It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-25-2004, 09:00 PM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 12
Dawn34 HB User
Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

I need help desperatly and it is such a long story, I started it, but deleted it!
I have relationship issues with the father of my children because of my children. I am lost and need articles that all can read to help everyone. I WANT PIECE AND QUIET WHEN I COME HOME!
I have a girl 14 & 6 and a boy 11. I know wow tough ages. I swear after you have 2 kids the doc should prescribe the patient anti depressants and valiums cause this is the way I have felt for the last year! I love my kids with all my heart and I try about 70% to be there for them, but it seems I just don't get any REAL RESPECT from them, and no matter what I say or do can I get their attention but for more than 1 day! I or their father is always the wrong one, for getting on them or yelling or whooping! Guess what though I am in the middle of the dad and the kids, cause he does/says things allot worse than I would and I can be bad, but I don't call my kids stupid or you are lazy etc. I try to let them know what they are doing wrong and I try to always say when they have done a good job! I am so confused, and I hate being a parent right now, cause even though I have 3 kids, I am a new parent to all this, I have never dealt with this life, and I am really wanting to run away so they can all just see if they will be happy with or without me?
Does anyone know where to turn to for help that is free, either on the net or free counceling?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-25-2004, 09:56 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 503
vamp36 HB Uservamp36 HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Many cities have a parenting resource center , for free. Look it up in the phone book maybe? There are also counceling places to help families. For minimal fees. Parenting can be very hard especially if 2 parents don't work together. Hang in there. I know it's tough.

 
Old 08-26-2004, 06:36 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,130
hillaryb HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Just curious, how are you a new parent to your children? I didnt quite understand what you meant by that. But yes, I understand the thing about having more than one. I have 2, and it so different from just having one. Very hard. We have great days, and bad days here and there. Im really tired right now, and I have to work hard not to be a grump and be too hard on them. But man, my 2 year old always wants attention, and my 8 year old always wants to argue. When they both have a bad day, I feel like Im losing my mind. lol.

 
Old 08-26-2004, 07:13 AM   #4
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 305
letfayhol HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

you want to come home to quiet and you have 3 kids?
Good luck!!!
Anyway, so say the kids do not show you respect. Right there is your #1 problem. Once you have their respect then you have their attention and once you have their attention rules will be followed.
One reason they may not respect you is if you let them off the hook because you don't agree with your husband.
If he is wrong (calling names is wrong) tell them the punishment stands, tell them they are not stupid, but must obey their father.
If you and your husband back each other up on the rules then they can't put either of you in the middle.
You need to talk to your husband and tell him his disipline style is NOT working (only making things worse) and suggest both of you going to a parenting class.
I am a mom of 2 kids and they are 10 and 6. One boy and one girl. You are not going to have piece and quiet. I assure you of that. However, if your rules are clear (don't change them based on your moods) and the disipline for braking rules are consitant then you should not have a problem with rule braking and disrespect.
However, you will have kids who get loud from time to time, argue with each other etc.
When my kids argue. I do NOT put myself in the middle. I make them work it out and I don't allow "fighting"
I tell my kids they should respect me because I am a good mom who does my best and I love them and respect them, but if the time evr comes that they don't OFFER me my deserved respect I will DEMAD respect in MY home.
It is as simple as that.
I too am a tough parent. I am strict. However, I show tons of love, I play with them, and I offer tons of positive praise when they do right.
You seem to be feeling overwelmed. I understand. I have been there. To be honest, I was more overwelmed when I was married and raising my kids then I am now as a single mom.
Good luck

 
Old 08-26-2004, 07:15 AM   #5
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 305
letfayhol HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hillaryb
Just curious, how are you a new parent to your children? I didnt quite understand what you meant by that. But yes, I understand the thing about having more than one. I have 2, and it so different from just having one. Very hard. We have great days, and bad days here and there. Im really tired right now, and I have to work hard not to be a grump and be too hard on them. But man, my 2 year old always wants attention, and my 8 year old always wants to argue. When they both have a bad day, I feel like Im losing my mind. lol.

