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Old 08-15-2004, 07:11 AM   #1
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Angry Update..and its pretty bad

My thread "neighbor child is abusing my daughter" has come to an end, but new developments take this story in a different, and awful direction. My husband was home yesterday while i was out with my daughters, and when I got home he told me that he witnessed the father beating the boy in the car. Apparently the boy had done something to screw up the car, and the father came out screaming obscenities at the boy and proceeded to repeatedly hit him, mostly in the face. The mother told the father to stop and removed the child. I went outside where the boy was (my kids were out there too) and observed bruises and scratches on his face. I thought about it for about an hour, and decided I had to report this. I didnt want to. Noone wants to do something like this to someone they know on a daily basis. I made the call, described what my husband told me, and what I saw, and at ten o clock that night, a social worker and a cop showed up at their door. I made the report anynomously because of the father and how he already feels towards me. They were there for about 3 hours, and the end result was that the dad was made to leave. After the cop left and the social worker, he returned and they stood in the driveway for about an hour talking (he was pacing back and forth and extremely agitated) and then he left and has not returned. I have a horrible feeling they are going to suspect me-and Im scared. I plan on denying it. This took place outside and we have lots of neighbors. Though I know I did the right thing, I feel like I ripped their lives apart. But I also know that when they get ready to move, the father would have only escalated and something worse may have ended up happening, and I couldnt live with that. Even if they only suspect it was me, they are now going to HATE me and I dread the discomfort that will follow. I havent seen them yet today. Ugh. I did NOT do this to retaliate, at all. I hate the fact that I had to do this, but this is something I cannot ignore. I feel bad. I hope they dont try to do something to get back at me. I just feel like I interfered with someone's lives, and I know i had to do it, but what took place last night looked like an utter nightmare for them. I can only hope that the father gets help so that he can be a better parent. He is out of control and he needs help. The mother was an enabler, and I cannot respect the fact that she let her husband beat their small child. I love my husband, but if he did it, I would call the cops. This is not the ending I was wanting...

 
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Old 08-15-2004, 11:11 AM   #2
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Thank you for calling. Too many people see things like this and don't make that call. Too many kids are abused and no one will help them.

If you hadn't called and something horrible happened to that child you would live with guilt the rest of your life. There was a child in an apartment near us who cried constantly for 8 days. Everyone 'thought' there may be a problem but no one called. Finally the crying stopped and someone, thinking it was weird, called the police. A 3 year old had been abandoned in the apartment and had died. He'd had no water or food. The baby's body, that was part of the family, still hasn't been found. The people who were there now live with that guilt.

Again, on behalf of that child, thank you for making that call.
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Old 08-15-2004, 11:43 AM   #3
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

I thank you also for calling. It's never a fun thing, but it's better for that child to have the abuse stop this way than in a worse way. It takes courage to step up like you did, and I applaud you.

PinkPiglet - I cried when I read what you said about that 3 y/o. What a tragedy. I cannot even fathom the mentality it takes to abandon a child that way. How awful.

 
Old 08-15-2004, 03:47 PM   #4
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Im glad you called. there is absoloutly know way he could blame it on you. The whole neibourhood witnessed how thid little boy was behaving and being treated,
I have to say....I really hope you learned a lesson. That a little kid acting like a "sociopath"',"brat",etc,etc....there s always a reason behind it....and that reason is never his fault,

I hope things go well,,,I hope the dad doesnt figure it was you and cause trouble. You did the right thing....sometimes you have to interfere if things arent right.

Emily

 
Old 08-15-2004, 03:48 PM   #5
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

We just had a 3 year old in our area beaten to death by his father. Im sure neighbors heard and saw things that happened before this but didnt want to get involved. Thank you for your support. I still feel bad about this, but Im coming to terms with the fact that I did the right thing. Yeah he was mean to my daughter, but he is just a kid, and he doesnt deserve to be abused. Its probably why he has been abusive towards other kids. Its sad though. His father was apparently yelling the word "bast---" as he hit him. The kid was on my porch this morning and I heard him yell that word at another child he was angry with. I hope its not too late and he doesnt grow up to be like his dad.

 
Old 08-15-2004, 03:50 PM   #6
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Oh, and emily, if the dad causes any trouble for me-I call the cops. Im not married to the guy, and if he threatens me, he goes to jail. Period, he may treat his family like that but I DONT put up with that crap.

 
Old 08-15-2004, 04:07 PM   #7
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Just know you did the right thing, maybe the dad will get help and they can be a family again, maybe he won't every realize what he did was wrong, either way you may have given that child his life and for that you should be comended.

 
Old 08-16-2004, 02:49 AM   #8
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

I agree with all of the others. It sounds as if the dad is way out of control, hitting a child in the face? he could have caused serious brain damage to this little boy. No matter what else you feel just remember this is one night that little boy won't get beat. Many people would not have called, we need to get out of that mentality, the concern is always for the adults, people don't want to get them into trouble, don't want to cause problems, and as you said don't want to be fingered as the person doing the reporting. The only person who should be considered is that little boy, i'm sure down the road when he is older he will be thankful to whoever it was who called and got his family the help that they needed and stoped the abuse. Just remember to keep your eyes open though and don't hesitate to call again. Also, 911 will take calls for that stuff if you actually witness something.

