Gee...Mommy, you really do have your hands full!! Goody's been in your shoes for about 5 years now
Welcome to what I call...the meanager
years!!! It's a time when you need to gather up your best sense of humor, get down into the trenches and be ready at all times to put up your best defenses because the battles are just beginning!!!!
The best strategy right now is to sit down with your daughter and recognize verbally that she is soon to be a teenager. Share with her how you felt being a teenager (I told mine that I wouldn't wish to live those years over if you paid me a million bucks
) Tell her that you know from experience that rough times are ahead & that you always want to be there for her. Reassure her that you will be there for her no matter what & that she can tell you anything
and it wouldn't cause you to love her less. Gently tell her that her body is going to go through physical & hormonal changes that she's probably not even ready for and will be in an awkward place between girlhood and womanhood for the next 5-6 years Tell her you want to help her through it as best you can. Then tell her part of becoming an adult is having more responsibilities. These include doing well in school (since this is the only job she can have at her age...of being a student) and also of contributing more in the household. Tell her you could use her help and what things does she think she can do to help out. Make up a list together. As far as the laundry goes....I would make 6 distinct piles & have each child responsible for carrying it up to their rooms. Ask your 12 year old if she could assist the others in getting it into their drawers. Have hubby carry yours & his laundry up to help out.
I would consider putting your daughter on a budget....I did with mine when she was 13. I came up with a monthly amount that she was given to work off of monthly for her wants...as her parent I supplied her needs ie. food, clothing, shelter. This will allow her some say in financial issues and since she had some problems in the past with this...it might be a way to give her more responsibility in this area. Tell her that the money would cover any extras, going to the movies with friends, an extra pair of jeans or shirt you feel she really doesn't need but which she wants, a toy she wanted to save up for etc. Tell her that it is her responsibility to manage this money....that when it runs out....just like in real life, she will have to take the consequences and wait until the first day of the next month to have more money.
These are just a few suggestions. During the teenage years your daughter is looking for more independence. And it is good for you to give it to her and explain to her that in doing so she has to own up to the responsibility. I am in no way an expert in this field....just a week ago I was on this board asking for advice when at my wits end. And there was someone there for me who took my hand & turned it around for me. I hope I have done the same for you....Goody