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Old 08-11-2004, 10:28 PM   #1
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Excess1973 HB User
Interference from Father for Teen in Drug Rehab

My daughter is in a 21 day program for drug rehab. She has been using drugs for about 2 years. She is also under care of a psychiatrist. I put her there so that she could reinvest in learning how to live a normal life, normal hours, and away from influences of friends etc.

Her father goes to see the rehab and it is in a not so great neighborhood, like a halfway house type of place with 6 girls, some are tough looking and he freaks out.

He calls her a day later and suggests that he will break her out of there and take her back to his house knowing that it would mess me up and interfere with her rehab, that he says now she doesn't need... yet a month ago he wanted to put her in a 3 month boot camp in Mexico.

I am the primary custodial parent. He has joint custody technically and he pays $350. a month for her support. He is a well mannered nice guy, but he hates me and is abusive. HE is about to be remarried and I think he is trying to impress his new wife to be. At any rate, I am so upset I am tempted to finally once and for all slap a restraining order on him, and forbid him from seeing her or contacting her. Or I could call family and ask them to intervene. Since he has poisened them against me, I am definately the black sheep and they are practically useless in this.

The problem is that I don't want to not allow my daughter to have a relationship with her father, but he is engaging her in an attack against me. She loves me dearly and I know this is drama she does not need.

What does anyone in cyberland think I should do. I am lost. Thanks

 
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Old 08-12-2004, 04:09 AM   #2
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Re: Interference from Father for Teen in Drug Rehab

Tell her caregivers at the rehab center what is going on. Chances are they will see him for what he is and either force or ask him not to have any contact while she is in the center. Talk to the center to see what they can even do, if your daughter is in lockdown than it's not too hard to make sure she's not talking to her father or seeing him. I think you know how important it is that this programe work for your daugter, do whatever you have to in order to ensure that she completes it successfully and is not influenced by her father.

 
Old 08-12-2004, 11:04 AM   #3
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KimRick HB User
Re: Interference from Father for Teen in Drug Rehab

If all else fails, take him to court and explain all this to a judge - you are the primary custodial parent. If he has no custodial rights to her, then he is in the wrong here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MandyAnne26
Tell her caregivers at the rehab center what is going on. Chances are they will see him for what he is and either force or ask him not to have any contact while she is in the center. Talk to the center to see what they can even do, if your daughter is in lockdown than it's not too hard to make sure she's not talking to her father or seeing him. I think you know how important it is that this programe work for your daugter, do whatever you have to in order to ensure that she completes it successfully and is not influenced by her father.

 
Old 08-13-2004, 03:12 PM   #4
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msmom HB User
Re: Interference from Father for Teen in Drug Rehab

Hey lady, i know where u r coming from. Yes, do allow her 2 have visits with her dad but,maybe they should b supervised. allow him to have a time limit on how long he visists with her. i understand that u want her 2 have a relationship with her dad and i can feel that u also want him 2 stay away.....maybe, both u and him can sit down and talk with a counselor at the program and se what can benefit your daughter and help her???

 
Old 08-14-2004, 01:28 AM   #5
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Excess1973 HB User
Re: Interference from Father for Teen in Drug Rehab

I notified the rehab about what was going on and asked them to cut all of her in/out calls to a max of 2 per week. I just can't handle all of this drama everyday. I'm really missing the little bugger. I doubt that counselng will help, it's been 16 years and all attempts at getting along have failed miserably. I'm begining to HATE him, and I hate to be feeling this way. But it seems like ever since he got this new wife happening that he has become worse and worse. I can't help but wonder if she knows what is going on here or what. She seems so complacent. Anyway, thanks for the help, and thanks for letting me rant .

 
Old 08-16-2004, 08:34 AM   #6
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LuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB User
Re: Interference from Father for Teen in Drug Rehab

Is this about your daughter or more about your ex and his fiance? Sorry to be so blunt but that's the way it's coming across to me.
Concentrate on your daughter and yourself. You can't control the way your ex acts or speaks. But you can change the way you react to what he says or does. I know you're afraid that your ex is going to sabotage your daughter's chances of recovery and you're also probably afraid that he will turn your daughter against you. But please remember that if you act in anger or speak in anger to your daughter's father, she will come to resent you. You see, no matter what he does or says (good or bad), he's still her father and she will defend him to the end-just as she would you. And the last thing you want is to give him ammunition. I'll bet he creates more than enough.
Now, that being said, she has her own problems. She doesn't need anything added to the mix.
Just love your daughter. Let your ex say whatever he wants to. You know the truth. And your daughter will eventually see him for what he really is. But don't push it because if you do, you may be pushing her away.
And please consider counselling or Al-Anon.
I don't normally break my anonymity but I will in this case. I am a member of Al-Anon. It has helped me more than you could ever imagine and in so many different ways.
We have many parents of alcoholic or drug addicted children in Al-Anon. Your daughter has a much much better chance at recovery if she has at least one sane parent. And since you know it won't be your husband....
If you give it a try, I promise you it works.
Barb
__________________
Live, Love, Laugh.

 
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