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Old 09-25-2004, 04:56 PM   #1
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hayley0610 HB User
how do we tell our son his dad is not his "real" dad? update...we told him

well we just told our 10 yr old son that what he believed to be his father biologically isnt...and well we didnt get the reaction we thought we would!! he didnt care at all!!! he joked and looked at his dad and immitated darth vador and said "dad you are my father"!!! lol we asked him if he was freaked out and he laughed and said of course not, he said he had no questions and it didnt matter to him at all. i asked if he had any questions about the person that made him he said nope!! my husband and him had been watching a series on tv though lately where in it the dad had adopted his son so thats how hubby brought it up to him. plus my dad adopted me and my brother in law was adopted too so my son had alot of examples around him. he reacted like we told him the sky was blue! it didnt seem to faze him and he wasnt hiding any inner feelings so i have no doubt if it bothered him or anything else he wouldve told us then and there.but i am certain in the future we will be asked questions and thats ok. he looked at us a few times like we were weird for thinking it would bug him. but i feel we waited for the perfect age and i know some of you wanted an update when we did tell him. here ive been dreading it and it was nothing! i wish you all luck in this situation.

 
Old 09-25-2004, 05:40 PM   #2
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Re: how do we tell our son his dad is not his "real" dad? update...we told him

Wow! Sounds like you have a wonderful son I am so happy that he reacted that way. Of course, there will most likely be questions later but that's expected! I am facing the same thing you just accomplished, of course a few years down the road for me but I am expecting it. I just hope that the words will just come to me when I have to face my son about our situation...I just hope he realizes the love that he does have around him.

 
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Old 09-25-2004, 05:48 PM   #3
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Re: how do we tell our son his dad is not his "real" dad? update...we told him

Ten year olds are strange. lol They can handle adult things better than adults. I would give him time to let it sink in and not say to much. He'll come to you and ask more questions. Plus...you can't miss something you never had. He has a father who is his REAL dad in his heart and that's the ONLY place that it matters. The only reason he will or may ask is for health reasons maybe later in life when he has children so maybe you can find out info and keep it in a safe place for him for later reference. Don't bother a child with adult issues though.....I would leave the subject alone so not to confuse him by pushing the issue. I'm glad all turned out well.

 
Old 09-25-2004, 07:46 PM   #4
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Re: how do we tell our son his dad is not his "real" dad? update...we told him

thanks for the positive posts! i was expecting a bit of your son is upset he isnt showing it blah blah blah and i know him well and know its not like that. i think we picked the right time. i know i wanted to meet my real dad when i got older and when i did i was like who is this stranger and never looked back! neither did he! no real loss though im ok with it and i want my son to be too. i think he is totally cool with this i guess im in such shock my hubby and i looked at each other like "this is the reaction?!?!?!?" we expected soooo much more but thats a good thing. my advice is to wait till they are about his age my mom harrassed when from the time he was 2 to tell him and i didnt want to yet i wanted him to understand!thanks again...btw i wont be discussing it anymore with him unless he asks.

Last edited by hayley0610; 09-25-2004 at 07:47 PM.

 
Old 10-01-2004, 11:39 PM   #5
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Re: how do we tell our son his dad is not his "real" dad? update...we told him

I just happeneed on this post... flabergasted that sopmeone has the same problem as I do... accept my son is only goinbg to be 7 in november his BF did not belive it was his because i left and married my husband and my husband is on the birth certificate. But there are so many family that know it is going to come out some day..... Can you tell me more about your story?????? I am soo curious. I have been basically dropped to the floor worrying about this with him, he is soo young and I just didnt know what to do. I only contacted his BF a few weeks ago for the first time in 7.5 years (since I lkeft him) and he was shocked to say the least, he said he assumed since I dissaoppeared it wasnt his. But my son does have a wonderful father (my husband) so it is sooo much more confusing, does the BF in your case want to know your son? how did it all come about? If there is a post on this boards somewhere else thats cool point me that way ~Natalie

 
Old 10-01-2004, 11:58 PM   #6
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Re: how do we tell our son his dad is not his "real" dad? update...we told him

Ok I went back found the post and read, My situation is different than most of these. the guy is not a jerk. He was not a druggy, I left because of many reasons like my family hated him because his mother was gay, i knew we would never be able to blend out families..... Plus I wanted to be with my husband (now). I was an idiot to make the choice I made to never give him a chance to be there. But my family made me believe he would try to take him from me, so I just dissappeared and made sure he could never take him even if he wanted to. So we got married before the baby was born. My son does not know this person never seen him. I have so many family members who know about this and opened their big mouths over the years to new people. that is why I know I have to tell him, before someone else does someday. And also I wanted the real BF to have the chance I never gave him. He assumed that when I left it was because I cheated and the kid wasnt his. But thats not why I left. So he assumed he didnt have any kids. I have talked to the BF since all this started really weighing heavily on me. as I said he was floored to say the leats, Says he wishes he could have been there from the beginning, but does not think he shoul djust POP in now because he already has a father. We are still up in the air as to if and when or what if anything is going to take place. He lives in CO I live in CA. He only moved out there 2.5 years ago. Anyways this is my big big mess. what the heck am I going to do????????? pray pray and pray some more!

 
Old 10-06-2004, 07:54 AM   #7
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Re: how do we tell our son his dad is not his "real" dad? update...we told him

hi thanks for replying to my post. my sons donor wasnt a jerk except he left a great kid! and he didnt do drugs or do anything that was wrong but leave and not contact him. i hope you got the jist of my story way back but if u have anymore qeustions feel free to ask! we too stressed so much over this but now it was for nothing! its funny cause last night it was just me and my son and i asked him if he had told his siblings yet, something we felt was up to him and he said no why? i said well dont u feel u want to? he laughed at me! lol he says no cause my dads my real dad! i said yeah but u do understand he blood isnt in you right(just clarifying in case he didnt understand when we told him) he said yeah i know but mom he has been tehre since i was a baby! i said dont u want to know anything about the person that made you like his name or how long he was there or how i met him? you jknow natural questions like that he laughed again! and said no not at all cause he doesnt see it that way! he sees his dad as his dad and it makes no difference! i told him if he EVER has any qeustions to come and ask me he said yah i know! he is talking this better than we did telling him! i think his age, 10, was the perfect time to tell him and id recomend this to anyone. im not sure if you want the "real" father to be in his life or not or how ur husband feels about this and im not sure why ur talking to the real father maybe you want that to happen. how does your husband feel about this? if you dont really want this guy in ur life then let sleeping dogs lie its for the best and i imagine your son already has the perfect dad already! good lucka nd let us know.

 
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