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Old 10-05-2004, 10:42 AM   #1
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Unhappy 24-year old Brother with MAJOR problems

My brother and I grew up in a middle-class family, in a two parent household and had every opportunity to be the best we could be. My brother, at the tender age of 12, got involved with drugs. You know how it goes...you start off with one thing, usually marijuana, then it grows and grows and now he is a full blown drug and alcohol abuser (and is involved in any and everything else bad that's associated with this kind of lifestyle) all at the age of 24. He has been in and out of juvenile and jail for the past 10 years and he dropped out of high school and never got his GED. He's also been to just about ever rehab there is only to finish the program and be released because he had "learned the system". He's been shot, beaten, overdosed, stolen from me and my family, etc. He recently got out of jail (the 4th time just this year) and for some reason, the judge just keeps having mercy on him and keeps letting him out and won't send him anywhere else but home. It's driving us crazy!!!

I am really writing on behalf of my mother, who is, to say the least, heart-broken, torn and in despair. She has been in quite a rut for a very long time about him. Although she doesn't bail him out of jail anymore, she keeps letting him come back home when he gets out and she says it's because he has no where else to go, no skills, no goals, NOTHING! and that is true. BUT-I hate that she's scared, she's depressed and she's nervous all of the time when he is around. She can only live her life when my brother is in jail and that is a shame!!

I need advice for my mom (and me) on what we need to do about my brother. I've tried to be supportive. I know that we can't do anything for him-he has to want to do it for himself first...but I don't think my mom's heart can take anymore stress. Please help!

Thank you for listening!

 
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Old 10-06-2004, 02:02 AM   #2
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Re: 24-year old Brother with MAJOR problems

It seems to me that the priority here is keeping your brother safe which, of course, means protecting him from himself. I only see 2 ways of doing this. One is to get him into a long-term rehab program which won't release him early for any reason. The second is to keep his hiney in jail. In order to do this, you and/or your mother will have to argue before the judge that you are in favor of this.

Many experts would say that your mother needs to kick him out. She is enabling his behavior. However, she will have to come to an acceptance of this idea in her own good time. It's got to be one of the hardest decisions that a mother could make.

Good luck and God Bless!

 
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