To give you a quick background of our history....My mother in law is disgusting. She does not bath, brush her hair, change her clothes, brush her teeth (or even wear her top denture).....I PROMISE this is really how bad she is. My daughter was born 8 weeks early and spent a long time in the NICU. When you enter a NICU, you have to wash your hands for 2 minutes and scrub with little brushes thaey provide for you. The water temp at the sinks are set at a high temp so it is pretty hot, but it does not burn you. Well, she refused to wash to correct way ant there were seveal times that the nurses would have to stand there & litterally make her wash. They would have to tell her that she would not be allowed to enter to see the baby if she would not follow the rules.
When we brought Rliey home from the hospital I was a freak about makeing sure anyone & everyone washed at my house just as they had to at the hospital. I even stole several of they scrub brushes from the hospital! Well, needles to say I had an even harder time getting her to wash at my house. Several of my friends her at the boards supported me through this and I need a little more now!
It has been nearly 2 YEARS and this woman still puts up a fight with me. I do not think I am a freaky Mom that overreacts at this kind of thing ( I could be fooling myself though). I do not have people scrub like that & have not since my daughter was about 6 months old. But everyone knows that if they are sick or think they might be they have the respect to not come over to our house. My daughter has been in the hospital 3 times from basically minor colds that have resulted in her getting dehydrated. We would have to admit her & they would have to cath her and put IV's in her tiny little arms to get keep her hydrated until she felt better and would eat and drink. I do not know how many of you have had to go through this with your littles ones, but it is a horrible thing to have to see you baby go through.
OK.....to my problem......(FINALLY) my NASTY mother in law is going to come by the house Satyrday so my husband can fix her car. She called this morning to see what time she needed to be here. When I answered the phone, I instantly could tell that she is sick with some kind of cold. She is stuffy and sneezing and caughing like crazy. She evan "HACKED & SPIT" while she was talking to me. I told her that she knew what my rules are about having sick people at my house and that she would have to wait until she was better before she came over here. She argued with me and said that it was just her alergies and that if she were sick that she would not come around Riley. That is a bunch of BS! She has before a few times and I would not let her in my house. So she just kept on arguing with me this morning telling me that she was not sick and she felt JUST FINE. Then she said that she had to go answer her front door and would see me Saturday and hung up on me! She did it so she could have the last word and then pretend that it is OK for her to come to the house.
Now to my DH (& the D is not for DEAR!) I asked him to call her today and tell her that she could not come over here and he said that he could not do that because she has been asking him to fix her car for about 3 months and he has avoided her for long enough. OMG! What a way to start my day! I do not know what to do. I guess I will just get Riley that morning and we will have to leave until she has come and gone and then I will bring her back home. I am just ****** because we should not have to do that.
Sorry for the length of this I just had to yell at someone and you guys are the best at listenting to me when I am irate! That's why I luv YA!
Thanks again ! Kim
BTW: My husband can't stand his mother just as much as myself. This is the 1st time he has not really "backed" me on an issue I have had with her. & there have been 1,000's!
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
How can she be your DH's mother when she is MY DH's mother?!?!LOL Is there a problem with DH going to her to fix her car? Why is she coming to your house for it?
I know exactly where you are coming from with the sickness issue as my youngest, now 2, spent almost 3 months in the hospital. You might want to hand out an allergy mask and a bottle of Purell...Naw, JK
I would call her back myself and set up another time to fix the car. I would not be angry as much as I would be point blank. Good luck
She has to come over here because my DH has all of his tools and a huge tool box that would be imposible for him to do it anywhere else. And he refuses to go over to her house. Her husband is an abusive alcoholic (mental & physical). DH will end up in a fight w/the drunk if her goes over there. My Daughter will be 2 in December and has never been over there. It is a 20 minute drive.
I think I will call her back & tell her that her car will have to be fixed another time. It is just soo darn hard for me to be nice to her when she is so minipulative. She knows and I know that she should not be over here and this whole situation should not even happen. Why can't she respect our rules no matter how silly or overprotective she might think I am!
I will keep you posted on the phone call.
She probably will not answer the phone. Caller ID is great for these situations. It makes it that much easier for her to avoid me! She also does not have an answering machine for me to tell her that way.
Uuuuuuuuugh! I will keep you posted!
(for some reason I am thinking that you live in OK. Do you, or am I crazy?)