I think she may mean the different stages of parenting. I was new with a newborn, and now I am learnign all about 10 year old boys and my 6 yr old girl is nothing like my boy ws at 6. LOL
I guess that is what she means.... Having a 14 yr old is alot different than her 11 and 6 year olds.

 
Old 08-26-2004, 03:46 PM   #6
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 12
Dawn34 HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

LES YES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT ABOUT BEING A NEW PARENT. I am not experienced in this at all! Gosh I thought I was a great mom until all this mood change etc. Thanks for all your opinions/advice. Yeah I know I definetly need to stick with punishment and this is a downfall of me, I get lazy/tired and just don't want to deal with issue's so I ignore them. I just try to be the cool mom, but definetly don't let them go wild! Yes I definetly need to talk to my husband about his ways, and I have tried but he doesn't listen. I have said a hundred times my son is striving for dads attention but dad doesn't want to do anything unless it is with his friends or partying!
He is a good dad and loves his kids, but his parents was bitter and his mother is a real mean person to her own son. It is very sad the way she is. She will not help him any anyway. It is sad.
Oh well enough. I am trying to stick together and all that in the same respect and any more advice is welcome. Like how did you get hte kids to realize mom is trying etc.

ALL HAVE A GREAT NITE AND LOVE THE KIDS, BUT LOVE YOURSELF TO!

 
Old 08-26-2004, 05:00 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,589
GirlHarley HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Being a parent is the Hardest job in the world. We know you love your children, you just need a Vent Outlet -

I only have one child and three step children -

I can tell you this - there will always be a Good Parent and a Bad Parent -
the Bad Parent who enforces the Rules of the House, what is to be Tolorated, what punishment within reason is given for the bad attitude or behavior, expectations at home, school, and public - I am the Bad Parent and I am more respected because of it - I'm not perfect and I make mistakes but a Good Parent is one who Enforces the Rules and beleive me It is not EASY
EASY is giving UP, Hard is sticking with it - Period. You can still be a Good Mom and command Respect for who you are and what you stand for without putting Fear in your child, without hitting them.

You can not be their Friend, You can not be the Cool Mother, You are the Parent who will teach your children to become decent adults and they will love you all the more as they get older in life - For now they will hate you but deep down they will love you and respect you.

Children NEED Guidence, Direction, Rules to live by or they will walk all over you - That is Their Job to fight you all the way, exhaust you till you give in.
I can not imagine having Three Children - Gzz, I have one turning 16 drives me Crazy - really believe he wants to put me in the Nut House - I'm stict with him, he tells me He fears me but you would Never Know it
His friends Love Me think I'm a cool mom - but YET my son says I'm not -
That is GOOD, I'm not to be the Cool Mom in his eyes, sometimes he says things to me as if I'm his friend and I remind him I'm NOT HIS FRIEND, then he tells me I have no Sense of Humor and then I remind him I'm His MOM, I am not to have a sense of Humor sound familar?

Well, guess what - he really is a good kid and I'm doing a decent job at it -
SO, forget about being the Cool Mom, The friend, you are not to have a sense of Humor when they are speaking dispectful to you.
You are the Parent who enforces Rules of the House - Period! You are to have the last SAY.

Hope this helps.

 
Old 08-27-2004, 09:33 AM   #8
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 305
letfayhol HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

"The cool mom"
There are different ways of going about this.
My sister wanted to be the cool mom , the friend and now she has a son who shows are ZERO respect and has a prision record, a daughter who only calls when she wants something and dropped out of school and the 2 young ones walk all over her....

