 
Old 08-04-2004, 12:03 PM   #12
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

they definately arent ignorant about the going rate, i worked part time a few yrs ago when their daughter was 13, they made me pay $3 an hr.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 12:13 PM   #13
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

Well I hate to say it, but this was a job. And when negotiating the stipulations, a salary is agreed upon prior to accepting the job with an agreement of when the salary would be paid. Shame on your sisters for taking advantage of your daughter, but going forward, always have an agreement of how much per day, and when payment is to be made.
When I was a little girl, my mom paid our next door neighbor to watch me. She made $15 a day that was payable on Friday. This was during the summer months and was for weekdays only. (I am aging myself, because $15 a day was alot of money back then!)
If your you and your daughter knew going into the babysitting job how much and when, the first time payment was not made would have been my last day on the job!

 
Old 08-06-2004, 06:44 AM   #14
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

I think that in the end your daughter will learn a valuble lesson. Even though a lot of people do like their jobs and do well at them they still deserve to be aprieciated (spelled horribly wrong) and paid adequitly for their time and effort. I believe that your daughter was being taken advantage of...i went through the same thing with one of my mothers friends when i was about 14, i baby sat, a lot of times over night, i had to clean cook, and was sometimes not even sure how long i'd be there (sometimes a few hours sometimes untill lunch the next day), and i never once got paid. After it became obvious that she wasn't going to pay me my mother told her i was no longer going to baby sit for her.
Explain to your daughter that she should be paid for the service she is providing, and since she was providing such great care for the children her pay should refelct that. Reguardless of what they can afford to pay she should be paid something. This is a good teaching to to teach her to stand up for herself and not to be taken advantage of.
Also, if she would like to continue to baby sit than i would suggest putting the word out in your neighbourhood, letting family (ones who will pay her) and friends know she is available. Good, trustworthy baby sitters aren't always easy to find, so i suspect she can find work somewhere else.

 
Old 08-06-2004, 09:37 AM   #15
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Re: please help my daughter and I with a problem

foofoo,
Have tensions subsided over there? Terry

 
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