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Old 09-29-2004, 07:44 PM   #1
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syndyhall HB User
parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

I have a 7 year old and shes a girl. But I am at my wits end with her. She wont take a bath, change her undewear, comb her har, brush her teeth, unless I yell at her. I have tried being nice but it doesnt do any good because she doesnt take me serious then. I have talked to her about smelling good and but she dont want to. And she told me that it is because she doent want to. And I am at my wits end because I do the primary raising bnecause her dad works four until midnight. She is fine when she is doing what she wants but it is too much for her to come in and pick up her bag because she doesnt want too. She throws a fit. I have even thought qabout throwing her bag away because she dont wanna pick it up. I have taken her gameboy away, everything. I just feel so frustrated because I do things with her. When her dad is off we go down this bike trail at our house, and she feels good about it, and i feel good about it. Then she was at my moms and my mom was bring her home and she said,"well, my mom yells at me." My mom spoke to me about it. I told her that i thought it was unfair to bring grandma into our business. I told her that if you have a problem then we have to talk about it. I asked her if she told grandma what I yell at her about. And she said no. I asked her whay not, and she said because I dont want her to know. I have even told her to go sit outside because I needed to get her out of my sight before I hit her or something. I dont know what to do. She is not the same around her dad, very loving and sweet but is it ok to spank. I have watched all of dr phils shows and I sill dont know what to do.

 
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Old 09-30-2004, 12:58 PM   #2
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Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

Hi.. First Off.. Take A Deep Breathe!!! I Have Four Children 2 Girls And 2 Boys Ages 10, 8,6, 2.5 .. I Know How It Is.. Lol And Just So You Know Its A Phase Sometimes It Will Get Better Ann You Start Thinking Yes!!! But Then You Have A Day That Just Drops You Down Again.. Lol My Oldest Went Through This Too... She Was Up To Screaming At Me That She Hated Me!!!
Ive Learned That Breathing And Walking Away From A Stressful Situation Has Helped Alot...

Getting Your Daughter To Take A Bath/shower - I Dont Know The "right" Thing To Do.. She Just Needs To Understand That Is Something She Has To Do. The Reason She Acts Like This Around You And Not Your Husband Is That You Are The One Giving Out The Rules And Dad Isnt.... He's At Work When She's Home... Its Not A Constnt Thing With Him As It Is With You.

When My Daughter Deserves A Spanking She Gets One... I Do Not Give Her One When I Am So Mad At Her I Cant See Straight Because I Wouldnt Want To Hurt Her Out Of My Anger... But Sometimes Time Out Isnt Enough .. I Feel And Remeber As A Child If I Was Told To Sit Down Because I Done Something Wrong.. Well Hey I Can Sit Out For A Little While If That Is All The Punishment Ill Get Then Lets Do It Again.. (just My Opinon, No One Has To Agree With Me)

My Daughter Is Spoiled She Has A Tv, Dvd In Her Room. She Had Phone Privaldges.. She Plays The Flute.. She Gets What She Wants When She Wants.. (sounds Good About Me And Giving In Huh ) But She Also Knows That When She Does Stuff She's Not Sopposed To Her Social Life Comes To A Scretching Hault And Her Room Suddenly Becomes Empty... She Had Learned She Does Things She Is Asked And Some Times She Gets Her Little Attitude About It But She Does It... Because She Knows That If She Wants To Get Her Way I Have To Get My Way.

I Dont Know If That Helps At All...

How Many Bathrooms Do You Have In Your Home? Just An Idea Poped In My Head To Maybe Help With Your Situation.. If You Have 2 Or 1 And A Partial.. Is It Possible For Her To Make One Just Her Bathroom And Put Her Personal Things In There.. Her Towel Her (stressing Her) Wash Cloths Her Ussual Bath Items In There And Decorate It In A Theme She Would Want.. Maybe Then She Would Want To Take Baths And Clean Up And Stuff Because She Has Her Own Bathroom To Do It In.. Just An Idea

I Used That When My Youngest Daughter Had To Start Sleeping In Her Own Bed.. We Went And Had Our Own Shoppin Trip... She Picked Out Her Bed Blanket And Sheets And Things And She Sleeps In Her Room Great!!!!! It Is A Big Help Maybe It Will Work For You.

