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Old 08-27-2004, 07:06 PM   #1
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Angry driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

so here is the issue....i have a 10 month old DD and i am always very carful about sanitizing my hands in public after touching a common surface (like a door handle)

well the problem is my mother, my uncle and his children want me and DD to go with them and do things but they will not sanitize their hands (mom will but it is hard to get my uncles daughter to when i ask and sometimes she gets mad and refuses to ) when that happens i say "well then do not touch the baby" but then like 10 min. later she has her hands all over my DD (this is a 15 yr old we are talking about so she knows what she is doing)

and i know children need exposre to germs (BLAH BLAH BLAH) and that is what they tell me when i ask them to sanitize well they dont have to be up with a screaming baby all night scared to death cause she has a temp of 103.1.....anyway i have had a month of pure hell with my dd, first she had herpangina (throat sores) which she got from going with my mother and uncle at the local mall, and i had to deal with a baby with a fever of 103 for 4 days and wouldnt eat or sleep....*arggg*
and now she has a terrible cold....(infact me and DH do too, she has passed it to us)

i am just sick of it, thing is it is driving a wedge...as you can imagine.....
but no one will respect my parenting approach and even if they do i get the eye roll or heavy sigh...which makes me feel stupid.
as i said my mom will sanitize when i ask but my uncles daughter will not...(flat refuses) and my uncle is very reluctant....

anyway, i was just looking for opinions on this.
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Last edited by Chrissi; 08-27-2004 at 07:11 PM.

 
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Old 08-27-2004, 07:28 PM   #2
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Re: driving a wedge because i try tokeep my dd germ free

First you cant blame the sore throat on her going with to the mall with your family. You could have very easily had the virus that caused it without symptoms and passed it to her that way. Also not all things are spread through physical contact,many things are spread through the air. So no matter how much you clean you hands your DD can and will still get sick.
Dealing with a sick baby is no fun but it is a fact of life. Think on this what are you going to do when your DD goes to school??
I am not trying to sound harsh just trying to throw another light on this. I have two boys I could never imagine trying to watch over stuff like that. I would be lost because both were walking before they were even nine months old and into everything. So for me it would have been a lost cause.
I do have a family member that sounds a lot like you and her DD is scared to death of just about everything and she is 4. It is sad to watch her look at other kids playing in dirt and such and say how nasty they are. She wont touch anything given to her until her mother has washed it. Where is the fun in that??
I know you are trying to protect your daughter but it might be a bit overboard. Your daughter being exposed to things around her public or otherwise is good for her.

I have always been big on taking my children out and about from young ages and it has paid off in so many ways. My youngest has never had an ear infection and has only been sick three times in his 3 and half years. My oldest only had two ear infections and has only been sick a handful of times in his 8 years.
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Old 08-27-2004, 07:40 PM   #3
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

i dont think i am being overboard considering that 70% of the population does not wash their hands after using the bathroom....i just feel like it only take a second to sanitize my hands and keep her protected from whatever i can.
i know things travel through the air but she was with my mother the weekend she got sick and they were all over the place...malls, stores ect.
and i will not be the type of mother that cleans everything my daughter touches...i am not that bad.
but as for sanitizing after i touch a door handle and i also sanitize the bar on the grocery cart before i put my daughter in it.....and why wouldnt i? hundreds of children sit in that very cart drooling spitting snotting all over it daily....yuck.

this is just how i want to do things...i just want others to respect that.....especially since i am the one who has to pick up the tab for yet another illness my child gets.
it is just frustuating not to be resected by my family.
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Old 08-28-2004, 01:11 AM   #4
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

Well, I agree with Blastoff on this one. There is no way you can pinpoint exactly where she caught that sore throat from. It's impossible. She could have had the bug in her system days before she went to the mall and it just didn't rear it's ugly head untill AFTER the mall trip. I really wouldn't blame it on the trip shopping that day....A baby does get sick every once in awhile and there is nothing you can do about that , as Blastoff said, thats a fact of life. We, as parents, deal with this. No matter how many times you wash your hands she is bound to catch something. Honestly, germs are everywhere on our body...not just our hands. There is no way you can eliminate every germ she MIGHT come in contact with. Now, I completely agree with you....you should wash your hands frequently and I myself take wipes with me to the grocery store to clean the cart that my son sits in. I saw a story on Dateline (I think it was Dateline) about how disgusting those things are.

I think it's a little harsh to make the baby off limits unless someone washes their hands. I can see this if she were a newborn but at 10 months her immune system is a little stronger than you realize.

Anyway, I would not let something as tiny as washing your hands drive a wedge between you and the family. While you are worrying over what she could catch you are missing out on a good time...relax...and enjoy the family time. There is no such thing as, "germ free".

Last edited by littleone314; 08-28-2004 at 01:15 AM.