However, I AM the "cool mom" and "friend" and "rule enforcer"
All the kids love coming to my house YET they all know my rules and know what to expect if they are broken.
I am the cool mom, cause I actually get down and play WITH them. I wrestle with the boys, play dress up with the girls etc. I get on the 4-wheeler and dirt bike and go WITH them.
Some people think cool or good is letting them pretty much do what they want etc.
NOT ME....
They are limited in what they can do, and whatever they do they (and their friends) have fun with because they aren't alone. I am right there doign with them.
See, I am mom and dad... It's sometimes different for me.
If I make a rule the only way it is over looked is if I overlook it and THAT isn't going to happen because I am the only one in the house and they WILL respect me.
They know and follow the rules. They know fun comes after homework and chores.
They know when friends are over rules don't change.
This summer, I had many nights where I had between 6-15 kids staying the night.
EVERY single child acted with respect and left HAPPY! That right there is what is important and that is what will make your child happy and their friends will want to continue coming around.
Good luck

 
Old 08-27-2004, 09:38 AM   #9
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 305
letfayhol HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Oh one more thing....
My son had the STRICT teacher in school last year... Boy was she tough. So tough that the principal tried to bump her up to the 6th grade because those kids needed a FIRM hand. Well she fought it and is still 3rd grade.
ANYWAY
She was very very strict, made her rules known and DEMANDED they be followed.
She also showed respect to the kids and praised them when they did well. But oh my the punishment when they didn't....LOL
ANYWAY
My son is in the 4th grade this year. I asked him how he likes his teacher. He said and I do QUOTE
" I like her, she's nice, but Mrs bond is better, she's strict"
I said "you like that?"
He said " Yeah, don't know what to expect from Mrs Ridge"
That was MY proof right there that kids do NEED a firm hand.... As long as that hand comes with love and respect.

 
Old 08-27-2004, 03:10 PM   #10
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 46
jamieleigh HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Hi All - Parenting Is Hard - Im A Working Mom Of 4 Kids 2 Girls 11, 2.5 2 Boys 9-6. Im With You On Wanting To Come Home To A Quiet House -but To Be Quite Honest With You- If Youve Been At Work All Day And These Children Have Been At School - They Have A Whole Day Of Information All Stored Up Wanting To Burst Out To Talk About... They Havent Seen You All Day So They Want To Tell You.. At Least That Is How It Goes Around My House For The First 2 Hours After Work.. You At The 16 Year Old Stage And I Dont Envy You Abit!!!! Sorry - My 11 Year Old Thinks She Is The Gift To Everyone Sometimes And I Have To Set Her Straight On She Is Only 11 And I Have To Continuely Remind My Children That I Am The Parent And They Are The Children = However - Im Sure There Is Plenty To Do After You Get Off Work That You Can Find A Quiet Spot For An Hour Or So... We Have A Rountine We Follow.... When I Get Home I Have The School Age Kids Start Homework.... Then I Start Dinner.... While Dinner Is Cooking The Baby Is Helping Make Her Little Mess On The Bar While Im Cooking Dinner..... After That Is All Started The Baby And I Go Start Laundry Run Around And Go Pick Up For The Evening.... The Kids Done With Home Work They Set The Table And We Eat . They Get Ready To Go On Our Nightly Walk/bike Ride...and I Do Dinner Dishes... We Go For Our Walk Get Home I Send The Kids To Their Rooms To Get Their Showers / Teeth And Nightly Routine Done... Set Out Their Clothes For The Next Day And With 4 Of Them This Takes A Good Hour.. So I Go To My Room And Take My Nice Long Peacefull Bath Or I Lay Down For An Hour Or So To Relax.... After That... The Kids Are All Calmed Down We Watch About An Hour Of Tv (gotta Watch Big Brother Or Amazing Race Then The Kids Go To Bed And Start All Over Again.... I Know It Sounds Like Yeah Right What Ever.. But It Takes A While To Get The Kids Into This Rountine... About 11 Years.. Lol But For The Most Part They Do Really Well... And When They Dont Help Or Show The Respect That They Need They Know It.. They Loose Privaledges ... They Pay Me... (their Allowance Is Taken Away) Lol At Least They Think It Is Becaue Its Not Theirs To Spend Anymore ... But I Still Put It Up For Them And We All Use It To Go To A Movie Or Something....

Kids Are A Hand Full - Expecially If Your A Single Parent... But I Thnk That When The Day Is Done And You Look At Your Children While Their Sleeping Youll See Its All Worth It In The End......