 
Old 09-30-2004, 05:01 PM   #3
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syndyhall HB User
Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

Thank You thank you thank you!!! You have helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you and I will be sure to keep you updated.

 
Old 10-01-2004, 10:44 AM   #4
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fouradss HB User
Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

I dont really have any advice, just some stories. I have a sister who is 13 now, and she has always been difficult (to say the least). She went through the no shower, no grooming stage. She has gotten better as she's become older. The only way my mom has been able to punish her is by making her follow her around. Nothing else worked. LOL The other day she was telling my youngest sister that she hated her and hoped that she would die. My mom made her apologize and then tell alena that she loved her, the alena had to do the same. They got along the rest of the night. Amazing

Well thought you might get a kick out of this.

 
Old 10-11-2004, 06:49 PM   #5
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TerryB HB User
Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

Pick your battles. I wouldn't go overboard on the baths at age 7. 2-3 times per week is usually adequate for a girl. Daily baths in the winter can result in dry or irritated skin. The teeth are a must because of the risk of tooth decay. I will brush my kids teeth for them if they resist and they don't like that one bit. I brush my children's hair as they eat breakfast so that they sit still. My kids are big on habits. Once a routine is established with my consistancy, they keep up with it.

You don't have to explain why at this point. Your the boss. If she doesn't change her undies, you take them off her and assign a consequence. It might be easier to have the undie-change at bedtime so that the am is not so rushed. Time-out is big in our house. You don't need to yell. Just be consistant over and over and she will eventually get the idea that it is not negotiable. In our house there are no bedtime books until the "routine" is complete. We even have a list posted in the bathroom that they can check before claiming that they are finished. In the am they have to be dressed before breakfast on school days.

I also love "1,2,3 magic". You count to three and the child has to be starting the desired task or it is time-out. I don't know what it is about the counting but it really works. Don't count to 10 though because they won't move until around 8!

You could also see up a positive rewards system. She could earn a "ticket" for every act of hygiene and then cash them in for a prize once she has accumulated enough tickets. We always have a reward system for the behavior that is most challenging for the child at the time.

Another thing that you can do is restrict videos, tv and computer games until the bath is completed, the room is cleaned up or whatever. This works great if they come to you and ask for something. You zing right back that there are responsibilities that must be completed first.

Terry

 
Old 10-11-2004, 07:45 PM   #6
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Chrissi HB User
Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

i think that routine is the best idea here....but only bathing 2-3 x a week can cause a foul odor and greesy hair in some kids cases. i feel that if you are going to start a routine it needs to be nigthly otheriwse you are right back to square one with well take a bath tonight but then not for two days then take another...too confusing for a 7 yr old.....before bed there needs to be a list of things to be completed and a time to complete each by. if she doesnt do them then i wouldnt let her do anything else....period...just sit there in a "time out" till she goes and does it..if that means sit there for an hour or two then so be it. eventually she is going to go start up the nigthly routine...eventually she will probably be doing this on her own without you telling her a million times.
i also think the own bathroom idea was good. you may try taking her out and letting her pick a new soap and lotion, toothpaste, even deodarent (she probably doesnt need it but it may make her feel more grown up and push her to be more hygenic)and parfume maybe.
set aside one night a week where you two have "beauty" night...get the facial masks, bubble bath...paint your nails together....the works!
hope this was helpful good luck!
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Old 10-11-2004, 10:00 PM   #7
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Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

OK, just giving you the advice of our pediatrician. 2-3x per week baths for a typical child not playing in the mud. For my kids, they get baths when they need them but the bottoms get washed daily (the joy of wipes!)

 
Old 10-12-2004, 07:55 AM   #8
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SpeisFamily HB User
Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

I have a daughter who is 9 and last year I finally got her to take showers and baths on her own. I simply told her that she was growing up and that before she knew it she would be a teenager and be able to wear makeup and bras but there is something she could already start doing, making herself pretty like the teenagers. You see teenagers spend all the time in the bathroom taking showers, washing their face, doing their hair. I told her that I would buy her teenager shampoo (sauve green apple scent not kids) and body wash like the big girls. I also got her teenager toothpaste (aim not kids)and one of those rotating toothbrushes which not only are for big girls but also brush their teeth better. I even got her fruity smelling lotion to put on her legs after her shower and she keeps it in her purse for her hands to use throughout the day when we are out. I also picked her up some perfume (fruity body spray) and I bought her teenager panties (not underwear with kids designs but "panties" pink and white cotton ones) She was so excited. Now she feels so grown up and really takes care of herself. She even seems to care more about the clothes and shoes she wares and wants to help shop for new clothes.