 
Old 08-28-2004, 03:52 AM   #5
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

chances are whatever virus your daughter picked up was way before the mall, most virus' have an incubation period (a cold can be up to two week before showing symptoms). So, chances are she did not pick up whatever she had at the mall. When someone is around someone who is sick and gets sick the next day they always say i got a cold from so-n-so, generaly that is not the case, illness does not come on that quickly...in most cases. That being said, do you think that these people are not washing their hands after using the washroom? If they aren't then i would ask them to wash up...but if they are washing their hands at the proper time then i would lay off. Are you going to start asking them to scrub down their house before you go over to visit? since they touch all of those surfaces with their "dirty" hands those are dirty too. I don't mean to make light, i have 3 kids, i know what it is like to be up all night with a sick baby and of course how miserable the baby feels, but it's a fact of life, children get sick...i don't sanitise anything other than the bathroom and the kitchen, wash my hands after using the washroom, handling meat etc...the only time i think about sanitising myself is when i'm at work (grocery store), because of touching all the meat, money and stuff i sanitise them a lot, but that is it. Handwashing is the best way to prevent illness, but forcing it on people i think is just rude and to me would imply that you think i wasn't clean. I realize you are just trying to keep your baby safe from germs, but i do think you are going a bit overboard with it.
If this is what you want than just tell them that this is something that you'd like them to do, it gives you peice of mind and you are not trying to imply that they are unclean, you just don't want your daughter picking up any virus' they may have on their hands. As her mother you have the right to ask that they do this, but they also have the right to be upset or even offended by it.

 
Old 08-28-2004, 06:57 AM   #6
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

Can i just put in my "2 cents' here?I just wanted to tell you a quick little story.My youngest son had to have a liver transplant back in 2000.He was thirteen at the time.one of the biggest things that worried me the most was the fact that he would have to spend his life immunosuppressed or risk rejection.I have to tell you that over these past four years, my son has very few complications and very very few colds and infections.One thing that i started doing when he first was discharged from the hospital was getting all stressed out over the thought of germs and bacteria and stuff.But when i talked with his transplant coordinator regarding this she told me to relax.She asked me how I normally kept my house and I told her that Probably not as clean all the time as much as i would like,and that I was not a really great housekeeper.and about the only thing that I used to sanatize and really clean,was the bathroom.And her reply to me was 'why change now"?I was a little suprised with what she said as I was under the immpression that with the immunosuppression that was going to be my sons life long companion,that should he be exposed to ANY germs ,viruses and bacteria that he had a really great chance of picking this up.
When my kids were small, i cleaned and did the normal housekeeping that you do as a mom.But I never really went overboard as i had heard that the cleaner you keep your house(with regard to disinfecting everything the kids come in contact with)the less chance that your kids had to build up their immune systems.Made sense,and my energy levels were waneing anyway.Well, the Tx coordinator said that the way that he was brought up in a not so squeeky clean atmosphere would most likely help him alot more in the long run.He has a very strong immune system with regard to not picking up every little thing that passes by.we will get colds and infections and stuff,just like any other family but actually, myself,my husband and our other son seem to be more sick alot of the time than my other son!and when one of us is sick, he does not just automatically get it either.He really does seem to be overall, much more healthy than the rest of our family(actually myself and my husband seem to be the ones who get sick the most).The only thing that really worries me right now is if he gets an exposure to the chicken pox virus as this can cause major complications in a transplant recipient.My sons school is really good at informing me if there is ANY child in the school that has come down with it,and when there is, I automatically get a call from the school nurse,and we discuss the classes that he is in and the grade of the student to determine risk .I have only pulled him out of school once when the other student had one class with him.There was a much higher risk there as they used alot of the same classrooms as well.i am sorry if this is all boring you to death,but i just needed to show you that things do not get passed around and picked up as often as you think,and building a strong immune system in your child is extremely important right now.the best thing that you can do with regard to wanting to go a little over board with the disinfecting,is to please, just relax and don't sweat the small stuff okay?we all want happy healthy children.and things will always be 'going around",but you are doing a great disservice to your child, honestly,,not to mention depriving people who really care about your child the chance to really enjoy her.I would say that being held and cuddled by people who really love your child is much more important than worrying abpout the germs that they are carrying around,you know?unless these people are just getting over some kind of illness or something, I think that you can relax a little bit.I really do understand just where you are coming from here, believe me,but there is a fine line here and you are going to drive yourself absolutely crazy with obsessing over this.enjoy this time while your child is a baby and don't waste your time worrying about the other stuff.i am sure that your baby will be just fine.Good luck, marcia
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Old 08-28-2004, 10:25 AM   #7
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

the reason why i ask them to sanitize is because they do not wash their hands at proper times.....like the 15 yr old can go to the bathroom and walk right out and not wash her hands and want to touch the baby.....and when she hadles raw meat....same thing she will not wash/sanitize her hands, i find that repulsive.
my mother is very careful (she is in health care and knows how things spread) and it isnt as if i ask everyone to sanitize b4 they hold her just the 15 yr old and also my 17 yr old brother, and the uncle sometimes too (he works at a waste water plant and works around feses all day)
well anyway i guess you would just have to live this to see what i mean (with my family members that is)
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Old 08-28-2004, 03:06 PM   #8
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

DS has a genetic disorder. I take wipes to the grocery store to wipe down the cart -- cuz he tends to try and chew on it. I've heard RSV and the rotovirus can live on a surface for several hours. So when I come home from a store, I wash my hands. FIL has chronic sinus problems and is always carrying around a hanky or kleenex -- I just remind him to wash his hands before he can touch our child. DS does go to day care -- I use hand santitizer after I use the restroom at work or in public 'cuz most people don't wash their hands and touch all the surfaces -- doors, handles etc.