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
She's shown she can't be trusted by showing up sick at your house and lying about it. This is your child's health! Stand your ground! Can you have someone else take your daughter for the morning or take her somewhere for a few hours -- better yet, can you go somewhere for the weekend -- go visit some relatives or spend the night at a hotel. I'd be furious and have it out with her AND if DH wouldn't stand up for you -- say see you -- we're going to a hotel.
I've warned people that if they're sick and going to attend family events -- we won't be there. Most people warn us a head of time and let us decide.
Argh! As I'm typing this one of the germy sick people in my office just coughed all over the cookies in the break room!
EEEEEWWWWWWWW! People are so gross! Don't they have any idea what germs are and how easily they are spread? I can't force myself to have a peice of birthday cake! The thought of the b-day person blowing ALL OVER the cake just makes me want to gag! Now that drives dh crazy! I am a little over the top when it comes to germs.
AND NO WAY am I going to get a hotel. I am sorry, but I do not think I should have to leave my house and do that for this 'ol hag! The most I will do is go to the mall or something and just have my Dh call me when she leaves. I am also thinking of locking my door when she shows up and leaving the 2 of them locked out all day until he is finished with her car. He will be mad and tell me I am just doing that out of spite (which is probably true) but he will just have to get over it. I have no idea how it will take him to fix her car, but it is worth it for him to get ****** off just like I am. & to make matters worse he does not even want to work on her stupid car.
I just had a neighbor stop by to bring back a cake pan that she had borrowed and I invited her in and she said that she had been up all night w/her sick son and she did not want to bring anything over here! NOW that is how it is supposed to be. Why are neighbors and friends more considerate than your own dadgum family? UGGGGGH!
Well, I just picked up the phone to call the MIL and just like I figured.....NO ANSWER! DUH! She will avoid me at all cost until Saturday. If only I could leave a msg on a machine and then it would have to be left at that.
Oh....well! If you have any other suggestions I am open for them! I should probably do something besides locking my Dh out of the house all day on Saturday. There is no telling how long it will take him & it is going to be cold all day.
I am so mad that this is how my day has started and I am stomping around the house. I guess I will go drag our the coloring books and see if I can't take my mind off of it for a while!
Have a good day & I will check in when we get done coloring and picking colored wax our of my daughters teeth! WHY DOES SHE EAT THEM?
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
She eats them 'cuz they're pretty and because she knows she's not supposed and it bugs you. DS was gnawing on the baby lotion bottle this morning 'cuz he knows it bugs me and he's not supposed to then gives me a big toothy grin.
Maybe sit down with your hubby or call him today and just lay it all out. Say that you're really really concerned about tomorrow and you just don't know what to do about it. Give him some possible scenarios and see if he has any other suggestions as to how to deal with it. Stress that flu and cold season is starting. Maybe she could drop off the car and he could take her home until it's ready. Maybe you could drop him off to pick up the car...
You know that you are going to have to stay civilized in order to keep your marriage but the bible says that when you get married that you leave your mother and father and become one with your spouce, so why doesn't she have her husband fix the car? I am fortunate to have the best mother in law in the world, unfortunately my mother and husband don't get along. The thing is she is actually jealouse of my attention to him. We have been married for 10 years now, I am 28, and she has gotten alot better, she now sees that he is a great husband and father and does everything to support his family. She has learned to really respect him. They still don't love each other but they get along enough for a get together every once in a while.
She does things that bother him, she is into homeopathic stuff and is always putting sprays on my kids and ointments in their mouth. He had to tell her to either respect his wishes with his children or not see them. So she does respect it and always asks us first, and we always tell her NO. But she has gotten better.
My suggestion to you is to kill her with kindness. Be pleasant but be firm. Let her know that unless she takes a shower that day she can not go into your house. It is YOUR house and she needs to respect that but you also need to respect the fact that she is your mother in law and has the right to visit, but on YOUR grounds in YOUR house with YOUR children and YOUR husband.
Last edited by SpeisFamily; 10-15-2004 at 10:09 AM.
this is a sick post that just shows how rude people can be!! i mean sick as in the way your mil has no respect for anyone around her! i dont have this problem but i could see ur point totally. my "best"friend has 2 kids and when 1 of them was younger she was always sick!! i mean always. she would not hesitate to bring her around my then newborn baby with green disgusting bubbling snot hanging out of her nose!!!!! it would really anger me and in the end i said something very mean about it and we didnt talk for a while over it! but the lack of respect just gets me!! its not just her but even when ur out shopping and people walk by and hack with no concern for people around them! like hello if i get sick then my 4 kids and dh get sick which means missed school, work and pay!!! like have some respect, stay home when ur sick and cover your damn mouth!! p.s- we discovered that my friends kid had a peice of foam shoved up her nose for months that caused a bad infection which my friend felt no need to get checked out, but it was colds before that she would get and then come around!! yuk!!
