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Old 10-11-2004, 07:18 AM   #1
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17 yr old problems help me

my husband and i fought for 7yrs to get custody of my syep son and step daughter. well finally won and at the time ss was 13 and sd was 10. now 17 and 13. well the sd moved to aunts for she felt she deserved a lush life with everything given to her with out working for it. as for ss he decided to make our life hell. since the day we have had him i will give run down of his work. he has hit his sb my son, blacked his eyes,chocked him, slung him, and left bruises on his neck. as what did to husband- hit him,cusses at him worse than ive ever herd, says he hates father and its his fault for his life being like is,has vandalized a school, ran away from home multiple times and last time he ran w/ girlfriend and came back 3 days later expecting to treat him as a man. has put holes all in walls in house,destroyed his room that it looks like a tornodo hit it,doesnt clean room,bathroom, and leaves plates,cups, everything were he left them for others to pickup and clean. we have told him to clean his room and be responsible and he says i qoute" you wont it clean and mess picked up, do your damb self" i have had a miscarriage over the stess that he placed me in, and he was glad lost baby and now cant have anymore. he has manipulated us by saying things harsh to get us to argue with him. will call us sob or ***** to get his kicks off. i have called cops on him and he ran away before they got here. he has failed every year of school and was suppose to gratuate in 2002. we have tried to help him get liceance but purposely failled 2xs in the same day. help to get him a car and he complained because it wasnt a 30thousand dollar truck. runs the phone bill up,and doesnt care,made him get cell phone which is in our name and he must pay and wont. destroyed internet connections because he feels he had the right to.i know this is long and i could go on for ever, but my husband and i are at witts end and im at the point of strangling him litterally. hes lazy,hateful,abusive,and has no morals at all and we have tried everything and does not work. he has this year decided to sighn himself out of school to make my life hell. i have multiple disease with spine that does not tolerate stress and i cant take it anymore. i love my hubby but there is a point when i feel i will have to leave to get away from this for he will not leave and plans on not leaving untill 20.
help me
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Old 10-11-2004, 11:49 AM   #2
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ES~38~MM HB User
Re: 17 yr old problems help me

Sounds like a real winner. Why do you guys have custody? Where is the mother? Is sending him back to her an option? I would not tolerate his behavior. Your husband shouldn't, either. When will he be 18? He says he will not leave until he's 20? Kick him out by then! I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

Last edited by ES~38~MM; 10-11-2004 at 11:49 AM.

 
Old 10-11-2004, 12:01 PM   #3
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Re: 17 yr old problems help me

his ex wife abandoned them for her life in the fast lane. the child does not listen to anyone and will curse you at first moment if you think your telling him what to do. as for kicking him out we have told him that which will be 18 january, but saying he has to leaves puts him in the position to reak havick even more because were telling him what to do.
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Old 10-11-2004, 03:52 PM   #4
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Re: 17 yr old problems help me

My guess is that he is reacting to his mother's abandonment. I think that really down deep inside he wants loving people to both control and discipline him. However, he has been hurt in more then one way in the past, so it will be difficult for him to accept. Your husband must to take the lead in this situation with his son. They need to talk it through. They might need a professional counselor to help them do this. I see your task as supporting both the boy and his father. I really think he is just acting out his hurts since he does not know any other way to express them.

 
Old 10-11-2004, 04:00 PM   #5
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Re: 17 yr old problems help me

i agree the father should take care of it but everytime they talk they fight and he hates his father and has even wrote letters on how he would kill him. so as for them taking it dosnt work sadly.we have tried couseling for all of us to sort it out but we are the bad guys and he wont talk to counsler.
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Old 10-11-2004, 04:11 PM   #6
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Re: 17 yr old problems help me

I am sorry you are going through this, but it sounds like you need more help than you can do yourself. I am not sure where you live, but in Massachuetts, there is a program called CHINS - Children in Need of Services. It is through the Dept of Social Services. The courts get involved. I would contact your local social service agency and see what they may have available for help. Your other option is to go to court and get him emancipated and kick him out. If you have to, get a restraining order too. My other thought, involuntary commitment to a mental hospital, as he sounds like a danger to himself and others. I know these measures sound rather drastic, but you need to protect yourself and your other children. And he needs to know you mean business!! Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Amy

 
Old 10-11-2004, 04:13 PM   #7
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Re: 17 yr old problems help me

If he is treatening physical harm, then he must get professional help immediately before someone does get physically hurt. I would suggest his father see a professional conselor immeidately and take copies of the threatening letters. The counselor should be able to evaluate the situation and suggest a positive, hopeful course of action.

 
Old 10-11-2004, 04:46 PM   #8
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Re: 17 yr old problems help me

we have sent him off before and they had him talk to counsler and they ,released him because they saw nothing wrong with him. his mother also had to send him off because he hit her and her step children and they did the same thing. thats when she gave up and left. we have told him that he must leave and will leave when 18 but it makes matters worse. as for love we have given it him all the time but since we got custody of him its like a disease to him and he refuses nor give it. its always harsh and harmful words or violance to someone or something. or better yet skipp school and stay home all week to make us even madder because he wont leave us alone and will spend his time saying mean things. my hubby is at end of his rope and he tried talking to him this afternoon about how he needs to take responsibility and grow up and stop hitting and starting trouble and his words that my husband said when he called was(shut the f***) up you mean nothing to me. now thats today.im upset and angry and we just talk about what to do to get him to understand what hes doing and to understand how he is treating us. he has turned to drinking that we didnt know about untill my hubbys boss let us know about it. and then he openly let us now that he had is stashed everyehre in his room. and smoking right infront of us and we dont buy any of this stuff let alone know how he gets it. im sorry i just wished he would just get up and leave and never come back. when hes not here my son and step daughter and hubby are happy and talking about how peaceful it is with him gone and then when he does come back the happiness is over and whe wont to leave.
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Old 10-11-2004, 04:47 PM   #9
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Re: 17 yr old problems help me

OK here is your answer in 3 words KICK HIM OUT ! Where is it written that you have to be victimised like this ???? I have a son about to turn 19 in January and I havent had him at home since he was 16 ....Your step son sounds EXACTLY like my son I ended up having to call the police and have him removed as he was getting violent with me, bailing me up against walls, screaming a cm from my face that he was going to kill me etc etc....My home was damaged, he done what he wanted when he wanted to...I had absolutely NO CONTROL over him whatsoever ....I still have probs with him too He comes to my home to visit and yells, screams and cusses etc, I have told him over and over again not to bring his problems here and carry on like that around my baby daughter...I actually havent seen him for 3 weeks as I NEARLY had to call the police on him again as he was getting totally out of hand and I was having to try and physically push him out my front door ( I am due to give birth again by the way ) I finally got him out of my house and told him not to come back ever again until he can sort himself out......He is in secure accomadation ( he lives in a long term unit with his girlfriend ) but he wont work and has a dope problem ( marijuana ) I guess what I am trying to say to you , is there comes a time when you have to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...I was at the point of a breakdown when I finally kicked my son out......You shouldnt have to be going through this.....I also have a step son but he doesnt live with us...But I tell you now I would be telling my husband you sort this out or he is out the door ! I really feel for you hun its not easy I know you love your husband, but if he isnt prepared to deal with HIS son......then you need to tell him its either me or him ( the stepson ) GOOD LUCK and keep us posted
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