 
Old 08-16-2004, 02:51 AM   #9
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Don't even think another second that you might not have done the right thing. You did a WONDERFUL thing and I bet that night that little boy probably slept better than he has ever slept!!!! He has to feel safe now!!! AT least we hope he does.

 
Old 08-16-2004, 05:14 AM   #10
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

The mother went to everybody's door yesterday asking who did it. She told me that her husband spanked their son and someone called-and the stuff on his face was from the bathtub earlier that day. I didnt know the bathtub has fingernails to scratch him with. She said he had only gotten patted on the bottom. Bull!!! He was sitting down and dad was hitting him everywhere. I used to be friends with her, but now I think I hate her. Not only that, her hubby was running around the yard last night cause he snuck home to see them. Im not caling about that. I will only stir things up worse. She is already frantically looking for who called and I dont want to be caught. They will go to court. I thought it was interesting-instead of being embarassed about what happened, she is telling everyone. go figure.

 
Old 08-16-2004, 05:20 AM   #11
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Sounds to me like she's a idiot. Why would you allow your husband to smack your child in the face? Hopefully the social worker and the police officer took pictures of the child's injuries. What they should have done was take the child to the hospital so a doctor could view the bruises and confirm they were not caused "by the bathtub". I am a little surprised that the father wasn't taken to jail last night. What a jerk this guy is. Stick to your guns - I wouldn't admit that you were the one that called.

 
Old 08-16-2004, 07:29 AM   #12
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Most likely, the woman is covering for her husband because he abuses her as well, and she is behaving in a typical fashion for a victim of domestic abuse. If she is telling people that her child's bruises and scratches are from the bathtub and that he was only spanked, it sounds to me like she is embarrassed - again, typical victim mentality. She needs help, too. Even if she isn't being abused, she is obviously being victimized. A sad, sad situation all around.

 
Old 08-16-2004, 08:51 AM   #13
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by utahmomof4
Most likely, the woman is covering for her husband because he abuses her as well, and she is behaving in a typical fashion for a victim of domestic abuse. If she is telling people that her child's bruises and scratches are from the bathtub and that he was only spanked, it sounds to me like she is embarrassed - again, typical victim mentality. She needs help, too. Even if she isn't being abused, she is obviously being victimized. A sad, sad situation all around.
Oh I agree totally. Usually, the abuse starts with the adult (there are more and more men being abused). Then as the abuser gets worse, they find other victims like their children.

hilaryb,
She doesn't need to know that you're the person who called. But she probably does need a friend. Your first concern is yourself and your family as it should be. But I would get the name and # of a battered woman's shelter and keep it just in case she comes to you. It sounds like she trusts you.
Barb
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Last edited by LuvMyLilDoggie; 08-16-2004 at 08:53 AM.

 
Old 08-16-2004, 02:56 PM   #14
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

She DOES trust me, and I feel really bad about that, kind of like a backstabber. But I have offered support and listened to her, and she has no clue that I called. I didnt want to but I couldnt NOT call. I spoke with her today, and this whole thing keeps growing and growing. I dont think her husband is cooperating and the social worker sounds irked with them. She is finding other issues with them, such as the level of supervision they provide their kids. So mom went off today to consult with an attorney. An attorney wont pit himself against social services. The investigation is part of the process and cannot be stopped or fought. Im still nice to her. I still speak with her daily. I will never let on to anyone that I called. I had hoped maybe my call would serve as a wake-up call but it hasnt. It just made the dad more angry. I get the feeling he thinks he is "untouchable" . Well, maybe he is at home but these people wont put up with him. And I hate the way the mom is fighting for him. She is more concerned about her man than her kids. She feels that this process is damaging her kids-nooo, her husband is!!! I have a really bad feeling about this guy. I know he hates me, I have always noticed he doesnt like it when I am around. Gotta go. school open house. be back later!

 
Old 08-16-2004, 07:19 PM   #15
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Re: Update..and its pretty bad

hillaryb,

I also agree that you did the right thing, and I understand totally what you're going through by feeling like a backstabber. About a year ago, a situation happened between my husband and my (former) best friend's fiance at the place where all three of them work.

My husband was being trained in a different part of the factory where they work, which happened to be the same part that her fiance worked. They were each on seperate pieces of large equipment and her fiance kept "playfully" bumping the machine my husband was on. My husband asked him to stop but he kept on doing it. He said he was playing. These machines cost thousands of dollars. My husband ended up reporting this as an accident and her fiance got fired because of it. My husband didn't want to lose his job because if anyone had seen this and reported it before him, he would have been fired. My best friend and I had been having problems for about a year prior to this also. Nothing extremely serious, we were just having communication problems. Well, now she thinks that I put my husband up to that (I don't even work there and had no clue until after the fact) and that it was totally personal. Now every time she sees us, she either stares me down or calls my husband names. And this is a girl that was like a sister to me for 16 years. It's ridiculous but she makes me feel like my husband and I are scum for what happened.

I know this has nothing to do with the child abuse you are dealing with, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling crappy for something you know is right, but that you weren't responsible for. Meaning that you were right in turning him in and you are in no way responsible for what happens to him now because it is HIS fault for hitting that child.

Take care and I hope things work out for the best.

 
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