Other pet peeve I have is sick people coming to family events. Because we spent 6 weeks in the hospital battling a nasty infection -- I stress that if anyone is sick and attends a family event -- I'll leave. We also ask family members who are going to spend any amount of time with him to get a flu shot during flu season. We just had a scare recently 'cuz someone who "just had a cold" turned out to have whooping cough.

 
Old 08-28-2004, 03:57 PM   #9
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

everything you said i can relate to...i know common colds wont do any harm but then there is whooping cough *as you mentioned* even when vaccinated you can still get it.....and that strain of the flu that went around last fall/winter killed a baby in my area....

and now i am glad i do all that i do to keep my daughter well......
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Old 08-28-2004, 08:09 PM   #10
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

Chrissi I am the same way! I hate when ppl touch my 7 month old daughter without washing their hands. I try not to wipe off everything she touches, but I really believe in hand washing. It especially drives me nuts when strangers walk up and touch my baby, one lady even put her fingure in her mouth, I FREAKED!

My DD was a preemie and I had to keep her germ free till she got a bit older, I couldn't even take her out in public places at all untill she was 2 months. But when family came over to visit they atomatically assume that because they were family that they didnt have to wash their hands before touching her. They would get offended when I would ask them not to touch her untill they washed their hands.

People need to understand that you are the childs parent and wether they agree or not, you are the one who decides these things. If they have a problem with washing their hands after you have asked them too, then they can not pick up the baby IMHO.

 
Old 08-29-2004, 12:26 AM   #11
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

Did you all know that although hand sanitizers do kill 99.999% of germs on your hands when used properly, once you touch anything, the protection is compromised?
And studies show that antibacterial soaps and hand sanitizers exacerbate mutation of bacteria and germs. And did you know that if your children are not exposed at an early age to the microorganisms, their immune system can be compromised? I'm not saying rub feces on your child and I agree that it is disgusting to use the washroom and not wash your hands afterwards. All I'm saying is that your child needs to build up a resistance to the nasty stuff because if she doesn't, she'll be sick a lot. And the younger she is, the more able her body is to build a resistance.
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Last edited by LuvMyLilDoggie; 08-29-2004 at 12:26 AM.

 
Old 08-29-2004, 01:28 AM   #12
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

BOS- I had forgotten that....but now that you mention it I do remember seeing that on the news!!!!!!!!!!

 
Old 08-29-2004, 05:04 AM   #13
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

I do agree. You shouldn't sanitize everything, but I really believe in hand washing especially in public places. I don't wash my hands constantly or anything, but I have seen so many ppl NOT wash the hands after handling raw meet in the grocery store, going to the washroom, and lord knows what else, and then those hands go straight for my DD, I dont think so.

I rarely get sick, only really if I catch it from another family member, and my Dr agrees that it most likely from hand washing. She tells all of her patients who do not qualify for the flu vacc. that washing your hands properly is the best way to keep away the flu. I have to say that I have never had the flu, not once, just colds.

Im not expecting my baby to not ever get sick. Actually she has a head cold right now. Im just trying to save her from really nasty things that she does not need to be exposed too.

 
Old 08-29-2004, 08:58 AM   #14
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

[quote]People need to understand that you are the childs parent and wether they agree or not, you are the one who decides these things. If they have a problem with washing their hands after you have asked them too, then they can not pick up the baby IMHO.[quote]
thanks worried mommy.....

and yes i DO know that if you sanitize then touch something else it is compromised.....but as i said i sanitize AFTER i touch a common surface *and if that means i have to do it 3 x in one hour* so be it.
anyway again i guess you just have to live in my shoes, see what i see and then decide if you want the person in question to touch your baby or not before they wash up.....
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Old 08-29-2004, 10:34 AM   #15
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Re: driving a wedge because i try to keep my dd germ free!!!

Yeah i remember hearing that americans over-sanitize, and that this could cause long-term problems like bacteria with a resistance to many disinfectants, etc and also underdeveloped immune systems. I dont know. My daughter is sick all the time. I think it is dues to her allergies, which she got from me. We live in an area with high pollen/mold and seasonal allergies get pretty tough to deal with. For her it develops into infections. Im pretty clean as a rule, but I also realize that she is going to get sick. If someone is gross and dirty and they need to wash up, but all means say so. I try to chill out about germs because I know that if I overthink the whole thing, I will go insane trying to keep my daughter healthy. Basic good hygene and good housekeeping is enough in most cases. What really kills me is that as a toddler, my daughter will put anything in her mouth. My other daughter never did this. She plays outside and Im always pulling gravel, gum, even bugs from her mough. Ewwwwwww!!! I give up lol.

 
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