Well, we have colored for a while & for the 1st time, she did not try to et the crayos! WOO HOO!
I am not trying to be dificult when it comes to suggestions....WHICH A GREAT ONES! But her car is so disgusting, that myself & my DH REFUSE do get in it. She is a chain smoker and her ashtray has NEVER been emptied! It is running over in her floor board on both sides and I have no idea how she can even see out of her windows. The are actually yellow from the build up of nicotine. So he will refuse if I offer to take him over to her house so he can bring her car out to our house. (we actually discussed that in the past)
Her husband will not and can not fix ANYTHING! He is a non-functioning alsoholic and does nothing but drink all day and scream and yell at my MIL. He throws things at her and hits her and who knows what else goes on in that house. I have gone by there once to pick her up and he litterally chased her out of the house screaming at her and she jumped in my car and her drunk husband picked up a flower pot and through it at my car. I jumped out of the car and got in his face and told him that I would kick his scrawney little butt if he ever even thought about damaging me or anything that belonged to me. She got ****** because I was screaming at him and I told her to take her happy butt out of my car and I left and have not gone back. She was not defending him when she was mad at me, she was yelling at me because she said she would have to "pay" for what I did when she got home.
I do not feel sorry for her for the condition that she lives in, she chooses to live that way and refuses to do anything about it. She has ZERO self esteem and does not care about herself, so I honestly do not think she is capable of careing about the well being of others. She was a horrible mother to my husband and has done NOTHING for him asside from giving birth. Her step sisters and brothers raised him and he was litterally moved from stae to state being bounced from relative to relative. She has benn married 6 times and this guy she is married to now is the longest and best relationship she has had. That is what DH says anyway.
I do feel bad for DH for having to deal with her, and I know how he feels about her, but I just do not get what waiting a week to fix her car is going to hurt. Ohhh.....yes I do, he has a big hunting trip planned for the next weekend and that means he would have to put her off another 2 weeks. Hmmmm....that explains it. Maybe I will just take Riley and go run my errands on Saturday instead of doing them today and them hopefully I will not have to deal with her.
Do ya'll think I should ease up on hubby and deal with it, or keep my foot down? As of right now I think I will stay home today and keeping chatting with you guys and see what you think I should do.
It is usually very easy for me to make descisons on my own, but at times I get a bit irrational and could use some assistance.
Thanks a bunch! Big hugs to you all!
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
KSavage, sounds like my fil, but the worst part is is that we have to live with him (he can't live alone) My son was in the NICU for a week before he came home, and when I came home a few days before him, the house was disqusting!!! I mean beyond gross, I still won't let him touch the baby, he refuses to wash his hands let alone bath.
What I would do if I were you is convinetly (sp?) take a nap while shes there if you want to stay home or like you said go to the mall or something, oh and by the way if you push the numbers *67 before you make a phone call it shows up unavailable or private, hope that helps some.
That is too funny Wild! I actually *67'ed her and she still did not answer. But I know she is there. She never leaves the house except on the 3rd (when she gets her check) and she goes to the store and buys her smokes for the month.
OMG how in the heck do you live with him? I would have to put him in a home or something. LOL.....I know it is not that easy & I am sure you would if you could. Actually, this is my fear with my MIL. I have made it very clear to my DH that I IWLL NOT take care of her when she gets too old to take care of herself. I am not sure what she will do, but it will not involve me. She has actually lived with us 3 different times and I would have to treat her like a child and tell her to bathe and brush her teeth. She drinks coffee 24/7 and uses sugar and I came home from work one day and there was a pile of sugar on my counter and I asked to come into the kitchen. She came in there and I showed her the sugar and asked if she would use a napkin or if she spilled something to clean it up. She said "OK......NOT A PROBLEM" and looked me square in the face and took her hand and wiped the pile of sugar off of the counter RIGHT in the FLOOR! I was sooo mad. I wanted to knock the crap out of her. But I threw her out instead. And she was told that if & when she chose to leave her husband for a 4th time, that she would have to find some other place to stay. It would not be in my home again. Needless to say, she has not left him since then.
WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAZY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD!
Don't they have the capability of smell? Don't they know the reek? Do they own a mirror? ......i just don't get it........YES I do, they just don't care about themselves for whatever reason........I GIVE UP!
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
I do agree with the sick thing. It annoys me to no end also. I have a friend who used to come over with sick kids. Then one day she said she was coming over, and I kindly said " better wait-didn't you say your son was sick.... I just really hate it when we get sick in my house." Now she stops and thinks before she comes over. Had to chew on a few relatives about the sick thing too.
However, you do seem to come across harsh on your MIL. It's really easy to say "she chooses to live that way (with her abuser)". The truth of the matter is- its an illness. Battered Wives Syndrome. Take it from someone who has walked in her shoes. We can't just leave. You said she wasn't defending him, that she was yelling because she would have to "pay" for it when she got home. She probably saw her visit with you as relief- but when you yelled at her husband, you charged an a$$ beating account that has her name written all over it. You yelled at him because you were mad, now she will get punished for it. I would be mad too.
Also, you say he is the best husband she has had. I'd hate to see the other five. Your angry that your husband grew up bouncing from place to place..... isn't that better than getting beat like his mother(spouses that are abusive genarally turn their abuse to the kids also)? Would she have been better if she would have kept him with her and had him suffer the same way?And please don't say battered women CHOOSE this. No woman would intentionally choose this. But many times, we come from a family like that-our mothers were abused. We were abused as kids. Its all we know. Its all we think we are worth. We don't care how we look. What does it matter? I mean, after all-thats all we hear from our loved ones is how gross-how disgusting we are. When thats all you hear- thats what you believe. She's disgusting right????Haven't you said so yourself? I bet there isn't a soul in the world who has accepted and loved her for whats inside. And by the way- by now, its probably burried pretty darn deep hiding. Battered women aren't allowed to have their own feelings or thoughts. We get beat for that. Look how you reacted when she expressed her feelings to you- you threw her to the wolf. I remember when I was a child. I held a little kitten loving it up. My abuser took it from my hands and used it as a football. He killed my kitten in front of me. We get beat-in one way or another if we show we have feelings. It doesn't matter what the feelings entail. It could be about a kitten, a friend, a family member, or yes- our selves.....if we begin to think we are worthy. She has no self esteem, and doesn't care about herself....Why should she? Whats in this life for her? A loving, excepting family? NOT. A wonderful husband? NOT. She has no reason to care about herself, because she has no reason to live.
When I was eighteen months old, I was beaten by my mothers husband so bad, it took ten years for them to teach me how to talk right again. My body set up its own special defense against the abuse- called pass out and go into seizures at the slightest touch. The good part about that- is that I only remember flashes of abuse. Like the bull whip coming at me- then I go to sleep. Sure....I guess you could say I was bounced around as a child too. From wall to wall.
I have a suggestion- don't try fake kindness. Try genuine love. Try genuine concern. Ask her to spend the day with you some day-and take her and yourself to get pampered (spending time with her also!)....A massage, a pedicure....get her nails done...wash,cut,and style her hair. It will be a new experience for her. Instead of being a punching bag-someone is saying "I really care". Keep in mind, it's not the quantity you spend....It's the quality of what you give (from your heart). Pity and fake kindness won't work in this situation.
"Her husband will not and can not fix ANYTHING! He is a non-functioning alsoholic and does nothing but drink all day and scream and yell at my MIL. He throws things at her and hits her and who knows what else goes on in that house. I have gone by there once to pick her up and he litterally chased her out of the house screaming at her and she jumped in my car and her drunk husband picked up a flower pot and through it at my car. I jumped out of the car and got in his face and told him that I would kick his scrawney little butt if he ever even thought about damaging me or anything that belonged to me. She got ****** because I was screaming at him and I told her to take her happy butt out of my car and I left and have not gone back. She was not defending him when she was mad at me, she was yelling at me because she said she would have to "pay" for what I did when she got home.
I do not feel sorry for her for the condition that she lives in, she chooses to live that way and refuses to do anything about it. She has ZERO self esteem and does not care about herself, so I honestly do not think she is capable of careing about the well being of others. She was a horrible mother to my husband and has done NOTHING for him asside from giving birth. Her step sisters and brothers raised him and he was litterally moved from stae to state being bounced from relative to relative. She has benn married 6 times and this guy she is married to now is the longest and best relationship she has had. That is what DH says anyway."
