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hayley0610 · 08-28-2004, 09:43 PM

So this is my dilemna, I found a harcore xxx mag stashed in the dropdown ceiling in my 13 yr old son's room. (not snooping, running cable wire)

Here is my problem how do I address 3 things from this situation.

1) Do I allow him to have some form of pornography
2) Finding out how he came about getting the pornography
3) Discussing the reality of pornography

I've always had an open relationship with him, I know he masturbates (at his age which person doesn't). I don't want him growing up not feeling like I am there for him when he has sexuality questions or concerns.

Please no responses on why masturbation is wrong, and how pornography is wrong. I'm not lookin for "punishment" suggestions. Just some help (hopefully from people with personal experiences) on how to make these next few years as mentally painless as possible for him.

Thanks,

Concerned father (who had his own porn collection at 13)

MandyAnne26 · 08-30-2004, 03:55 AM

I think allowing a child to have porn at a young age sets them up to have some unrealistic expectations of what a woman is, and what sex is about.
First off it teaches that women are objects , to be looked at and sexualized, and being impressionable at 13 he may get unrealistic idea's about what awoman should look like, act like etc.
It's a tough situation, first off, how hardcore was the magazine? If he's reading an S&M magazine or something equaly bad than i would definitly have a talk, why is he finding those images erotic? Is it because that is all he could get his hands on? He needs to know that those kinds of things are not what takes place in the majority of sexual relationships and that is not the kinds of activity's he should be having fantisy's about.
There is a reason why there is an age limit to buy those kinds of mag's, but as his father it is really up to you and his mother. If you are comfortable with him looking at them then provide him soft core ones...but i wouldn't allow my son to have them. If you take it from him, he'll probably just get another one and hide it better this time. So it's really up to yoou...atleast if you provided it you would have some control over what he's looking at.
You should definitly discuss the reality of it...i don't think women are forced into it or anything like that, but i do think he needs to know that porn is generaly not realistic, that generaly real women aren't anything like what you see in porn mags and movies. It's fake, simple as that.

millpark26 · 08-30-2004, 05:06 AM

hayley0610 ~
What did you do with it after you found it? Have you said anything to your son yet?

hayley0610 · 08-30-2004, 08:18 AM

speaking for my husband of course...he went and talked to him that night and explained that the images arent real our son said he knew that but he "needed" some form of material to look at! he said he found it in a park where some teens hang out. it was very hardcore and he said the only reason he had that type of mag was because he found it. hubby explaind sex doesnt mean what he saw and my son said he knw they were just models being paid. my hubby told him sex is something intimate and so on. not sure of what to do next because we want him to know he can come talk to us about sex and such my husband explained that he still masturbates on occassion, my son then asked him if he thought he was masturbating a couple times a day cause he is'nt! lol...my husband did what i felt was best and went and bought him some maxim magazines. these are mags he can go and buy if he wants as theres no age limit. i know we did the right thing and hopefully now he can see he can come talk to us if he needs things that he would otherwise sneak.

millpark26 · 08-30-2004, 09:26 AM

I think the 2 of you handled this situation with your son, like a champ!

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