 
Old 08-27-2004, 03:21 PM   #11
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 46
jamieleigh HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Well I Thought I Replied Again.. I Guess Not,

Just Wanted To Add - Your A Good Mom... Every Mom That Worries And Tries And Goes To Places Like This Is A Good Mom..(great Mom)...

Just Try To Remeber What You Were Like When You Were A Kid And A Teen Expecially... And Dig Through It....we Are Here Foryou To Vent When Needed.. It Helps Keep Us All Sane...

Much Love To Ya.. Mom To Mom
Have A Good Day

 
Old 08-27-2004, 06:54 PM   #12
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 22
wittyboy HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Well let me start by saying that I am a father of 4, 2 boy age 19 and 6 and 2 girls ages 18 and 11, My fiance has 3 boys ages 9, 12, 15. There is not a dull moment in the house and I sometimes , ok all the time lol, want to run and hide. When coming home from work I cringe at the front door. They are all great kids and have their moments. all the ages in the house at once can be a challenge. My children do not live in the house full time but sometimes I think that is even tougher due to different house rules etc.. The only advice I can give is you need to find a secret out. Either with your husband , like a date nite etc. or by yourself. Like one of the prev posts said try to look at them and remember what it was like for you at that age..Check out a local parenting clinic or councelor. Your family doctor may be able to help. You could even get resources from the school the children attend. Good luck

 
Old 08-30-2004, 11:27 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,197
barton93 HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

I think that you and the father of these kids need to sit down together and discuss the problems that you are having. Both parents have to be on the same level whether you are all living together in the same household or whether it is your situation.......father in one place, mother in another. Successful parenting comes from both parents being on the same level and laying down the same rules for both households. Disobeying either parent is definately grounds for some sort of disciplinary action............and it should be handled by both parents. It is up to both you and your ex to handle these children and be sure that they act right in either household.

If you disagree with the way that their father raises them, punishes them.....or whatever........you guys really need to find a happy medium and raise these children together, just in separate households. It can be done. Just lay down the rules and let these kids know who is boss and if they cross that line..........there will be a punishment waiting for them.

 
Old 09-13-2004, 08:38 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Rochester, NY USA
Posts: 957
sawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB User
Re: Does ANYONE KNOW about PARENTING MORE THAN 1 CHILD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by letfayhol
...You seem to be feeling overwelmed. I understand. I have been there. To be honest, I was more overwelmed when I was married and raising my kids then I am now as a single mom.
Good luck

You say you were more overwhelmed when you were married. May I ask how you became a single parent? I only ask because I am in a situation where I may become a single parent also through separation. I really don't think it will happen. Guess I'm too scared to make it happen. Second-guessing myself on if it really needs to happen or if things can be resolved. My husband does not get along at all with our 12 year old son. We also have a 15 year old that he gets along great with. There is a lot of anger between my husband and 12yo. Counseling would probably help, but my husband won't go. I'm scared to get that set up too - counseling for me and possibly the kids - both of them because the 15yo is affected as well from all the tension, yelling, in the house. I don't even want to go home anymore. My stomach is always in a knot. I can't imagine what my 12yo feels like. There are many issues in our household. My neighbors seem to want nothing to do with us. I always envisioned coffee time with the other mothers, my kids friends always at my house. My 12yo does not like the other kids in the neighborhood. It started out with a bully against my son who is a few years older. He turned all the other kids against my son. He dealt with it by not playing with any of them. So now none of the mothers seek me out for anything.

I am really depressed and probably should start my own thread. oh well.
__________________
If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.

Last edited by sawbuck44; 09-13-2004 at 08:50 AM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Does my 9 year old daughter have schizophrenia? Part 4 Strawberry Girl Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 83 02-08-2009 07:53 AM
how does depression affect parenting? chellet Depression 4 10-02-2008 08:39 PM
Problems with my 7 year old son. I don't know where to turn. negot Parenting Issues 11 09-17-2008 10:29 AM
Q's about Attachment Parenting Gayle0000 Infant Care (up to 18 months old) 59 06-27-2006 06:46 PM
DH and I at odd's for parenting 16mo worried_mommy Parenting Issues 14 05-21-2005 10:43 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:09 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!