married 8 years (very happy)
22 month old daughter- bor 8 weeks early spent 6 weeks in thr NICU
I am a stay at home mom
My Mother lives in Florida, we are in Oklahoma
My Dad lives 45 minutes away & an alcoholic,as is his wife
Mother in law is 20 minutes away & she is annoying & dirty
OK...Now that you know all of that I just have to get some things off of my chest before DH gets home and gets blasted.
My Dad loves my daughter very much. He shows an interest in everything she does. His wife is about the same. BUT the only time they see her is if we drive to their house to visit. And it has to be during the week after my husband gets off of work at 6:00 PM. They have a place at the lake wich is 2.5 hours away from our house and they spend every weekend there. NO MATTER WHAT! They have been to my house 2 times since December of last year. They have spent a total of about 40 minutes here and that is combining both visits.
I call and invite them to our house once a week and they allways say they have too many things to do. I have given them a weeks notice and have also called at the last minute. On Sunday we were going to go feed the ducks at a park that is about 1/2 way between our houses. I called 2 hours in advance and said " Hey what are you guys doing?" he said "we are just looking for a movie to watch" I said "well, we are going to take Riley to the park to feed the ducks, wanna meet us there & then maybe grab some lunch" he said "no...we have too many things to do today" I said "OK...I just wanted to call & see, talk to you later" then I hung up.
I called again a minute ago to see if they wanted to come out tonight to have steaks and once again they are too busy. My Dad is a retired fireman and he literally does NOTHING during the day. I have called to see if just he wanted to do something with us & he never wants to.
This is not new to me, as he has never been involved with me since birth. He and my Mom were married until I was 22 years old. She was basically a mother and father to me. And not a very nice one because she was allways so angry with my dad because he was never home to help out. He allways went to work, but as a fireman he only worked 8-10 days a month. On his days off he spent either fishing, or at the bar. Why she stayed married to him is beyond me.
My mom is also remarried to a really good guy and they have moved to Florida. She seem to finally be happy and she truely deserves that. Even though we really do not have a very good realationship. SHe is still my Mom & I love her.
I am just upset that my daughter is missing out when it comes to having a good grandparent she can spend time with. I never had that & I really wish I would have had that chance.
As a family, we do lots of fun stuff together and spend time together and she could not ask for a better Daddy. I know that she is very lucky, as there are a lot of children that do not have that stability in their lives. So I feel a bit silly about being so angry about the grandparent thing.
My Mom has a best friend that lives by my Father and we meet with her about once a week and have lunch and then she allways wants to go back to her house because she has bought something for Riley, or she just wants to get in the floor and play with her. This woman has 6 grandchildren of her own and treats Riley just like she does the others. I sooooo love her for that.
But it is MY family that I want to have that same kind of feeling for her. They did not come to her 1st birthday and I am still hurt over that. & I know that it is them that are missing out on her life, but that does not make me feel any better.
I just want to understand what their problem is. & YEP....I have sat them down to talk about my feelings and they tell me that I am being silly. I should just understand that they have a life to and they just can't drop everything when I call & ask them to do something.
I continue to call, because someone has to make an effort & if I did not do it then NOBODY would do it. Like today when I called to see if they wanted to come over and cook out steaks......It is a darn good thing he said no (I knew he would) because WE HAVE NO STEAKS THAWD OUT FOR DINNER! I AM NOT EVEN COOKING DINNER!
But if he would have said yes I would have gladly gone to the place I hate the most....WALMART....and bought stuff for dinner.
And about him being an alcoholic (his wife too), he is a "functioning alcoholic", but drinks beer on a daily basis. He does not leave the house without an ice chest in the back of his truck stocked and ready for a party. I have wondered of they do not come out here because of the whole drinking and driving issue, but that is not an issue for them. The do it almost everyday! VERY SCARY! I think they my have had their feelings hurt because there was an incident where I had to have surgery and I had a friend keep my daughter for the day until my husband could go pick her up. Well, my Dad wanted to keep her, but I said no, that I had already made other arangements. I WILL NOT leave my daughter alone with them. They do not watch her when she IS around them. We were at the lake and I went to take a shower & when I came into the living room, Riley was sitting in the floor and had gotten into some cigerettes and was EATING THEM. His wife was sitting right in front of her & I had to get the cigerettes out of my daughter's mouth. His wife just laughed and said "that caould'nt taste very good". I just looked at her and said "way to go GRANDMA"!
OK....I think I am better now that some of this is off my chest & I won't have to put my husband through the agony of hearing me gripe about this for the millionth time!
Thanks for being here guys!
Big hugs to ya!