I apologize for sounding so very very harsh.....your MIL's abusive situation just hits too close to home. And it just upsets me when people think it's easy for us to leave-when it's not. Many times, we may try to leave or want to leave ...but just to end up back. They make promises to change. We can't seem to find our place in the world. They make threats. Our abusers are intimidating-we are scared and have no shelter from his reign...Please, read up on battered women. We honestly can't help how we are many times.
I am so sorry to hear about what all you have been through. Your story is heart breaking and it really makes me think about my attitude. And I want to thank you for sharing your story with me.
I think that the main reason I have such a hard time understand my mil's situation is because she has lived with us on 3 different occasions. 2 of wich were long term and the 3rd was short term. The 1st time she lived with us I told her that he husband was not to know where we lived and if I ever caught him near my house he would go to jail. I caught him & he did. He was sent to prison for 6 years. I called the police and informed them of his location and that he was drinking and driving. He was arrested with his 17th DUI that very day. I spent time with my MIL for several months and helped her to get a job and save money and encouraged her to makes friends and form a life for herself. She did and did wonderful. She made a good friend and they moved to Houston together and got a house and had a lot of fun. Her husband had NO IDEA where to find her. The only one he knew to contact to locate her was us and her NEVER called. She would come back to Oklahoma for visits with us and she was a whole new person. Well, I got a phone call one day & it was friend from Houston and she said that she was going to have to move because the husband got out of jail and my MIL had driven to Oklahoma to get him and bring him back to their house in Houston. I was also told that she started going to visit him the last several months that he had to do time. The friend NEVER expected her to actually "bring him home".
Needless to say that did not last very long and about 7 months later my MIL showed back up on my doorstep begging for our help. So we let her move back in and she lied to us about everything. She had no idea that I had talked to her friend. At that point she was very hateful and demanding and I had no patients for her attitude or her lies. I helped her find a job and I had to save her paychecks for her so she could save up money and then she finally got her own apartment and started her life over. We would go by and get her and take her out to dinner with us and to movies. We included her in most of our activities. The one day out of the blue....she quite answering our calls and quite calling us. I went over to her apartment and spoke with the manager (a very small complex) and she informed me that my mil had gone to houston 3 weeks earlier and picked her husband up and brought him back here with her. And that is when I lost all my patients with the whole situation and swore that I would not go out of my way for her anymore.
This is just a bit of our past and I will have to get back to your points on my husband raising. & YES I am sure that was better than what she could have done for him in her home. (or homes)
Thank you abain for the input and advise. I have to go get my little one to bed and DH is wondering who I am "pecking" to.
Thanks again & it sure sounds like you are definately a survivour! Hand in there sweetie.
Big hugs to you! Kim
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
Let me go back and touch on a few things as far as my feelings towards my MIL. Myladay, it sounds as if you had a horrible childhood that seemed to haunt your adaulthood. I can see exactly where you are coming from as far as not knowing that you ARE worth something. When a person is beat down for that long and from such an early age. YOU WERE JUST A BABY! I was up all night worrying and thinking about you. I am not sure where your situation stands at this point in your life, but I prayed that you have been able to get away from any and ALL abuse. Please let me know.
As far as the mil goes, I honestly know that she has chosen to live this way because she is lazy. We have had hours of talks over the years and the last talk we had after she went to Houston this last time & brought him back here. She flat out told me that his Mother had pasted away and left him a house and a trust fund and that he recieves a monthly check. She said that as long as she stays with him, she will not have to work and she would rather put up with the abuse rather than go out and get a job. I do not believe that in her situation she feels that she has no where to turn. She just does not want to put forth any effort. She has allways been lazy when it comes to herself appearance or the environment in which she lives. I am not kidding when I say that you can actually see the evolution process of a fly! All you have to do is look at the dirty filled food dishes stacked on the kitchen cabinet. Magets are on the bottom and the flys are all over the top of the stack. The filth in her house is undescribable. In my house we wash our clothes after each wear, the bed linens are changed 1 a weeks, and when you finished, you wash your dishes and clean the kitchen. We live in the country and have some land and therefore, we track quite a bit of stuff through house and it is usually vacumed at least 2 x's a week. We take a bath everyday and take care of ourselves. I would not consider myself a clean freak. I would recomend that anyone eat off of my floors, but the house is clean. When she has lived with us it was a constant battle. Each time she has showed up to live with us I would make her leave her things outside. She would have to go through stuff and shake them out. I did this because she would bring roaches into my house otherwise. NOT IN MY HOUSE. I know there sometimes you can't help but have roaches because close living conditions, but this woman has had to put a roach bomb in her car! & I am not kidding. I think they were able to infest her car via her purse. I have seen them crawl out of her ourse on 3 different occasions. This is not a woman that is trapped with NO WHERE to turn or that has no one to help her. It is purely laziness.
