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Old 08-04-2004, 10:20 AM   #1
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KimRick HB User
Unhappy Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

My 8 year old daughter is very smart, very pretty, and very well liked by her friends, but for some reason, she's starting to complain that there are a couple of girls at her school that "complain" / don't like the way that my daughter dresses and they make fun of her for it and I believe that it really is starting to upset her and effect her self esteem and her self confidence AND it's starting to upset me to see her like this. I told her that she doesn't need "friends" like that in her life and to just ignore them. I also realized that she's getting to be that age where she has her own tastes and likes and I told her that from now on, as long as it's reasonable, when she needs clothes, she can go shopping with me and pick out her own stuff. Is there anything else that I can tell her on how to deal with these other girls and their rude comments?

 
Old 08-04-2004, 10:23 AM   #2
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimRick
My 8 year old daughter is very smart, very pretty, and very well liked by her friends, but for some reason, she's starting to complain that there are a couple of girls at her school that "complain" / don't like the way that my daughter dresses and they make fun of her for it and I believe that it really is starting to upset her and effect her self esteem and her self confidence AND it's starting to upset me to see her like this. I told her that she doesn't need "friends" like that in her life and to just ignore them. I also realized that she's getting to be that age where she has her own tastes and likes and I told her that from now on, as long as it's reasonable, when she needs clothes, she can go shopping with me and pick out her own stuff. Is there anything else that I can tell her on how to deal with these other girls and their rude comments?
Sounds to me like these other girls are jealous. What is your daughter wearing that they are making fun of?

 
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Old 08-04-2004, 11:43 AM   #3
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KimRick HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

You know, I spend more money on better clothes for her than I do myself ! She wears normal clothes, such as jean skirts with flip flops and a cute top. She dresses better than I do! I just don't understand how kids can be this way! You know, when I was her age, I used to get picked on alot because of the way that my mom used to dress me (to this day, she still has no style) and I swore that I wouldn't do that to her. I really don't know what to do or say to her about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by susieq0726
Sounds to me like these other girls are jealous. What is your daughter wearing that they are making fun of?

 
Old 08-04-2004, 11:44 AM   #4
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ScaredKitty HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

Is there a chance these girls bothering her are the 'popular' girls? You know, the teachers pets, the ones whos parents are always involved etc. These girls are the ones who have the newest everything, and whos parents tell them they're better than every other kid. So no matter what your daughter wears, unless its the newest, most expensive thing, they will tease if they want to. It just might be something other than her clothes in a while. I'm not a parent but I dealt with this in elementary. You don't usually think that in elementary kids have had time to establish social order. But they have. I was one of those popular, but not quite popular kids. So I hung out with them, got made fun of for the way I dressed, things I said...but they still wanted me to hang out with them, and at 8, I thought I wanted to be popular. Your best bet is to find out what extra curricular activities these girls DONT participate in, and try to get your little one to get involved in them. She'll make new friends and not have to deal with those girls as often, and she'll have friends to fall back on when they do bother her. Encourage her to play with, and invite friends over who aren't these girls. Just get her a support system going so that she's got good friends and doesn't worry so much about these other girls. Last resort is to talk to the principal/class teacher, explain whats going on and see if they will talk to these rude little girls and get them to be nicer. This could backfire though. Unfortunately nothing worked for me, I just had to sit there and deal with it. But once juniour high hit, I made a lot of new friends, and by the time high school came around, no one even knew who those popular girls were. So at best, if nothing works, tell the little one to hang in there, and do her best because things will change eventually.

Last edited by ScaredKitty; 08-04-2004 at 11:45 AM.

 
Old 08-04-2004, 12:04 PM   #5
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KimRick HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

I'm really not sure who these girls think they are and I really don't want to know, but it's really upsetting to see an 8 year old cry about the clothes she wears. It's really hard to get involved in extracaricular activites because I am a single parent and I work full time and go to school part time, but I do my best when it comes to afterschool stuff!

 
Old 08-05-2004, 05:24 AM   #6
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maak823 HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

Sounds like this is a classic case of the "school bully". It won't matter what she does, they have found someone they can pick on and they know it gets to her- kids can be cruel. I had this happen with my son, and the more it got to him the more the kids picked. You can speak to her teachers to be on the look out for it, and if its totally out of control- speak to the parents of the other girls. Your daughter will need to know how to either ignore it and not let it bother her or throw it back at them- once they learn that its not bothering her, they will stop.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimRick
I'm really not sure who these girls think they are and I really don't want to know, but it's really upsetting to see an 8 year old cry about the clothes she wears. It's really hard to get involved in extracaricular activites because I am a single parent and I work full time and go to school part time, but I do my best when it comes to afterschool stuff!

