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Old 08-02-2004, 11:32 PM   #1
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HELP.Six yr old touching little brother inappropriatly.

A few weeks ago my two boys were playing quietly in there room, As i went in to check on them my 6 yr old was pulling an action figure out of my 3 year olds diaper. I was disgusted, and separated them, explaining to my 6 yr old that was not an appropriate thing to do, and that was his brothers private area. He spent the remainder of the evening in his room alone. Now today it happened again, but it was a bit grosser. My little one came into the living room and let me know he had "poop" and as he walked by me I noticed his diaper was halfway pulled down wich was odd. As I was changing him, he told me cookie monster was in his diaper. Confused, I called in my older one who claimed innocence. after questioning a bit more i learned that he was sticking cookie monsters hand down his brothers diaper. I told him to bring me the toy, and found a ruined doll, with feces all over the hand. sickened, i threw the toy away and reprimanded my 6 yr old again, and they are now separated again for the night, My problem is that these are very disturbing, and I dont know how to properly teach and dicipline him for this type of stuff. I dont want this to progress into a fascination, or molestation. I need advice on how to handle this. Thanks in advance

 
Old 08-02-2004, 11:45 PM   #2
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Mommyof4 HB User
Re: HELP.Six yr old touching little brother inappropriatly.

I have to admit that the only thing I find extreme about this situation is your reaction to it. The recommended time out is a minute per year as that is about the length of their attention span. Spending the rest of the evening in his room alone sounds very over the top. He is still young enough to be fascinated by things that are off limits. Testing limits is his job right now. Keep in mind that he is only 6 years old so nothing he does should "disgust" you. I don't believe that keeping the boys apart for the rest of the evening is the answer either.

I can tell you from experience that anytime a baby and a 6 year old are playing quietly... It's time to worry. Maybe the answer is keeping them in there with you while they play so you can supervise what he is doing. Once the fascination is gone, it will probably end.

You make a huge deal out of the private area and it becomes something they want to check out. Sounds like something you need to stay on top of but not something you should go overboard about
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Old 08-03-2004, 10:53 AM   #3
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crowgirl HB User
Re: HELP.Six yr old touching little brother inappropriatly.

Lots of kids your sons' age play with their private areas and even with their excrements, without it ever progressing into anything as bad as molestation. Kids enjoy "playing doctor" and exploring things "down there." They're simply curious and can't understand why it should be wrong.

Personally, I would not discipline your son(s) for their curiosity, but I would set limits as to how far they can go in their explorations, for example:

1. No playing around with excrements, for reasons of health and hygiene.
2. No playing games with another person's private area against that person's will - explain that a private area is private and should always be respected.
3. No inserting of anything into a body opening, b/c of risk of injury.

Hopefully, this would put an end to the grosser games, while still allowing your children to get acquainted with their bodies.

BTW, I think that the more they are led to perceive such games as "forbidden," the greater their fascination will be, and the greater the risk of an ambivalent, unhealthy attitude to their own sexuality will be.

Good luck!

 
Old 08-03-2004, 12:26 PM   #4
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Re: HELP.Six yr old touching little brother inappropriatly.

I don't even think your little 6 year old is trying to play with his brothers private areas. If you watch, 6 year olds put toys down their shirts, pants, in their shoes, socks. Anything they can play with. And he probably sees babys diaper as another place to put toys, if baby wont hold the toy - put it in his diaper. I think his fascination is more sticking things in pockets and down things. Not so much with babys privates. But, if you think it is with babys privates. Go out, buy a book for little kids on private areas, try to find one that explains the boundaries with things like that, and read it to him. I know theres a few out there. And try gently explaining to your son that that is very inappropriate. Be nice and gentle about it - dont get angry or he wont understand why he cant do it, he'll just understand that it makes mom mad so he'll do it when you can't see him. These things aren't matters to get angry over. He's not old enough yet to fully understand that you can play with babys hands, feet, arms, lets, belly etc. but not his privates. He needs to be explained that privates are just that, private. And you don't touch anyone elses. Getting angry will just make him confused. He's probably just curious to see babys, and look at babies because its different than his is.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 06:44 PM   #5
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Re: HELP.Six yr old touching little brother inappropriatly.

I agree. The punishment was a little overboard in my opinion but I can understand your shock if you hadn't read about how common it is. It is natural curiosity but must be worked on. That kind of behavior in school would result in a 3 day suspension in our State even for a 6 year old. That law is definitely overboard, but, none-the-less, you do want your son to be socially acceptable so now is the time to work on it calmly. I would get a book as suggested and it would also help the 6 year old to start being aware adult predators and his own personal privacy rights. When your sure that he understands the issue then definitely dole out the time-out (I do the 1 minute per age on the couch with no toys or distractions.) After the time-out, ask why he was sent to time out. If he can't tell you, explain it again and send him back into time-out for a few addition minutes to think about it again. Ask him again to explain what he thought about and make sure that he apologizes to the baby.

This could also be considered "not keeping your hands to yourself" which is frowned on in school. Touching another child's body in any disresptable way or even touching personal property is not socially acceptable.
Terry

 
Old 08-03-2004, 06:54 PM   #6
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Re: HELP.Six yr old touching little brother inappropriatly.

Hm I have to say ive necer been through this and my opldest is 8. I would think its probably normal. Im no expert but I had a friend and her daughter was doing thigs like this and they progressed into wanting other people to touch her. Ended up they found out an uncle had been touching her andit was her way of acting it out. Im not sugestion that is whats happened to your son becouse I dont know. hopefully its a passing thing kids do.

 
Old 08-03-2004, 11:28 PM   #7
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letfayhol HB User
Re: HELP.Six yr old touching little brother inappropriatly.

I agree with everyone else... They are both young and the 6 year old is at that age of exploring his body and the bodies of others... Just talk to him and tell him he can explore HIS body but that he need to keep hands to himself... This will pass, it's just a part of growing up.. Don't worry to much and please don't make him feel "bad"

 
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