I tried punishing her for not taking baths and showers or changing her underware but it just led to a fight and we both wanted to rip each others heads off but after this little gem of advise we both get along so much better, and it is easier to give her hugs more often when she smells so good. I hope this suggestion helps.
Christina

Last edited by SpeisFamily; 10-12-2004 at 08:15 AM.

 
Old 10-12-2004, 11:08 AM   #9
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Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

TerryB--i meant not to attack...i am sure alot of peds. do say that but i dont feel it is enough....

esspecially in children even if not playing in the mud....germs from school, sweat from playing, bacteria that lives on the skin naturally.....i just wouldnt want to send my child to bed with all the filth (that you cant see) from the day...
not to mention kids that age with lice....washing hair daily can certainly help in that aspect. as sort of a way of prevention.
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Old 10-18-2004, 06:52 PM   #10
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Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

we are getting along better now. but there is still some days where I like her but I just feel like everything is a fight, I love her but I dont like her. And I dont want to feel like that. IO want her to go off to school feeling loved and all but sometimes it is like yeah I cant wait to get her to school. because she is just so difficult. As far as the baths, she know takes showers. It is quicker and she doesnt feel like she misses as much. CH

 
Old 10-18-2004, 07:36 PM   #11
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Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

I am not sure if this will help you or not, but I can tell you what I wished my Mom would have done when I was around that age. We have really never gotten along, but I think that she could have changed that by just giving me about 1/2 to an hour a day. She was allways too busy to be a "fun" mom. All she ever did was yell or gripe that things were not done fast enough or good enough. We never had "our" time. It was rush rush rush in the mornings, off to school, home alone for several hours, then she would get home from work and had a very short temper. I remember procrastinating just so I could sit in the same room w/her. I spent a lot of time alone and I do not think she has ever realized that being a mother meant anything more than being bossy & hateful.

Please do not think that I am saying that is how you are. I completely understand your point of view. I am just saying that maybe the 2 of you might get along a little better if you were able to go hang out in her room and spend some 7 year old time with her. Or as someone else mentioned, paint eachothers tonenails. & If she gets "RED HOT" all over your toes, tell her what a great job she did and how pretty it is. (Then dig out the socks )

I just wish my Mom would have spent a little bit of time with me. I am a 1st time Mom and my daughter is 22 months old. You guys will have to check back with me in a few years to see if I took my own advice. I hope I am able to be a fun Mom that has respect for my daughter and vise versa. My Mom & I lack respect for eachother to this very day. With out any explination. We just have never really liked eachother, and I would love it if we could be friends.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Kim
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Old 10-19-2004, 04:10 AM   #12
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TerryB HB User
Re: parenting a 7 yr old is this normal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by syndyhall
we are getting along better now. but there is still some days where I like her but I just feel like everything is a fight, I love her but I dont like her. And I dont want to feel like that. IO want her to go off to school feeling loved and all but sometimes it is like yeah I cant wait to get her to school. because she is just so difficult. As far as the baths, she know takes showers. It is quicker and she doesnt feel like she misses as much. CH
Sandy, I just realized that the hygiene thing is just part of the situation. I have a child with mild ADHD and one day I realized that she couldn't help some of her behaviors such as transitioning from one thing to the next. She actually focuses too deeply on what she is doing and has trouble breaking away. I got help from a psychologist and also did a ton of researching. Things are much better now that I understand how her brain works and have used the ADHD tools. I have been managing her well for 3 years. I'm only considering ADHD meds now because she is getting anxiety from trying to overcome her disability at school and she has a teacher that is really tough. She also has a ton of melt-downs during homework now because the volume has increased significantly this year. This does frustrate me and I have some feelings of disappointment that my child is not normal but after homework time I feel our closeness again. Along with the ADHD you usually get a few gifts that make the child special but that's a long story....

There are also kids with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and there are parenting techniques for these kids also so that they don't end up as criminals when they become teenagers.

I suggest that you consider seeing a child psychologist to investigate this a little better now that she is young. A strong-willed child can end up being a very successful leader as an adult if parented properly.

Terry

 
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