 
Old 08-05-2004, 06:55 AM   #7
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letfayhol HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimRick
I'm really not sure who these girls think they are and I really don't want to know, but it's really upsetting to see an 8 year old cry about the clothes she wears. It's really hard to get involved in extracaricular activites because I am a single parent and I work full time and go to school part time, but I do my best when it comes to afterschool stuff!
I understand... I too am a single mother with 2 children. My son is 10 and my daughter is 6....If you can't afford new name brand clothes look for bargins...
I know it SHOULDN'T be important...But it is!!!
Did you know that there are some kids who wear their clothes once or twice and then it's OLD and they get new stuff???
I am so shocked... Well, I recently went to a yard sale and bought a whole box load of shirts for my son (Tommy, Nikey, Polo you name it) at least 20 different shirts and 4 of them still had the orginal tags on them... I spent $8.00
I got my daughter 6 pair of Tommy Jeans for $4.00
I also check out clearance racks... Buy ahead... Get for the new year when the first season is over...
I do this for Christmas too.... I get the majority of their christmas during the after christmas sales a year in advance...
My kids got over $700 worth the items last year for only $300...Not bad spending $150 each and they got a lot more than they would have if I had waited...
Also, most schools and after school programs have a finacial program and also will pick up or drop off...
My son plays Hockey, Soccer, Baseball, and Basketball.. He is going to try Football this year (just now old enough)
My town is HUGE on cliques and social status , but there isn't a place in town when someone doesn't know my son.. He IS the popular kids in town...
I also make sure that he is liked not only by kids (right clothes and social activities) but by adults as well... I teach him manners and to stick up for those even more less fortunate then himself....
I recently grounded my daughter for being a snotty butt (she's 6) But I would rather have my children bullied than to be the bully...
Kids today can be cruel... Our children should have to change to fit in, but we can help them to be the best that they can be...
I have learned that good manners and intelligence are not enough... Sad, but true...Get her involved in some activities, have a sleep over and make it FUN, and hit those clearance racks...
One more thing.... Until the bulling gets really bad (physical or interfers with her grades) I say show her support at home and let her learn to deal with this on her own... Don't go to the school, call parents etc... I promise that if these kids are bullies, that will only make things worse for her..
Another thing, maybe she wants to be "popular" have her befriend some of the other kids who are also left out...They can make their own group...
Just an idea

 
Old 08-05-2004, 01:07 PM   #8
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Bell99 HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

This is very common. When my son was in the first grade he was being made fun of because he didn't wear nike's and sports type cloths. The boys were wearing the big baggy pants etc.. He didn't play into to it Thank God but I know a few Mom's who went through prue hell every morning over what cloths they wore.
I also have a girl and notice very early on at the age of 4 she was very "into" what the other girls were wearing and it has gotten much, much worse.
We will be in a store and I have had little girls just stop and stair, they look each other up and down it's very odd!!
It's so hard when our kids get teased for what ever reason. I try to teach my kids what a real friend is. A real friend doesn't like you for what you wear but who you are. My son seems to get it but my daughter on the other hand.... constant competition with what the other girls wear. I have the ultimate say so and I just don't play into it with her. I figure if I don't get a handle on this now what will the teenage years be like!!

 
Old 08-06-2004, 06:52 AM   #9
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MandyAnne26 HB User
Re: Problem w/ my 8 year old. . .

Something that helped me get through it was just not to pay attention to it. These days i don't know if the same rules apply but tell your daughter not to react, not to cry, not to show any emotion.
When i was little i moved around a lot, my mother was a single mother of 3 and i never had nikes, name brand clothes etc...so sometimes when starting a new school i'd get teased etc, i just ignored it, i stuck to the friends who didn't tease me and eventually it stoped. Bully's like to bully someone who is going to show a reaction, get upset, to cry, if your daughter can avoid these things it may stop. I would just say things like who cares, so what etc...i would act like i didn't care, and really i didn't, but i've always been that way.
Teach your daughter that some people are just plain mean, and will pick on people for anything they can find wrong with them. Let her know it's not about her, the problem is with the other girls not her.
I would suggest talkign to the school. Not to get these girls in trouble, but to maybe have the teachers, principle talk to the children about tollerence, about respect for others, about respecting the feelings of others etc. I know a lot of school here (canada) have anit-bulling programes in a lot of scool...it's something to check into. Your daughter needs help and support to get through this, but so do the other girls, something needs to be done to ensure that they realize that hurting someone else is not ok.

 
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