As far as my DH's childhood, yes, I assume that he was better off being bounced from family to family instead of living with his mother. BUT he has never felt wanted by anyone. He was allways a burdon and was told that frequently by the family members. His Mother was trash & therefore as a little boy that did not know the difference was punished by people in the family that had ill feelings towards her. She did not have an abusive childhood by any means. I have been with my husband for 13 years and I do not know his family. I only know his mother. But from what he tells me, her brothers and sisters are all normal and nothing like his mother. I just have a hard time understanding why she would even have a child if she did not want one. NO my husband did not go through anything like you had to endure Ladyshy, but he was still mentally abused. He is a wonderful husband and Daddy and I would not change a thing about him. But by the grace of God, he does not struggle with emotional problems and does not feel sorry for himself the type of childhood he had. GEEESH! I think I would. I do not know how he has been able to get over his past, but I am so very proud of him for the person he has become.
I do not feel like I am mean to my mil, but I am not afraid to speak my mind. And she knows it. She is a chain smoker and will throw a lit cigerette down on the grass and walk off and not even put it out. I have told her a GAZZILION TIMES not to do that. Before our daughter was born it was do to fear of a grass fire. (we live out on a bunch of land) And now it is dur to the fact that my daughter picks anything up and it gose straight to her little mouth. I asked her once how she would feel if Riley were to pick up a hot cigerertte and put in her mouth and she just laughed and said that she would only do it once. My daughter 13 months old at that time. So of course, my mouth overloaded my butt and I told her to get the heck away from my house and that if she did not care anymore about her grand daughter than that, she should not come back. My husband was stand there and witnessed everything and never said a word. When she pulled out of the driveway I thought he would be upset at me. He just turned his head and looked at me and said "wanna go get some icecream Momma". He just cracks me up. He will not say anyhting to her, but I will and he has never had a problem with me doing that. I must say, he is pretty laid back.
Anyway, I am just rambling now & I am sorry this has turned into such a long post. Thanks for listening and I am still open to suggestions and I promise Ladyshy, I will keep you post in the front of my brain today when she is here.
Ladyshy, I would really like to know how you are doing now. I understand if you do not want to get into it any further, but please know I am here to listen.
Have a great weekend everone.
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
Wow you guys are chatty!!ROFL Yes, KSavage... I am in OKC.
Here is my question and it is one that is really weighing on my mind for my own situation. At what point do you totally cut ties due to the impact this is causing on your family?... The eternal question if you ask me.
My MIL has become, what I call, emotionally abusive to my children. We had to call her off in an argument she was having with my then 10 year old. A few weekends ago she brought stuffed animals to my daughters birthday party. When my son didn't want his right then, she told him.."FINE, just go throw it in the trash then!!" She is constantly telling them that if they don't give her a kiss or a hug she won't come back down. It's CRAZY!!!
I waited for DH to say something but the only thing he has talked to her about is not going to her house. She has 5 animals in the house and my daughter is allergic. She still acts hurt that we wont come to see her but you dont even have to walk in the door before you smell the ammonia from all of the animals peeing in the floor. My kids are also afraid of her house because of the animals and junk laying around. DH finally told her that we can not come with the house like that as it will make my daughter sick... She still asks and then acts hurt when we say no.
Right now, she is on a probation period. I have told DH that I do not agree with the way he was raised and I will not put up with the kids having to face the same things. He has a hard time saying anything to her as she will retreat in to "deep hurt" mode and not want to talk to any of us. The problem comes when she calls the rest of the family basically to tattle.
So here we are with some very sick people in our lives while we are trying to raise emotionally healthy kids. To me, the two conflict too much. I agree that when you marry, you become one and leave your mother and father behind. My FIL passed away so I know she is alone. I also know she is still healthy enough to take care of herself.
We can either keep fighting these little fires or we can put a stop to it. Rationally that makes sense... Why does it seem emotinally impossible